If not now then when?

[VanWykeC]

I had to wait a few moments to find some words....and I still havent found them!

@Eyebrow, I am so truely thankful that your OH was not harmed (and that your little one was not involved). However, can only imagine the emotional side of it.

Thinking of you and keeping you and your family in my prayers.

[KalahariHarry]

Hi Eyebrow,

Sorry to hear about your horrible experience. Hope hubby is ok. I Think we are so desensitized that we just get on with life, as you have clearly shown. I am also in Cape Town, also in the Northern Subs. Live in Plattekloof area and work in Tygervalley Area. I Was burgled about a year ago and it was my fault, as the alarm was not on. This also means insurance would not pay out :-) took a R60K burn on that one. But see what I'm saying, I refer to the event as "my fault" how ridiculous is that?

Last week I took my cousin to the airport and I ALWAYS carry my firearm as i drive through the gansta areas - its a shorter route. For some reason this time i did not. On the way back sitting at a robot (traffic light for all of you in Aus) I check out the "scaly" looking creature and he smash and grabs the guy in front of me. Needles to say he was gone so quick, but i would have liked to put three rounds in the sand just to make him poo his pants.

Well it could also have been worse, it could have been a hijacking, the man could have been injured...

In Cape Town we all have this misconception, that "Cape Town is safe, its not like Joburg" Well the reality is that crime may be less here but it's here.

I Am also very much looking forward to getting out of here.

I Hope you are all not too traumatized. I Guess just be thankful that no one was hurt.

Trev

[Eyebrow]

Hi Eyebrow, Sorry to hear about your horrible experience. Hope hubby is ok. I Think we are so desensitized that we just get on with life, as you have clearly shown. I am also in Cape Town, also in the Northern Subs. Live in Plattekloof area and work in Tygervalley Area. I Was burgled about a year ago and it was my fault, as the alarm was not on. This also means insurance would not pay out :-) took a R60K burn on that one. But see what I'm saying, I refer to the event as "my fault" how ridiculous is that? Last week I took my cousin to the airport and I ALWAYS carry my firearm as i drive through the gansta areas - its a shorter route. For some reason this time i did not. On the way back sitting at a robot (traffic light for all of you in Aus) I check out the "scaly" looking creature and he smash and grabs the guy in front of me. Needles to say he was gone so quick, but i would have liked to put three rounds in the sand just to make him poo his pants.Well it could also have been worse, it could have been a hijacking, the man could have been injured... In Cape Town we all have this misconception, that "Cape Town is safe, its not like Joburg" Well the reality is that crime may be less here but it's here. I Am also very much looking forward to getting out of here. I Hope you are all not too traumatized. I Guess just be thankful that no one was hurt. Trev

I agree. Always felt that Cape Town is safer. And the my OH would say "Cape Town might seem like another world, but it is still part of South Africa. Marginally better because DA led, but still". I didnt believe him until now....

Which road are you talking about? Giel Basson? We always take that one out to the airport.... With the kids.... It does look unsafe. But once again we feel safe in our cars, dont we? What an illusion!

[Eyebrow]

It has been 2 days since the hijacking now.

Adrenalin has settled. And realization of financial loss has hit us....

Also the reactions of people.... It has been a learning curve in and of itself. They are shocked, they are horrified about what things are coming to, they cant believe it happened in front of school. They shake their heads. And then? It is over. And things are back to normal. It is as if it never happened.

2 days later, and i sit at work, looking down/pensive. And people ask whats wrong? I look up incredulously. Halllooo! We have been hijacked. All of 48h ago. Our uninsured car is gone. I replay the scenario over and over agin in my head. This time WITH the kids in the car. Or with my OH dead. They look at me surprised, as if to say " oh, that. Shouldnt you be over it by now?" And that sums up our level of acceptance of these things... Now THAT isnt or rather, shouldnt, be normal.

[chzaau]

I'm terrible sorry to hear of your event. Unfortunately this sort of crime is also occurs in Australia, maybe not as frequently but it has certainly been increasing as time has progressed. https://www.google.com.au/#q=car+jacking&safe=active

[KalahariHarry]

I agree. Always felt that Cape Town is safer. And the my OH would say "Cape Town might seem like another world, but it is still part of South Africa. Marginally better because DA led, but still". I didnt believe him until now....

Which road are you talking about? Giel Basson? We always take that one out to the airport.... With the kids.... It does look unsafe. But once again we feel safe in our cars, dont we? What an illusion!

Hi Eyebrow,

Yes Giel Basson. Needless to say my trusty Glock (pistol) does now not leave my side. I am not a huge "gung ho" Chuck Norris type, but it seems that's what i have to do. My Wifey is VERY anti guns and since a spate of crime that involved friends etc, and since our baby was born, she asks me every night "is your gun under the bed?" (what kind of a man am I allowing my family to live in fear - then i hear a story like yours) when before it had to be locked in the safe, something that i don't feel should be a way to live :-(

So unfortunate.... :-( I look forward to living in a place where i don't have to own guns, where I can TRUST the police and send my child off to school without the worry of him going missing. I know a lot of you may think, "this guy is paranoid" but we are so desensitized we don't even realise.

We are immune to things that would BREAK others living in a better environment. If this happened to you in Aus, and you were not exposed to your life in RSA, you would be in counselling and and and..... Meanwhile your back at work carrying on with life..... I Admire you, but it makes me sad.

Trev

Hi Chzaau,

I Fully agree with you crime is everywhere. Here its just much worse, and much much more violent.

My earlier point about being able to trust the Police also holds true. There was an expose on Carte Blanche on sunday of robbers dressing up in RSA Police uniforms with blue lights, pull you over and then highjack you. The advise from all over is, do not stop for police, drive to a cop shop and sort it out there....WHAT?????? You've got to be kidding me...

Also in this article:

http://www.theage.com.au/victoria/man-hands-himself-in-to-police-after-violent-carjacking-20131023-2w1r1.html

The man gets arrested in the end, even with the crime in Aus, i would rather take those odds and the Aus conviction rate :-)

Trev

wow, how do i delete that, my whole post went bust. LOL

[McCabes]

Eyebrow I'm so sorry.

My OH was used (at gunpoint) as a lift for three guys who tapped on his window at a stop street, told him to open up and then had him drive them all the way to the back of beyond before "simply" climbing out of the car, walking across and empty lot and climbing over the wall at the back.

We had the same kind of reaction: but his car wasn't taken, so why the hoo-haa? But he's fine, they didn't do anything - also basically why aren't you over this already.

I agree we are so desensitised we barely even register when incidents like this occur in our circle. And if it's a broader circle, like someone at work, then the empathy level is even lower.

I am so so sorry this happened, and can only imagine what's going through your mind.

Thinking of you.

[rozellem]

E, this is terrible. Its almost impossible to come out the other side of this the same as before. I am glad your kids were not involved directly. May I ask the suburb this was? I am in the Cape with my little Aussies over Dec/Jan and this is stressing me. Thinking of you.

[Mac777]

Eyebrow...I don't think anyone can say anything that will really take away any of the angst you carry right now, hijacking notwithstanding, but the nice thing is, and I've come to realise this while chatting to people on here, that although it doesn't alleviate the stresses, confusion and concerns, it does definitely help you muddle through it all.

I can't quite describe it but it's not that the problems go away, just that the support of people who "understand" makes you stronger...broadens the shoulders if you know what I mean.

For some of us the choice is easy and the move is comfortable. They are well off and make the transition with relative ease. Others have a few bumps and bruises to contend with but they get there ok in the end. Others, like me, and even more so yourself who have so much more to contend with than many of us, have quite a lot riding on this and the risk is huge but I am asking myself more and more....which risk is more dangerous? Staying or going?

I am going to invest a fairly large chunk of my pension on this whole affair..gambling with my security...not sure whether it's wise but I'm finding myself thinking it is getting riskier to stay.

I was talking to a colleague of mine this morning. She tutors a boy from Berea in JHB and she was with him yesterday and he was telling her stories about his walks to and from school. I was appalled. These are two accounts from THIS WEEK alone. While walking a three year old child fell from an upper floor of one of the buildings on his route to their death. A schoolgirl was walking with her cell phone and a guy wanted it and when she refused he stabbed her in the arm, when she resisted further he stabbed her in the stomach and then again... the attack was fatal...for a cell phone??? This was just this week. Two stories among many that he has to tell. He himself is a child and this is what he experiences... The worst is that there isn't an account of either in a single paper I can find. Two lives gone forever and not a word of it anywhere. We have become part of a society that doesn't even feel the need to report such atrocities and why...because it just happens so much? It's not ok... It's terrible. Can I do anything to change it...maybe...but I highly doubt it. We decided that we're not waiting till something or someone pushes us. If anything has to happen to my family and I did nothing to prevent it I will never forgive myself. Sure, maybe the plane crashes en route to Oz, I don't know. All I have to go on is what is happening here and now and I think I can safely say that the risk between staying and going has most definitely shifted

When will the risk of going outweigh the staying? When will too much be too much? When the newly established Economic Freedom Fighters drop the E and are no different than the Somalian rebels, the Ugandan "freedom" fighters or the DRC M23 rebels? It's not worth it...

You're in beautiful CT...for how long will it stay that way?

Each person will have their own "I'm up to here..no further". You've come very close to that mere days ago and escaped moderately unscathed. You have however already started the application so it's not really a question of deciding whether you're still going to try this or not. As far as I can see that decision was made a few months ago already. What you need to work on now is coming to grips with it and embracing it. Once you've done that you WILL make it work. We all worry about everything but 99% of the time the things we worry about don't come to pass anyway. So embrace the move and the rest will fall into place one way or another. No point worrying about what hasn't happened yet, especially if it probably won't happen at all. Baby steps...

People are resilient. Do you think you're going to go through all this effort and turmoil to land and hit a speed bump or two and give up? Of course not. You will make a plan because you have something worth fighting for, and if you don't have something to fight for, you will have something to fight against.

A phrase I love and use very often is...It will all be ok in the end, and if things aren't ok, it's not yet the end.

So chin up, fight for those kids, fight for your husband and make the life you want work for you. Geography does not dictate will or desire...

[Eyebrow]

It has been a difficult week.

Just as we are about to lodge, my ex husband refuses to sign permission for me to take my eldest son out of South Africa. (He is from my previous marriage). For no apparent reason other than because he can! He himself doesnt even live in South Africa. So it is no skin off his back where my son lives...

So i have been to the lawyers everyday this week, and briefed an advocate. Because it is off to the high court for a court order. Estimated cost R50-60 000. Wth? I dont need that expense. We are living on a shoe string as it is!

I cant sleep with stress and am biting everyone's head off who dares come next to me.

This journey is getting a little bit too difficult. At what stage do I stop fighting?

[rozellem]

Blerrie toad! The advice in this instant is always to grovel or do what you must to avoid getting the lawyers involved ( because of the cost). Sorry about the hastle, I am sure Ms Karma will return the favour.

[Toitjie]

Eyebrow - he is really a bad person for not signing. I have heard this so many times, where the other parent refuses. I hope you can get through to him, or at least, when the court grants your request - make him pay the bill!

Never give up, I remember some of your previous posts and to me you seem like a very strong person. You will get through this....just one day at a time. Good luck, I really hope you get some good news soon!

[AndreaL]

Oh Eyebrow When are you going to catch a break. You are an amazing and strong woman, just keep putting one foot in front of the other, my thoughts are with you.

[McCabes]

I would try to force him to explain to your eldest why he's preventing him from getting the future he deserves, because that's what it boils down to.

Why do people have to be such buggers, really!!!

Thinking of you...

[Eyebrow]

I am finding this all emotionally draining. No, really!

I have small business in Cape Town CBD.

As i have applied for 457 visa, something will have to be done with it.

After much consultation with friends, family, my OH and industry people, the thought was that it was going to be very difficult to sell in current climate. And there were other similar places that took 2 years to sell, and that people had to come way down in their price etc.

So stress!

My employer/sponsor in Aus has been waiting since May 2012 for me. 19 months. And is understandably getting anxious. So i dont want further delay of stuff to complicate issues.

So i went to a company that sells places like mine and asked for their opinion and help. The guy was happy to take the sale on, obviously, 10% commission would do that I guess. But also told me my asking price was too high, and that i would likely need to accept half that. Which is a major issue. Since i owe 90 % of the place to the bank. So it looked as if i would have to pay in! And all i hoped for was to at least walk away not owing the bank anything... I really didnt want to take a loss. I mean, the move to Aus is a major loss in itself. Tata ma savings already.

So 2 weeks ago it went on sale. And I got ready for the long wait.

Then yesterday they rang me and said they had an interested party.

And in swooped this lady from the UK. And she thought the place was devine! A dream come true. Everything she hoped for, and ever so reasonably priced! ( Huh? Darn it. I shouldve asked more!!) But she had to think about it. But she was back again today, parked in the loading bay with a 2 door little silver merc, walking through the place, pointing to stuff that was great, and stuff she would definitely change because that was just "so out of place" or "really didn't fit with the ambiance". She wanted to review staff contracts, and assured me she "does things differently", but that i shouldn't blame myself, because i am obviously not very business savvy, even though I am "a lovely person". Which I guess is true ( well the former at least).

She is leaving back to UK next week and want to finalize everything before she goes.

So she is interested. And I am, well, devastated. My baby. That I built from scratch. The website that advertised our services, that I spend nights writing pages for. With photos that i took. The planning. The Facebook page. We have 800 likes! The interesting people I get to meet from the streets of Cape Town. south Africans and all sorts of weird and wonderful foreigners. I dont want to let it go!

I came home tonight and cried. And drank too much wine. And shouted at everyone for no good reason.

And now i see long delays on the 457 visa on another topic on the site. 6 months. And if I sell now no income for the time that we are waiting for the visa, except for my UCT work, but that doesnt pay much. But if i dont sell, then i might not be able to later when it suits me better.

How do I juggle the timing? And what if we dont get the visa?

What to do?

PS my ex husband signed the forms. Just as we were briefing the advocate to go to court. So it is signed. Yay! But i still have a lot of legal fees. Nay:-(

But at least not as much as if it actually went to court...

[OnYellowBrickRd]

Oh Eyebrow

I have not been active on the forum for a while and am flabbergasted at what you and your family have been through! I am so sorry to hear about the hijacking. It must be awful to live in even more fear than usual.

I cannot believe that your ex was so...um...full of...um...how do I put this better ? I am glad that he did sign...eventually.

I can imagine how torn and confused you must feel about your business right now. I had to sign over my small business to someone who contacted me in Aus after the first order stating that she did not feel up to it. I had to do some serious long-distance crisis management.

Just don't give up on coming to Aus. You have already come sooooo far! In the beginning things will be hard, don't fool yourself, but the awesome thing is that things only get better!

I pray that all this turmoil will change into peaceful blessings for you and your family from now on. We will have that coffee in Aus one day...I just know it

[Eyebrow]

OYBR, thanx for your concern. I appreciate it!

It is such a difficult time. Things are coming to a head. But I find myself looking more and more for excuses not to go...

Things are not so bad. Yes, there was the hijack, but now we have had our turn, so we will be ok now.... Hmmmm. I dont even want to tell you what my OH thinks about that logic! The word apoplexy comes to mind.

I cant help but reflect about something Mara said... We have support in South Africa. More than we will have in Australia. And when we mentioned to MIL that we want to move to Aus, she has been on board a lot more... Is the move wise?

So, i sold my business. I told a friend that i had sold it, but not why. And she was so excited! Because she had a business plan that i was perfect for, but that she hadnt mentioned before, because i already had my own place. She proceeded with the business plan and talked and talked. And it was actually a brilliant idea. But i couldnt share her excitement. Because i knew i was going to Aus. I dont want to tell people until we have the visa in hand.

But suddenly all these opportunities spring up. And if you talk to enough people, not everybody is negative about RSA. And i start to worry whether i am just a negative person. :-(

Then another shocker. My future employer and sponsor has apparently gotten gatvol. He just put someone else in my promised position. A lady from Sri Lanka with the same qualifications. Didnt hear it from him though. Heard it from one of the other people there, whom i got friendly with during the LSD. She doesnt think it is a problem, and says that i can take over when i get there. But it just drives home that i am replaceable...

He hasnt withdrawn sponsorship, and i havent confronted him with this info. But i still worry.

It is Saturday evening now. Think I will have a glass of wine.

[Alida]

Dear Eyebrow, I do think you worry too much. Think about it this way. Your business is sold. You have a still willing sponsor. If you decline this opportunity, you might worry the rest of your life that maybe you missed a wonderful opportunity and adventure. Going and working overseas opens one's mind in so many ways, it is not explainable to someone else. Your personal horizons broadens into a new dimension you never knew existed. You can always come back and start your own business again. Do not miss an existing opportunity because of too much worrying and thinking. You might miss something magnificent. Go with the idea that you're not closing the door behind you completely and enjoy something new and enlightening. Don't let an unspecified fear keep you from growing.

Within 30 days this thread is a year old. Get up and go now, girl - before it's too late !!

Edited November 30, 2013 by Alida

[Eyebrow]

So the sale did not go through!

Up and down the roller coaster goes.

Not for the feint hearted this! Is it?

[Eyebrow]

It is almost new year and I have to admit I am losing impetus a little bit. The stress and uncertainty, the inability to plan anything or buy anything, or even save money (all seems to get spent on various Australia related type things).

Moments of intense rush! Getting documents or transferring money, because now the ball is in my court. Then long periods of waiting, with apparently nothing happening.

It becomes difficult to see the big picture.

To remember why we are doing all this and whether it is worth it...

It has been a difficult road so far, and by all accounts, the real difficulty only start once one gets to Aus.

The LSD trip, the interview, the failed skills assessment, the change of job from a qualified position to a training position with drop in salary and student fees, the thousands of dollars spent already.

My ex husbands resistance.

Will we recover from this financially? Will we hold up as a family?

Will we....

I know you think I worry too much.

But our situation is more complex than most...

My OH wants to flip a coin! Ha. Maybe that IS the answer. Who knows.

I hope the New Year brings clarity. One way or the other.

[OnYellowBrickRd]

Oh, Eyebrow

I realize that you have had a really difficult year. I pray that 2014 will be a year filled with miracles and blessings for you and your family.

I know that you keep asking yourself if all the stress is worth it. I wish I could look into your eyes and say, "YES! It sooooo is."

And you cannot give up! We have a date!

[Eyebrow]

It is taking so very long.

The visa, I mean.

It is coming on 2 years now since the process started. And we are only applying for a 457...

Not sure it will ever happen. (Been sitting at the medical officer of the common wealth for absolutely ages now.)

And if it does, not sure I want to go anymore...

Life is what it is. Who are we to think that we can change anything by going. It will be tough. And not sure it will be worth it. Some of the recent posts on the forum has made me reconsider...

A bit disheartened. (If you cant tell)

[Bronwyn&Co]

Hi Eyebrow

I just spotted your post & I wanted to say, I hope that I'm not one of the ones who has discouraged you (but probably). The truth is, everyone's journey is different. We have 3 kids and they are doing so very well. Much better than we could have hoped for in our wildest dreams. They have so much confidence and freedom here. My daughter is nearly 19 and she has been driving for almost 3 years. She arranges camping trips and day trips to waterfalls, she goes clubbing in the city and catches taxis with her girlfriends at 3am! She got her boat license last weekend and today she is taking 2 girls out on the tinny on the river to fish! They towed the trailer and everything. She is an average student but she just got into uni. I have no idea what she would be doing if we stayed in Pretoria but I'm pretty sure her life would be 100% different. My boys are quieter, but they have friends, and they are happy.

I know you have some unique challenges but why not continue? If you have a shot at a visa then it's just lists & lists of admin

(((Hugs)))

Edited February 9, 2014 by Bronwyn&Co

[OnYellowBrickRd]

[rozellem]

Thanks for the lump in my throat, Yellow B!

Eyebrow, crossing all limbs that what needs to happen, will happen. Let nobody ever try and tell you that you dont have balls, because you have proved that over and over.