Apparently it is now!

[rozellem]

I hope Eyebrow doesn't mind me disclosing that her middle child is a very special boy with autism. Part of the pull to Melbourne was the amazing school he is in currently. I am taking a flying guess that there is not one of those around the corner of her new job. Otherwise she would have been there like a flash.

Ps. Eyebrow, I do hope you can arrange things so that you can make the move. Your current job/boss is killing you (and therefore the whole family) slowly. I wish you strength.

[Eyebrow]

AM back in Melbourne now. Had such a busy weekend, and tried to fit so much in!

Weddingtog - it is scary to hear how much our stress affects the kids. My 13y old overheard a conversation and came to offer to get a job to help with the finances. Poor thing! We stressed that his part is: doing his homework and chores and that is it!

Nev - Your are breaking it down to basics. And yes, if that is the choice, then indeed the answer is clear!

Mara - I do think I will be happier. But the decision to take my little special boy out of the school that I begged (since 2012) to take him because of their superb reputation does not sit well...

RYLC - self proclaimed supporter of the underdog . It is interesting what you say about the "eyes with which we look at the school". And the Saffa way of looking at things is to get the best possible, because of this underlying worry about not succeeding in a country that discriminates against you... And that is not the case in Oz. I am worried about my special boy though. He has made such progress in the school that he is in. And they have been very accepting of our migration status.

Red Panda - My OH also thinks the kids are more resilient than I think. And that we should focus on visa before schooling. But I am just worried that if we delay good schooling for my son, that in a few years' time, he will have lost plasticity of his brain and not be able to learn as much as he can right now...

Rozellem - Yes indeed, this is what is holding me back...

[RYLC]

And that we should focus on visa before schooling. But I am just worried that if we delay good schooling for my son, that in a few years' time, he will have lost plasticity of his brain and not be able to learn as much as he can right now...

I agree that the focus should be on the visa. Your son can continue to learn regardless. Yes you have found a wonderful school and perhaps a public school in Queensland won't be as good but I do think that a combination of school and home schooling would work in this difficult situation. Small communities are so helpful when they know your situation. The school itself may not have resources but somebody in the community will.

https://www.facebook.com/Home-Schooling-Special-Needs-Australia-290708884318730/

http://isybeeautism.com/autism-schools/home-schooling-child-with-autism/

[RedPanda]

I'm a voracious reader of just about everything, and I spend a good amount of time every week on reputable science news websites (I don't mean pop-science, I mean the websites that report on recently published scientific articles) and everything that I have read about people's mental capacity and the biology of the brain indicates that the idea that our brains mature and stagnate are absolutely wrong. We retain the ability to learn and our brains continue to grow new cells into old age.

Having said this, I don't have experience (friends or family) of someone who is autistic, so I don't know to what extent they might be different from the imaginary Joe Normal, and I get the feeling there is probably also a broad spectrum of autistic and that individuals vary a lot from each other. So provided you get your information from reliable places, I'm sure you know your child's needs and how to address them a lot better than I do.

Quick comment on the 13 year old who wants to help: I wanted to say something earlier, but I don't know your setup well enough. But the thing is, children are not stupid and they do not lack empathy, chances are that if you are struggling with something your children will know, and they probably love you about just as much as you love them, so if you prevent your children from helping they could end up feeling very guilty about it. They might also take your encouragement of: "Oh darling all you have to do is to work hard at school" as meaning that it is their responsibility, which they could turn into a lot of pressure to perform, with the fear of letting you down if they don't. So I don't know how practical it would be for them to do something like, on one afternoon of the week mow a neighbour's lawn and contribute that to the household? I don't mean something that should start taking up a lot of time, maybe just one afternoon, just to have a sense of doing something that helps, and not feeling powerless in the face of adversity.

I agree with RYLC and your husband that you should sort out the visa first and then settle the other matters. My reason for saying this is that I am thinking of two scenarios, A and B:
Scenario A
You try to keep your children settled now, but struggle with the visa, and are under a lot of stress at home.
If the visa comes through then you have kept your children in one place which is good, but they have gone through the stress with you.
If the visa does not come through then your children have gone through the stress with you up to now and they will also have to through the major disruption of having to come back to SA, and I have no idea how much of sense of failure that would carry with it? And they will have to start everything over here as well, and probably hear "I told you so" from whatever 'friends' and family were not happy with your initial move anyway.

Scenario B

You sort out the visa first, then move to a good area.
The visa comes through.(or at least you try your very collective best to achieve this outcome)
Your children are moved to a new area now, and perhaps two years later they move again. If you talk to them and keep them in the loop they will know what you are trying to accomplish, and can have an idea of the plans to move again in two year's time, and can get used to it, so it's not a shock, and so they don't just think "Oh jees, life is so unpredictable". But it will be a short while of disruptions now, with a much better chance of long term success and stability.

So that's why I favour "Sort the visa out first, sort the schools out after that."

Now, I know "Die beste stuurman staan aan wal." but sometimes just hearing things from a different side helps us to think clearer about them for ourselves. I don't mean to interfere in your life, and I don't know the details, so I'm just giving you my thoughts, no strings attached.

I wish you all the best, and ' baie sterkte!'.

[TinaB]

Wow!!

It feels like I've been holding my breath to hear that you got a job. And now you have!! And now you have such a big decision to make yet again.

I have no experience and I don't know you but I can offer my own view and right now all I can think to say is "happy parents = happy kids". I was divorced when my son was two, and we lived a pretty stressful life getting our lives back together. My son is a bit of a worry wart and I remember at one stage us having to walk around the complex we stayed in at night with his toy gun checking for bad guys because he felt it was up to him to protect me. No child should feel like that.

I'm now remarried and have another son who although he is also an "intense" (for lack of a better word) he doesn't have the same level of stress as my older son had. Maybe it is just different personalities, but I have to think that the different living situations helped mould my kids.

Kids will adapt and if you are in a better place (emotionally) then you will have more strength to find the help your child needs. You made a BIG decision to move to Oz to start with, and it didn't work out as you'd hoped. You were ready to give it all up and move back to SA and now you have a second chance!! Many of us are still waiting for our one and probably ONLY chance to get to Oz. Don't give up your second chance to make a better life for you and your family. You can make this work for all of you IF you feel in your heart it's the right thing for you.

Wishing you all the best for your next chapter, whatever you decide to do. And please let us know what you decide. Feels like we are all invested in your decision XXX

[Mara]

Eyebrow, I absolutely agree with the scenario for a and b that Red Panda has given you...

I say, in capital letters, GO FOR THE VISA, we have to believe that it will be a great outcome for you all. Perhaps if you spoke to your sons present school there are some instructions that they could pass on to you and hubby of how to assist him with his life. They may even be kind enough to allow you to call them for advice, if you need it.

[Eyebrow]

I went to the interview. And it was not what I expected. 4 people there. And they just chatted. I thought they would ask me questions about experience etc. But they didnt. Just asked what I thought about the town and then the service that I would be expected to provide (which is not what I came to Australia to for initially, but that is another story). I kept wanting to say that I dont think I can do the job, because I dont have enough experience. But then had to remind myself to shut up as it is an interview after all. And then asked me if I had questions and I just asked about the visa and the salary. They had to re advertise because of my visa, but it has been vacant for 2 years now. And then they asked: do I want it, and I said 95%. Just had to chat to my OH. And then they started planning for when I can make the new project operational. And then 3 left. And I remained to chat with the guy who would be my immediate boss. And he explained the salary structure, talked about schools and then it was over.

I left a bit in shock. I mean it is not what I thought it would be. Easiest interview ever.

I want to go. I would miss Melbourne and Victoria. But I really want to resign! But one should not make decisions based on emotions. Especially when it comes to work and money and visa.

I came to Australia to give my son a better life. To give him the chance to be educated and to work, so that he can be independent for when I die. I worry about dying a lot.

So this is a catch 22.

[RedPanda]

It sounds like the kind of interview people dream of having. I hope you get the job (with an official, written contract that confirms everything you like about it).

How long would you need to work at the new place before you can get a permanent visa? Would it be a fair short term back for a long term forward, with regards to your son?

I'm just happy for you that it looks like the interview went really well! At least now you know there are employers that want you.

[Donovan83]

I want to go. I would miss Melbourne and Victoria

Only until you've had consistent sunshine for more than 3 days in a row

Jokes aside, you should do it - get away from that toxic c-word you work with.

[Mara]

Eyebrow, thanks for the explanation, however, in my opinion, if it was me... I think I would be off like a shot... happy mum, happy hubby and joyful kids!

You have to consider the stress you are under, working at the present company! You already say you are worried about your son, should you die, my dear friend, stress is one of the biggest killers in the world... do not keep on taking it, as then it may take you!

[Mel-B]

Take the job, you were ready to come back to SA and needed this: now you have it! You will have more family time, and opportunities to help your child grow (I home school and teach my kids through play). Having time for your child, being happy in a new job AND being in Oz will be priceless. GOOD LUCK!

[Eyebrow]

I am going insane.

(Well probably not a big step considering how close to the edge I already am )

I cant make a decision. My OH and I are sitting up to all hours every night this past week, and just pro-ing and con-ing. For every thing pro there is a but-what-about-this?

Besides the normal fear of change and moving, the worry about "will I be even able to do the new job" and of course the school thing weighs heavily.

I go from "yes we go" to "no we dont" 3 or 4 times a minute.

Moving 3000km from where we are now will mean we even have to sell the cars, and buy again there. (our cars are second hand and dodgy)

I wish my OH could give better input. He could not go with me, because then automatically all 3 kids would have had to go. And we couldn't afford that. So he is just going by pics I took.

For everyone taking time to write here or comment, thank you so much! I read it over and over again and read it to my OH as well. So dont think you comment in vain. And we evaluate the arguments put forward by the Saaustralia forum "team"! So you guys are right there with us! I really wish I could meet all of you in person.

[qwerty]

Read this somewhere today: "In the end we only regret the chances we didn't take."

[RYLC]

Would you be able to tell us which town it is so that we can give better input? Could OH travel up on his own to have a look?

If you were my sister, this is what I would tell you: take the job!!

This will drastically reduce your stress by getting rid of the boss from hell. I don't think you know how draining the stress is until it is removed. Yes you feel the stress but having it lifted will be HUGE!

Yes you can do the new job. We are Saffas first and a "boer maak a plan". Just ask here if you are stuck as we are all in varied industries and can offer possible solutions.

Re school: go and see them. Tell them the whole story: all about your very difficult work situation that requires a temporary move to Queensland to give you all the visa you need to stay permanently. Ask if they would be willing to facilitate a home / remote schooling situation. With home schooling you usually have to register with the state and possibly a school anyway so find out if they would be willing to do this for you. You can live in Queensland and be registered with Victoria education system. Explain how you will be back at the school just as soon as you can but right now you need to get this visa sorted and this is the only good way where you will preserve your sanity and mental health. Think of it as putting on your oxygen mask. Wouldn't harm to turn on a few tears (which are probably pretty close to the surface anyway).

Re the to-ing and fro-ing re your kids' learning: This is my view of the education situation: (and apologies if I step on your toes. It is not my intention. I just so want to see you and your precious family get permanency in Australia. I know I know I'm a stranger but your situation just pulls at my heart strings...) It seems to me that you are worrying about your child's short term slippage education wise instead of focusing on the long term issue which is to live in a first world country where his education and abiliies are less vital. To me there is having to go back to RSA on the one side of the scale and possibly falling a little behind with education for a relatively short time on the other side of the scale. If you have to choose between those two things then slipping back a little is better than going back to a place where only excellence wins. Our brains are ever adapting and if a stroke victim can train his brain to learn to walk again then your child's young brain will adapt too if it even comes to that. So short term yes he might regress a bit, but long term he has a chance at a great life here. Can you say the same about a great life in RSA?

As far as the cars go: you can pop them on the train to be transported up. We did this with our cars from Queensland to Adelaide.

[Donovan83]

What you're feeling is normal about the new job.

Before I moved to my new job, I also had that feeling of "what if"... I'm now 6 months in. I had a meeting with my new boss and he asked me how he thought it's gone - I said I thought it had gone "okay". He said he thought it had gone really well... I am sure you will be no different.

Vat 'n kans Can't be worse than working with the boss from hell!

[AndreCarla]

This is a tough decision but I truly believe a door has been opened and you need to step through it in faith. I will continue to pray for peace and wisdom in your decision. If I may suggest - try and find some quiet time and just be present in that moment and listen to the whispers of your heart - that is the answer.

[joweni]

Eyebrow, did you get a chance to suss out the schools in the area where you will live if you take the new job ? If not,you could phone and speak to the principal/s explain your child's needs and get a feel for what the school might offer. It is so hard because even the "worst" schools can have a couple of wonderfully experienced teachers who can make the difference in a child's life........... So hoping that things will come together for you-it has been such a tough journey for you so far.

[Mara]

Eyebrow, I will come and help you pack......

[Sunnyskies]

Eyebrow, I did some Googling, and I'm no expert but Queensland definitely has support for autistic children and some specialist schools. Don't know where you are looking but a new specialist school opened in Mackay recently. I was also trying to find out if you would have to pay like you have had to in Victoria but I couldn't get the answer.

We took the leap of faith 10 months ago and moved from Melbourne to Brisbane. While I do miss Melbourne, Brisbane has been very good for us as a family. Friends from Melbourne who have seen us since say I look a lot more relaxed.

For your son I think that you should:

- get onto Autism Queensland and see what is on offer.

- contact the schools he may have to go to and be upfront about his needs. they can then get the right people in place to support him

- get your OH to be a teacher support at the school dedicated to your son if need be. There have been horrific stories about schools which don't support special needs kids and you don't want to be one of the stats.

If this job has been open for 2 years this business really needs you and are more likely to assist with pr. If you have been willing to go regional you are also more likely to have a sympathetic hearing when you put your pr application in.

It is scary but you will be amazed at how quickly you adapt this time around.

On the car front I would try and sell for the price you paid. It will save the railage costs. Buy an old 4x4 up here. Also, time to reassess what you brought from SA. Moving it all again is expensive. Trim back what you can.

[Mara]

Eyebrow... are we packing yet ????

[Eyebrow]

Joweni -everyone I have rung and asked, stops me midstream and asks whether I live in their catchment. When I say no, but I intend to, they clam up and tell me to come back when i do. Felt like i am banging my head against a brick wall!

Sunnyskies-long time no see! Autism queensland is super optimistic about what Queensland offer kids with autism. But that is not what the grassroot people say. Also our specialist school has a lot of Queensland kids in it. Moved interstate ti vic because of unhappiness with schools there... Autism parent associations in queensland is very unhappy about their inclusive policies, as they cant cope in normal classrooms.

We have actually considered my oh as classroom assistant. Problem is our son plays us like you wont believe. So a teacher or therapist gets him to do stuff we cant! He is even more skilled at manipulating us than a normal kid...

I agree about the cars. Mind you I never knew one could send it by rail, and it would be a good option if our cars were worth anything. But both were <$5000 secondhand. And they are dodgy to say the least.

Donovan83 - i agree about the boss from hell thing...

Mara - not yet

[Mara]

Eyebrow, my prayers are still with you... may the Lord give you guidance on this huge decision you have to make... just remember, if you decide to move... my offer to help pack, is genuine!

I so often prayed for you to get a job offer, with the employer being happy to sponsor you... when you said you then received one, I gave thanks for the answer to my prayers!

I am still with all those encouraging you to take this offer, after all, if you are really honest with yourself, do you genuinely believe that your present employer will ever assist you for PR? I think they are such crappy employers, that they will just string you along ... imagine the stress levels then!

Sometimes, I think we have to just take that step into the unknown and trust God to guide us, and provide for us. Nothing in life is a certainty, but we get no where, without taking those risks!

[RYLC]

I'm afraid to say I'm also one of the ones that doesn't believe your current employer will go through with PR. he has proved himself to be dishonest so far by not doing what he said he would OR what he does offer is useless / an additional burden to you. Like a "free" house which turns out to be COMPLETELY impractical for a daily commute to work.

For those of us looking in it would be easy to say that we don't know all the details that make this decision so difficult. This is what we do know: your child's progress will be meaningless in the grand scheme of things if you have to go back to RSA where his future is not good. That is why we keep telling you to take the job. Not because we are ignoring the importance of getting a good education for your children, but because we know that it has to be secondary to getting PR. NOTHING should be more important than PR. It is the Golden Ticket and everything else cannot happen without it.

I saw earlier that when you phone Queensland schools they clam up. Just tell them what they want to hear. Yes you live in the area. Google for a rental and have an address handy. I mean if it is all go chances are you will rent that house anyway so you are really just planning ahead and using the techniques described in the book The Secret. Pretend that you are in a Back To The Future movie where the date is whatever you make it.

All the best.

[RYLC]

I've had a look at Google (my favourite thing) and found this spreadsheet directory of all Special Educaiton Programs (SEP) in Queensland state schools.

Here is the link: http://education.qld.gov.au/studentservices/learning/disability/docs/sedirectory.xls

I can't search further for you without know which town you are looking at so I'll leave it with you to explore. There are numerous tabs and the last one provides a key to read the columns.

The green "SEP Provider" column seems to contain the names of the schools who have an SEP so that would be where you find your short list.

[joweni]

Yes do what RYLC suggested but also give the Queensland Dept of education a ring and tell them of your predicament. Also mention how disappointed you are with the response of the schools you have contacted as you are trying yo find rentals in each of these areas and you need information about their programs etc...that should light a few fires .

So hoping that you find something good for your boy.