Apparently it is now!

[Elna57]

Joweni -everyone I have rung and asked, stops me midstream and asks whether I live in their catchment. When I say no, but I intend to, they clam up and tell me to come back when i do. Felt like i am banging my head against a brick wall!

Sunnyskies-long time no see! Autism queensland is super optimistic about what Queensland offer kids with autism. But that is not what the grassroot people say. Also our specialist school has a lot of Queensland kids in it. Moved interstate ti vic because of unhappiness with schools there... Autism parent associations in queensland is very unhappy about their inclusive policies, as they cant cope in normal classrooms.

We have actually considered my oh as classroom assistant. Problem is our son plays us like you wont believe. So a teacher or therapist gets him to do stuff we cant! He is even more skilled at manipulating us than a normal kid...

I agree about the cars. Mind you I never knew one could send it by rail, and it would be a good option if our cars were worth anything. But both were <$5000 secondhand. And they are dodgy to say the least.

Donovan83 - i agree about the boss from hell thing...

Mara - not yet

Read the whole thread... just wanted to wish you all the best for the future. You will love Queensland.

[Kanniewagnie]

Eyebrow, I just want to wish you wisdom and a calm mind. I also think that if you are less stressed, you will have the energy to enjoy life again. It is more important to get to a workplace where you feel appreciated, (I speak from experience) - once your self esteem was broken down to such low levels, it takes time to become "whole" again. If you believe that this new employer is better and that you will be able to do the job - go for it.

I'm sure that once you live in the area, you will be able to sort out the schooling too. Maybe you should store the furniture in a storage facility and take up a short term rental for the first month (so that you can start working and finding out which area is in the catchment of the better schools) then after you identified the school, start looking for longer term rental in the catchment area.

I really hope you will find peace and that everything will work out in the end. Sterkte!

[Eyebrow]

Hi everyone

I am waiting for the new employer to confirm certain things now

I have had letter of offer, but not contract. So they are still compiling that. So I dont know my actual salary yet.

The employment agency that I got the interview through, has now also explained my visa issue in more detail to the employer's HR. They have never had a situation like this, and has to "take it to someone more senior"

So I am on tenterhooks now to see how they respond on both issues. Will apparently only know by Wednesday.

I am finding this all very challenging. My OH has been a star, talking me down from the proverbial ledge ever so often! I have been super difficult to live with. (When I say that to him, he says I have been difficult for a decade already, so he doesnt notice a change )

In my current position I am eligible to apply for PR on the 5th of Nov 2016. By changing jobs it will be 2y from when the new job starts. I feel like this will be a set back.

My OH says that its a year to application, another 18 months waiting to hear, and if successful 2 years working back. So it is longer that I think... And that a better working environment would be beneficial.

To add to the stress, My son had a psychological assessment done this Friday. And his IQ has dropped 10 points since the last one. (they did use a different test than the one done in RSA) I am so sad. Poor thing. Why cant other people see how great he is? He knows that he is not normal. He is becoming aware of it now. And it breaks my heart.

[Kanniewagnie]

I hope that the new employment works out!

Sterkte, ek weet nie hoe om jou moed in te praat tov jou seun nie, maar al wat ek kan sê is dat hy gelukkig is om 'n Ma soos jy te hê. Onthou "this too will pass".

[Mara]

Eyebrow, genuinely feel for you, I just have a question... you say, and I quote "In my current position I am eligible to apply for PR on the 5th of Nov 2016. "

Would your current employer have to sponsor you at that time for PR? If the answer is yes... is there any way you could find out if he ever got to doing that with anyone else on a 457? He is such a complete horrible type, that he may well either refuse, or let you go, if you insist! Then I guess the waiting would have been in vain!

[SML]

_{Thinking of you & really hope that it will all work out. I'm so sorry re the recent assessment of your son's IQ.}

_{Praying for you & your family.}

[Eyebrow]

Eyebrow, genuinely feel for you, I just have a question... you say, and I quote "In my current position I am eligible to apply for PR on the 5th of Nov 2016. "

Would your current employer have to sponsor you at that time for PR? If the answer is yes... is there any way you could find out if he ever got to doing that with anyone else on a 457? He is such a complete horrible type, that he may well either refuse, or let you go, if you insist! Then I guess the waiting would have been in vain!

He apparently has sponsored people for PR. But they soon left afterwards. (Wonder why?) He has now sponsored another person for PR . A relatively uncomplicated one. But her English is not very good and she has not enough work experience - so she cant get enough points for an independent one. He had her sign a contract which she didnt read, because it had to be signed immediately to be sent to DIBP. And then when she went the next day and asked for a copy, it was lost. No one knew where the contract was. The contract came out 2 weeks later. She took it home. It states that she must work back for him for 2 years at a reduced salary. And that by signing this contract she accepts that she wont resign for the 2 years or apply for a change remuneration!

Anyway, before I came, I said I am coming with the understanding that he sponsors me for PR. I have to sell everything, and I didnt want the risk. He fully agreed. "Not a problem."

So about 3 months ago I met him and he asked about my visa, I said I have to work 2y before applying. I then asked whether he is still willing to sponsor for PR. He wouldn't commit, saying: We will deal with that when the time comes...

So now I am not sure if he will or not. And he will certainly try and get me to sign something in return...

[joweni]

Remember the IQ tests are not the be all and end all. Scores can vary a great deal depending on circumstances so please don't panic over this change. We never bother to retest our kids once they have been diagnosed and given a criteria which means they are entitled to different levels of support. This will be especially important when the NDIS is rolled out.

Hoping all good things for you and your family.......

[RedPanda]

Baie sterkte!!!
Be patient with each other at home, and mention your appreciation often. It goes a long long way when you know your partner appreciates what you do, even if other things make them grumpy. (Like you guys have been doing, just keep at it!)

I'll also be holding thumbs for you, that the new work is a better place and that they take you on.

[Mara]

Eyebrow we will keep on praying for that new job to make their offer official!

[Eyebrow]

The person who deals with the contracts have been ill al week and not at work.

So, I dont have a contract...

So nothing to report.

This decision still weighs heavily on my mind.

[RedPanda]

Well, have a virtual hug from me. I really do hope it all comes right for you. (I have recently read your story from the start, wow, rough ride. You have my admiration for making it this far. I would really love to see you make it long term!)

[RYLC]

Hi everyone

I am waiting for the new employer to confirm certain things now

I have had letter of offer, but not contract. So they are still compiling that. So I dont know my actual salary yet.

The employment agency that I got the interview through, has now also explained my visa issue in more detail to the employer's HR. They have never had a situation like this, and has to "take it to someone more senior"

So I am on tenterhooks now to see how they respond on both issues. Will apparently only know by Wednesday.

I am finding this all very challenging. My OH has been a star, talking me down from the proverbial ledge ever so often! I have been super difficult to live with. (When I say that to him, he says I have been difficult for a decade already, so he doesnt notice a change )

In my current position I am eligible to apply for PR on the 5th of Nov 2016. By changing jobs it will be 2y from when the new job starts. I feel like this will be a set back.

My OH says that its a year to application, another 18 months waiting to hear, and if successful 2 years working back. So it is longer that I think... And that a better working environment would be beneficial.

To add to the stress, My son had a psychological assessment done this Friday. And his IQ has dropped 10 points since the last one. (they did use a different test than the one done in RSA) I am so sad. Poor thing. Why cant other people see how great he is? He knows that he is not normal. He is becoming aware of it now. And it breaks my heart.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He apparently has sponsored people for PR. But they soon left afterwards. (Wonder why?) He has now sponsored another person for PR . A relatively uncomplicated one. But her English is not very good and she has not enough work experience - so she cant get enough points for an independent one. He had her sign a contract which she didnt read, because it had to be signed immediately to be sent to DIBP. And then when she went the next day and asked for a copy, it was lost. No one knew where the contract was. The contract came out 2 weeks later. She took it home. It states that she must work back for him for 2 years at a reduced salary. And that by signing this contract she accepts that she wont resign for the 2 years or apply for a change remuneration!

Anyway, before I came, I said I am coming with the understanding that he sponsors me for PR. I have to sell everything, and I didnt want the risk. He fully agreed. "Not a problem."

So about 3 months ago I met him and he asked about my visa, I said I have to work 2y before applying. I then asked whether he is still willing to sponsor for PR. He wouldn't commit, saying: We will deal with that when the time comes...

So now I am not sure if he will or not. And he will certainly try and get me to sign something in return...

Eyebrow I've been thinking about you all week and wondering how to reply to your post to help you see that the slow steady path to PR will be best even if it is longer.

In your current job: The path to PR sounds quicker but is VERY uncertain. It would be a bit like standing in the shortest queue at the supermarket only to discover when it is your turn that the cashier has shut the till and is refusing to serve you. This !#@$ of a boss has already shown you how unreliable he is. Please do not leave your fate in his shaky hands.

A slower but more steady path to PR would be better. The current choices for PR are slow and certain OR fast but uncertain. The certain path is the one you should take. Your family NEED PR MORE than they need speed.

I know that seems easy for me to say because I've been here a long time and have all the benefits of PR but it's because I've been here a long time that I know that having certainty of being sponsored to PR will greatly reduce the stress. I've seen quite a few families first hand go through the path to PR from a temporary visa. Having a certain path to PR seems to be the key to staying the course. Yes it is long but you will get what you want in the end.

Re your child's IQ: since it is a different test (with a different scale) I would not put too much emphasis on it. I think that in your stressed state it is just adding to your load as yet another negative. Children develop at various speeds through their lives. Sometimes forward in leaps sometimes back a bit depending on circumstances. My youngest DS has regressed this year due to severe anxiety with his teacher. It doesn't mean that he is set back forever.

As far as being aware that he is not normal: what's normal anyway right? We all have strengths and weaknesses and we all have our own version of what is normal. Silly example coming up : My potato salad may have boiled egg and parsley in it whereas yours doesn't. Who's potato salad is "normal". Both of course because for us they are "normal".

Your son just needs more definitions of normal because nobody is really normal and we all just focus on what we like and/or what we are good at. It is only in childhood that we are supposed to try everything and be like everybody else (which is overated in my opinion - we don't need clones). As adults we can do what we like. An computer obsessed child/teen is berated for not fitting in and socialising whereas as an adult his focus of purpose and computer skills can create the next big thing. He will also find his "tribe" as an adult where there are many like him.

There are some fabulous talks on Ted Talk of people who overcame not being normal. There is a classic talk about how today's autistic child with, what is considered to be, an anti-social obsession with dinosaurs is tomorrow's university professor of paleontology. And then there is Helen Keller who, despite all her dis-abilities, had a message for the world that she managed to communicate.

However things turn out for your son and at whatever level he achieves, his future is best served in Australia. The road you are on is the rough, sometimes rutted, dirt track through the bush in a 4x4 going slowly in low gear instead of the six lane tarred highway in a V8 but it will still get you there.

So like lots of long car trips, what can you do while you are in the car?

• Sing
• Play I spy
• Tell jokes
• Add yours here...

So with this same mindset you can find things to do to get through. My suggestions: watch a lot of comedy shows as laughing is good for the soul. Rather a woo woo suggestion that is not my normal style is to hire the movie "The Secret" and watch it at least twice. In the same vein start a daily ritual of going round the table at dinner time and saying what each person is thankful for (I call this doing our gratefuls). They can be big or small and on some of my dark days (the black dog gets me sometimes) my grateful was getting home for a cup of tea or even just grateful for a hot soothing shower. Your kids will take so much strength and learning from this about how to deal with hard times. Last suggestion is to create a family vision board with magazine pictures etc of what your life in Australia looks like. I'm dead serious about this. I am a really practical feet on the ground person who would have said oh that won't help. Just humor me and do it as a family. Look at it every day (first thing and last thing) and keep it topmost in your mind. I've done this (with much scepticism) and have proved to myself that what we focus on becomes reality.

Take care ♥

[Mel-B]

Hi Eyebrow, just popping in to find out how its going. Your situation is a hard one for sure. We were even talking about you guys over dinner. Husband says stick it out and get PR asap, I say move and try again with nicer people.

Either way, the PR will eventually be worth all this. Keep on walking!!!

[Eyebrow]

Thanks for your thoughts Mel-B

Am still waiting for my contract...

The problem with PR is that I am far too attached to the outcome. This makes rational decision hard.

Also my current position may not allow me to get PR...

[RedPanda]

I am very unfamiliar with the 457 visas, so excuse me if this is obviously impractical to you. Is it possible that your husband could train in a trade or skill on the SOL while you work, and when he's qualified you apply for 189 with him as main applicant? Then claiming additional points because you've lived/studied/worked Australia for a few years.

[RYLC]

Massage Therapist is on the CSOL and looks like the quickest study time.

In-house stress release too - could work

[Eyebrow]

Yesterday was one of the hardest days of my life.

I resigned.

Resignation on a 457 is a fricking scary thing.

It was a horrific experience.

My boss, however, is apparently not accepting my resignation. He refused to believe that I had taken advice on this. He refused to believe that I had adequately thought it through. He thought Queensland was a poor choice. He thought that I was making the biggest mistake of my life. And , the trump card, did I know that the services up there for kids like mine is not a lot...? (And I do know that we will be moving him somewhere where it wont be as good as Melbourne, so that really hit hard)

I still feel physically sick. Pounding headache this morning and couldn't get out of bed.

 

 

 

[Mara]

Eyebrow, now you know what a big idiot he is, that was a low blow!

Now, if you have resigned, does that mean your new offer is signed and sealed!

I do hope that is the case, because then we can look forward to a great future for you,  I am sure of that!

[DXB2OZ]

Eyebrow, watching your tale unravel has been like watching a tragedy unfold and it has suddenly turned out to have turned into a happy ending.

i am thrilled for you - what a brilliant, courageous move. As the mother of a special child myself, I am sure that this will not be a bad move for him. He will most likely take far more emotional cues from you than you realise and for the family to be happier and more settled can only help provide stable building blocks.

Do not allow this bully to get to you. That chapter is finished. It got you here, so it served a positive purpose, but now it is time to turn the page.

[ottg]

Hi Eyebrow, congratulations for taking a well informed and thoroughly though-through decision. It must haven been tough for everyone.

Interesting to note that every point your boss raised is based on emotions - possibly called emotional manipulation.

The fact is, and probably the biggest surprise to him, that you are able to look him into the eyes and say I don't need your 457 sponsorship mate. Meaning: "Stick it, as I now have some people that are prepared to give me the sponsorship-support without the blackmail and treatment I received".  So probably more a shock to his ego as he thought he had you in his grubby claws. Can only support what @DXB2OZ says above!

No-one will know upfront how it will turnout for you and the family, but with your tenacity, determination and the information available at hand you made the best decision you could. Best wishes and it we can help just let us know!

 

[RYLC]

On 28 November 2015 at 6:53 PM, Eyebrow said:

Yesterday was one of the hardest days of my life.

I resigned.

Resignation on a 457 is a fricking scary thing.

It was a horrific experience.

My boss, however, is apparently not accepting my resignation. He refused to believe that I had taken advice on this. He refused to believe that I had adequately thought it through. He thought Queensland was a poor choice. He thought that I was making the biggest mistake of my life. And , the trump card, did I know that the services up there for kids like mine is not a lot...? (And I do know that we will be moving him somewhere where it wont be as good as Melbourne, so that really hit hard)

I still feel physically sick. Pounding headache this morning and couldn't get out of bed.

 

 

 

WOOHOO!!!! GO EYEBROW!!!  Sooooo proud of you!! 

Of course he is cross one of his "slaves" is leaving.  What a pig of a man to go for your soft spot.  Does he eat with that mouth!  Seriously!!  Totally unprofessional since your child doesn't work for him (so off limits) and just NOT COOL! 

BUT you are DONE with him for good.  [Just guessing you might be able to tell how happy I am for you ]

So looking forward to hearing about your new life...

PS: As an aside about Autism support in QLD:  Generally speaking VIC may be "better" but there are pockets of excellence in every system.  A regional town is just the right size to have their pockets of brilliance visible (unlike Brisbane which is too big to unearth it).

Edited January 23, 2018 by RYLC

[Kanniewagnie]

It is bad enough resigning to move countries and now having to do it again really took a lot of guts.  Take it one day at a time and start to focus on finding your 'happy place' again.  "Sterkte"!!

[Sunnyskies]

Well done Eyebrow

One thing I never told you when we met was that I resigned on a 457.  I agree it is scary, but it was the best decision that I made (even though I was at the point where I could hand in my PR) and my new employer did help to get my PR through in record time after I made the move.

Working for people who believe you have no choice is not cool, and it puts so much stress on you and makes you miserable.

Good luck on the move.  It is daunting, but having made the move from Melbourne to Brisbane, it is definitely a lot easier than the move from Cape Town to Melbourne, and we felt well settled quite quickly.

I was also reading about IQ tests and why they can go down, and from everything I read it didn't seem to be a reflection on the child, but rather a reflection on the child's environment (ie not quite getting it with the teachers or even the stress of being in an environment where his mom is stressed out all the time).  So, you will probably find that once you have made the big move and you are all feeling more settled that too will improve.   Make sure you buy some light summer dresses and lots of airy t-shirts - you won't be wearing too much of your Melbourne clothing up north!

Don't be a stranger once you have made the move and have found your groove up north.

 

Edited January 23, 2018 by RYLC

[RedPanda]

Well done! I'm glad to hear it.

Are you all signed up and ready to go to the new job?

RedPanda: Still cheering you on from this side!