Why is it so hard?

[Rhyss]

@Karinwise - A story I remembered so well as it was yesterday.

Was about to finish off at the company back in RSA when the one guy asked the other if he would consider emigrating. Very determined he replied: "nee die mielies groei in my hart" (no, the corn grows in my heart). I think that says it all for some......always difficult to change how you feel.

It's funny how we remember these little things. I had been in Aus for about 2 years and remember visiting a client in Melbourne. He was a keen rugby union supporter so we quickly found some common ground. At the end of the conversation he asked me, "so where's home?" to which I replied, "Perth". He said, "nah mate, home is where your mother lives". How true!!

[Jill]

Hi,

We will have been here for 8 years in August, I still can't believe it, we were going to go back for a holiday to SA after being here for 2 years, Those 2 years were hard work, lots of ups and downs, tears, heart ache. but they passed and now almost 8 years in, I can call Australia my home. I have never returned to SA for a holiday, my husband went back last year for a very hectic week when his brother died, I couldn't fly due to an ear infection, something I have never suffered from my whole life. I don't pine for SA any more. Just all of a sudden I felt Australia and I clicked, I am happy in my job, been there for over 7 years, get along with every one, they have made me feel welcome and at home. My Son is a Chartered Accountant and is doing so well in the Company he works for, they offered him a partnership and he is only 28. My daughter who was 15 when we came over here and really struggled with leaving her friends and making new ones here, it was a battle I tell you, is happy and settled, and is dating an Aussie for the past 6 months. She sent me a message the other day that made all our struggles worth while, to say, Thank you Mom and Dad for the sacrifice you made in bringing us to Australia, we are grateful to be here and appreciate all we have been given here in Australia. That is what makes this all worth while.

Get through the hard times, it is worth it.

[SurferMan]

Thanks for that Jill,

Nice post! Glad to hear that it all ended up well for you.

[Jill]

Thank you SurferMan.

[SurferMan]

Thank you SurferMan.

Hi Jill,

Maybe you can give me some advice to pass onto my mate. He has a 16 yo daughter who sweara she is madly in love and refuses point blank to come to Aus. He got PR a few years ago and it will expire is he does not get here in time. He will be too old to reapply so if he cant get her over, all is lost. he is a bloody good bloke, and my advice was direct, tape her up and put her on the darn plane! But my methods may not work on feisty 16 year olds. Any help you can offer is most grateful!.

[Rhyss]

Being asked stupid questions about RSA - have I ever killed anyone?! Really?!

I can relate to this and the ONLY reason why we are asked these dumb questions is because of the dumb saffas who run around telling war stories. A common place to strike up a conversation with a total stranger is at the barber shop. They pick up on our accent and then start telling us of the horrid stories that have been told ad nauseam to them and now that is the standard to which everyone relates to SA. Here in Aus I've been to dinners, BBQ's and social gatherings and heard the most insane stories being told. I find myself wondering if these people want a medal or a sympathy card! It's all part of the push factor, the worse they make it sound the better they feel about leaving. It's a coping mechanism.

[Rhyss]

Hi Jill,

Maybe you can give me some advice to pass onto my mate. He has a 16 yo daughter who sweara she is madly in love and refuses point blank to come to Aus. He got PR a few years ago and it will expire is he does not get here in time. He will be too old to reapply so if he cant get her over, all is lost. he is a bloody good bloke, and my advice was direct, tape her up and put her on the darn plane! But my methods may not work on feisty 16 year olds. Any help you can offer is most grateful!.

I cant give advice because I know that everyone's situation is different. We may have the same conditions (kids etc) but every situation is unique.

I can however relate a story. This family were not close friends of ours but well known to us through a mutual friend, we saw them on and off. The bloke in his mid-40's ran a successful business in SA. Happily married with two teenage daughters and a young son, about 5 years old when they moved to Aus. The daughters did not want to move and they made life very difficult but they agreed to give it a go. The girls hated Australia from day one. They missed their friends, social circles, school etc. This poor bloke was a mess. His business however had taken off and in a very short time he had purchased a few properties (this was in 2003) and converted them into medical facilities. Nice house in great suburb but the girls were driving him crazy. Wife was stressed because of the girls and younger son was fine, he adapted quickly and was playing footy, new friends, no worries. Things started to settle and before they knew it they had been here 5 years and had acquired Aussie citizenship. The wife was going through a bad phase and missing her family in SA and likewise the guy felt that he needed to be close to his aging parents. They went back on holiday and decided they would move back to SA. They broke the news to the girls who said, no ways, we're staying in Aus! They were both in university so he decided that they were old enough to stay and make lives for themselves and he and his wife and son headed for SA.They were back for about six months when they realised they wanted to be back in Aus with their daughters. One was recently engaged and there was talk of grand children etc. So, they sold up everything in SA (again) and moved back to Aus where they had to now try and catch up in what was a very different work and property market. The stress must have been too much and the last I heard the bloke had a stroke! I know this is a very sad and probably unique story but bloody heel, we d so much for our kids and love them with all our heart but we must not forget about finding the middle ground and happiness.

We sold a beautiful home, left behind our parents, siblings, life long friendships, our culture and everything that is familiar and dear to us to give our kids a better chance in life. Today they are more Aussie than Saffa. They have benefited 100% from our sacrifices and we're really happy for that. We know that if we decided tomorrow to head back to SA our kids would choose to stay in Aus. The irony being that when we decided to leave SA it was based on us believing that our kids would have to leave SA to find work and we'd be left in SA with no option to follow them.

[SurferMan]

My view is that unless they have a lucky break, kids in SA have a slim chance of financial freedom. far better chances here in Aus in my view. I would even say Belgium and the UAE are better options. My kids are also more Aus than Saffer now, and we hear their accents changing almost weekly. I wont say how happy I am... :boxing:

[Jill]

Hi Surferman,

We told her when she is old enough and once she has citizenship she can move back if she wants, her choice, we couldn't keep her here. Hoping and praying that she would grow to love Australia and it worked. She realises how lucky she is. She has been living in her own place since the age of 21, financial freedom. etc, she is 23 now. Her friends in SA either live at home or in a Granny Flat in the parents garden. No financial freedom at all, can't afford to move out. etc. So that would be my suggestion. Hope it helps.

[SurferMan]

Thansk Jill,

Just shared it with him via email. Heres to hoping.

[OubaasDik]

To be honest, I think my son is bit Aspie ... my daughter isn't Mensa material or overly energetic when it comes to study - she's fine as a waitress in a coffee shop.

What would have happened to them in SA?

Over here, son has managed to get his degree in Comp Sci, daughter works waitressing in Coffee Clubs and such, AND she manages to make 2-3 month trips overseas ... almost every year ...

I could NEVER see such freedom.

Yep, it's better here ...

[HansaPlease]

Spot on Oubaas. I've never met an SA waitress who can afford overseas trips. Most jobs here allow you to have a life, even if the best jobs don't offer the riches that the ones in SA do.

[rozellem]

My Aussie niece is a 3rd year nursing student in Sydney. She has been 100% self sufficient since leaving year 12. Her (looser) dad sometimes hits her up for loans (!!!), that we all know will never be paid back. With her part time jobs she pays all her extra costs (rent, food, bought her own car, petrol, etc.) that is not covered by HECS (or what ever it is called now) and she manages to go overseas every year for 5 weeks. It makes me wonder what kids in RSA do who's parents cant contribute a cent to their tertiary education.

[SurferMan]

Umm, they like never get to go overseas. My first trip aborad was when I was 21 and I was sponsored by the company. I toured Europe between classes and it was the biggest eye opener in my life. My immediate sense was how the apartheid regime had pulled the wool over our eyes and the propaganda lies! Unisex toilets, Hooters, Amsterdam, Lu Hulpe Belgium, Eistadt Germany, Swiss Alps, Swindon UK - all taken in my a wide eyed, open mouthed Saffer lad.

When I got back all I could think of was to plan how to get back on an aeroplane and do it again! I am more settled and way more fussy now (Dont sleep on bare floors!) and I have my grooved tastes...but it's still al one big adventure for me.

[OubaasDik]

Umm, they like never get to go overseas. My first trip aborad was when I was 21 and I was sponsored by the company. I toured Europe between classes and it was the biggest eye opener in my life. My immediate sense was how the apartheid regime had pulled the wool over our eyes and the propaganda lies! Unisex toilets, Hooters, Amsterdam, Lu Hulpe Belgium, Eistadt Germany, Swiss Alps, Swindon UK - all taken in my a wide eyed, open mouthed Saffer lad.

When I got back all I could think of was to plan how to get back on an aeroplane and do it again! I am more settled and way more fussy now (Dont sleep on bare floors!) and I have my grooved tastes...but it's still al one big adventure for me.

Dunno about the propaganda - I believed it, because I had seen it elsewhere in Africa.

Anyway, my first trip overseas was a work one, when I was 36 - they were sending me off to Germany for 2 months.

<My thoughts>I knew I was supposed to be happy, but I wasn't really, because what could Germany show me? Nothing!

There would be cities - yes, just like Johannesburg. And they would be full of idiots - just like Johannesburg. And they would be speaking a foreign language, and I would have to speak English really LOUD and SLOW for them to understand.

And to be truthful, I was a bit scared.</My thoughts>

About three or four days before departure I was wanting to dream up some sort of stupid excuse not to go, but I went. What an eye-opener.

Loved it.

[ottg]

Whenever we talk to people about emigrating to Aus, or speak to people who are already there, there always seems to be a common thread......

It is hard...but we love the security or

it is hard......but we did it for our children, they are so happy.

it is hard........but we have had enough of South Africa

What makes it so hard? I know everyone says emigration is not for sissies and I am sure it is difficult for the first few years while you settle and make friends etc but is that all it is, or is life just so much harder in Australia? And if it is, what is it that makes it hard?

I'm been grappling with this question for sometime and was a bit reluctant to give my 2c because of its complexity - but lets try.

Why is it so hard…..because of a very complex and certain human phenomenon. We are who we are due to our own experiences, childhood, believes, parent’s teachings, training, education, friends, family, books read & studied, news, work environment, residential environment etc. That influences how we perceive our daily life, making decisions, taking risks, handling money matters, doing financial investments and creating our own mindset. This complex fabric of human life is the “DNA” that determines who we are (fill in our own name). In such a way that we are often subconsciously our own worst enemies in our decision making and how we embrace change and moving forward - positive or negative. This often may end in self sabotage.

The more we want to change and accept change the harder it gets because subconsciously it goes against our entire own believe system, what we know and who we are! But as we keep on pushing and experiencing pain the more pressure gets build up…….. until something pops and we get a major breakthrough (or breakdown). You literally go to bed the one day and wake up the next day experiencing things completely different and perceive things different such that you ARE changed. Unfortunately this breakthrough time period is different for every person. There may be fancy names for this phenomena (perturbation, neuro plasticity), I don’t know but while being aware of this for some time it was not always well received when explained and initially very reluctant to share it here as it’s so difficult to show/proof/quantify/explain.

This was until a few days ago when someone shared this clip that shows it in a very practical, subtle and humorous way:

http://viewpure.com/MFzDaBzBlL0?ref=bkmk

While funny it shares a very important phenomena to understand – once accepted then it’s not so hard.

[Shaguftha]

Wow , such amazing stories shared in this site. I am also sitting on the fence to move forward in starting the process of applying for the 189 visa after consulting with some agents but the fears still override my decision to make that effort. I guess the fact that leaving a comfortable lifestyle and move to the unknown is daunting for anyone. I am just concerned how long it takes to secure employment and what if that takes forever then how do you survive especially if you know you have made the choice for yourself. At age 38, and by the time my start an application and make the move which would be in my 40's I don't think its easy for any immigrant to secure employment easily although I have seen many jobs advertised in my field but not sure whether Australian work experience would be needed. That is a scary thought but again if you have kids and looking at the bleak future for our kids then what should one do ??? Not an easy decision.

[RedPanda]

If you can get a 189 visa there are at least some mitigating features, like the 5 year travel facility which means that once you have activated it you get 5 years from the grant date to make the move. And it is possible for a family to do the move on two stages, my aunt and her family did that, one parent moves over, with or without any or some of the children. While one parent stays in RSA with a work, the other is already looking for work in Australia, then once an Australian job has been secured the rest of the family joins them. There are pros and cons to this strategy, but it works for some people.

Also, once you have made the decision to apply for a 189, and go for it full tilt, you can have your grant letter in under a year. It mostly depends on DHA and how long it takes to get all your documents sorted. The actual application process is very short. If you have everything ready to submit when you fill in your EOI, and if you get invited soon after, you can have a visa within 4 months. The time it takes to get an invitation depends on how many people are applying with the same occupation code as you, and how many points you have.

[GranvilleMay15]

Interesting comments so far. We emigrated to the UK before and hated it. I think Australia would be completely different due to the weather being similar. We are really looking forward to our intended move date in Dec and we are really positive that we will fit in and settle. Just got to sort out a few small things......like find a job....house....and school!

[RedPanda]

Ganville, I like your attitude!

[DXB2OZ]

Ganville, where are you headed? Alarm bells pealing madly with the weather comments, so I truly hope it isn't Melbourne. I love it here, but the weather is closer to London than CT.

[Eyebrow]

Ganville, where are you headed? Alarm bells pealing madly with the weather comments, so I truly hope it isn't Melbourne. I love it here, but the weather is closer to London than CT.

Haha. Had to laugh at that!

I totally agree. I lived in Cape Town and Melbourne is more like London!

Am Freezing my butt off. Cant believe that it was 40 degrees in summer here in Melbourne. Such a distant memory now.

I am very cold (but may also have to do with the fact that we have no heating in the house. I am huddled next to heater all the time. Some nights I have a lot of work to do, but I just go to bed, because that is the only warm place!

Kids dont seem to feel it though, although they are picking up every virus that comes along...

And of course there are so much indoor activities here

[GranvilleMay15]

No alarm bells needed! Considering jobs outside Sydney area......but most probably Queensland. ...I am doing LSD to Gold Coast in Oct?

[RedPanda]

... Sydney sounds good. Brisbane is like Durban, really. We couldn't stand the heat and humidity there. But then, we very seriously wanted to move to Scotland before we considered Australia, so I think we'll do just fine in Melbourne.

[KarinWise]

Melbourne is bloody cold.... And yes, more like London than CT.

Anybody else out there who " braces" themselves every time they walk out the front door?

It's become such a habit, that I even braced myself walking out of my hotel in Brisbane recently.....( too awesome to learn that I could relax my posture for a while)