RYLC Posted October 5, 2015 Report Share Posted October 5, 2015 My eldest son said to me in all innocence the other day that he didnt want to be an adult. Why? I asked. Because adults dont smile he said. Sure we do, I said. No you dont, I have not seen you smile in years, he said... REality check. You've been on my mind Eyebrow and there are two ways to look at your son's comment. A reality check or a teachable moment. Our kids need to learn from us that life is not always smooth and sometimes adults are sad for what seems like a long time. They watch us all the time and model us into the future.Even after 15 years here I still have my moments. My two boys 9 and 10 have learnt that it is okay to be sad and that it is okay to cry and that it will be alright. I make sure that they see the whole scenario - me crying, me talking out loud about being okay but just sad right now and then me picking something that cheers me up. My best pick me up / what-to-do-when-I-don't-know-what-to-do is to make tea. My kids have learnt that they can offer to put the kettle on and the way I am feeling will pass. They need to know this for their own lives. I try not to shield them totally from the crappy days for this reason. Obviously some problems are adult sized and shouldn't be shared with children but sharing your feelings and how you are pushing through is an awesome life skill to learn at your knee. Right now in this situation which SUCKS big time, they can learn grit, determination, patience, perseverance from you.I also think that perhaps it might help to keep going if you view your current circumstances as giving birth. If you went through labour with your kids then you will know what I mean. During labour, it hurts like hell, we want to give up but there is no stopping half way. We have to see the task through because we have the reward of our beautiful baby to look forward to. Yes you have an "obstetrican" with the most awful "bedside manner" but he is just a means to and end and you NEVER have to set eyes on him again once this is done.Just like child birth, your OH needs to give the support you need rather than feel your pain so intently that they are no help. (Not saying OH is not supportive but sometimes we need people to lift rather than commiserate). So just like a birthing plan, tell OH exactly what you need: When I get home, I want you to meet me at the door, take my bag and shoes and let me collapse on the couch. Please bring me a cup of tea in the special red/blue/yellow cup (go buy a special "happy" cup) and remind me to breathe (just like in labour).Some more possible plan ideas to get you through each week: Monday is Smile at 3 strangers on the train dayWednesday is pizza night where you put on silly music and dance around the lounge with the kids - no you don't have to feel like it, you just have to do it. A bit like during the toddler years when you were exhausted but slapped a smile on your face because your adorable toddler wanted to play cars AGAIN!You get the idea You all need a birthing plan because RSA is no place for your precious children and your only task is to hang on long enough to get this baby delivered. Just like child birth, just when you think you can't anymore, that baby pops its head out. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eyebrow Posted October 11, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 11, 2015 I have a few more interviews. It is difficult to keep taking time off work to go. And every time I have been for one in the past I get so excited and have hope for the future, and then when I get there, there is an issue... The work is bad, the schools are not appropriate, the pay is super low, or the visa is an issue!I almost DONT want to go anymore. My OH says it is only because the past places weren't suitable and we should just keep going until we find the perfect place. And that it is out there. But just have not been found yet..I struggle because my worry depletes all my energy. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mara Posted October 11, 2015 Report Share Posted October 11, 2015 Dear Eyebrow, I do agree with your hubby, my daily prayers are that you will find that elusive job and kind sponsor, very soon! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RYLC Posted October 11, 2015 Report Share Posted October 11, 2015 I have a few more interviews. It is difficult to keep taking time off work to go. And every time I have been for one in the past I get so excited and have hope for the future, and then when I get there, there is an issue... The work is bad, the schools are not appropriate, the pay is super low, or the visa is an issue!I almost DONT want to go anymore. My OH says it is only because the past places weren't suitable and we should just keep going until we find the perfect place. And that it is out there. But just have not been found yet..I struggle because my worry depletes all my energy.Eyebrow here are some thoughts on the other jobs on offer: Is ANYTHING better than that #$%@^ you work for now?If so, then work through the interviews with perhaps the following priorities:If the visa is not an issue TICK If schools are suitable TICKThe actual work being bad you might have to put up with and if you can survive the low pay then consider it temporary. Getting away from the boss from hell and getting PR in the shortest time frame are the goals right now.You might think oh easy for me to say about the low pay and you do have kids to consider. Truth is I didn't eat lunch for four long years because I couldn't afford to and during a different period of my life when it took me five of the longest years EVER to save up for a car, I ate the same dinner every night for a number of years: baked potato and butternut. Ended up anaemic!So I do know some of how you feel: the endlessness, the despair that it will ever end. It DOES get better I PROMISE! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndreCarla Posted October 11, 2015 Report Share Posted October 11, 2015 Dear EyebrowI pray that you receive favour and strength and energy to continue on this journey further. I believe your new door is open, you just need to find It. So many people are praying for you. HugsCarla 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eyebrow Posted October 22, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 22, 2015 I have my interview tomorrow. They had difficulty filling this post, so my chances are good. But... I have been offered other jobs before and then when it comes to visa time, they change their story... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wallyengles Posted October 22, 2015 Report Share Posted October 22, 2015 You can do it! Holding thumbs!!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FairGo Posted October 22, 2015 Report Share Posted October 22, 2015 Good luck Eyebrow!!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedPanda Posted October 22, 2015 Report Share Posted October 22, 2015 Good luck!!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chips Posted October 22, 2015 Report Share Posted October 22, 2015 All the best Eyebrow, fingers crossed 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batsie Posted October 22, 2015 Report Share Posted October 22, 2015 All the best Eyebrow. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mara Posted October 22, 2015 Report Share Posted October 22, 2015 Eyebrow, just said a prayer for you for tomorrow, trust it all goes well! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rozellem Posted October 22, 2015 Report Share Posted October 22, 2015 Crossing everything for you! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunnyskies Posted October 22, 2015 Report Share Posted October 22, 2015 Fingers and toes!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndreCarla Posted October 22, 2015 Report Share Posted October 22, 2015 You're in my thoughts and prayers - grace and wisdom! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DXB2OZ Posted October 22, 2015 Report Share Posted October 22, 2015 We are all cheering you on from the sidelines. Keep us posted and go and knock their socks off. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donovan83 Posted October 22, 2015 Report Share Posted October 22, 2015 Good luck 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisaActually Posted October 22, 2015 Report Share Posted October 22, 2015 Thinking of you eyebrow!!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DXB2OZ Posted October 23, 2015 Report Share Posted October 23, 2015 And? How did it go? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eyebrow Posted October 24, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 24, 2015 (edited) It went well. I got the job and they are happy to do the visa.But... the schools.No one seemed very keen to help, as the resources in regional is scarce. And they were discouraging me to move to their catchment areas. Now I have a dilemma. Do I stay were I am with the best school known to man? Or do I move to regional Queensland for a better job/ employer. (Ps Thank you very much to the forum member I stayed with. You are very kind!) Edited October 24, 2015 by Eyebrow 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cole Posted October 24, 2015 Report Share Posted October 24, 2015 Hi Eyebrow,I have to admit, I got a bit emotional when I read that you'd gotten the job. I'm so happy for you and your family!I'm still in SA, and can't offer any advice regarding schools or regional Queensland. But I can say this: I have seen my parents grossly unhappy due to exceptionally stressful working environments and financial strains when I was growing up. Our family went through a very very rough patch. It lasted 2 years that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, and the repercussions for our family life were felt for many more years. The roughest part for us as children was seeing how stressed and sad and angry and emotional and tired and empty my parents were. It put huge strain on our family, and as children we struggled to cope with the stress of not being able to help our parents in any way, or see them happy. And I can tell you, unequivocally, that I would've moved to Mars to have happier parents and consequently a happier home life. I know that you have a unique set of circumstances and my comment may appear simplistic, but I hope and pray that you are able to accept a job that brings you and your family peace and stability, and that your children will have schools available to them that nurture them. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nev Posted October 24, 2015 Report Share Posted October 24, 2015 Congratz on the job offer, it is simple if the alternative is back to south africa im pretty sure whatever school you find here will be better, also you just need to hold out till the medical waiver 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mara Posted October 24, 2015 Report Share Posted October 24, 2015 Congrats Eyebrow, I am also inclined to suggest, TAKE THE OFFER, at least you will be happy and that will move on to the children! 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RYLC Posted October 24, 2015 Report Share Posted October 24, 2015 (edited) YES YES YES take the job!!!Schooling will work itself out in the end. Perhaps something you are not aware of is that homeschooling is really big in regional Queensland. It is highly organised with Facebook groups, scheduled meet ups and lots of support for each other. Your OH may be able to make that part of his role in the family in combination with school. I can post some links to resources if you want them. Just let me know. Don't let this be a hurdle. As stated above happy parents will make up for any perceived school issues. Remember too that you might still be viewing schooling with Saffa eyes where they MUST excel to have a chance in life whereas Australia actually needs people of all skill levels. Edited October 25, 2015 by RYLC 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedPanda Posted October 25, 2015 Report Share Posted October 25, 2015 I moved around a lot as a kid, and think that the idea that children are delicate flowers that can only do well when they are kept in a stable situation is nonsense. Of course there are different kinds of children, so it won't be true for everyone, but I think most people underestimate the resiliency of most children. So if you move somewhere for two years, and then move somewhere else, chances are that kids can cope with that just fine. Maybe now is also a good time to look at the longer term plans for the kids' futures, what do they want to do? Will they be able to do that?Personally I think it might be better that children don't fear growing up, and maybe have to work a bit harder to get something specific that they want, rather than have all the possibilities open, but to have this dread of what's to come, and end up worrying more about their future responsibilities than focussing on using the opportunities they have.So, although my advice is not tailored with detailed knowledge of your situation, I would also lean in the direction that a happy home is more important than an awesome school. Half of what schools teach you is irrelevant, but the example that you see on a daily basis at home is the home that you are being hardwired to recreate, regardless of what you consciously think about the matter later.That's what I think. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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