Apparently it is now!

[RosFam]

Wondering how things are working out for you ? Let us know how you are doing ... if you have the time.

[Eyebrow]

I havent been here much just recently. And not because I have "moved on" on from Saaustralia, but because I purely havent had time.

I am working all hours. Leave home a 7 am and get back at 7pm. While my payslip says I have a 7 hour day with an hour lunch break! I have been so exhausted. Life has coalesced into work and more work. The kids that I have migrated for and am working for? I never see them any more.more. Haha. the irony. My sponsor has been taking his pound of flesh in a big way. Looking back I would have done things differently, but hindsight... Is always 20/20 right?

I am leaving the house with a kiddie hanging onto my leg yelling "No work today mommy! No work!" But of course, in order to stay here I HAVE to work. They dont understand that, as I pull them off my leg and leave to walk to the train without looking back.

I have lost count of the times that I have sat in a full rush hour train, crying off all my make-up, and the zombies sitting next to me dont even look my way with their iPhone earphones stuffed deep into their ears, and we all sit disconnected until the train vomits us onto our inner city stations and everyone runs towards their connecting tram or bus...

I am seriously wondering whether this has all been worth it...

I have been to other employers in my field. All keen to have me, until I explain my visa issues... Then it is a case of: feel free to contact us when you have sorted that out...

I find the grass-root Australian very helpful and nice and decent. The kids' teachers are decent people. Salt of the earth. And they do so much for them. I am so grateful for those people.

It has been hard. Christmas I wasn't home. And then my brother broke the news that he is getting married, and just after everyone got used to that idea, that his fiancée is pregnant and that wedding is a couple of week later. Because of the short notice, I couldnt attend. So my brother's wedding happened without me. Major life events pass and suddenly we are not part of that... What can I add to that?

I am lonely and it is hard. The end.

We have been here 138 days now. Seems much longer and much shorter at the same time.

[RYLC]

We are here for you Eyebrow. It will be worth it. This part is hard but you WILL get through it. Can you find some small rewards for yourself for each week crossed off? I get myself a bunch of flowers regularly and light a candle in the evenings when I need a lift. You can do this. Are there any Saffas closer who can meet up for coffee and a chat - just getting it off your chest is a help.

[rozellem]

Hi Eyebrow, thinking of you and sending you good vibes from afar. I am no labour law expert, but how can the boss get away with working you longer than your contract says? Please dont let him take advantage of you any further than he all ready has. Surely this document has no micro fine print and is as it was when you signed it. ? Does your company have an HR department or IS he the company? I know you dont want to rock the boat, but this is crazy.

[Nev]

That really is lousy, we feel for you, is there anything we could do to help?

[RosFam]

Thanks for the update Eyebrow, and sorry to hear you are having a hard time at the moment .... but , if this makes you feel any better, I think its somewhat normal. My experience was literally the same. Stepping out of our sleep hollow that is Joeys into the world that is commuting walking and filled with people where ever you look is a rude shock to the system. Ditto on the crying kids in the morning wanting their mom, ditto for mom having to work 12 hr days and ditto for mom crying all the way to work.

Your words "we move for our kids , but I don't even see them anymore, the irony ?" ring so try to our journey and a couple of others around. I think its difficult when mom has to go to work and dad has to stay at home. Kids seem to be much more attached in caring way, dads are fun.... but not all the time

Unfortunately I think every migrant has to pay their dues... I was told get the "runs on the board" and things will start becoming easier. I know this doesn't make it any easier but keep your head down focused on the goal , and that is to stay in Oz. We came back to SA, and now are planning a return as we made too many emotional decisions at a very tough time for us.

Good luck and hope you turn that corner soon....

[KarinWise]

Hi Eyebrows,

This is a rotten situation to be in.

I really really feel for you-my daughter went through a similar situation, where she was working a twelve hour day, and doing a four hour commute daily for about three years. She could not get a job for 18 months when she got here, and hung onto that job when she finally got it.

There was no time to even really eat, as she did not get a lunch hour, and she could not afford to live closer to the city. Very little sleep too.

So every morning, at 5.30 it was off in a car to the train station, a half hour ride. Then , over an hour to the city, and another half hour tram ride to her job. Home at about 9 to 9.30 pm. And she got paid for 7 hours a day.

She went from an outgoing, lively person to an absolute wreck.

It cost her her relationship, she and her fiancé could not take the stress of it all. She has aged beyond her years, and her health is not great.

In the end, she got her PR, and we all feel it might have been worth it. Her company also allows her to work at home certain days of the

week now-so things are getting a little better. Now that she no longer has that 457 hanging over her head, the company have been more reasonable.

Will she ever get over the loss of her fiancé? I doubt it. Some of us pay a massive price to be here.

But-at least she got her PR.

Eyebrows, are you feeling quite positive about getting your PR when all is said and done? I really do hope so, for then a new world will open to you!

Australia is a great place in so many ways, I am always jealous of the people who were born here, and have their lives mapped out.

If you can get that PR-hang on in there!! But be very sure you can get it, because if you cannot, this pain is most definitely not worth it.

[In2mindsNoMore]

Hi Eyebrow

I know there is nothing that I can say that will change the situation you are in or make it better. But I am subscribed to a website that sends out what they call "practical tips for productive living" www.marcandangel.com and below is what they e-mailed today. I hope it can be of some meaning to you (apologies for the long post ). You are in my thoughts and prayers.

7 Ways to Change Your Attitude When You Can’t Change Anything Else

1. Still your mind. – In order to gain conscious control of what goes on in your mind, you need to develop a keen awareness for this process. What helps is to hold still for a moment, take a deep breath and free your mind of all the chatter that’s going on inside and all around. This makes room for a change of state, for something new to enter. So give yourself a break. Don’t say you can’t. Yes, you have battles out in the world to fight, insecurities to overcome, loved ones to contend with and goals to achieve, but a break from it all is necessary. It’s perfectly healthy to pause and let the world spin without you for a while. If you don’t, you will burn yourself out. You must refill your bucket on a regular basis. That means catching your breath, finding quiet solitude, focusing your attention inward, and otherwise making time for recovery from the chaos of your routine.
2. Change your focus. – From the awareness of your thoughts and emotions you become able to consciously redirect your focus. It’s time to take it willingly away from something that drags you down, and zero it in on something that inspires you. Focus on the next logical, meaningful step. There are no hopeless situations; there are only people who have grown hopeless about them. So keep your hope alive through positive awareness. Don’t let the pain make you desperate. Don’t let the negativity wear off on you. Don’t let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Spend your energy moving forward. Change your thoughts and you change your reality. Our thoughts are the makers of our moods, the inventors of our dreams, and the creators of our will. That’s why we must sort through them carefully, and choose to respond only to those that will help us build the life we want, and the outlook we want to hold as we’re living it.
3. Surrender your worries and embrace acceptance. – Realize that, somewhere within us all, there does exist a supreme self who is eternally at peace. Because inner peace does not depend on external conditions; it’s what remains when you’ve surrendered your ego and worries. Peace can be found within you at any place and at any time. It’s always there, patiently waiting for you to turn your attention toward it. Peace of mind arrives the moment you come to peace with what’s on your mind. It happens when you let go of the need to be anywhere but where you are, physically and emotionally. This acceptance of the way things are creates the foundation for inner harmony. The need for something to be different in this moment is nothing more than a worry, and worries simply lead you in circles. Remember, the same part of you that longs for peace is the part of you that experiences peace. It is not complicated to achieve and is as close as your next thought.
4. Practice gratitude. – What you must realize is that you don’t really need more; you just need to appreciate what you have. It’s a beautiful and bitter way of thinking all at once. If you don’t have what you want now, you don’t have what you want, but you still have enough. Be thankful for what is, and also be thankful for what has not yet come to you. For that means there are still many possibilities available. Find peace in the thought that you can’t ever have it all or know it all either. You are always just a fraction of the whole. For if you weren’t, there would be nothing more to experience. Value what you know, and also value the countless things you don’t yet understand. For in what you don’t understand, there is the joy of growth. Life will always be incomplete and a bit asymmetrical. Realize this and embrace it. Be happy and sad at the same time, be hungry and thankful at the same time, be nervous and excited at the same time, and be OK with it.
5. Reframe your struggles as growing pains. – Remind yourself that there’s scarcely any happiness, passion or success without struggle. If the road is easy, you’re likely going the wrong way. Everything that happens helps you grow, even if it’s hard to see right now. Circumstances will direct you, correct you, and perfect you over time. Sometimes these circumstances knock you down, hard. There will be times when it seems like everything that could possibly go wrong is going wrong. And you might feel like you will be stuck in this rut forever, but you won’t. When you feel like quitting, remember that sometimes things have to go very wrong before they can be right. Sometimes you have to go through the worst, to arrive at your best. Because our most significant opportunities are often found in times of great difficulty. Thus, you will face your greatest opposition when you are closest to your biggest miracle.
6. Look for the beginning in every ending. – Everything in life has to come to an end sometime. It’s important to acknowledge and accept the end of an era – to walk away sensibly when something has reached its conclusion. Closing the door, turning the page, moving on, etc. It doesn’t matter what you call it; what matters is that you leave the past where it belongs so you can enjoy the life that’s still available to be lived. This ending is not THE END, it’s just your life beginning again in a new way. It’s a point in your story where one chapter fades into the next. Take a look at the first page of this new chapter; it’s a beautiful one.
7. When all else fails, use your body. – The mind reflects your body by responding to its levels of tension, rate of breath, speed of movement and mental focus. Likewise your body mirrors your thoughts, feelings, mood, and responds to your state of mind, the questions you ask and the words you speak. So if the mind and body are intrinsically connected – meaning that one has a direct affect on the other – it becomes clear that if we directly and consciously take control of one, it will influence and transform the other. So by mindfully adjusting how you use your body you can directly influence your state of mind, and dramatically transform your attitude. Just imagine you’re sitting there in a bad mood, shoulders hanging forward, shallow breathing and frowning. Go ahead and do this right now to experience how it influences your state of mind. And then do the opposite: stand up straight and put a big smile on your face. Take some deep, strong breaths and stretch your arms into the air. Notice how you feel better? Bottom line: Take the vehicle your creator has given you and use it! Your body is the best tool for changing your attitude in an instant.

[Eyebrow]

5 and a half months in.

Things have developed a pattern now. Kids go to school, I go to work. We shop at the same place for food every week. Loving Woolworth's fresh burger rolls. With butter and heated for 10 seconds in microwave. Definitely has contributed to my weight gain! And my attempts at dieting has dismally failed.

We go to the same parks and the beach. (Kids love the beach even when it is cold! And of course it is free...) Also funny that I have lost the will to explore. I thought before that I would be out there every weekend travelling all over Oz, seeing everything. Now all I want to do is sleep late and build up strength for the week ahead!

I do feel strangely disconnected though. Very funny feeling. Like I am observing our life, rather than being a part of it... Also strange since I fought so hard to achieve this life we now have.

Some of the women at work have really embraced me. I get invited to girls' nights out and one lady have taken to giving me a lift to the train station after work. And we have been invited to people's houses. Very nice. Down to earth people. But I dont know them and I dont want to burden them with my issues. So I smile and have a glass of wine and say : No, I never had Massaman curry before, is it any good...?

My employer has a very high turnover of staff! It seems like every Friday there is cake, because so-and-so is leaving. And I keep thinking "but didnt they just start the other day"? People also presume that I will leave soon. The one manager keeps reminding me to keep a clear record of what I am doing so that someone can easily pick up where I left off... Australians dont really understand the whole 'visa thing' it would seem. The general thought seems to be "Just get another sponsor then", which is not that flipping easy.

I have inconspicuously spoken to other employers at training days and industry meetings, and they are all keen until they hear about my visa issues. Then it is "Well, please feel free to come back when have all that sorted....". So back to square one.

[ottg]

My employer has a very high turnover of staff! It seems like every Friday there is cake, because so-and-so is leaving. And I keep thinking "but didnt they just start the other day"? People also presume that I will leave soon. The one manager keeps reminding me to keep a clear record of what I am doing so that someone can easily pick up where I left off... Australians dont really understand the whole 'visa thing' it would seem. The general thought seems to be "Just get another sponsor then", which is not that flipping easy.

You must be one heck of a person to bear all that cr*p. The fact is he/they gets away with it...and many other as well. They exploit the visa system and the visa holder. I used to call this modern day economic slavery and you are helpless just because you are on the losing end. High turn-over means nothing to them - it sounds if social psychology wont even work. Very few smaller companies dont have a HR system or well qualified & experienced HR managers. That is just how they do business and turn a profit with no concern for their employees.

Another saffa person I'm aware off became a whistle blower, got fired, went through the court case, suffered mentally and emotionally, got (some) compensation and reinstatement. Who in their right mind can go back to work for the same company again. Needless to say the person resigned, struggled to get another job......Another case as part of an acquisition initiative the newly appointed saffa bookkeeper discovered fraudulent transactions where the books were cooked. The bookkeeper was then asked to sign a non-disclosure agreement. On refusal the person was fired. Did this person had a strong case for unfair dismissal, yes....but how much is your health worth. The lesson is do not try to take the employer on while you are vulnerable and still in their employment.

So what to do - speak to some of the agents on this website. While I'm totally out of my depth about visa requirements, I'm sure if your case is well motivated with strong evidence and reasons for not being able to stay with the current sponsor and such the migration department may be lenient. I also believe their must be some alternative visa options that may be more acceptable to those you approached from the industry meetings you mentioned.

I dont know what else to say except that but just hanging in there is not the solution. The price is too high!

Also perhaps a separate thread where we can follow & debate similar cases that may help others.

[rozellem]

Ottg, Eyebrow is in a very niche profession, so its hard to find and her son is autistic, so sadly her boss holds a lot of cards in his grubby paws.

Eyeborow, step away from the white bread! You know its a quick fix that comes crashing down around you and makes you want it more. Ban it from your house. Make a banned food list, stick it on the fridge and dont let your hubby buy it either. Eat whole foods, drink water, go for a walk and breathe deep. Go for a mini family adventure on a Sunday morning, just get out of your fog. Limit the wine too. Get some suppliments (you know better than me) something like B12? Dont let your mind and body be sucked in by this job. X

[Eyebrow]

6 and a half months now. I am still hanging in. Things havent changed. Except I have gotten more au fait with the job, and I dont have to ask so many questions.

Other people in the same boat, have left or gotten PR. I am the only one left on a 457. And I am bearing the brunt of it alone now.

Got told off for some minor error the other day, and it was just the last straw. Went to loo, and just cried my eyes out. then had to fake "a cold" with my red eyes ad stuffy nose. I am sure most people knew that was crap...

I have never worked so hard in my life, or earned so little... The irony of that... (I dont want to say on the forum what I do, but I have quite a specialised skill, I should earn more!) I earned more in South Africa than I do here, and things here are 3x what they cost in RSA.

Every time we have to pay a bill I feel a little bit more down. And the bills are so random. Electricity and telephone monthly, gas every second month and water quarterly. The month when all of them hit at once is a bit horrendous.

I was buying clothes for the kids at K-mart and my card got turned down. (Because there was no money in it). How embarrassing is that? First time that has happened to me in my life.

The kids are as happy as can be. They are off on excursions and the schools are highly resourced here. They are improving leaps and bounds. I dont recognise them sometimes. My eldest tells me the only thing wrong with his life is that he doesnt see me so much any more...

My training should have taken 3 months. It has been over 6 months now and there is still no end. Paperwork and committee meetings and signatures and and and.... All holding back which should have been a straightforward thing.

I am of two minds about Australia. It is really the land of milk and honey, if you have money. But if you dont...

All things considered: the stress that I find myself (and by extension the family under) vs the benefit, I wonder if it was worth it.

Maybe we shouldve gone to the UK.

[Batsie]

Really sad to read about your difficult situation. Will keep you in our thoughts.

Edited April 19, 2015 by Batsie

[SML]

I was so hoping things would be improving by now! So sorry! The same thing happened to friends of ours but they are now settled & she's earning what she should, makes a huge difference. Thinking of you!

[TimmysMom]

Hi Eyebrow,

I have just read this post from beginning to end. The mix of emotions I felt for you and your family caught me by surprise. I cried real tears in some areas and other areas laughed so hard that again there were real tears. Thank you for sharing your story and I am so very sorry, from the bottom of my heart, that you are having such a tough time.

We are in the process of applying for a 189 skilled visa and are just now waiting for an invite to apply. Reading such an honest take on life from someone that is going through the very process that we all HOPE to be going through in the months to come is very overwhelming and throws you off track a little. It really makes you question whether or not this is the right move for your own little family and if it's worth possibly going through what you are going through (granted I think the 457 visa is in itself a challenge) for what we all perceive to be "a better future for our children". Makes me angry that we are forced to make this decision. However, I still believe that the reasons we are wanting to move, which I'm pretty sure are the same reasons you made the move, remain. Everyday I remind myself and my husband of these reasons and try remain motivated to leave our families and familiar lives behind in exchange for the complete unknown and getting to start over again as a poor foreigner that may, or may not, be accepted.

I haven't even left yet and I can feel how hard this decision is.

I am thinking about you so much right now. Your boss obviously has some major insecurities and is completely miserable at home for whatever reason which is why he treats you the way he does. I am sorry you have to bare the brunt of his miserable existence while trying to make a better life for your family. You are an amazing mother and I truly hope the universe swings things in your favour soon. You deserve a break.

Send us an update. We are all waiting to hear from you.

With you in spirit

T'sMom

[Eyebrow]

236 days since we arrived. I cant believe it.

Counting down to 1000, will we make it?

OK. Am being silly. I know everyone says give it a 1000 days before your decide whether one likes it here or not, but will everything change miraculously before then?

Anyway things are better. My training period has finished and my qualifications has been accepted, so my skills assessment is now positive. My salary has gone up. And I am actually earning enough now so we can live on what I earn. Still less than in RSA though. But now at least I dont have to cry every time I get a bill. It was a case of "wait till Thursday, then I get paid" - type of scenario. But still our standard of living has dropped. A lot.

Yes, yes, I know, on every thread on the forum, one gets warned about this happening. But the reality of it is a bit harder than you expect.

I am not happy here. There, I said it.

The kids love it though. Seriously they are so happy. They do mention Ouma ever so often...

And my eldest asked: "If I do my work everyday, do you think I will come good?" So he is picking up the lingo...

Melbourne is cold. Very cold. It is not like Cape Town, it is like the UK. Dark early and freezing. Just want to sleep and stay in bed with my hot water bottles!

[RYLC]

Come to Adelaide - Capetonian friends are very happy with how similar it is. You're definitely not the first to find Melbourne miserable.

Great to hear that things have improved a bit though. LIttle by little - you are getting there. It's going to be okay and being permanently happy is overrated We need shading in our lives to enjoy the highs. We are here for you and, although we are strangers, I think of you often. So when you catch yourself thinking this is too hard etc, - remember WE care about you ♥

[Nev]

Good to hear that things have improved a bit, hoping they keep getting better.

[rozellem]

Being permanently happy is overrated We need shading in our lives to enjoy the highs.

Ok, I am stealing this one. Thanks, I needed that. Eyebrow, I am so glad things are on the up, even thought only a little bit. Remember that you have so many of us in your corner, you can do it.

[Mara]

Eyebrow, you have guts girl, keep on chipping away... one of these days we will get a post which says "I love it here"

[KarinWise]

Hi Eyebrows,

I have been here for more than 1000 days.

I am not happy here.

There-I said it too.

Melbourne is the city that will be the most alien to a South African coming over.

It's soooo very different - mainly the weather is the problem.

And the light-it's so bright, burns my eyeballs out of my head.

I am giving Brisbane a try-lets hope it works out......

[Mara]

@ KarinWise: I am sorry, I have to disagree with your statement, Melbourne is not the most alien place city to a South African coming over, there are hundreds of us here, all loving it, against the few that are discontented and hate it. I know you do not like it, and that has become clear in your posts, and there are a few others that have joined you in saying they dislike it, but there are plenty more that are happy here...

[Guest SAAussieGirl]

I remember when I first moved to Melbourne, it certainly was an adjustment. The weather in Melbourne was certainly different and I distinctly remember just how bitterly cold it was and how utterly unprepared I was. I now live in Canberra and that in itself has been an adjustment. Over the years, I have lived in Brisbane and in Sacramento, Northern California and not to mention that during my years in SA, I lived in Randburg, Sandton and Pretoria. All of which were unique and at times trying experiences. Sometimes when South Africans, new to Australia, share their experiences, both good and bad, I tend to forget that because I have been for such a long time, it can be an adjustment and at times, somewhat of a culture shock. South Africa in many ways mirrors Australia, but then there are the things that make it truly unique and I think that it's those things that make the adjustment at times just that little bit harder.

@KarenWise. I hope Brissy works out for you and honestly I am holding up thumbs and crossing anything I can cross. I truly loved my time in Brisbane and wouldn't have changed it for anything. I can certainly understand how you feel, because goodness knows I have been there. It certainly can be tough living in Melbourne and sometimes it was tough living in Brisbane. But I have a feeling you will have a great time living in Brisbane. Good luck!

[KarinWise]

Thank you all for your words of encouragement.....you are all very kind!

I am looking forward to Brisbane.

I live for sunshine, and on a day like today, Melbourne does not look half bad.

[Guest SAAussieGirl]

@KarinWise You are more than welcome honey. We all need a little encouragement sometimes. Like I said before, I can certainly understand how you feel. I also live for sunshine and when it's sunny in Melbourne, it looks, as the Aussies say, pretty specky. Brissy certainly has many more days of sunshine and spectacular weather though.

If you ever need some advice or encouragement, feel free to PM at any time.