Honest opinions, will I fail or get over my attitude?

[vitchie]

Hi all

I Landed here a week and a half ago and I am really battling. I have had a very soft landing. I Come without family and living with friends. Everyone here is very helpful, packing me lunches, making me dinner, dropping me at the train station etc. I have also met with 3-4 different South African friends. I have a well-paying job in North Sydney and that is going just so so. A small startup company that don't really seem to know what they are doing. I don't suspect that I would last here for long.

My issue, I don't think I am committed enough for this. My wife and kids are still in South Africa, they packed our container last Friday. I asked the shipping company to store the stuff in South Africa first as I am having serious second thoughts.

I'm not looking for justifications to stay, just your honest opinion if you guys think it is possible to make it through this tough process with my frame of mind.

I come from a relatively comfortable position in South Africa and I am 36. Having a decent income but much in terms of life/retirement savings. My kids are 11 and 6, with the youngest starting school next year.

I have had some doubts before I left, but eventually "just closed my eyes and jumped", hoping I could reconcile my heart with my mind here. In my head I know the reasons, but I don't feel the same in my heart.

I am worried about the following:
1. The guilt of leaving brothers, sisters and parents behind is consuming me. We have no family here and we are a closely-knit family that regularly see and support each other. They also play a major role my our kids' lives.
2. Retirement. We are coming here with very little savings, the kind that can be wiped out in 3 months. Not sure how we will ever buy property. From what I see the Australian super/pension is designed with the assumption that you will own some sort of property by retirement age.
3. Identity. I am losing myself. There are parts of my personality, be it good or bad that I would need to kill off completely to make this transition. How can I be a proper father to my kids in their formative year if I have no idea of who I am anymore. I have never struggled with depression, but since starting the application process in 2015 I have so depressed. Now that I am here in Sydney I am borderline suicidal.
4. Decision-making/ticking boxes. I found that some of the reasons for our decision is has been, "we have done so much, we cannot give up now." I am wondering is that really a good enough reason if you're not convinced in your heart?
5. Regrets. We spent a lot of money on this process so far. We have also sold our house and found a new job for the domestic. I would still rather regret those and restart in SA than regret disrupting my kid's lives in their formative years by moving to Oz and back to SA 6 months later.
6. Career. I need time to regain my confidence in my career. This past year really affected my confidence. I only started doing c# development again at the beginning of 2015 (after doing other non development related product work for 7 years). Without a network or any familiarity I am really just a beginner now. I cannot adjust to a new life/everything in Australia while I am essentially relearning my job too. 

The reasoning we used yesterday to keep us carry on is to maybe rent a furnished apartment for 6 months and see how it goes and keep our stuff in storage in SA for a while. I definitely cannot commit to 2-4 years yet. We even kept our daughter's places in their school in SA.

The issue is that my wife will probably resent me for not allowing them the chance to also experience it here, but moving back after a longer period just seems too disruptive to the kids for me.

My opinion, which might be wrong, is that a lot of people last it out, not because they want to, but because they have to. For reason like:

•     Kids adjusted but parents not. Cannot uproot the kids again
•     One parent adjusted and other not. 
•     Cannot afford to go back. 
•     Pride

 

I am also flying back on 22 December and have our 1 way tickets booked for 27 December. Oh how I am dreading that trip seeing everyone having to say goodbye.

 

I know my attitude is completely wrong. I just want to ask everyone, have you seen anyone with my kind of attitude get here and change enough eventually to adapt for the better, or does it seem unlikely?

I would really appreciate your honest opinions.

Edited November 29, 2016 by vitchie

[TamTam]

On ‎12‎/‎7‎/‎2016 at 11:16 PM, RedPanda said:

I hope the company has helped?

Immigration really is like cycling uphill, we each have our own struggle, but we are doing it together in a group, and when we see someone struggling particularly hard, we all cheer them on because we know it's worth it.

Slow and steady, you'll get there.  

 

On ‎5‎/‎18‎/‎2017 at 0:01 AM, Sassyninja said:

Thats what we said when we moved, if we make this decision thats it, we HAVE to make it work. There was no going back for us, other than holidays, but also we only plan to holiday after 2 years to give ourselves a chance at success here. 

I must admit its now been 11 months and its breaking my heart that i never hear from my best friend anymore, as much as I have tried from my side. ?

Time to join a class of sorts and put ourselves out there. 

All the best with your move. I am certain you will make it this time! 

 

@Sassyninja regarding friends - I found that with friends still back in South Africa it's a case of out of sight, out of mind. And though it hurts, it's reality. We moved to The Netherlands prior to our Oz move and making friends (or trying to) has been a real eye opener.

[Africangirl]

Hi vitchie

just read all of this and wondering how you’re doing now? How are you adjusting this time? 

[vitchie]

On 28/04/2018 at 2:38 PM, Africangirl said:

Hi vitchie

just read all of this and wondering how you’re doing now? How are you adjusting this time? 

 

Hi there. We are still in Sydney and have gotten used to life here and integrated fairly well. Figured out how most things work and life has become normal again. We had my sister from SA visit us in December and my parents were here for 3 weeks and they returned to SA last week. It is really hard after family visits come to an end.

 

Honestly, I am ok while I keep busy and keep myself distracted. I have thrown myself into my 4x4 and camping hobbies, although it can get expensive trying to stay busy the whole time. Whenever I sit still on a weekend or weekday I cannot help but long for our family and friends in SA. 

 

I know this place is safer and has a more secure future, but that all means a lot less if we cannot share it with our loved ones.

 

We have been here for 10 months now. This journey including the LSD in 2015 and application process has already consumed the past 3 years of my life. I cannot say it has been the best 3 years of my life.

 

So yeah, in a nutshell, just holding on and hoping it gets better.

[Africangirl]

Good to hear you sounding a lot more positive. Being able to go camping safely is a huge benefit!! 

[RedPanda]

12 hours ago, vitchie said:

 

Hi there. We are still in Sydney and have gotten used to life here and integrated fairly well. Figured out how most things work and life has become normal again. We had my sister from SA visit us in December and my parents were here for 3 weeks and they returned to SA last week. It is really hard after family visits come to an end.

 

Honestly, I am ok while I keep busy and keep myself distracted. I have thrown myself into my 4x4 and camping hobbies, although it can get expensive trying to stay busy the whole time. Whenever I sit still on a weekend or weekday I cannot help but long for our family and friends in SA. 

 

I know this place is safer and has a more secure future, but that all means a lot less if we cannot share it with our loved ones.

 

We have been here for 10 months now. This journey including the LSD in 2015 and application process has already consumed the past 3 years of my life. I cannot say it has been the best 3 years of my life.

 

So yeah, in a nutshell, just holding on and hoping it gets better.

Are you camping with other people? Like a local camping group, or a hiking group?  I know one cannot replace loved people, it doesn't work like that, but it's very important to have friends in your life where you are living so you can share things with them. Are you making new friends in Australia?

Glad to hear you are doing a bit better. Hold on. Most people say it takes about 3 years (of living in a new place) to get used to it and settled in.

[vitchie]

11 hours ago, RedPanda said:

Are you camping with other people? Like a local camping group, or a hiking group?  I know one cannot replace loved people, it doesn't work like that, but it's very important to have friends in your life where you are living so you can share things with them. Are you making new friends in Australia?

Glad to hear you are doing a bit better. Hold on. Most people say it takes about 3 years (of living in a new place) to get used to it and settled in.

 

Hi RedPanda. We are camping with other people. We actually have 3-4 sets of friends close to where we stay. We usually go camping with any of these. All of them are South African, we haven't managed to make Australian friends yet. I seem to get on pretty well with expats like the Irish, Brazilian, French and Indian, but all in a work context.

[Rhyss]

On 4/30/2018 at 7:53 AM, vitchie said:

We have been here for 10 months now. This journey including the LSD in 2015 and application process has already consumed the past 3 years of my life. I cannot say it has been the best 3 years of my life.

vitchie, these few words stuck a chord with me. I've been here 17years. Our kids were just toddlers when we arrived, now they're adults and fully assimilated Aussies. For me the first 10 years flew by so quickly I can hardy recall the details. I was so busy working my backside off playing catch up. It takes a while to make up for the initial set back in finances (bloody expensive and the rondt does not go far) trying to gain the local yet essential career experience, keeping the family happily settled, buying a house, making new friends and trying very hard to feel part of this new life. Fast fwd 17 years and I think we as a family managed to accomplish what we set out to do. Kids are 100% settled and more Aussie than they are Saffa, we have the nice house, good lifestyle etc. Now that the "kids" have their own lives my wife and I find this massive hole in our lives. We've missed being with our parents as they grow old, we miss our siblings and all the important family gatherings. We recently went back to SA without the kids to assist with an elderly parent with medical issues and broke our heart not to be there for them. But at the same time we missed our kids and wanted to be back in Aus with them.

 

We hugged our old friends and enjoyed a wonderful time together, in fact it seemed like we'd never been away. I watched my youngest nephew play cricket, my niece sing at a school concert and helped our oldest nephew on his new house. I felt like an "uncle" which was just great. Popped in to help my Mom with some chores which she's no longer able to do and visited old work colleagues who were genuinely happy to see me. We spoke like it was just yesterday that we were working together. I did not think that after 17 years I'd feel more homesick than at any time during our move. It's weird and I'm finding that it occupies my thoughts.......a lot!        

[vitchie]

14 hours ago, Rhyss said:

vitchie, these few words stuck a chord with me. I've been here 17years. Our kids were just toddlers when we arrived, now they're adults and fully assimilated Aussies. For me the first 10 years flew by so quickly I can hardy recall the details. I was so busy working my backside off playing catch up. It takes a while to make up for the initial set back in finances (bloody expensive and the rondt does not go far) trying to gain the local yet essential career experience, keeping the family happily settled, buying a house, making new friends and trying very hard to feel part of this new life. Fast fwd 17 years and I think we as a family managed to accomplish what we set out to do. Kids are 100% settled and more Aussie than they are Saffa, we have the nice house, good lifestyle etc. Now that the "kids" have their own lives my wife and I find this massive hole in our lives. We've missed being with our parents as they grow old, we miss our siblings and all the important family gatherings. We recently went back to SA without the kids to assist with an elderly parent with medical issues and broke our heart not to be there for them. But at the same time we missed our kids and wanted to be back in Aus with them.

 

We hugged our old friends and enjoyed a wonderful time together, in fact it seemed like we'd never been away. I watched my youngest nephew play cricket, my niece sing at a school concert and helped our oldest nephew on his new house. I felt like an "uncle" which was just great. Popped in to help my Mom with some chores which she's no longer able to do and visited old work colleagues who were genuinely happy to see me. We spoke like it was just yesterday that we were working together. I did not think that after 17 years I'd feel more homesick than at any time during our move. It's weird and I'm finding that it occupies my thoughts.......a lot!        

 

Hi @Rhyss, wow, what an account. Thank you so much for your honesty. Yeah I guess for some of us it is harder than others to accept leaving everyone behind.

[Africangirl]

Rhyss, your response makes me feel so sad. It still feels ok for now while everything is new and relatively exciting but I have the horrors that down the line I’ll feel desperately homesick without prospects of returning. I feel that things are ok while my parents are (fairly) fit and healthy and still have each other. I worry every day that they are not being security conscious. I worry that they won’t tell me if something goes wrong. I’m sure they are thinking about me just as much! Just not right that families have to be torn apart. 

[RedPanda]

2 minutes ago, Africangirl said:

Rhyss, your response makes me feel so sad. It still feels ok for now while everything is new and relatively exciting but I have the horrors that down the line I’ll feel desperately homesick without prospects of returning. I feel that things are ok while my parents are (fairly) fit and healthy and still have each other. I worry every day that they are not being security conscious. I worry that they won’t tell me if something goes wrong. I’m sure they are thinking about me just as much! Just not right that families have to be torn apart. 

This is unfortunately part of the bad side of emigration. The best you can hope for is that people cooperate over the distance. You have my sincere empathy in this matter.

[RYLC]

On 01/05/2018 at 5:28 PM, Rhyss said:

vitchie, these few words stuck a chord with me. I've been here 17years. Our kids were just toddlers when we arrived, now they're adults and fully assimilated Aussies. For me the first 10 years flew by so quickly I can hardy recall the details. I was so busy working my backside off playing catch up. It takes a while to make up for the initial set back in finances (bloody expensive and the rondt does not go far) trying to gain the local yet essential career experience, keeping the family happily settled, buying a house, making new friends and trying very hard to feel part of this new life. Fast fwd 17 years and I think we as a family managed to accomplish what we set out to do. Kids are 100% settled and more Aussie than they are Saffa, we have the nice house, good lifestyle etc. Now that the "kids" have their own lives my wife and I find this massive hole in our lives. We've missed being with our parents as they grow old, we miss our siblings and all the important family gatherings. We recently went back to SA without the kids to assist with an elderly parent with medical issues and broke our heart not to be there for them. But at the same time we missed our kids and wanted to be back in Aus with them.

 

We hugged our old friends and enjoyed a wonderful time together, in fact it seemed like we'd never been away. I watched my youngest nephew play cricket, my niece sing at a school concert and helped our oldest nephew on his new house. I felt like an "uncle" which was just great. Popped in to help my Mom with some chores which she's no longer able to do and visited old work colleagues who were genuinely happy to see me. We spoke like it was just yesterday that we were working together. I did not think that after 17 years I'd feel more homesick than at any time during our move. It's weird and I'm finding that it occupies my thoughts.......a lot!        

 

Rhyss I  agree with this mostly. We have found a new kind of normal here in Australia after 17 years. The yearning never completely goes and is mostly keenly felt at Christmas for me. Having said that though, even if we had stayed in RSA, we would have had to find a new kind of normal there too.  My parents are deceased now and my school friends have scattered to various corners of the world. There really aren't many people left there who make up my history and even old haunts are unrecognisably third world now.  I'm in constant contact with my siblings so we are present in each other's lives. It's really just not gathering at the Christmas table that hurts, especially as our Aussie friends chat about their get-togethers with extended family, summer holidays at the family beach house / grandparents farm etc. That's when I feel it most.  So we keep busy, plan a trip etc for those times so that we have something to look forward to. We all keep saying: immigration is tough (in ways you never expected) but I'd still do it again in a heart beat.

 

 

[Africangirl]

On 04/05/2018 at 11:10 PM, RedPanda said:

This is unfortunately part of the bad side of emigration. The best you can hope for is that people cooperate over the distance. You have my sincere empathy in this matter.

Thank you RedPanda. Things are so good here.. I’m just feeling displaced, I guess. 

[Mara]

I have to admit, I often have the same feelings. We have been out of RSA for 24 years and in Australia for 20. I agree with @RYLC Christmas is the worst time for me.. especially the last five years, since our kids mostly do their own thing. There is a hole in my heart when I think of my family on that day... whilst we lived in South Africa, the family always gathered wherever my mother was... we were five children with out spouses and between us there are 11 grandchildren, many of whom were already married at the time, with children of their own. So a big gathering as you can imagine. Now that we are preparing to retire, it seems that I sometimes feel a little lost... the thought has crossed my mind, that it is probably because I do not live such a highly pressurised life anymore... I guess the only thing a person can do, is like a friend always says "time to put on your big girl pants... count your blessings and do not dwell on the past", sometimes easy to say, but much harder to carry out.

 

All of us have a story to tell! 

[RedPanda]

3 hours ago, Mara said:

I have to admit, I often have the same feelings. We have been out of RSA for 24 years and in Australia for 20. I agree with @RYLC Christmas is the worst time for me.. especially the last five years, since our kids mostly do their own thing. There is a hole in my heart when I think of my family on that day... whilst we lived in South Africa, the family always gathered wherever my mother was... we were five children with out spouses and between us there are 11 grandchildren, many of whom were already married at the time, with children of their own. So a big gathering as you can imagine. Now that we are preparing to retire, it seems that I sometimes feel a little lost... the thought has crossed my mind, that it is probably because I do not live such a highly pressurised life anymore... I guess the only thing a person can do, is like a friend always says "time to put on your big girl pants... count your blessings and do not dwell on the past", sometimes easy to say, but much harder to carry out.

 

All of us have a story to tell! 

I really recommend getting involved in a local social activity, be it volunteering somewhere like an animal shelter or finding a hobby group that gathers on a regular basis(if hosting is what you enjoy, find out if you can volunteer to host). Being involved in something that has momentum helps a lot to keep one from falling into ruminating habits. 

[Rhyss]

On 5/4/2018 at 9:06 PM, Africangirl said:

Rhyss, your response makes me feel so sad. It still feels ok for now while everything is new and relatively exciting but I have the horrors that down the line I’ll feel desperately homesick without prospects of returning. I feel that things are ok while my parents are (fairly) fit and healthy and still have each other. I worry every day that they are not being security conscious. I worry that they won’t tell me if something goes wrong. I’m sure they are thinking about me just as much! Just not right that families have to be torn apart. 

@AfricangirlI can assure you that your parents are thinking about you more than you know and certainly more than they will admit. My father was very supportive of our plans to emigrate and never had a negative thing to say, only words of encouragement. He reassured me that we were doing the right thing and showered us with words of encouragement that you'd expect from a loving father and committed family man. What I did not know is that he was heartbroken! A few years later my older brother decided to follow us to Aus and that really flawed my Dad. Not only did he wave his two sons goodbye but also his grandchildren who were the heart and soul of his life. I did not know this until after he passed away and one of my uncles confided in me. It hurt me to know that on the surface he was so brave and unselfish yet deep inside he was hurting. When we spoke on the phone he was always upbeat and very happy for us. We lived our lives on Skype and emailed them photos of our kids school and sports activities but they were never there to celebrate these special occasions with us. I feel like I robbed them of their grandchildren and my kids of their grandparents. I know this sounds all too dramatic but the reality is that families are wired to stay together. Some families wires are stronger than others but I know that I'd love nothing more than to be around for my elderly Mom, just to be there when they need us most. Sadly my Dad has passed away and I regret not being around for the tie when he was in need of us the most.

 

The million dollar question.......would I have made the move 17yrs ago if I know how I feel now. Answer.......I really don't know!     

[Rhyss]

5 hours ago, Mara said:

I have to admit, I often have the same feelings. We have been out of RSA for 24 years and in Australia for 20. I agree with @RYLC Christmas is the worst time for me.. especially the last five years, since our kids mostly do their own thing. There is a hole in my heart when I think of my family on that day... whilst we lived in South Africa, the family always gathered wherever my mother was... we were five children with out spouses and between us there are 11 grandchildren, many of whom were already married at the time, with children of their own. So a big gathering as you can imagine. Now that we are preparing to retire, it seems that I sometimes feel a little lost... the thought has crossed my mind, that it is probably because I do not live such a highly pressurised life anymore... I guess the only thing a person can do, is like a friend always says "time to put on your big girl pants... count your blessings and do not dwell on the past", sometimes easy to say, but much harder to carry out.

 

All of us have a story to tell! 

@Mara you're so right, we all have a story to tell. When I asked my daughter what was the best holiday she'd been on she did not hesitate for one second, it was Xmas in SA with our family. We stayed with my brother (before he emigrated) and woke up on Xmas morning to a house full of kids and excitement. Then our folks arrived for breakfast and the xmas present opening session, it was magical. We headed out to another family member for lunch before gathering again for Xmas evening where there were about 30 family and old friends ranging in age from babies to 90yr old grannies and grandpa's. By the teime we left we felt like we needed a holiday as it was an overdose of family and friends, a genuine heartfelt lekker time!

 

[SimpleSimon]

7 hours ago, Rhyss said:

When I asked my daughter what was the best holiday she'd been on she did not hesitate for one second, it was Xmas in SA with our family.

We are friends with a Persian lady. After the Iranian regime took 2 outspoken brothers and a sister into captivity never to be seen again, she decided that she needed to leave with the remaining siblings and her mother. They escaped on the back of a Ute/bakkie across the border into Turkey. Then after braving refugee camps they eventually were accepted as refugees in Australia.

She has studied biomedical engineering at an English speaking university, got married and is now expecting her first child. She has a senior responsible role n Australia. If she goes back to Iran she will be arrested immediately and it is unlikely she will survive the interrogation.

 

Contrast that with the average South African immigrant to Australia. We have great education, come to high paying jobs and live a lifestyle that puts us in the top 1% of the world. And as @Rhyss points out we can travel back to our homeland at anytime and have a terrific holiday. Yet we complain about how tough is immigration. 

[Rhyss]

29 minutes ago, SimpleSimon said:

We are friends with a Persian lady. After the Iranian regime took 2 outspoken brothers and a sister into captivity never to be seen again, she decided that she needed to leave with the remaining siblings and her mother. They escaped on the back of a Ute/bakkie across the border into Turkey. Then after braving refugee camps they eventually were accepted as refugees in Australia.

She has studied biomedical engineering at an English speaking university, got married and is now expecting her first child. She has a senior responsible role n Australia. If she goes back to Iran she will be arrested immediately and it is unlikely she will survive the interrogation.

 

Contrast that with the average South African immigrant to Australia. We have great education, come to high paying jobs and live a lifestyle that puts us in the top 1% of the world. And as @Rhyss points out we can travel back to our homeland at anytime and have a terrific holiday. Yet we complain about how tough is immigration. 

Last year our company employed an Iranian bloke who came to Australia by boat via Indonesia as any illegal asylum seeker in an effort to escape the hardship and violence. I did not know this until we were chatting one day and he said that he was trying to get his wife and young daughter to Aus but as asylum seeker it's not that easy. He told me about his journey and the hardship that he has experienced not only getting to Aus but not having not seen his wife and daughter in over 5 years. I agree but it does not lighten the burden of those South Africans who left SA, their families and everything thy know and are familiar with to seek better and safer lives for their families. I can assure you that there are many Saffas sitting in Aus (and elsewhere) who's decision to relocate to Aus was more push than pull.

[Africangirl]

You make an excellent point Simon. And probably just what I needed to hear to pull my self towards myself. I think I’m making myself worse by feeling sorry for myself. There is a lot to be grateful for, by just being in this safe place and in such good circumstances. My parents cannot join me in living here but they have both of my siblings within easy reach of them. My living near them in Johannesburg didn’t make them any safer. My worrying about them doesn’t make them any safer either. I’m enjoying the input from you all. It is very helpful. 

[Rhyss]

@RYLC great post, why was it deleted?

[RYLC]

I deleted it. Couldn’t face the “discussion” /persuasion that would follow. Not tonight anyway. Anniversaries and such at the moment.  You’ll understand I know...

Edited May 7, 2018 by RYLC

[vitchie]

It good to know that at least I am not alone in the way that I am feeling. I think many expats that I meet cover this more vulnerable side of themselves behind a mask. I find it hard to trust those that say they have never looked back and this is the best thing ever. For some reason I find it very important to acknowledge who and what was left behind. For me it is obviously family and friends as well as the way of life. I had a little bit of naivety left in my "old" life. I find that this has been such an awakening and that life is now just the product of rational thinking and outcomes. I find it very hard to come to terms with the softer and deeper aspects of life as it feels like I have lost /sacrificed something very important.

Edited May 7, 2018 by vitchie

[Mara]

These threads are not a competition to see who had the most difficult time in reaching Australia... that is altogether another discussion!

 

This was just about how, although we are very happy here, there are times in our lives, in our new country, where we are sad, nostalgic, lonely, and hankering back to the strings that pull at our hearts. Family will always do this, regardless of where you are.

 

In my case Christmas is a joyous time and very sad for me. We arrived in New Zealand on the 13th December 1993, my mother passed away on the 21st December and her funeral was on the 24th December.  Then a number of years ago, my eldest sister passed away on Christmas Day. I cannot help but think of them when Christmas comes around....

[Rhyss]

Totally agree, these discussions are in no ways meant to be a debate about who had it tougher than the next family. My comments and reason for contributing to this thread was based on how surprised I am that after almost 18 years of life in Australia I feel more "homesick" for SA now than ever before. I don't believe that I'm being nostalgic as I'm certainly not hankering for the past but as time has passed I feel like there's a huge chunk missing. Is it my family, culture, sense of belonging? I don't know and it's hard to tell but what I do now is when I'm in SA around those special people and feeling totally at home, that feeling is gone. The head scratching part is that if you get all technical about which is better (living in SA or Aus) and make a list of "good vs bad" then living in Australia wins hands down every time. Some say follow your heart, others say follow your head?????

 

On the topic of debating the good and the bad, one of the most frustrating things I find in the expat community is those who make it their life's mission to run SA down. It's an easy target and you're never short of facts but IMO it's some kind of feel good justification process. But one has to be careful. A friend (read as acquaintance) who was at school with me landed up in Perth and we got along well except for his constant running down of SA. Not a day went by without him posting links to some or other crime related story from SA and especially our hometown. Everyone he knew was being robbed, mugged and shot at daily....well according to his posts. But when his house was burgled in Perth, not a word on FaceBook. His wife's car was stolen and found burnt out, again not a word on FaceBook. He lost his job in Perth and struggled for a long time, eventually he lost his house and landed up getting divorced. A terrible situation to find yourself but now he's back in CT with a good job and apparently rather happy.

[Rhyss]

2 hours ago, Mara said:

These threads are not a competition to see who had the most difficult time in reaching Australia... that is altogether another discussion!

 

This was just about how, although we are very happy here, there are times in our lives, in our new country, where we are sad, nostalgic, lonely, and hankering back to the strings that pull at our hearts. Family will always do this, regardless of where you are.

 

In my case Christmas is a joyous time and very sad for me. We arrived in New Zealand on the 13th December 1993, my mother passed away on the 21st December and her funeral was on the 24th December.  Then a number of years ago, my eldest sister passed away on Christmas Day. I cannot help but think of them when Christmas comes around....

@Mara we're all affected differently by these life changing events. My wife loves going back to SA but she does not like going to the shopping centre where she and her mom spent a lot of time together as she says that she can't help feeling like she's going to bump into her mom. Yet I have mixed feelings about going into the hardware store where my dad had his "pensioners job". Sometimes I'm keen to walk through and almost feel his presence and other times I'd prefer not to visit the store. Weird, depends on one's mood I suppose?