UNHAPPY IN AUSTRALIA

[4Coetzees]

Lately I saw alot of posts about unhappiness with the move and the hubby and coping with the kids while hubby is working and house cleaning and etc etc etc.

Who wanted to return to SA after a few days or weeks or months and why?

Are there any that returned to SA and might go back to Australia?

Are there any of you that never want to return to Australia?

Edited July 16, 2010 by Want to go now....

[OubaasDik]

I was wondering why it had been exhumed, but obviously new members like to fossick around in the site's catacombs .....

... and good luck to them. Hope no redbacks bite them.

[Brad76]

If ever there was a reason to be unhappy with Australia the red-back would suffice, then again so would the funnel web....I HATE spiders!!!

[MarkSalter]

As my friends who just made the move to Canberra and loving it have said, which I agree with, even if you hate Oz, stick out for your 4 years (if you are on a PR visa, I think it is the same on a 457 work visa) and get your citizenship, thereafter stay, go, return, holiday, move to the UK, whatever. At least you can always return and if emigrating to say the UK, it may be easier via Oz than from SA.

I am just glad to have found out that Corona beer is available in Oz

[kerrys]

We've been in Wagga Wagga since December - We love it, our kids are happy, husband happy, Ive found employment this is where we will stay

[Bob]

I'm glad to see that you stuck it out.

Coming across this topic, I thought you'd be going back after only sticking it out in Australia a few months.

Chucking something in when the going gets tough is a cop out, I reckon.

At the end of the day, you have nothing to show for your efforts, whether it's a new relationship, starting up a new business, emigrating to live in a new country . . . . whatever!

"When the going gets tough, the tough keep going!"

I always recommend people to draw up a short list of why they are leaving their home country (South Africa, Britain, etc.) and pin that up somewhere when they arrive in Australia.

We all go thro the "honeymoon" period where everything is new and exciting, but reality at some stage will kick in a few months down the track.

That's the time when we begin to miss our old mates, our family, our network of support back home and it's also the most important time to check up on why you left South Africa in the first place . . . . lack of opportunity, security, safety, etc.

You need to keep these basic reasons for leaving in mind when you're low and feel like going back home.

We're all human and feel god days and bad days, but just don't make a dumb decision on a "bad" day that stuffs your life up for good.

Stick it out for 1 000 days, or two years, then if you still feel like going back, take a trip back home for a month.

If you still feel like going back after your holiday of one month there, then go back.

Get it out of your system. Realise that South Africa has moved on (not necessarily for the better) while you've been in Australia, that time hasn't stood still, that your old mates have survived without you, that your family did get by without you and that you are fitting into their lives now as an extra.

Whatever it is, get it out of your system, then after a few months decide if you want to spend the rest of your lives in South Africa or Australia and stick with THAT decision!

Bouncing backwards and forwards between countries is for dumbies.

Edited February 19, 2014 by Bob

[Toitjie]

Well said Bob!

[sbhennops]

8 years and still in Australia. My mother passed away July 2013 and my world was shattered. South Africa is no longer home, just a place I will go to visit my stepdad and my brother. I still hold my place of birth close to my heart though. Namibia...

Edited February 23, 2014 by sbhennops

[Kit]

*hug* sbhennops, I'm sorry for your loss

I am currently going through a turbulent time in my life, and am feeling pretty homesick these days (probably triggered by the turbulence), but really it's only because of my mom and sis and 'home' as it was... At this point, I just cannot go back for a holiday though, firstly because of finances and secondly because I'd be running from an 'uncomfortable situation' and coming back to the same situation will be extremely hard.

But knowing that doesn't stop the homesickness though! Your post is very wise, Bob. I will keep it on hand for the tough days.

[sbhennops]

Thanks Kit You are welcome to hit me up for a trip to sushi-train for a visit if you need to just chill. If you haven't tried the Aspley sushi train yet, its a fantastic little place with great food and awesome people.

Edited February 23, 2014 by sbhennops

[Johnno]

As for making a list, I did that when we decided to leave SA in 2000. In fact I made a scrap book filled with newspaper clippings of crime stories. I'd love to know what happened to that but it was supposed to be my "list" my support blanket when we were feeling down. Luckily I never had to pull it out. Not that we did not have our "bad days" trust me we had lots but luckily my wife and I managed to rise above it. We never seemed to feel down at the same time which in hindsight was very fortunate. If two people on the same page decide to find reasons to do something, it stands a pretty good chance of happening. So, when the missus was homesick, I was finding every reason not to go back and why Aus was so great......and vice versa. Thirteen years later and after numerous trips to SA on holiday, we're still here.

Thirteen years later with lots of hindsight, very different personal and financial circumstances and knowing what I took so fore-granted when I lived in SA, I could sit down right now and make a list as to why we should move back to SA and it would be a convincing list.

[mistermoose]

Thirteen years later with lots of hindsight, very different personal and financial circumstances and knowing what I took so fore-granted when I lived in SA, I could sit down right now and make a list as to why we should move back to SA and it would be a convincing list.

Thanks for the very honest post Johnno. What would some of your top reasons be to move back?

[Johnno]

Thanks for the very honest post Johnno. What would some of your top reasons be to move back?

Mistermoose, we may all have very similar ideas, thoughts and plans of what's important to us but the fact is that we are all so fundamentally different with different triggers,pulls and pushes so what's important to me may not register highly on your scale and vice versa. That is why there is so often a difference of opinions when having these discussions.

We lived in a very nice part of CT,I had a good job, nice house, cars etc and we have no horror crime stories to talk about. Call us lucky and I do feel desperately sorry for anyone who has experienced crime first-hand and can understand if that has tainted their view forever on SA.

We were lucky, we moved to Oz when our kids were young enough to adapt very quickly and likewise we settled, quicker than I imagined. I ploughed myself into work and my wife into making sure that the kids were doing their best and that we had a home environment that we were all happy with. So. before I get shot down, this is not about us not assimilating and settling in Oz, we have done it and I believe done so well.

What would I put on my list? At the very top, FAMILY! I miss my family, I miss being able to pop around and spend some time with my elderly folks. In fact I feel somewhat guilty that in their old age I'm not around to help out and give them the support that oldies need. Whether it's emotional support or helping out around the house or just looking out for them. I miss being part of a large family unit. Brothers, sisters, in-laws and all the kids. Kids spending time with their cousins, aunties and uncles. I miss my history, my families history and everything that is familiar to me. I miss seeing old friends and everything that we have in common, it's a lifetime of "stuff". I mentioned in my earlier post that we're fortunate to spend a few weeks a year in SA and catching up with old friends is such a warm feeling.

I thought I'd drop this in here. I have thought about starting a separate thread because I've heard this come up a lot. SA has a vibe! I can't put my finger on it, maybe it's the noise, the different cultures, languages etc but even some Aussie friends of ours who visited SA for the first time said "there's a vibe". I asked them to explain and they could not find the words either. Sure, this is normally where the sarcastic bunch jump in and say, it's the police sirens, gunshots and alarms but those comments are expected. Another work mate (born and bred Aussie) has just returned from paddling his 2nd Duzi canoe marathon and his face lights up like a kid when telling us about his experience. he's trying to convince his wife to visit SA with him but she has SA friends who have done a pretty good job of scaring the daylights out of her. He also spoke of a vibe and a can do attitude.

Sorry I've digressed but they say home is where your heart is so I'm guessing that until you can convince and train your heart, it will always long for home.

[funtobeaussiechick]

So what is stopping you from actually doing what you want to do? You can go back if you want to surely? or are your kids the push/pull factor. Just curious. If I really wanted to go back , seriously i would go. Why not?

[Johnno]

So what is stopping you from actually doing what you want to do? You can go back if you want to surely? or are your kids the push/pull factor. Just curious. If I really wanted to go back , seriously i would go. Why not?

funtobeauusechick, this is why I say there's different "push pull" factors and triggers. We are actually VERY happy in Oz so you're right, it's our kids! Our kids are Aussies, they have lived all their lives here (daughter was 18 months and son 4yrs old when we arrived). Other than family which they only see for a few weeks a year, they have no pull factor to be in SA, but they have a lot of pull factor to be in Aus. Son just started his first year tertiary studies and daughter in yr10 so it would be a terrible time to move them. Plus my missus has decided to study another degree so there's a lot to consider.

We moved to Aus (our push factor) to give our kids a better future and I believe we've managed to do that, albeit with massive personal sacrifices. We make the best of both worlds. I started posting a comment in the thread about "Retirement in SA" but never finished it. I'll have to go back and post something but basically we have set ourselves up so that when the kids are independent (yes, they will need a helping hand) the wife and I can choose to spend as much or as little time in SA. We have a house in one of the lovely southern peninsula suburbs of Cape Town so taking our dollars to live in SA is quite an attractive option.

Edited March 3, 2014 by Johnno

[mistermoose]

Mistermoose, we may all have very similar ideas, thoughts and plans of what's important to us but the fact is that we are all so fundamentally different with different triggers,pulls and pushes so what's important to me may not register highly on your scale and vice versa. That is why there is so often a difference of opinions when having these discussions.

We lived in a very nice part of CT,I had a good job, nice house, cars etc and we have no horror crime stories to talk about. Call us lucky and I do feel desperately sorry for anyone who has experienced crime first-hand and can understand if that has tainted their view forever on SA.

We were lucky, we moved to Oz when our kids were young enough to adapt very quickly and likewise we settled, quicker than I imagined. I ploughed myself into work and my wife into making sure that the kids were doing their best and that we had a home environment that we were all happy with. So. before I get shot down, this is not about us not assimilating and settling in Oz, we have done it and I believe done so well.

What would I put on my list? At the very top, FAMILY! I miss my family, I miss being able to pop around and spend some time with my elderly folks. In fact I feel somewhat guilty that in their old age I'm not around to help out and give them the support that oldies need. Whether it's emotional support or helping out around the house or just looking out for them. I miss being part of a large family unit. Brothers, sisters, in-laws and all the kids. Kids spending time with their cousins, aunties and uncles. I miss my history, my families history and everything that is familiar to me. I miss seeing old friends and everything that we have in common, it's a lifetime of "stuff". I mentioned in my earlier post that we're fortunate to spend a few weeks a year in SA and catching up with old friends is such a warm feeling.

I thought I'd drop this in here. I have thought about starting a separate thread because I've heard this come up a lot. SA has a vibe! I can't put my finger on it, maybe it's the noise, the different cultures, languages etc but even some Aussie friends of ours who visited SA for the first time said "there's a vibe". I asked them to explain and they could not find the words either. Sure, this is normally where the sarcastic bunch jump in and say, it's the police sirens, gunshots and alarms but those comments are expected. Another work mate (born and bred Aussie) has just returned from paddling his 2nd Duzi canoe marathon and his face lights up like a kid when telling us about his experience. he's trying to convince his wife to visit SA with him but she has SA friends who have done a pretty good job of scaring the daylights out of her. He also spoke of a vibe and a can do attitude.

Sorry I've digressed but they say home is where your heart is so I'm guessing that until you can convince and train your heart, it will always long for home.

Family makes total sense. And the vibe - yes, there's definitely that too.

I don't believe that for you to be happy somewhere else, you need to be unhappy with SA. Go where feels right for you at the time. Stay there as long as you like. Forever even. But there's nothing wrong with moving on again when the time is right. Life is too short for doing things other people expect. Live for you!

[Bronwyn&Co]

I am curious Robby, have you ever lived in Australia and if so what made you leave and if not then what is your real interest in this forum?

I do agree that we all can make whatever choices we wish to make in life and live where we want to

Wow you've been pushing your 'agree with us or get off the forum' agenda for years.

[SurferMan]

Im here 4 years now and I am as happy as can be. I feel sorry for people who for whatever reason are tormented and wanna go back. It must be a real strain on them to endure such emotions. I am glad im a simple creature and bereft of these.

Come on PR, please come now!

[Donovan83]

Oh for crying in a fucking bucket people.

[chzaau]

Oh for crying in a fucking bucket people.

awesome language.....

Surferman, you don't have PR.... how come...

Edited October 2, 2014 by chzaau

[SurferMan]

It is imminent chzaau, I fluffed the 1st application so had to withdraw. Should be fine this time around.

[SmellyN]

Hi! Contact me please!"New" in the neighborhood! ?

[ottg]

Great place to meet others!

http://www.saaustralia.org/index.php/topic/45839-south-african-kerk-bazaar-31-october/?p=417319

[RedPanda]

I have just read the whole thread...and I think it's certainly one of the more bizarre threads, looking at the original title and then the content, and then the sheer span of years! It was fun though to see the early posting style of some of the forumites that I have gotten to know through more recent posts. I get the feeling that the whole forum has toned down since then.

[qwerty]

@RedPanda - Australia does that to you. I'm waaaayyyy calmer in traffic than I used to be in SA

[Toitjie]

bizarre it may be...but browsing through the older pages (from 5 years) ago, I saw names that brings back fond memories. Names I haven't seen in a long time, golden oldie friends in the days before we left SA and when I knew just about everyone on the forum