Not so settled

[UnsureGC]

Hi all,

I am new to this forum and been living in Australia for 3.5 years now.

I was just wondering if there is anyone else out there considering moving back to SA? If so please tell me your story... I have been living overseas for 8 years in total now and I still miss my family and SA terribly. I have been home every year since leaving to travel so I am fully aware of everything changing and happening there.

Please don't reply to this message if you are going to try and convince me that SA is a terrible place, I just really want to hear from other people that may be feeling the same way as me and how they are dealing with it.

Look forward to hearing from you

[Miss H]

Sorry, not the reply you are looking for but I have to say that you obviously do not have any children if you are considering moving back. You have not said what is so terrible about Australia that you want to come back. Did you go over with family or on your own?

And don't say you know what SA is like if you only come back for holidays. Try living in fear.

Sorry, had to give you my 2c worth.

[Enrica]

HI UnsureGC

I feel your pain. It took me longer that 4 and half years to settle. Same thing ,kept going back every year and kept abrest of all the changes.

I missed my family terribly, miss my friends my business and all those oh so familiar things.

Eventually, my husband could not take it any more and told me to go back and sort " our" life out, he put the ball in my court and the decision was squarely mine. Its amazing how when it was suddenly my decision , and I was to be responsible for the future of my family , without any input from my husband how I made that decision. I went back for 3 months , got a job and worked out the finer details of how much etc etc , all the financial aspects of moving back.

I realised then, that I woudl have to start my biusiness all over again, my friends had moved on, or perhaps it was me that had " grown" and had a different view to life. I realised that all it would take to change my life in South Africa was a 50c bullit. If something had to happen to any of my family members I mean my kids or my husband , would I ever be able to live with myself.? That was a huge responsability to take on my own.

Once I came to that realization, I did feel more settled , and looked forward to coming home.

I still miss my family terribly , I dont think that will ever go away. I miss my beloved South Africa, but a realized that my children had no future there and I made peace with my demons.

I know exactly how you feel, and I certainly would never preach to you that you have to stay. How you reach a decision either to go or to stay is always a personal one. If you have any doubts about being here you need to find peace either way because you cannot move forward in Australia.

Good luck with your decision may you find peace of mind soon

[choog]

Maybe your problem is that your visiting SA far to often. Actually, sounds as though you havent left SA at all.

[Stepchook]

Sorry, not the reply you are looking for but I have to say that you obviously do not have any children if you are considering moving back. You have not said what is so terrible about Australia that you want to come back. Did you go over with family or on your own?

And don't say you know what SA is like if you only come back for holidays. Try living in fear.

Sorry, had to give you my 2c worth.

I think it's fair to say that despite the knowledge one has about current situations in South Africa, people living abroad still have an overwhelming bond to those loved ones still in South Africa. It is also not unreasonable to consider that sometimes people put family closeness at the very top of their priorities. I've heard several people say that if they can't get all their family to move together, then there is just no way in hell that they'd leave this country on their own.

From my own experience, I was sent to boarding school from the age of 10 and only saw my parents three times a year. This had a profound effect on the relationship our family has, so one cannot underestimate the importance of family presence. My mother still says to this day that sending us away was the biggest mistake in her life.

[Guest mrs mupersan]

My sympathies UnsureGC. We're only arriving in Aus next week so can't possibly imagine what you're going through.

I don't want to seem like I'm prying, but the following questions may help us to understand your situation better so that we can give you our thoughts (and hopefully encouragement in whatever you choose to do). Have you made Australian friends and made a concerted effort to integrate into Aus society (eg. joined a sports or social club)? What were your reasons for leaving 8 years ago? Was it just the gap year thing that was extended indefinitely or was it a conscious decision to leave SA permanently? Are you single or married? Do you have kids and if not, are you planning to have kids?

I'm so glad you've found this forum. Since we joined last year, we've had the most amazing support and advice here - it's made the process so far so much easier than if we'd been all on our own. Hopefully you'll find the same thing and will gain new perspectives on your situation which will help you work through some of the problems you face.

Cheers,

Mandy

[Guest Mauritz]

I was just wondering if there is anyone else out there considering moving back to SA? If so please tell me your story... I have been living overseas for 8 years in total now and I still miss my family and SA terribly. I have been home every year since leaving to travel so I am fully aware of everything changing and happening there.

Excellent post.

I've been in Aus for 12 years - an amazing 'personal' journey. Unfortunately I've never considered moving back to SA - that's if I take my whole situation into account - wife & kids. There were times where I thought I'll go back if it was only me - but a man is not an island.

I can't really tell you why I don't want to go back - not even for a visit. Guess I'm sick of the the whole African experience - the fall of one country after another.

All I can say is that it takes time to adjust. It takes 'guts' to step out of your own comfort zone. It is not easy to change yourself or even better, to see the world through someone else's eyes. Once you've done that, it's very hard to go back to your old life.

Take care

Edited February 15, 2008 by Mauritz

[AfrikaSon]

...ai, where's that post now about the family that were in NZ for close to 7 years, missed SA so much that they had terrible fights and all, so yes they moved back, but only to find that all they've been missing so much didn't exist anymore or changed so much that they don't acknowledge it as "theirs" anymore...

We know one family personaly that moved back from Aus, bad story to share...they now consider doing it again. Can you believe it! After a long coffee session than ended in a braai with lots of Klipdrift...I still wasn't pissed but so pissed off with them, to listen to their vrot excuses and bad mouthing Ozzies, ag it was terrible.

Now they complain the whole world is coming to an end, since we (SA) also sit with uncontrolable teens, grafiti, no rules is the only rule, traffic...wharra wharra wharra, etc.

Pathetic.

We haven't seen each other in over 8 months now, but they called to say they'll start their planning to move back to Aus in 2009.

Is this of any help to you?

[Noddy]

Hi UnsureGC

We've only been in Oz for just under a year, and i can totally indentify with how you feel about missing your family! I miss my family and friends SO much. There aren't words to express the intense longing and heartache that i have for my mother each and every day.

On an emotional level, i think i consider going back to RSA regularly. But that's only on an emotional level. That part of me that doesn't feel right without my family. But when it comes to the rational, logical side, as much as being apart from my family tears at my heart, i look at my kids and then emotion of a different kind kicks in. My beautiful children that are safe and free and are enjoying life overwhelms me. That's when that feeling of "being at home" in Oz and grateful for this wonderful new start at life surfaces again, like when i first landed here.

I say be grateful that you are able to go back and spend time every year with your family. There are so many that make the move and have no idea when they'l see their family again - that's got to be hard! You have to bear in mind though, that when you're on holiday, it's not the same as living there.

I'm not sure of your circumstances, but if it's possible, why not go back and live there for a while? Once you've done that, you can then make a decision as to whether it's what you want to do permanently.

Lots of people will probably judge you, because there are so many that are so desperate to get out of RSA. Don't mind those - you need to understand where they're coming from - see they haven't experienced that intense yearning for loved ones. Whatever you decide, i wish you luck and best wishes.

Take Care

Noddy

[Stepchook]

Lots of people will probably judge you, because there are so many that are so desperate to get out of RSA. Don't mind those - you need to understand where they're coming from - see they haven't experienced that intense yearning for loved ones.

Nicely put, Noddy. For some people, leaving South Africa is a no-brainer. But it's not so easy for others. And you can throw crime statistic at them and rub their noses in countless newspaper articles about corruption within the government; the family ties are simply too strong.

Let's face it - emigration is not for everyone and, for those who do chose to leave the country, each has their own way of dealing with it.

[Kilemim]

hi Unsure GC,

I know how you feel...some parts of OZ aren't so great...I have been here for 4 years, and many people in SA, as well as the media say that the crime or just life and services are appalling.

I think its a media circus, where many try to discredit SA< and its current government, not that i am supporting the current government in any way. This hype about 2010 is one thing many people say SA is going to crumble; I say that it is an opportunity to grow.

About basic services in SA, if the Government that handed over 14 years ago provided better services for the masses, there wouldnt be such a problem now; with the majority of 14 years ago being settled into homelands and other townships; and the opposition being framed for acts of terrorism is one thing that prevents the current ogvernemtn from providing the best service. If the previous generation of 14 or more years ago had been educated and not neglected/oppressed the AIDS rate might have not been so high.

I havent seen my family for four years either; There is a different sort of culture here in OZ; The schools for one; People rant and rave that SA schools are crumbling, but why is it crumbling? If the people of SA rally together all can be fixed; There is a complete lack of discipline in Sydney schools. I am a teacher, and you cant say otherwise.

There is probably more politics here than SA; The aborigines; Public v Private education; Unionism; All this is due to the excess amount of migrants....More Anglo Aussies placing their kids in private schools, or so it may seem, hence more funding, which is not the case; more migrants attending public schools; The forcing of individual agreements by the Howard government, all to stem migrants.

The citizenship test; introduced recently due to many 'Aussies' with a middle eastern background, or prospective ones that show hatred toward the country, as seen in the CRONULLA RIOTS. Tell me, anyone on this forum, who tell me that SA is crumbling, and the ANC are corrupt; after 14 years has there ever been a racial uprising?

It does indeed paint a true picture of the Aussies here. Being of an Italian background in SA, my full surname ' Mimecktoni", can be considered by many Anglo Aussies here to be a 'WOG'--- of Mediterranean ethnicity...

I know, many people rave on about the countries services, take for example waiting for Gp services; Back in Cape town. I used to wait 15mins max....here about 2 hrs...and they dont pay for medecines here or Dental Braces!

cheers.

[Guest Mauritz]

I know, many people rave on about the countries services, take for example waiting for Gp services; Back in Cape town. I used to wait 15mins max....here about 2 hrs...and they dont pay for medecines here or Dental Braces!

Hahaha

Mate, you really are something. Whatever pink little pills you're taking - I want some as well. I'll give my left arm to sit in one of your classes - at least my English will improve.

Think I'm going to have the giggles all night - Dr Crab's pink pills or not.

Edited February 15, 2008 by Mauritz

[Gizmo]

I don't have anything helpful to add, as I am still in SA and have no experience with moving country. In fact, I have lived in Cape Town my whole life, grew up in one house and am currently living in hubbys and my second house. (So I am very inexperienced in change)

But I wanted to say thanks for this thread. I think the best way we can settle is to be prepaired for both the good and the bad.

I hope you manage to settle and find peace with your decision.

Edited February 15, 2008 by Gizmo

[Smartie]

Just wanted to say thanks for your message Noddy. its great to know that there will be ups and downs and not all SMILES. As my hubbie said WE have to sacrafice being with OUR parents for OUR childrens future. Our generation is having to bear the brunt of the past.

I FEEL AS THOUGH I AM CHOOSING BETWEEN MY PARENTS AND MY CHILDREN AND ITS A TERRIBLE PLACE TO BE IN !!!!!!

[UnsureGC]

Thanks so much for all your replies, it’s definitely food for thought and some of your quotes actually brought tears to my eyes. A bit of my background is:

Finished school and studied for a year, I loved the idea of traveling and my parents gave me such a brilliant up bringing that I had the confidence to leave home at 20 with my boyfriend (husband now) and move to London. I was so excited to go and just live on my own... gosh what an eye opener, I was terribly homesick, we struggled financially for nearly a year to the point where we used to count our pounds every night to pay for things. What a learning curve and thank goodness we stuck it out - we grew so much and the opportunities we received from being in London were fantastic. We were able to travel all over Europe, worked on a ski resort and travelled around the US as well as save enough money to go back to SA and buy ourselves a flat in Sandton. It was a great experience...

When we went back to SA it was to get my Aus visa, my husband had perm residency from his parents and because of our situation I could get in with him as his defacto partner. It was not hard to get the visa but it cost the earth and I felt very trapped into the whole immigration thing. My husband was basically moving here with or without me... he felt he owed it to his father to at least get his citizenship as it took them many years and a lot of money to give his kids this opportunity. I completely understood this but did not want to come. I am extremely close to my family and really they are my everything I was worried if I came here I would never move back to SA eventhough we said we would... I missed so much of their lives and they missed so much of mine while I travelled that when I got home I just loved seeing them all the time.

We were home for a year and I really hoped that it would help me to want to move to Aus cos you always hear such bad things when you are away and for some reason it seems so much worse... but I didn't! I loved every minute of being there and it just made it so much harder to leave. So in a nutshell I came here with my heels dug in, I did not want to be in Aus.

For the first 2 years I was terribly depressed but actually did not know it, my family was so worried about me and I can only see now what they were seeing when they saw photo's of me... no life or happiness in my eyes. It took a tragedy of my husband being involved in a terrible bike accident where his friend was killed in front of him to get us both to a councilor to actually realise that I was very sick.

I am much better now and much happier but completely unsettled - what a contradiction I know but its the only way to explain how I feel! I wish I knew how to make myself just be happy with being here... we do have friends, its been VERY hard to make but we finally have people we click with. We joined sports clubs when we arrived but found the people a bit strange and I joined a dance class but everyone was very clicky and didn't talk to new comers. I am a very social person so this was a real struggle for me. At first we loved meeting fellow South Africans but now we avoid them like the plague cos all they do is moan about SA and why they are here and how much better it is. I don't want to talk about that all the time... it makes me very sad cos all my family is there and its just depressing.

My family desperately want us to move back so that makes its hard... our friends are all happy and do very well in SA so its a struggle, I wish they would all say DON'T COME BACK!

I am not really sure why I am telling you all this - cos no one can really help me, but me... I guess its just good to know that there are other people out there going through what I am, it sux and I wish I wasn't in this position but at the same time feel so blessed!

[UnsureGC]

I feel that way too... eventhough I don't have children yet we are planning and the thought of going through my first pregnancy and then my parents first grandchild with them not being around kills me! I am not even pregnant and I want to cry at the thought... will my children even know their grandparents, aunts and uncles?

VERY SAD THOUGHT.... so I understand how you feel.

Good luck with your move

[Guest Mauritz]

I am much better now and much happier but completely unsettled

Many people miss family, friends and maybe just the familiar 'atmosphere' in South Africa. Without feeling that you'll do Australia/Australians an injustice - can you explain what you find very different/difficult here??? The last thing I want to see is anyone giving you a hard time, because you would like to go back to South Africa.

I defend Aus like a knight on a mission - although it's only my point of view. I'll be interested - you opinion of course regarding the difficulties and impossibilities.

Take care.

Edited February 15, 2008 by Mauritz

[Alibaba]

We are not there yet, and I think I'll miss SA, my family and friends terribly. However, this is the decision we made (for many, many reasons), and I'll give it my best shot.

We also have friends that came back from Aus and now regret their decision, they want to go again when they get the opportunity. That has to say something.

I am just wondering why people in Aus feel so horrible about missing their country and family. I think you are allowed to, but you also have to deal with your life as it is now. I long for many past things; friends I lost contact with, my childhood (much less responsibility), etc, but I don't live in the past because of that. I think about it every now-and-again, have my good memories, then get on with current things.

If you really want to, come back to SA (if you can find work that is) and see for yourself. Things have deteriorated the last few years for various reasons, but you can still live here, it's not unbearable (yet), but we chose to see what Aus has to offer us.

I'm sure every person handles this in a different way and I don't think there is a wrong or a right way here. You have to do what is best for you and your family.

[Enrica]

Its very easy to talk and say you dont know why people is Oz miss their country and their family. You are not there yet.You have no idea what you are talking about until you have migrated. It is the hardest thing you will ever do, so please dont judge any one until you have been thru what they are going thru.

Beleive me its not because they are ungrateful , but emmigration is not for the faint hearted.

The second year of your migration is harder that the first and all of you that still have to make the journey, be grateful that people like Unsure GC have opened the hearts. Forwarned is for armed, be prepared for the really bad moments adn days, and you will all have those moments. But take heart, it does get better.

Good luck to you all that still need to take those steps, and for those of you that are here....All I can say is Vas Byt.

[UnsureGC]

I'll be interested - you opinion of course regarding the difficulties and impossibilities.

I think our first problem was where we settled - we moved to the Gold Coast cos this is where my inlaws were... I struggled to find work and to get a salary that pays anything half decent was hard. I was lucky tho and found a job after 5 months and been there ever since. I also find the people on the coast very different, Aussies my age are not taking life seriously yet and so I then have to look to a much older generation and they already have kids. So its tough to find like minded people, similar age and in a similar place in their lives. Don't get me wrong I have older and younger friends but it would just be nice to have a few people who are in the same place as me to socialise with.

You are probably thinking we should move but its something I am just not strong enough to do again, I have just found my feet here and to uproot myself I don't think would be a wise idea so I guess I just have to make do with what I have.

Edited February 15, 2008 by UnsureGC

[Johnsons]

Thank you for this topic...

[Guest mrs mupersan]

Hi UnsureGC.

Thanks for opening up to us like you have.

(and thanks to the forum members for being kind - trolls excluded of course.....)

I spent a year in the UK on my own way back in '95 & I remember how homesick I was & how much I missed my family. You don't really realise how important they are until they're not just around the corner anymore! I'm terrified that I'll feel the same way as you're feeling now! This is a huge decision for us and I'm hoping it's not all just a big mistake.

However, there is one enormous difference which I picked up which may well be the exacerbating your situation. My family (parents, in-laws, grandparents, aunts & uncles) are all 100% behind us in our decision. They're sad to see us go, but would never encourage us NOT to go as they know that we have a chance at a bright future in Australia.

My family desperately want us to move back so that makes its hard... our friends are all happy and do very well in SA so its a struggle, I wish they would all say DON'T COME BACK!

Your family are doing the exact opposite, which must make it EXTREMELY difficult for you to let go a little and actually settle in Australia. My heart breaks when I hear that a parent puts so much pressure on their child to do what the parent wants instead of what is best for the child in the long term.

Is there any possibility of bringing your family over to Australia?

Mandy

[MelbournePienaars]

Thanks so much for all your replies, it’s definitely food for thought and some of your quotes actually brought tears to my eyes. A bit of my background is:

Finished school and studied for a year, I loved the idea of traveling and my parents gave me such a brilliant up bringing that I had the confidence to leave home at 20 with my boyfriend (husband now) and move to London. I was so excited to go and just live on my own... gosh what an eye opener, I was terribly homesick, we struggled financially for nearly a year to the point where we used to count our pounds every night to pay for things. What a learning curve and thank goodness we stuck it out - we grew so much and the opportunities we received from being in London were fantastic. We were able to travel all over Europe, worked on a ski resort and travelled around the US as well as save enough money to go back to SA and buy ourselves a flat in Sandton. It was a great experience...

When we went back to SA it was to get my Aus visa, my husband had perm residency from his parents and because of our situation I could get in with him as his defacto partner. It was not hard to get the visa but it cost the earth and I felt very trapped into the whole immigration thing. My husband was basically moving here with or without me... he felt he owed it to his father to at least get his citizenship as it took them many years and a lot of money to give his kids this opportunity. I completely understood this but did not want to come. I am extremely close to my family and really they are my everything I was worried if I came here I would never move back to SA eventhough we said we would... I missed so much of their lives and they missed so much of mine while I travelled that when I got home I just loved seeing them all the time.

We were home for a year and I really hoped that it would help me to want to move to Aus cos you always hear such bad things when you are away and for some reason it seems so much worse... but I didn't! I loved every minute of being there and it just made it so much harder to leave. So in a nutshell I came here with my heels dug in, I did not want to be in Aus.

For the first 2 years I was terribly depressed but actually did not know it, my family was so worried about me and I can only see now what they were seeing when they saw photo's of me... no life or happiness in my eyes. It took a tragedy of my husband being involved in a terrible bike accident where his friend was killed in front of him to get us both to a councilor to actually realise that I was very sick.

I am much better now and much happier but completely unsettled - what a contradiction I know but its the only way to explain how I feel! I wish I knew how to make myself just be happy with being here... we do have friends, its been VERY hard to make but we finally have people we click with. We joined sports clubs when we arrived but found the people a bit strange and I joined a dance class but everyone was very clicky and didn't talk to new comers. I am a very social person so this was a real struggle for me. At first we loved meeting fellow South Africans but now we avoid them like the plague cos all they do is moan about SA and why they are here and how much better it is. I don't want to talk about that all the time... it makes me very sad cos all my family is there and its just depressing.

My family desperately want us to move back so that makes its hard... our friends are all happy and do very well in SA so its a struggle, I wish they would all say DON'T COME BACK!

I am not really sure why I am telling you all this - cos no one can really help me, but me... I guess its just good to know that there are other people out there going through what I am, it sux and I wish I wasn't in this position but at the same time feel so blessed!

Wow Unsure - my heart goes out to you. It took me 3 years to settle in Dubai and then only really did after my two sisters joined us here and later Brent's parents too.

The only advice I can give you is for you and your hubby to cling to each other during this time until you do find your peace in all this. Sometimes these things can actually tear marriages apart so my hope for you is to cling to each other as it works itself out for you.

This past Christmas was hard for me when we spoke to the family back home on Skype and our 2 year old daughter saw her 5 cousins all playing together. Even through that deep sadness that she is missing out I am so aware that we have been put here for a reason and its not just been a choice thing.

Maybe it will help you to really seek to see this as a season and try find the good in this season and whatever you will learn, grow etc in this season will prepare you for the next which may very well be with your family. It would be so sad for you to be miserable all this time - almost as if you will loose this time to sadness and not enjoying the good things around you or elarn or grow from them. I am 100% sure your families deepest concern is for you to be happy.

Ahh shame man, sending you such happy thoughts and wishing you will feel comfort at such an emotional time!

[Antoinette]

I have the strong suspicion that the Saffers who are torn in two by their longing for their family, have family in South Africa who say to them all the time: "come back". That sucks. They need to support you in your decision, not make it harder for you? I have also come to the conclusion that some people do put their family above everything else. It must be a personality thing. My father always said to me "you must do what is right for you", even though I could see it was tearing him apart. He was a great man and successfully went on with his life while I did my UK spin. (I left 2 months after my mom died). Each to his own.

[StoneRose]

Its very easy to talk and say you dont know why people is Oz miss their country and their family. You are not there yet.You have no idea what you are talking about until you have migrated. It is the hardest thing you will ever do, so please dont judge any one until you have been thru what they are going thru.

Beleive me its not because they are ungrateful , but emmigration is not for the faint hearted.

The second year of your migration is harder that the first and all of you that still have to make the journey, be grateful that people like Unsure GC have opened the hearts. Forwarned is for armed, be prepared for the really bad moments adn days, and you will all have those moments. But take heart, it does get better.

Good luck to you all that still need to take those steps, and for those of you that are here....All I can say is Vas Byt.

Hi Almal wat verlang na Suid Afrika

Het julle al beleef as iemand oorlede is dat mens net die goeie onthou dit is sekerlik dieselfde as om jou wortels te lig en land vir wie jy lief is te verlaat jy. Jy vir seker jy met verlange jou geboorte alles rooskleuriger onthou sal word. Ons as gesin het nou besluit ons kan nie meer hier bly nie.

En dit is 'n besluit wat ek gedink het nooit sal kom nie want ek is baie lief vir my familie en ons bly almal in dieselfde dorp.

Maar kom ek gee julle net so kykie op die Beeld se voorblad op die 14 de Feb Valentynsdag hier is die opskrifte : BL1 ;Trauma Tydbom 9 voorvalle van kinders wat dood wat vermoor of direk deur misdaad geraak is: Emily (12) Koel getref dood (12Feb08) Razelle(18) vyf keer geskiet tydens inbraak (4Feb08) 4 Kinders (10,9,6 en 3) kyk toe hoe hulle pa doodgeskiet word by huisroof(6Jan08) Mnr Cohen doodgeskiet toe hy seun by sokker oefen gaan haal (29Jan08)Natasha (18) ddogeskiet tydens inbraak(3Apr07) Moiko(9) Keel afgesny word in sak gekry nadat hy vermis geraak het (30Apr07) Emile (7) oorleef tweede motorkaping "vra herhaardelik nou "maak baddies kinders ook seer" en vele meer. En misdaad is slegs een van die redes wat aangevoer kan word. Studies by skole wys 20 - 40% van Suid Afrikaanse kinders aan algehele posttraumatiese stress ly. Kinders word bang groot. Polisie statestiek van kinders : 1075 Kinders moordslagoffers

Bykans 24000 verkragting slagoffers.

Wat was op die voorblad van die koerant in Australia waar jy bly?

Liefde vir ons geboorteland word nou n plek in ons hart wat ons kan oopmaak en goeie ou dae kan onthou, maar dit is weg en ons sal daardie plek nooit weer kan besoek nie maar wel kan onthou en nooit nooit kan vergeet nie.

Groete uit Suid Afrika

My man het Dinsdag 19 Feb sy eerste onderhoud met n Australiese werkgewer!

[Juba]

Hi Unsure

We are not in Aus yet but can relate to what you are saying and how you are feeling. We have been living in the UK for almost 4 years now and we find it hard to imagine calling this country home, hence the move to AUS.

If we could we would go back tomorrow.

It is sad that you guys are avoiding other saffas and we know how hard it is to face reality, ie crime, corruption etc. when you still have family in SA. Both my wife and I are very close to our families and care a great deal about them so it is sad to know that they are still living in SA but remember one thing. All or most of the saffas living in other countries have one thing in commom. SA just got too much for them and it is an easy topic that most can relate to. I think that they too feel bad about leaving friends behind and I am sure that it is not their intention to upset you.

From personal experience, I know how easy it is to go on about how bad SA is etc.

Since we have made the decision to move to Aus we are not as happy here in the UK as we were before but we will not go back to SA. The main reason being our little boy. It would be more difficult once you have a child to cope without your family, but having a child may also change your view about staying in Aus. A child makes a big difference in ones life and we would do anything for our little son.

Once you guys have your first child you may understand this. We often consider going back to SA despite all the crime but then argue, why go back and in 18 years' time our child or children would leave the country and we would be the ones left behind.

We wish you all the best of luck