If not now then when?

[Eyebrow]

It is midnight and I am up. Staring at the ceiling.

I have been accused in previous posts of "overthinking" and that is a deserved accusation...

But I dont know what to do.

My sponsor is getting antsy. With good reason. He did everything the past 2 years and eventually we have our visa. But I am not on a plane!

The visa has already started to run out. 4 years from date of issue. NOT date of entry. Who knew?

I cant get anyone to buy my business. Been on the market for 6m now. And I have no idea of predicting if or when anyone will buy it. And with focusing on the move to aus, i have let things slide at work, so the books are looking progressively worse. And that of course makes the business look less lucrative and so we have a vicious circle.

I cant promise the sponsor anything. We dont have the money to come without the sale! Or business and house. The MASSIVE cost of the visa prohibits that.

I feel sick to my stomach. The stress makes me want to vomit!

We need a break. Winning the lottery would be good.

I feel like i will need a six month holiday when all this is over. But of course, that wont happen. At the end I get to walk into a high pressure working environment in a completely foreign country. Yay!

Is this a good idea?

It is either the best idea we have ever had, or the worst. I dont know which though, and that is the bummer...

[Toitjie]

You are probably in one of the worst situations I have read so far on this forum. Just reading your post gave me a knot in my stomach. I can literally feel your stress. I wish I could help in any way. Is there no way you guys can borrow on credit cards to buy the tickets and just get here? The worst case is leaving the business - can you get someone to run it while you are away? Is it even an option to cut your losses and close the doors? (believe me - I have been through that and know how heartbreaking it is to close a business).

This is such a delicate situation for which only you have the answer. I cannot imagine being in your shoes, but I would say try to get here and sell the business later - if that is possible.

Im thinking of you so much! I hope that you find the correct answers and that they are what you wished for.

[McCabes]

Eyebrow, I just want to send you lots of hugs, and I'm going to be praying for you!

I hope with all I am that this all comes together, and very quickly!!! I would be open and honest with the sponsor. He can't expect you not to have stuff you need to finish up.

Is there any way to bring in a partner / look for someone with something similar who might at least be willing to absorb/merge? Sorry I'm not sure what kind of business it is .

Thinking of you!

[Eyebrow]

Hi

Thanks for your replies.

I have tried to find someone to take over. The past 6 months has been a search like never before! I had one person who was about to sign, but then at the last moment withdrew.

It cant run without me, because it is a service provider and not a selling of goods type business. And it is quite specialised. (Which is how I got recruited to Aus and why they are willing to wait... But nothing glamorous I assure you. Not one of those I-can-tell-you-but-then-I-would-have-to-kill-you type jobs ) And that is why I struggle for someone to take over. I have a business lease that my lawyer says I cant get out of that still runs for 18 months. So if I just up and leave, I will still be liable for the lease.

I am sorry, but I cant say what exactly I do on open forum. You just have to put my job title and Cape Town in google, and my website will come up. So you would be able to physically find me. And I don't want anyone with internet access to be able to find my actual physical address!

My sponsor understands the issues. But at the same time, the job is waiting for me. There is a little unfilled office there, just waiting. I can apparently walk in tomorrow if I want to... (Freaks me out thinking, I can drive out of here to the airport and get on plane and walk from airport in Aus to my new office and start working, if I wanted to! Instead I go home and cook dinner .)

[McCabes]

Well, I hope that little old lady makes another appearance... if not to you then to whoever is meant to come take over from you!

I understand your concern re giving too many details. Agree with you 100%!

Well... I'm in your corner, hoping things work out and you can go!

Can I ask who the business lease is with. yes, the lawyer said it's airtight for another 18months, but maybe you could talk to the other party and explain the situation?

Hugs!

I don't actually mean tell me who the lease is with, I meant more that I'm wondering if there is anyone you could talk to other than the lawyer...

[Eyebrow]

Well McCabes, the little old lady made another appearance! A year later!

I have been thinking about her a lot. And suddenly one day, she walked in again. I couldnt believe it! Because I had been thinking about her so much, she felt like an old acquaintance. But when I greeted her like a long lost friend, she looked at me very puzzled! Like: Who are you?

And I said we met the year before, and that she gave me some advice. She looked puzzled, and could not remember a word she had said! (This was very disappointing in a way, because I had found her words so life-changing. And here she couldnt remember me or what she had said! She did look a lot older and more frail...) I reminded her of what she had said. And she said oh yes she remembers now, and then apologised for being so forward. I said that that I had found her advice to be profound and that I have acted on it. She looked at me, intently then, and said "good, because it still holds true".

[BriD]

Wow...just seeing her again is profound in itself...like a reminder in a way of that moment that changed your life. Yeah, amazing how someone says something and they forget it, but it stays with you. She was meant to say that to you, and you were meant to hear it. And now you are having moments of doubt, she appears again just to trigger that profound moment all over again. Goosebumps!

[Eyebrow]

Anyway. So we are putting in everything in motion for moving towards the end of the year.

Business sold.

House on the market.

I cried so much when the estate agent was talking about bringing buyers etc that I probably looked a bit whacko...

I so love my house.

My OH thought I was a bit crazy. I said to him that I had imagined growing old here and grandchildren coming here and dying here. Upon which he said he also imagined dying here, but more like being murdered in his bed, rather than old age. I did NOT appreciate that! But I know what he is trying to do. Wake me up, because one forgets, until something bad happens to remind you again. (And of course HE was the one who was hijacked)

Anyway, just got an email that I need to be in Melbourne before the end of July, for an important meeting relating to my new job.

I begged and tried to reschedule and offered to skype and whatever I could think of. But no, I have to be there in person.

So here I am. Flying down to Aus for the 3rd time. Without actually staying there permanently!

Was quite upset. The money for this unnecessary flight lost for no apparent good reason...

So here I go. Of to sunny (or is that snowy?) Melbourne again.

[Eyebrow]

Am moving my stuff out of the premises. Must be out by the weekend.

Very unsettling and upsetting.

Why did I think this was going to be easy?

Spent a lot of time time building this place up from scratch. And now someone is coming in and taking over, as if I had never been there in the first place...

I feel a loss of identity. Is this normal?

[Bronwyn&Co]

Am moving my stuff out of the premises. Must be out by the weekend.

Very unsettling and upsetting.

Why did I think this was going to be easy?

Spent a lot of time time building this place up from scratch. And now someone is coming in and taking over, as if I had never been there in the first place...

I feel a loss of identity. Is this normal?

((hugs))) yes I think it's normal. The loss is real, but you've made your decision so now you have to run with it. Things will feel better, give it time. Focus on what you will gain rather than the loss.

[heidim]

Yes, it's normal.

Any type of emotion you experience during immigration is normal.

Some days I wake up and think: who is this person that took over my body?

The challenge is to find a new "normal" ...

Good luck. Hang in there.

[Mel-B]

We all feel it, you are verbalising it! It is probably the hardest thing you will ever do. But it will be worth it. ONE DAY you will wake up and smile and say WOW I AM AMAZING. I overcame every obstacle and did the seemingly impossible. Your children will know that you are made of steel and would do ANYTHING for them.

[Eyebrow]

Right!

Am on my way to Melbourne via Perth today.

But only for a week or so.

If there is anyone in Melbourne whom I can have a chat with when I am there, or who wouldnt mind to meet up, please message me your cell phone nr!

I would appreciate it. I am having a lot of meetings etc, so not exactly sure how things will pan out...

Ok, let me go and do last bit of packing. Apparently long johns is at the order of the day!

[Sunnyskies]

Lol Ils, you don't need long johns! Pack some opaque tights for under your slacks, long boots, a warm scarf that you know how to put a proper knot in (ie fold in half lengthwise put around neck and feed open ends through the loop from the half end - hope that makes sense but it is warmer to wear that way and keeps the wind off your neck) and then a few woolies singlets/camis for under your top and a good winter coat. If you have a nice ladies beanie (ie a slouchy kind of knit thing versus the beanie men wear that will only make your hair flat) bring that but not essential. Remember houses/buildings are generally well heated so you need to be able to take off your jacket and not look like you are playing strip poker pulling off items of clothing or going bright red due to being overdressed. Bring an umbrella that you can fold up and put in your bag as rain is intermittent and erratic and you don't want to walk around with a big brolly.

I'll send you my number in Melbourne, and we can have that coffee we never had in Cape Town.

Remember also if flying on Qantas via Perth that they will announce on the plane that you can drop your bags at one of the domestic counters and then go and catch the bus. So order is:

1. passport control

2. pick up bags;

3. go through customs/declare anything funny;

4. turn right as you come out arrivals and walk all the way to the end of the terminal (past the Vodafone and Optus shops if you want to get a sim)

5. hand in luggage at domestic terminal that will be marked with the SAA flight number probably - they will tell you on the plane which counter to go to (I missed that bit on my last flight back via Perth so we had some mayhem)

6. walk halfway back and go outside look for busstop marked for domestic terminal - don't stress about people with luggage they are flying Virgin (ie if you are flying Virgin from Perth you take your luggage with you to domestic departures)

7. catch bus, takes about 15 minutes to get to domestic

8. go through domestic security and you are ready to fly and pick up luggage in Melbourne - hopefully you now have a wheelie bag so you don't need to rent a trolley when you arrive in Melbourne.

[Eyebrow]

Thanks Sunnyskies

I found the place as you said!

In Melbourne now. Big meeting tomorrow!

[McCabes]

HUGS!

Haven't been here much recently and when I came back to see the little old lady did come back I had such goosebumps!

I am with Bri 100% on you being meant to hear what she said. It didn't matter that she said it - just that you heard, if that makes sense? I wish I could get her twin to pay a visit to my hubby!

I'm so glad the business has been sold - in terms of it moving you closer. I'm so sorry about your house but will confess to having a chuckle re your hubby's version of dying there... and as I type this, I realise only in SA could that be remotely funny, but I have overactive visualising/imaginative skills so it kind of played like a movie scene in my head. Ok I'll shuddup now.

Wishing you all the best for your stint in Melbourne and Godspeed for the rest of the packing and moving. Think of you often.

[Eyebrow]

I am in Melbourne. It is cold.

I have flu. And had a problem with the airport, the fever scanner and the Ebola outbreak! But that is a story for another day!

But the people are nice! And I feel a strange stress lifting sensation. I had it the previous time too, but soon forgot it once back in South Africa...

[Eyebrow]

I cant do it. I just cant.

The agent brought the contract for the sale of the house to sign.

The last step in making us homeless. Iam already jobless...

And I hid in the house. I couldnt answer the door. And then she took out her phone, and my cell phone rang inside the house, I couldnt pick up.

Really mature of me.

She left.

And here I am. Writing about it.

I worked tirelessly for 2 and a half years for this.

What the hell is up with me!?

[RYLC]

You CAN do this!! Ring her back...

Like all those who have gone before you, shove the fear into your pocket and just go one step at a time. You could have the paperwork signed by sunset tonight to secure your family's future.

Come on - deep breath - pick up the phone...

[HFamily]

Ah Eyebrow, big hugs to you! I can totally understand how you are feeling, we also felt like that when we sold our house - felt sick to my stomach! The reality suddenly smacks you in the face, and you wonder what the hell you're doing. Just take a deep breath, as Crisplet says, and remember the reasons for starting this journey! BIG HUGS!

[Toitjie]

big hug Eyebrow...you can do this. It's really worth it. Just take it one little step/day at a time and the bigger picture will fall into place

[OnYellowBrickRd]

Aaah, Eyebrow. I understand. I bawled my eyes out over our little house.

Deep breaths. Have a good cry and then call the agent. You have come so far already. You CAN do this!

[Eyebrow]

It is signed. The house is sold. We are homeless and drifting.

The point of no return seems to have been reached.

What have I done?

[Bronwyn&Co]

You have started a new chapter. It's ok. Breathe ?

[JvR]

Oh wow! Eyebrow! I have just read 12 pages of this thread and I feel like I have finished a novel with all the important bits weaved in to make it gripping, gruelling, exciting, sad, and triumphant.

Congratulations on that last step of selling your house. You can maar tap yourself on the shoulder for having pushed through. You are fortunate in that you are coming over with a job in place, as many have had to come with very litte, to very little. But in the end, when you have those Australian passports for your family, you will have accomplished something great. Something you have earned that no one can take away from you.

I have experienced so many emotions in the 10 years since we have left SA and have wanted to go back so often and then not at all again - I won't lie.

Pretty much all the emotions you've been experiencing during the past two years in SA are likely to revisit in reverse "Aus vs SA" fashion, once have been here for a while - though I know they don't for everybody. But you will certainly never regret having earned Australian Citizenship. I will bet my bottom dollar on that!

I will also mention that I have a friend who lives in Perth who could not get PR while in SA because of her son having Autism. Her husband came over on a work visa and they applied for PR from inside of Aus but it was declined. Only after appeal did it get granted and their Citizenship came trough years later without any problems at all. She is sold on Aus because of what the support systems for her child has meant to them and knows that they would have been hard pressed to have secured anything like it back in SA. Needless to say, any possible pull back to SA for her is completely dimmed in the light of what they have gained here for her son and as a family. I am sure it will be the same for you!

She has a wealth of information on the support systems so let me know if you ever wanted to get into contact with her.