Why is it so hard?

[Mara]

Toitjie, may I wish both you and hubby a wonderful birthday.. and I hope soon you have wonderful friends to share it with.

As for the shoe sharing problem... at last I have found someone like me.... I looooooooooooove shoes, whenever I visit the USA, I come home with at least three pairs. I have come to the stage where when I bring a pair home, another pair has to leave the nest. Talk about decisions

[DXB2OZ]

At last!! My dog ate one of my favourite Tsongas and nobody else can understand why I promptly burst into tears!!

[rozellem]

I dont share your shoe fetish (ex tomboy here), but on my last trip to RSA I discovered Tsongas. I bought a dusty gold pair with 2inch heals. It is now the only pair of dressy shoes I wear to any occasion.

[Mara]

Now can somebody please explain to me what Tsongas are, or at least post a photo, I wanna see!!!!

[SurferMan]

Urrghh,

I despise shoes. Slops are bearable, but only just. In summer I wear a sarong. And Ill beat OBD to it, no im not funny, LOLOL.

@karinwise, girl, don't know what to say, you seem to have the strongest bonds I have ever seen. Worthy of a novel methinks. Me, because of my upbringing, I guess I never had deep roots. Kept rolling along, and that is the story of my single life. I shall see if I can find some encouragement for you in The Book. You make me 2x thankful I have not experienced what you have, your'e Waaay tougher than I am.

@ Mon93, you make me blush, but thanks, keep it going, you will be fine here.

[Oosie]

Hi KarinWise, yes we have lived in Ballarat the whole 7 years, made wonderful friends, Aussies and SAfricans. We are also involved in a wonderful church and that also makes a difference. A wonderful place to live in, cold but you get used to it.

All the best, hope you will feel better and at home soon.

Linda

[Jill]

Mara, Tsongas are just leather sandals made in South Africa, I have two pairs, I love them, bought them both 2nd hand but like new condition in a charity shop. I do love them.

Edited April 26, 2015 by Mara
Thanks Jill, fortunately I have no love for sandels.

[Eyebrow]

Ok, 6-7 years later.

Year 1 - I was in shock, knew no one, knew nothing, just survived. Very hard (why? No connections, no family, nothing familiar - when you have to look up where to buy nails you realise you have left everything you know behind. Never mind avoiding going to a dentist or doctor because it goes in the too hard basket)

Year 2 - not quite so numb, realised I was not on holiday but not sure I liked where I was. Tears, lots of tears. Trying to work out if I could go home. Also the year I had to take positive steps to get my 457 converted to PR. Lots of studies. Really hard year but limited time to think.

Year 3 - on the 2nd anniversary I did feel a lot better. Stopped feeling sorry for myself. Started to really put my life back together. Worked out I had gained 13kg since arriving - started running, stopped running, started running (you get the picture - not that it helped).

Year 4 - I had changed jobs. I still missed South Africa, but grateful for where I am, still secretly could move back. I had Aussie friends (not a lot but some). I joined the forum because I missed the South African influence in my life and also because it was the first time I found the forum (can't tell you how many times I googled South Africans in Melbourne only to get a nil return). Some good Aussie friends.

Year 5 - lots of work, connected with others and felt more normal. Took up yoga. Bought our first house here. Became citizens. Went back to South Africa for a month - great holiday but happy to come back. But still could see myself going back.

Year 6 - more work, financially very hard because of the house we had bought. Realised I don't want to go back to South Africa. Had to make a decision to move to Brisbane. Cemented my friendship with really good friends in Melbourne - they fall into lifelong friend category now.

Year 7 - year 1 in Brissie but so different to year 1 in Aus. Super busy socially (1 forum friend, old Saffer friends, aussie friends). Love that we are known as the Melbourne family and not the Saffer family. Love being an Aussie, love my Saffer heritage.

Reading about the Xenophobic attacks brought South Africa in 2008 back to me and why we ultimately decided to leave. Very sad but made me realise I will never go back (holiday yes but nothing else). I'm sure South Africa will go through a better patch again, but I will fight for my right to a decent prime minister here, I will pay my taxes, I will complain about the bludgers, I will love sitting on a deserted beach with no cares in the world. I will miss family and friends, but I won't go back.

Oh wow!

Thanks for this Sunny C. Appreciate your honesty!

This is exactly how I feel. Including the 11kg (well, 7 kg and counting! )

Maybe we should Move to Brissie too. Melbourne is starting to chill me, down to the marrow! Who knew there was a place in Aus colder than Cape Town?

[SandraDee]

for Mara, Tsonga's

Edited April 29, 2015 by SandraDee

[AFreshStart]

Everyone has their own story, I don't want to take that away or discount it, I can only share ours.

We've loved moving here! We have no intention of moving back and within 6-months have moved twice, bought an apartment, a car have our kids in school/daycare (2-days a week), my wife has a job she loves and is growing in daily and I've been the one to hold it all together, researching where to invest and bearing the brunt of the moves, handyman work and landscaping.

We've joined a great Church, I play in the band, my wife is helping out with the Kids Church, we host a community group, I've started a community garden and through it made several friends.

Yes, certain things are harder, labour is more expensive, so you do more, my wife sews, I build, repair, clean do all the cooking and these past few week moving have been tough on me, but overall we are happy and I've never doubted the move.

We chat to family at least once a week via Skype, we miss them, they miss us, but we made this sacrifice for our kids and they appreciate that.

I've not felt homesick, much like Surferman, I'm not angry about it, we left in good faith and thought it might only be for 2-years, but we are settled now, this is home.

That's our story.

[Mara]

SandraDee, thank you so much for your effort to put up the pictures for me. They do look comfortable.. I will have to ask my sister in Johannesburg if she has come across them.

[SurferMan]

:offtopic: Sweet Matt,

I must look you up when we start the Big Lap. We should crack an ale and swop war stories! I just had a good chat to the prospective client, and they want me to start on the 11th May. After 6 months! About time!

[DXB2OZ]

Whoop, whoop, Surferman - awesome!

[mvluik]

http://www.merisemag.com/eng/the-emotional-rollercoaster-ride-of-migration/

[SurferMan]

Hahaha @DXB2OZ,

About time too! I got a very good rate as well for Perth, and if all pans out to what I had in mind, i'll be locked in there for around 2-3 years. Here's to faith. In the long term though we will still probably end up going over east. I just don't see Perth sustaining my skills and giving me a chance to make them grow as well.

[OubaasDik]

Urrghh,

I despise shoes. Slops are bearable, but only just. In summer I wear a sarong. And Ill beat OBD to it, no im not funny, LOLOL.

@karinwise, girl, don't know what to say, you seem to have the strongest bonds I have ever seen. Worthy of a novel methinks. Me, because of my upbringing, I guess I never had deep roots. Kept rolling along, and that is the story of my single life. I shall see if I can find some encouragement for you in The Book. You make me 2x thankful I have not experienced what you have, your'e Waaay tougher than I am.

@ Mon93, you make me blush, but thanks, keep it going, you will be fine here.

I've got a photo of Surferman here somewhere, when I spotted him on the beach ...

.

.

.

.

.

[Mara]

ROFL :ilikeit:

[OubaasDik]

ROFL :ilikeit:

... and he was wearing shoes ....

[milo]

I felt like the new kid in school. Fell into a period of depression and cried a lot - I mean a lot.

Not because of not wanting to be here, but the shock. Culture shock, being emotionally drained, exhaustion.

Exhaustion - from finding out how to do stuff, finding my way around. Getting to know the Australian 'system' is hard.

Being mocked about my accent. Being asked stupid questions about RSA - have I ever killed anyone?! Really?!

(I am even angry now, just saying it again.)

Discrimination in the workplace - purely because your work reputation means nothing here and your RSA qualifications sometimes mean didly squat in Aus. Also, as an immigrant you are not necessarily considered as the best candidate. Job hunting can take months (for me 3 months).

My husband worked FOR FREE for a week, to prove that he could do the job. Today he runs his own business - his values, his agenda.

And as Mara said - the sense of knowing.

But it gets easier - honestly it does.

You realise one day that you and your family are actually doing well. You make friends with Aussies who are interested in you as a person. You have a braai on a gas bbq - eish!. You venture out and go places far away from home without a GPS. You don't have hang-ups about being an immigrant anymore. You catch yourself having a bit of an Aussie accent - even use some of the slang. You don't cry anymore when you talk to family/friends over the phone or Skype. You support an AFL or NFL team - even go to the games. And a sign that you have become an Aussie - your children are dating Aussies!

[KarinWise]

Wow Milo,

Quite a journey-how long did it take you to feel at home?

Sounds like you have been in Australia long time?

Spoke to my sister- i-n law yesterday, she has been in Aus almost 10 years, and for her the reverse holds true.

Loved Aus at first ( Like she says-her first four years in Australia were heaven) and has gradually become more disillusioned. She says it is truly not for her.

She is looking to go to the States next year, she has a son that lives there. Anybody else on this forum that loved it at first, but now loves it less as time has gone by?

I think it is quite a strange situation, I thought it always gets better with time?

[SurferMan]

@OBD, Yislaaik dude,

You dunno how close you are to the truth, I'm just not sure about the dodgy budgie smuggler bit mate, that fellow looks a touch "lite" LOLOL. Excuse the play on words but it would take some cahoonas to show up on the beach in that thing. But you never had any such, err hangups hey OBD? :jester:Oh, and don't even try to tie up the post title with the picture...

@Karinwise, your SIL is not the first I've heard that this happens to, but certainly there are not many like so. I hope you find what you are looking for in the US!

[AshB]

http://www.theage.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/citizenship-for-sale-government-explores-pricebased-immigration-system-20150503-1myvwk.html

[Nev]

It does make financial sense, but i really doubt it will get anywhere, the general population will shoot it down methinks... i wish though, would get some family over

[Eyebrow]

If I had that kind of money, I would get myself over!

[Sox]

SandraDee

We had our PR granted in 2013 and are making the move in December 2015.

We have two sons aged 19 and 12, who fortunately are both 100% behind the move as we have always openly discussed the South African situation and future prospects.

We wanted to make the move at the end of 2014 when our eldest had finished his A-levels, but due to work commitments here we decided to put it out a year. He started his university at Wits this year as I don't see any benefit in waiting around and starting his degree in Australia - we don't know how many credits he will take over, time will tell.

As your son is of the age to understand issues as well as being in the 'becoming his own self' phase, he will surely be open to unbiased discussion on future prospects - this should play into your hands.

If you read the following article, it paints a very dismal picture for the white youth of South Africa.

http://the-truth-about-south-africa.org/south-africa/future-prospects-for-south-african-youths-clem-sunter/

What immediately struck me was the following:-

"We can thus estimate that by 2030 – based on current growth – for the age group 0-24 there will be 91 Blacks, 7 Coloureds, 1 Asian and 1 White in every group of 100 youngsters."

If you sit back and look at the numbers, SA has a total population of approximately 53 million people, with whites making up 9% of that figure but constituting roughly 90% of the current tax base - which in turn drives the economy.

There is no hope of any future success in SA if by 2030 there is only 1 white person in every 100 - numbers alone show this and it is not a racial thing, it is what it is.

What your son needs to understand is that 1st team Rugby, Hockey, Cricket or whatever is not going to be his meal ticket in 15 years time - forewarned is forearmed!

Remember, "In the land of the great unknown, the one-eyed monster is King!"

Good Luck!