The ugly truth

[FlowersInOz]

But one thing you have to do is talk about the way you feel, which is what you are doing, that is a good thing, keeping it all bottled up inside is no good. My husband and I have always had communication...on the days he is finding it tough, I help him and he helps me on my bad days...

I've heard it said before that depression is nothing more than feelings you've stuffed down in the past, trying to resurface for resolution, so yes talking about it is a huge step in recovery and healing.

[AndreaL]

I would cry in the shops because I didn't know what brands to buy (but am getting to know those too.)

I would cry because clothes and shoes are so expensive (I bought at LEAST one item of clothing a week for myself or my daughter). I shop to relax...here I cannot do that.

Thank you for being so honest.

I think I felt much the same as you when I arrived in December 2005, we had $5000 to our name and had to put a deposit on a car and a rental, I had one child about to start school and one starting to walk and absolutely no-one to turn to- I didn't let my family know how I felt because I didn't want to worry them.

For me the turning point was meeting the wife of one of hubby's work mates- as soon as I met her I burst into tears- what a kind wonderful person, they were so good to us on so many levels and now nearly 5 years later I count them as my "Australian family", they are over in Perth but we catch up all the time.

I hated shopping because everything was expensive and every brand I tried we hated- my how we change though, a few weeks ago I bought some spur sauce- and boy it was disgusting, I threw it away!

My saviour was op-shops- there are some really good ones with top quality items, so look around and try and indulge yourself, be kind to yourself as often as you can.

I have to say that I thought I would settle in no problem after having emigrated from the UK to RSA in my teens then back to the UK at 21, then back to RSA at 25........... the difference I think was because I now had children and was always trying to do the right thing by them........... that said, right from day one I would sometimes feel absolutely joyous about being in Australia, about feeling safe, about walking on a beautiful beach, about seeing my child get her first school certificate and so on.

Everytime I hear the song " In the Summertime" by Thirstymerc, it takes me back to one of the happiest days I ever had in Perth, not a very special day, but a day when I felt that things would be O.K. in Australia, that we did have a future here, that no matter how big the problem- something would come along.

Now I am approacing the 5 year mark, I love my life, I am studying- that would not have been possible for me in RSA- my kids are happy, hubby has a good job and I have forgotten so many things about South Africa- I will always have wonderful memories and frienships from those days, but can't imagine being any other place than Australia.

I do miss my family, but they are scattered all over the globe anyway, fortunately, travel is so much easier these days and we have skype.

My sister emigrated to Ireland in November last year and is having a very difficult time missing family- it is all very well for me to tell her that it will get easier but you simply can't move forward until you have grieved and said goodbye to the past.

Thank you for your courage in sharing your pain with us........ for you I wish that each day becomes easier and includes a little more joy.......... on a practical level, why don't you and hubby agree to sit down in one year from today with the post you have just written and see what has changed, what you can change and what you have to accept and remember, you can change your mind............... if Australia is not the place you want to be in then make that change too.

Just know that so many of us have felt the way you do today and hope that "this too shall pass"

[FlowersInOz]

My sister emigrated to Ireland in November last year and is having a very difficult time missing family- it is all very well for me to tell her that it will get easier but you simply can't move forward until you have grieved and said goodbye to the past.

You've hit the nail smack on the head. Well said.

[MichelleO]

Wow, there are so many truly caring and wonderful people on this forum.

Thank you all for your posts and your PM's, it means SO very much to have complete starngers offer support and understanding.

So many of you have felt or feel this way and it's good to know that even if my posting this helps one person, then my honesty was well worth it.

My cousin has been a HUGE help...without her, I can guarantee we would be back in SA already! I think that her having been in Europe for the last month made it harder for me. She is back now and is running around like a crazy thing trying to ensure that we settle easier and stay in Oz! To those that have no family at all...an enormous congrats for making it work here...and to those who are still on there way...Point Cook is the place to go for the support of other Saffers...the ladies there are awesome and so if you are wondering about areas to start off in and that is an option, it'd be well worth it!

I'm gonna get back on my essential fatty acids as those work wonders for depression...so don't y'all worry about me! I am also extremely fortunate to have a very supportive and understanding husband who puts up with me and my emotional breakdowns and helps me as much as he possibly can! If it weren't for him i'd be a complete wreck!

Thanks again to everyone, you are a very special bunch!

[Queensland Girl]

YOU GO GIRL!!!!

[Zululand]

Hang in there Michelle,

The cold, overcast weather in Melbourne is also a bit depressing. You'll feel better when it warms up! I REALLY miss Zululand winters... but I'm hoping that summer here will be more pleasant than there.

Point Cook is a great place to settle if you intend moving to Melbourne. I have met many South Africans here (at least three use the same bus as me, although I haven't got to know any of them). We were fortunate to have met some great people in Point Cook soon after arriving here and have stayed in touch with them.

To those still deciding whether or not to emigrate... know one thing: your current relationships with family & friends in RSA (as in how much time you spend with them) will be the biggest factor in whether or not you will struggle to settle in Australia.

Good luck!

[rozellem]

http://www.sabona.com.au/articles_detail.e...ing=IMMIGRATING

I have just read this and thought it would be very helpful for you, and me, and many other people going through this life changing thing that is immigration. We should actually be forced to read this once a week. All the best.

[Riekie]

http://www.sabona.com.au/articles_detail.e...ing=IMMIGRATING

I have just read this and thought it would be very helpful for you, and me, and many other people going through this life changing thing that is immigration. We should actually be forced to read this once a week. All the best.

My favourite part of that piece was point 9. Even after almost 6 years in Oz, it was still a lightbulb moment.

I don't fully agree with trusting fellow Saffers simply because they are fellow immigrants. I've been screwed over twice in Australia - one was a fellow Saffer immigrant and one was a UK immigrant...

To everyone going through a tough time emotionally or in any way adjusting and finding happiness in Australia, you're in my thoughts. Hang in there, it WILL all pass in good time. When you're ready, you'll move on - don't force it. It all falls into place in a different way for everyone. Some take days, some take years. After all this time in Oz, I still have my moments. It's not all moonshine and roses but it sure is a thousand times better than what I left behind.

[Queensland Girl]

Agree with Riekie.

We were also screwed over by South African ex pats when we arrived.

[Emille]

Michelle

My suggestion would be this:

1) stay 1 year, go through all the (e)motions

2) if you dont feel better then go back to SA for a month (without your husband)

3) come back to Aus and stay another 6 months and then consider your options

[candivw]

Agree with Riekie.

We were also screwed over by South African ex pats when we arrived.

Us too, and I refused to offer anyone advice or help for ages afterwards but I have now made my peace with it and will continue to help if I can.

[Dylan Winik]

Hi Michelle,

I hope you feeling a little better. My name is Dylan and I arrived in Sydney from JHB on the 1st of April 2010.

The first few months I found it easy but now I am struggling beyond belief..

I am not married so I arrived on my own knowing very little people and coming into Australia on a 457 sponsorship visa..

firstly I work 45km's from home for a company that treats me like absolute and calls me names such as "kaffir" and other South African related names... I am bound to this company.. I know 457 is transferable but I have found it impossible to find a company willing to take it over. I have been for 100's of interviews and most companies have said I suite the position perfectly but they will not sponsor.. Not to mention this company pays me and I am struggling to survive in Sydney..

I met an amazing Australian girl 6 weeks ago and we have seen each other everyday to the extent that I have fallen deeply in love with her but I seem to be messing that up lately because I am so irritable and on edge (emotionally unstable) and actually dont know what to do with myself.. She has been amazing and introducted me to a lot of people of which most of them have become friends of mine.

Everyone in SA is waiting for me to fail, waiting for me to return back and I dont want too. I have struggled for years to get the opportunity to move to Australia and I just wish things could be some what simplier..

I have been lacking sleep, dizzy and feeling sick for the past few days.. I walk into work every day hating the place, wanting to resign but I just have absolutely no options..

Ok so to end off before I continue complaining I just wanted to let you know you are not alone.. I am struggling so much at the moment...

Dylan

[Search]

Hey Dylan, hang in there buddy. I have send you a PM.

ps. What line of work you in?

[Riekie]

To everyone out there feeling confused, depressed, lonely, frustrated, miserable, doubtful, scared.... a BIG FAT HUG!

I don't think we're doing enough reaching out to these people because we've had a few bad experiences with fellow Saffers ourselves. (I for one won't ever invite someone to my home again if I don't know them well enough) but that should not bring us to turn our backs on those desperate for some company or just a kind word from someone whose been there.

If anyone in Sydney (I'm in Hills District) needs a bit of comfort, I'm happy to meet you for a coffee and a chat. PM me.

[Garrick]

1) stay 1 year, go through all the (e)motions

As Michelle's husband, I'll say that I will likely not be going back to SA anytime in the next few years. I spent most of my life there, have seen most corners of the country, so why spend all that money going back to see family (my family) that could experience a whole lot by coming over to visit here? [Edit: my family has lived apart for a long time, so we are used to not seeing each other, unlike M's family who all lived in the same house/area of JHB for the last 25 or so years)] So right now the only thing that'd make me go back earlier is a family death on M's side, or both my parents dieing - my family has a 'good' (some say weird) spiritual view on death.

2) if you dont feel better then go back to SA for a month (without your husband)

M will be going back to SA with Amy for 3 weeks towards the end of the year.

3) come back to Aus and stay another 6 months and then consider your options

On this I'll reserve comment till a later date.

-G

[Dylan Winik]

Hey Dylan, hang in there buddy. I have send you a PM.

ps. What line of work you in?

Thanks mate... this is really no joke.. its gotta be one of the hardest things iv ever done..

[Jordy]

Ag no man Dylan, I am so sorry you doing it tough. Hang in there and don't give up. It is hard and none of us think it is easy. We are all in the same boat. Vasbyt!

[Dylan Winik]

Ag no man Dylan, I am so sorry you doing it tough. Hang in there and don't give up. It is hard and none of us think it is easy. We are all in the same boat. Vasbyt!

Thanks Jordy, im trying to keep it together..

[Dan Tanne]

There is not much more to add than what has been said already, but I just wanted to say that I know how you feel.

I settled in really well although also had some tough times, hating my job, missing family and friends etc.

I went back to sa for the world cup and had an amazing time, but in the short 2 and s half years since I left, I can see huge changes and realise that as hard as it is, and as homesick as I was again after getting home to Melbourne, o know I made the right decision for my kids.

I am Dylan's brother in law and I know the trouble he is having settling in, but I also know the years of battling it took for him to finally secure his 457.

Dyl, take it easy. I will keep my eyes open for something in Melbourne for you. Meanwhile just remember that you are not alone, I may be an hours flight away, but you have family here for support and I have the whiskey ready for your visit in 3 weeks time.

[candivw]

Hang in there Dylan, I really really battled at first and spent many days crying for no reason but it does get easier!

[AndreaL]

Hey Dylan

My hubby spent 18 months with a company who treated him the same way and the salary was the minimum.

We tried to find other sponsors and to keep it quiet from the sponsoring 457 company- the turning point for us was visiting a skills expo in Perth and chatting to the DIAC guy there, about how unhappy we were and how we felt trapped and couldn't see a way out, and he introduced us to a few keen sponsors- regional sponsors are usually very keen, because they struggle to find people.

Keep looking, use any contacts you can and hold onto the amazing girl you have met- it really helps to have someone you can turn to and who can support you through the rough patches.

What line of work are you in?

You never know, someone on this site might know of a company looking for someone like you!

So advertise yourself wherever you can.

Hang in there, I promise you that you will get through this- try and look after your health, don't stress yourself into an ulcer, go to the Dr and chat with him.

Remember how hard you fought to get here and don't let some insecure idiots who think they are funny, get you down- you are way stronger than that.

[Dylan Winik]

Hey Dylan

My hubby spent 18 months with a company who treated him the same way and the salary was the minimum.

We tried to find other sponsors and to keep it quiet from the sponsoring 457 company- the turning point for us was visiting a skills expo in Perth and chatting to the DIAC guy there, about how unhappy we were and how we felt trapped and couldn't see a way out, and he introduced us to a few keen sponsors- regional sponsors are usually very keen, because they struggle to find people.

Keep looking, use any contacts you can and hold onto the amazing girl you have met- it really helps to have someone you can turn to and who can support you through the rough patches.

What line of work are you in?

You never know, someone on this site might know of a company looking for someone like you!

So advertise yourself wherever you can.

Hang in there, I promise you that you will get through this- try and look after your health, don't stress yourself into an ulcer, go to the Dr and chat with him.

Remember how hard you fought to get here and don't let some insecure idiots who think they are funny, get you down- you are way stronger than that.

Hi Andrea,

Thank you so much for all the positivity, its exactly what I need. I am feeling a little better...

I have just managed to get the next 2 days off and iv booked to see a GP tomorrow!

I have been working within Internet providers for the past 10 years. despite my age its all I know and its my passion..

Well I am also very technical and can build computers/servers/networks etc..

I worked for MTN Business for the past 2 years as an Indirect Account Manager (Sales) selling corporate based Internet solutions into banks and other large organizations within SA, Africa and the middle east.

If you know of anyone within the IT or Internet industry or anyone that would like to see my resume it would be greatly appreciated!..

Thank you so much,

Dylan

[Sagewood]

Hi Dylan

I strongly suggest that you report these "insecure bastards" to the Anti-Discrimination Board for calling you names. Their website address is http://www.lawlink.nsw.gov.au/ADB.

It is amazing to see how quickly these "insecure bastards" disappear from the scene, the moment you "ruk them in the bek" they disappear. In Afrikaans we call them "Groot Bek with no Blaf". Your employer also has a responsibility towards you. You may also want to speak to DIAC.

Do not let these "insecure bastards" get to you.

Hang in there, things will change for the better, believe in youself mate!!!

[Dylan Winik]

Hi Dylan

I strongly suggest that you report these "insecure bastards" to the Anti-Discrimination Board for calling you names. Their website address is http://www.lawlink.nsw.gov.au/ADB.

It is amazing to see how quickly these "insecure bastards" disappear from the scene, the moment you "ruk them in the bek" they disappear. In Afrikaans we call them "Groot Bek with no Blaf". Your employer also has a responsibility towards you. You may also want to speak to DIAC.

Do not let these "insecure bastards" get to you.

Hang in there, things will change for the better, believe in youself mate!!!

Hey mate,

Thanks for that.. I am trying my best to stay strong but its hard when you know you bound to something and all you want to do is let go and you cant.

Yeah I may do something about it once I find a replacement job.. there has been a lot worse done.. take a look at the attached picture which was tapped onto my wall in my office.. "Dylans sales incentive" a one way ticket back to SA... funny way of saying do better or go home...

Lets not thank you for hitting their impossible sales targets in my second month of employment... yeah.. anyways..

[rozellem]

This is absolutely criminal, complete slavery. Not exactly my field of expertise but, this is a civilised country and they can NOT do this and get away with it.

Hope other members have constructive ideas for you. I am just appalled.

ps. Dylan, keep a log of the offending behaviour as well as this "plane ticket", emails and other paper evidence.