Not so settled

[UnsureGC]

Hi all,

I am new to this forum and been living in Australia for 3.5 years now.

I was just wondering if there is anyone else out there considering moving back to SA? If so please tell me your story... I have been living overseas for 8 years in total now and I still miss my family and SA terribly. I have been home every year since leaving to travel so I am fully aware of everything changing and happening there.

Please don't reply to this message if you are going to try and convince me that SA is a terrible place, I just really want to hear from other people that may be feeling the same way as me and how they are dealing with it.

Look forward to hearing from you

[SeanK]

MASH

Reality check.

If you believe those stats,you will believe anything.In the suburb of Lyttelton Centurion where I live,we have had 4 murders in the last month.My son even had his throat cut. Is there another choice for me?I think not

[mash]

mash - nice use of wikipedia. of course you only show stats for one area. if you look at the wikipedia page on number of firearm homicides [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_firearm-related_death_rate] you'll see south africa sitting at about 78 (waaaay ahead of anyone else), columbia next at 50 australia at 2.3 etc etc.

another wikipedia entry worth looking at is the Quality of life index [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quality-of-life_index] here SA comes in at 92 of 111 countries, for comparison purposes Iran comes in at 88. this means you would have a better quality of life in Iran than in SA interesting. Australia sits at number 6.

The quality of life index is based upon 9 areas of measurement namely: Health, Family life, Community life, Material well being, Political stability and security, Climate and geography, Job security, Political freedom and Gender equality.

My point being that using one set of figures to "justify" any argument is pointless. use as many resources as you can get your hands on and make a proper educated, and personal, choice on our next steps.

I hear you, and don't worry, I'm not about to base any decisions on just one statistic!

It's just that there are two sides to every story. Interestingly I have also seen some quality of life studies where South AFrica ranked very high, but lets not get too caught up in the quoting game. Of course I understand why people leave South Africa, especially victims of crime, I have no idea how traumatic that must be. But I equally understand people who want to come back. There is no right or wrong decision, just what works for you.

We are sadly a very displaced nation, and some say that immigrants never fully adapt to their new country, only their children ever really become fully integrated. It's so important to realise that all your problems in life don't get fixed by moving to Australia! It certainly isn't another South Africa with a slightly different accent and better adherence to the law, even though it looks like it on paper.

Don't judge people who want to come home, it really isn't the end of the world. Even if it helps them to just finally cut the "umbilical cord" that ties them to home and move on with their lives.

Do you know that every middle class South African indirectly employs about 9 people (through their spending power etc)? As frustrating as things can be here, we do make a difference by being here.

There are also good reasons for moving to Australia, especially if you are prepared to become Australian, make Australian friends, and adapt to their culture. Each person needs to look at their own situation, in a very honest way. Ask yourself, what are you expecting to be different? Yes crime levels of course, education. What else? I notice that a lot of people I know are expecting ALL their problems to go away when they immigrate, family, relationship problems, financial problems etc.

Anyway. Best of luck to everyone, immigrants and people returning home.

[Shelly*]

Hi all

This is my first post to this forum, after months of lurking (sorry!). It's no coincidence that today is the day we have finally decided to go for the 175, paid the agent (a not-so-straightforward application), booked the IETLS and hence taken our first step on the long road to Australia.

I would like to say thank you to the contributers to this thread. Oddly, it is these posts that have helped me make the decision: honestly expressed worries, longings and opinions. Without this balance, all the other enthusiastic postings (and I'm not saying they are wrong) sound a bit suspicious or forced - like the old "promised land" advertisements to encourage our forebears to emigrate to SA (or Canada, or USA). So thanks for the help, UnsureGC. I expect to be homesick and to miss my family horribly when we finally do move, but I think on balance that it will be the right thing to do. I hope.

[Guest Bronwyn]

MASH

Reality check.

If you believe those stats,you will believe anything.In the suburb of Lyttelton Centurion where I live,we have had 4 murders in the last month.My son even had his throat cut. Is there another choice for me?I think not

My 28 year old cousin was shot dead last week in Lynnwood. Pretoria, huh?

[Patrick31]

uote name='Mommy' date='May 28 2008, 04:29 AM' post='116812']

UnsureGC

You talk, we'll listen, give some replies and if it helps you, then you talk some more.

Hearing other people, and sharing theirs, helps if only in the heart.

Riding the see-saw is waists our time, we know it but still we ride it.

My hubby moved us to the Karoo in 2004, we stayed there for a year,

now understand I am a TOTAL gardening freak....and well gardening doesn't work there

quite like us Highveld TVL'rs are used to.

But it has a ... something that climbs in under your skin and makes you it's own!!!!

And the people are few but they are true and honest - they are PEOPLE to die for!!!

Ps the kids and I stayed alone for most of the year - no burgular bars, no lock on front door on a farm

far from all except your 20km+ away neighbors...lovely

But after a year, hubby unhappy that the work kept him from us. So we moved

back to Limpawpaw...to a town North-east of Pietersburg - (Polokwane incase you don't recognise the name....hee, hee)

Anyway this unnamed town is lush and green with wonderful temperatures.

But the people are rude and think the sun sets when the sit, they ignore outsiders and the best of all

is that their moral standards in general is so scary (filthy scary) that I don't want to mix with them...

And it is not the outcasts and poor but the rich and infuentual. REALLY scary stuff.

Now I must admit the year I was in the Karoo, something changed in me.

I've been back in the Tvl for 2,6 years now, where I lived all my life(30+) before my one little year in the Karoo.

But I am DEPRESSED, I DON'T want to be here.

The people are nasty and so very shallow, so shallow you couldn't get a trickle of water flowing.

If I look at photos of our farm I cry many times.

I go back and visit friends once a year......and miss the place alot

then I don't want to be in Tvl even more.

Sounds alot like I won't be able to make the move to Oz....

And my Hubby wanted to move 10 years ago already.

But I was all "volk en vaderland"

BUT in my going back once a year, just to the Karoo, I have also seen the change the goverment has emposed on even the smallest farout places.

And I see a pawpaw plan growing that they want to let hit the fan.......

I smell a foul smelling rat.

I woke up one Thursday morning in April without any prior thought of immigrating.

And now I am planning LSD's, and getting info, budgetting, getting the kids to read more english....

It doesn't sound like you have children.

And having the kids and grand-parents missing so much of all your lives is terrible.

But keep in mind - you are building forth on a new family as well.

To build, well, we must keep in mind the pilars behind us - they give us direction, strength, thankfulness,

everything we are but, also they would want us to go forth.

Go forth well!!!!!

And the days the tears want to flow freely - hell let them - but don't stay there, get something that cheers

you and do not let the tears steal more time and happiness then needed.

God Bless

Blink kant bo.

[Patrick31]

I have followed this forum for a couple of months now.

I am currently in SA and will be making my way to OZ in the next 8-10 months.

I don’t have children and am not married. So I am going over on my ace. I know 1 person in Brisbane and that’s it. So I don’t kids as my primary reason for leaving. I did my paperwork 3 years back and have to be in OZ by feb 2010.

I originally was not going to go to OZ because I enjoy my life in SA and why change something that ain’t broke.

Fact of the matter is ,one day I will probably want kids and SA is definitely not the place to raise kids. Who knows when your little baby girl will get raped because its now thought that raping a young girl cures aids.

Anyway-why am I leaving?

Lots of reasons-crime,rape,murder,corruption etc etc.

I am a young CA(31).i pay my taxes in SA and what do I get.a police service that does not protect me.goverment that supports Zimbabwe etc etc…why must I deal with all the above???why???

Take this scenario-I go out,have 4 beers,decide to drive home(which is wrong I know) and get caught but get raped in prison with the police knowing that I will get raped.

That happens in SA all the time.

SA is built on a foundation of corruption and crime. You cannot build on that and I don’t want to be a part of that. I just cant see a future.

You need skill to build a country.

All the SA skill is in Oz,NZ,UK,Canada and various other parts of the world.99% of those who left will not come back.

Why come back to one of the most violent countries in the world.

The uncertainty of waking up every day and not knowing what is going to happen in terms of the country is also getting to me.i feel I have a noose over my neck at all times.

I don’t trust the ANC and never have. I would rather put my life in the hands of a first world country and people you can reason with and have reasoning in their thought process.

To those of you wanting to return-think twice because SA is changing by the day.

I lived in the UK for 3 years and I know whats its like to live in a first world country.

I forgot all the troubles of SA.i came back with all the energy in the world because SA was going to be just the place for me.fact of the matter-its got worse and worse.

I don’t know what to expect in terms of coming to OZ-I am nervous .I really don’t have any options actually as SA is not an option. The future just cannot work with the current government and the way its run. We need a radical change in government and the way they think-I cannot see that happening.

Africa is where it is because of the decisions its made. Look at history-it does not lie.

So I am also excited in the life that I hear OZ has to offer. I hope I will be happy and make friends.

At some point you cant deny reality and I have reached that point.

It will be flippin hard to leave my family but they fully support my move.

That’s life-the right decisions are necessary the easy ones.

[Pieter & Rene]

Maybe the fact that you went there not wanting to go in the first place makes your situation a bit more different from the rest. Most people on this forum I believe is desperately wanting to go to OZ and leave SA.

But the emotions you have and the missing of your family is sooooooooooo familiar to me. Our family (hubby me & 2 small kids) had the opportunity to leave SA 3 years ago. We moved to Sweden for 2 years and after my husband's contract ended, we moved back!

Funny thing was that I wanted to return to SA almost immediately after arriving in Sweden! I was forever crying about my family that I wasn't going to see for 2 years. The 2 years flew past so quickly and in a heartbeat we were on our way back home to SA. By this time, I wasn't so sure if going back is what I wanted for my children, but we came back to SA.

This is where my eyes really opened and I suddenly realised after 2 years that we should have never returned. I was furious with my family for not warning us about how everything had deteriorated back home. I struggled basically for months and still struggle to accept life in SA. I guess what I mean to say is that we have been gone, we came back and after living here again we really realised that this is not what we wanted.

So no we are off to Oz. Every one's situation is different. We just realised after coming back to SA what we actually had in Sweden. And I am glad we had the opportunity to come back, live the SA life, and finally see and decide that what we are planning to do is REALLY what is best for us.

I really hope you find peace of mind soon. I myself am a rather emotional person. I've too suffered from depression and it is very hard to live life like that, always second guessing yourself and the decisions you make. Good luck with all, may all work out for the best for you and your family!

[Patrick31]

I must just add that i have really enjoyed this form on the topic of "going back"

Its really good to hear feedback from people who have done it as i in theory think what i can expect but untill i have gone through it and experienced it,i will never truelly know.

i have thought about this for a long time.As many of you have stated-SA is a lottery.But we can base the outcome of the lottery on what's happenned to our neighbours.i dont want SA to go downhill as i have family here and worry about their future(as i am sure most of you do too).

I go through lots of various thoughts-some days i wake up and feel i should just bin it and stay in SA.But on the whole i know that its the right move.

I can go on and on about why one should leave but to contradict myself-SA is an awesome country with loads of potential.But as someone in this forum rightly pointed out-"Its no use having potential if you cant realise it"

I think thats the tale of africa.Zimbabwe has huge potential but because of the mentality of its leaders it will never be realised.

The frustrating part is that we all want to help SA and be a part of this "rainbow nation" that nelson mandela preached about. But in a way i dont think our help is wanted or should i rather say..the goverment will do it its way even if its blatantly clear that its the wrong decision. Racism is rife in SA-from both sides. Whites had enough of the blacks and blacks tired of not getting their hands on the wealth.its fact.the pot is simmering.

Plus-the latest expropriation bill that the goverment wants to pass is madness.Basically the govermant can offer you any amount of money it seems fit for your property (residential,commercial,agricutural) if its in the peoples interests to obtain that property.kiss the farms goodbye then.

Also the rumours of the new pension fund bill that they want to introduce.Basically everyone must belong to a state pension fund-good luck if you will see your contributions ever again.

none of the above has been introduced but i feel the warning shots are been fired.Basically the ANC will run the country its way and if you dont like it go to your friends who are abroad.I am yet to hear a plea from our govement to lure back all the skill that has left when its blatantly obvious we need it back here.

So you see why i say that i cant see a future here?i want to but i just cant.Its like not servicing your car-sooner or later it will stop.

So i feel i am been pushed to by SA to OZ rather then been lured by australia.Dont get me wrong-i am very grateful to be able to go to OZ and have the option.But its an option i hoped i would not have to use.

Democracy in SA will only exist if the ANC stays in power.I cannot see another party taking over.They have claimed the liberator tag and will forever play it just like the ZANU-PF are doing.

I am not a negative person by nature and i dont feel i am been negative here more realistic.Those "positive" SAFFAS are few and far between in SA now when 10 years back there were plenty.

Also another point.When i lived in london i used to hear the police sirens often.In SA.which is one of the most violent countries as we all know,i very seldom hear the police sirens.Also,all the state ambulances are now taxis.Yet to see a state ambulance.

Did i also mention that Manto wants to get her grubby paws on the private health sector.

Africa just does not have that "lets build" mentality.we just have to much corruption so the funds never get to the places where they needed.

Crime will be on the increase as poverty is growing.Did i mention my car got stolen and i had to fill in the form at the police station because the policeman could not write properly.

I love SA but i just cant see a way out of all the above-not with the current goverment and lack of skill.

Been forced to leave indirectly its hard to accept.

[KathyW]

Huh well said Patrick........ I was thinking all of this while reading through all the members view's. This is the reason why we have immigrated as well to Australia, but I do have my good days and my bad days as well.

Let's all speak "positive" and be "positive" and we will get through this at the end of the day.

Cheers

Kathy

[Patrick31]

Hi Kathy,

One must be positive i guess.

Like i have always said-"i cant see a future with the way its been run"

There is money to be made in SA-i cant comment on OZ as i have not worked there. But in a developing country there is lots of oppotunity. But what makes africa different from all the rest is the unpredictability of the goverment. So i could stay in SA till i am like 70 and have an awesome life and then we get a militant leader(Julius Malema-ANCYL president)

Its that risk factor with RSA-"Are you or are you not willing to take the risk?"

99% of the people on this forum (and other related topics) have not come back to SA even though they long for SA. That tells me a story that those who have gone before me have been happy with their decision even if its been a hard one to make and is still currently hard to live out each day.

Then there have been a few that came back but only to return to OZ. So that says something too.

i am going to keep my house in SA till i have decided to make the move permanent.

What about SA (other than family&friends) do people that have made the move to OZ miss??

[MiniDachsie]

Hi Patrick

I understand exactly what you are going through - indecision and what to do. I have returned to Oz after being back in SA for a year, and just decided that I should use my PR visa before I lose it. It's very difficult as I came on my own and miss my family very much. My goal at this stage is to get my citizenship, and then I will re-assess the situation. I think there are two types of emigrants - those who really want to leave because they want to experience a new country, and those who feel they HAVE to leave because of situations in their own country. The last one I think is probably true for most South Africans and it is the hardest, as I believe most of us would much rather prefer to stay in our own country where we feel at home, with our loved ones. But, how do you stay in a country you love when the country does not "love" you or want you?

Apart from missing my family and friends, I think I also miss the "relaxing" way of life - coming from PE. I guess this depends where you are coming from in SA and going to in Oz. It takes time to get to know Aussies - you can't just drop-in on your friends as everything has to be arranged and booked, and it can take forever to get to friends as they live all over the place. I think just having more time to do the things you like - I find life very rushed, but as said, that does depend on what you were use to in SA and where you move to in Oz. Mainly, missing family the most

All the best with your decision and journey.

[Patrick31]

Hi "Melbourne again"

I assume you were in OZ and then went back to SA only to realise that SA was not in good shape and then decided to go back to OZ?Can you please give more about what you experienced?

Well i come from East London.Life is very relaxing here and i dont want to give it up.

You right-i dont feel the goverment really cares if i go or stay.if i stay they will exploit me and if i go,they not bothered.

one less white person to contend with i guess. thats what i feel they are doing. We doing the jobs for all the blacks and they getting paid huge salaries while as a white male i get BEE thrown in my face.

i often wonder how they fill all these BEE roles as i dont see all this "BEE skill".

So yes i am having a real hard time accepting been forced to leave as i feel i have alot to offer SA if only it wants to be helped. Sadly i think they would rather do it their way (which is stuffing SA up) then do it the correct way.

By the way...the AU(african union conference now taking place in egypt) did not even reprimand Bob Mugabe and Mbeki got huge praise for his involment in zim from the AU.i mean come on.

Only the west sees it for what it really is.Africa has its own rules and according to those the chief can do what he wants.

Sad but true..

If you have picked up-i just cant understand how people can ignore the blatantly obvious....i just cant understand

[Taegan]

Sad but true..

If you have picked up-i just cant understand how people can ignore the blatantly obvious....i just cant understand

I'm totally with you on this one ... none so blind as those who don't want to see I'm afraid

[MiniDachsie]

Hi Patrick

Yes, you are right - I moved to Melbourne on a 457 visa in 2006. I had a one year contract, stayed for the year, didn't really enjoy my job that much at the time, also didn't like where I lived and I missed my family a lot. While being in Australia my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and I just felt like I had to go back to be with my family (my dad also has cancer). So, I returned in March 2007, was happy to see my family and was quite lucky finding a job in PE quite quickly, although not permanent and not paying all that well. Just before I left Melbourne I got my PR visa and was able to validate it before flying back to SA which saved me another flight to Australia later in the year. After a few months back in SA I just realised that things weren't getting any better and I was frustrated and irritated all over again! I think the last straw for me was when, one weekend, my parents went to the farm and I stayed at home only to be faced with three men outside my window 3am in the morning. I was very lucky as they ran away, but I was shaken up by that for quite a few months afterwards. I just couldn't see myself living in SA and having a normal life - i.e. going out for dinner with friends and going home scared that someone could be waiting for you either outside or inside your house....being scared in your own house. There are a lot of other things that drive me crazy in SA, but the main issue for me is safety. Unfortunately leaving, you pay the price of not being around your family, and that jas been the most difficult challenge for me at this stage. I think for those people who came over with their husband/wife/kids, although you have more people to worry about and having to make sure that everyone is settled and probably involved more "work" initially, at least you have some of your family here, and that makes a HUGE difference in adapting and not missing SA as much.

I would never think bad of anyone who either decides to stay in SA or decide to return. I know how it feels to miss family and miss home, as I'm sure most people on this forum who live in Oz know as well. It's really a tough decision and not one that you can make without thinking about it twice....

Something else, apart from crime, that drove me away the second time is the worry of the future of SA. I'm still young, and have a long way to go (I think!) and the thought of retiring in SA and perhaps not having enough money is a bit of a worry. Who knows what the hospitals will be like in 30 years time? Will there be any good doctors left in SA? It's all of these thoughts that went through my mind when making the dicision. No-one knows what is going to happen, but it's not looking good at this stage. Yes, you can probably have your nice life in SA, and be lucky enough to not be affected by serious crime, perhaps have enough money and be happy and fine.

At this stage I'm determined to get my citizenship and then decide what to do. If at that stage I'm still not settled in Oz and have not been able to set up a relatively good life for myself, well, then I might consider going back to SA, if it hasn't gone completely downhill by then. I do hope though that that won't be the case and that I'll be settled, have met a good bloke and am happy. It would be great if I would be able to bring my family over here, but with three kids living in three different countries, I don't think my parents qualify for any of the parent visas??? I'm not sure about this, but I was quite disappointed when I looked this up on the immi website. I'm not sure if there are other options, and if anyone knows and has some advice I would really appreciate it if you could let me know!

Oh, just before I finish - coming back to what I talked about in the beginning, I think it is very important that the place you live in is at least somewhere you like - in terms of city, suburb and actual house/flat. At least with myself I've experienced being really unhappy with where I lived, and unfortunately in Oz the realestate agents arent' all that helpful when renting a place....my experience. This can influence your whole experience of Oz. The second thing is if you can be happy in your job, but I guess that is sometimes more difficult to find

I hope some of this has given you some more ideas and views.

[Patrick31]

Hi “Melbourne againâ€

Can you tell me your age and line of work you in?

Have you managed to make friends over there? You are 100% right regarding the job-if I can find a job that I enjoy it will make the world of difference.

I have chosen to go to Brisbane-mainly cause people say its like Durban or PE. East London is very similar. Also the sunshine and beach. I also know a friend there who has a spare bedroom for me to stay in till I get settled. So it makes most sense to go there.

Will we have any good professionals when I am like 70?i don’t think so.the level is already been dropped so we can have BEE professionals.

I originally thought that I would just not have kids and battle it out here as I don’t think kids are a good option in SA.

But then I thought what about myself-I have to look after myself too.

I am leaving behind my whole family and it only looks like my brother might be interested at some stage in coming over.

But by going by myself it is cheaper as I only have to fly myself back whereas a whole family could turn out pretty expensive.

Did you happen to go to UPE?Its really interesting to hook up with a fellow eastern caper on a forum who is all the way in OZ.

Patrick

[MiniDachsie]

I'm in my 30's and in Statistics....and yes did go to UPE....hmmm, wondering about all these questions...do we know each other

I have been very lucky with friends - I think it all depends on yourself as well. If you're lucky you can meet people at work who turn out to be your friends, otherwise you just have to join some clubs (eg sport, etc.) to make friends. As much as I like having SA friends over here, I think you also have to make sure that you make some Aussie friends as well....depends on you, but I think that's a good idea.

[Patrick31]

dont stress-i am not trying to find out your past:-)

Its just cool to know someone who went through something that i am going to go through.plus you from windy PE.

You went over on your ace and so am i going to do it.

Did you go to school in PE? You must know some people i know as i went to selborne and half of selborne,dale and queens went to UPE.

i ended up going to stellenbosch.

What years were you at UPE?

[Alla]

The citizenship test; introduced recently due to many 'Aussies' with a middle eastern background, or prospective ones that show hatred toward the country, as seen in the CRONULLA RIOTS. Tell me, anyone on this forum, who tell me that SA is crumbling, and the ANC are corrupt; after 14 years has there ever been a racial uprising?

Haloooooo

What is this xhenophobic attacks other than 'racial uprising;??????? And this government of the ANC is corrupt!

[MiniDachsie]

No, only went to UPE, not originally from PE.

So, have you actually made up your mind in coming, or is that still something you have to decide? Have you applied for PR yet? Are you looking for work? There's lots of things to think about when coming over, I guess you can't just jump on a plane and come!

Good luck!

Edited July 2, 2008 by Melbourne_again

[Patrick31]

i did all my paperwork about 3 years ago.i have to be in OZ by feb 2010.

i did the in out of oz to activate my visa in 2006.

i have done as much homework as i possibly can i guess.i am qualified which helps alot i guess.I could try get into PWC or deloitte's. my friend has just accpeted a senior position in deloitte's sydney.

I guess i always did the OZ thing as a back up and in the last year that i have been in SA i have seen enough to convince myself to go.

So i am definitely coming.i am trying to sell some things so i dont have to send money back to SA every month.

My parents and family are fully behind my decision whereas 2 years back they did not really back me that much.

Like you said-get residency and then re-asses i guess.

I am tired of living with the uncertainty of my security/life/country and cant handle how africa runs itself by its own set of fluid rules which it makes up as they like....

rather give my tax to aussie goverment who i hope will look after me

[MiniDachsie]

Well, you are in the final stages then. It can be very difficult when you are doing it on your own.....especially if you move to a place where you know no-one. But, I've done it and it isn't that bad. Also, I'm sure once you know where you're going you can always meet people from this forum, which is a big help. As my parents tell me, I can always go back.

For me the first 6 months was (is) terrible - yes, at first it's exciting (and scary) to be in a new country, place, work....but then finding accommodation basically messed that experience up for me! I really hate that part of life here....very difficult, and I'm putting myself through that experience again in a months time!

I think the second half of the first year is also difficult as then you are probably a bit more settled, but for me this is when I really start missing family (although, I just miss my family all the time!). But, I think after the first year it is a bit better....at least I hope, I haven't gone past the first year mark yet so fingers crossed!

Very important to get yourself into friendships and perhaps a sporting activity or something you like to do asap. But being a guy, I'm sure you will be fine!

I really hope it goes well for you. Keep us posted.

[Heymanse]

Hi everyone,

We arrived here on 23 June with PR visa and my husband being without a job. Within that week he had 2 interviews, one seems to have gone well and we are waiting for feedback, which we'll get tomorrow. But hubby has been slowly but surely going into a deep deep depression mode. He cannot get to sleep, are having anxiety attacks like crazy and cannot see his way through staying here. He's actually in such a depressed mood that he now wants to go back to SA. I've tried talking sense into him, telling him what we left the country for, even showed him the Beeld articles again, but now matter what negative thing about SA I pick out, he just can't seem to get his mind into staying here and roughing it out for at least a month or two before throwing in the towl. He's afraid that he won't get a job, he's afraid that we won't get a place to stay (lease contract expires next week Tuesday), he now says that he cannot live without his family and his old job (which has not yet been filled). I'm at my wits end but my marriage and his health is more important to me than staying here and him having a heart attack (his father had 2). I also don't want to leave because I feel we've spent soooo much money to come here and to now say, after only 10 days, that it won't work, is killing me. I think about "what if we do go back?" I'm again not going to be able to sleep peacefully at night, I'm going to be afraid for myself and my daughter for getting raped by, most propably, someone that has Aids and as you know, the list just goes on and on and on.

I prepared myself to the tee for this whole move but think that hubby didn't do the same. I was the one doing the temp accommodation hunting, filled in the forms, did everything towards us getting here. Don't get me wrong, it was a mutual decision to move to Aus, but I did all the work because he isn't good with filling in forms (he's words). I think I spoiled him too much and now he is suffering because he didn't prepare himself enough for this whole move and is experiencing a culture shock. I told him this morning if he wants to go back to SA, he's got to sort out everything, the air tickets, the container that has to be rerouted back to SA, everything. Don't know what I'm going to do with the luggage because I won't be able to take the 40kg baggage allowance we came with, that means 4 large suitcases are going to be sent by unaccompanied buggage or something, each weighing 20kg - you can just imagine the cost involved in that.

I'm tired of fighting this battle and wish we could stay and are still praying that a job opportunity will present itself and hubby will see light and stay. At this moment he's just thinking about himself and not about the kids and their future. I'm very frustrated!

Any advice?

[MiniDachsie]

Oh wow, I feel for you! I can understand what your husband is going through, as well as you. It is a lot of pressure on him, having to find a job, worrying about a place to stay etc. BUT, it's only been 10 days. You have to give it some more time. Throwing in the towel is just not an option so early on, at least that is what I think.

How long can you afford to stay here without him having a job? Perhaps someone in Sydney can offer you some accommodation for a while until your husband has a job, or until you have something else sorted out in terms of accommodation. I think you need the support of other South Africans who has been through the same and I'm sure there must be someone in Sydney who can help. I am here for another month only and then I move to Melbourne, but I'm happy to provide as much advice and support as I can.

Hang in there, and try as much as possible to at least stay for another month or so before you go back.....

[Nats123]

Hi there,

I can truly relate dear!

We have been here for 3.5 months and my husband wanted to book HIS ticket back to SA every weekend since we have been here! hehe

I can laugh about it now!

Hubby went for so many interviews it is not even possible and he is either too qualified or not specialised enough! Give me strength!

He also started going into a depression state and look yeah I can understand it. Here you leave SA where both of you worked you earned enough money to take care of everyone and now he sits at home washing dishes and cleaning floor! All by himself!

It has been very tough and I think more so on me. Because I am the one that goes to work every day and I am also the one motivating him!

But I want to ensure you there is light at the end of the tunnel. He now has work (totally comm bases) but it is a start. And I tell you since he has been communicating with others he is feeling so much better!

My advise is to give him space let him rant and rave (this is not easy) but support him every way you can. Sometimes it is just easier to listen rather than to comment. You have each other here and that is the main support for both of you. I kept on saying that we both made this decision and WE have to make this work!

Contact some agents directly and keep at it! Also look for other jobs outside his normal qualifications. Hubby in skilled in IT and is now trying Sales! And if you are in IT Sales and technical support are like chalk and cheese.

It WILL happen! You are in our prayers!

Nats

[Sam]

He cannot get to sleep, are having anxiety attacks like crazy and cannot see his way through staying here. He's actually in such a depressed mood that he now wants to go back to SA.

Any advice?

Get your husband some Rescue Remedy. It sounds like he's freaking out with culture shock (been there ) and just need something to help him cope with all the change. Unfortunately with these things you just need to ride them out but get someone who can help. Homeopathy worked for me. No need to suffer when there is help around.

Edited July 3, 2008 by Sam