Jump to content

The ugly truth


MichelleO

Recommended Posts

That is just disgusting- workplace harrassment.

Keep all of this and when you are able to leave, make sure that you do report them.

If you were in the electrical or mining field I would have more contacts.

I'm going to ask any I.T. people on this forum to please look through their contacts and see if there might be any leads for Dylan.

I am so angry about this and know that you are not the only South African subject to this abuse in the workplace.

Dylan- all I can offer you at the moment is a sympathetic ear, if you have a really bad day at work you can always vent on here, we understand and we know what it feels like.

Make it your goal to succeed and show these people what you are capable of and look forward to the day that you have the freedom to decide where you want to work.

Tap into the inner strength that got you here ( it seems it wasn't an easy journey) and dig your heels in and focus on the bright future you will have and the special lady you have in your life.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 82
  • Created
  • Last Reply

I am shocked = that is a disgusting way to treat you. I really hope that you manage to find another sponsor sooon Dylan!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you to everyone for all the support and care.. :lol:

You have a PM.

-G

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 months later...

My turn has come. :ilikeit: :ilikeit:

MichelleO, I read your original post, and it describes exactly how I'm feeling now.

I love it in Australia and going back is NOT an option, BUT, the ugly truth has hit me hard... I will spend the rest of my life without my family.

I feel like my heart has been physically ripped out (I'm not sure how else to desrcribe it) and I feel disgusting. The honeymoon period is very much over.

I feel like a mental head-case. One minute I'm happy, and the next I come crashing down. I cry over stupid things and feel super-sensitive about EVERYTHING.

I've had one or two panic attacks, and feeling major seperation anxiety and fear.

And the worst thing is, it hits me when I least expect it.

What is the best way for me to deal with this?

Speaking to family every day?

Going for counselling?

Spending a month in South Africa with friends and family (which petrifies me)?

How does one get through it?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey Kat,

Sorry to hear you're feeling like this. A lot of what you're feeling sounds familiar - When I'd been here about 4 months I went through a similar stage.

The part about being away from family never goes away I'm afraid. You learn to deal with it more, but it's always still there. That part still gets to me every sinlge day, and it's worse at Christmas.

What is the best way for me to deal with this?

Speaking to family every day?

Going for counselling?

Spending a month in South Africa with friends and family (which petrifies me)?

I think that all of the above will help in the short term - but I reckon the best way to deal with it in the long term is to keep yourself as busy as possible and involve yourself in as many activities as possible - joining sports clubs (if you're into that sort of thing) take up a new hobby which involves meeting people (I started running which meant meeting up with training partners who eventually became friends) and basically involve yourself in as many things as you can that allow an avenue to meeting people and working your way into your own community over here.

Because we don't have family over here, we have to turn our friends into our family. This takes time though (and I'm still working on that part!)

I found that when I was just working and doing not much else, I had too much time to think. Too much thinking drives you insane.

I'll let you know when I figure out how to fill that void of not being with your own family over Christmas though!

Keep your chin up.... :ilikeit:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I can tell you how to try and fill that void of no family at Christmas!

Open your home to new arrivals from South Africa, they are going to have a real hard time with it being their first Christmas away. I have done so for 17 years, and we have always had a wonderful day, crying on each others shoulders, swapping stories and generally just being happy!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Hansa

Yes, it definitely is the Christmas season that has brought the 'reality-check' with it.

And keeping busy does help. But it catches you in those quiet moments, doesnt it.

Mara,

That is a very good idea and something I will consider.

But for now, I'm just not sure what to do to feel better. It's my first Christmas away from my family.

I am spending it with my boyfriend's family (thank goodness for them), but it's not the same. Next year might be a little easier though.

This Immigration process definitely involves grieving (amongst all the other good and bad things), and somedays I'm not sure which grieving phase I'm in. :ilikeit:

Denial

Anger/Resentment

Bargaining

Depression

Acceptance

Never thought it would be so tough.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Kat

Go and read my post on my hubby's blog (Garricks mini-migration blog), my "ugly truth" has turned around since my visit to SA last month!

I am also struggling with it being Christmas time though...i've also never been away from my folks at this time of year and I feel so guilty that they won't have their only grandchild (my 2 year old daughter) to celebrate Christmas with!

TBH, I don't think life here will ever be perfect (unless our famileis are able to join us here), but I have come to realise that the pro's of living here in Oz FAR outweigh the cons. Think long term as well...if you settle down and get married and have kids...the future is WAY better for them here!

Go read the blog post and you'll see my change of opinion!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Kat

Go and read my post on my hubby's blog (Garricks mini-migration blog), my "ugly truth" has turned around since my visit to SA last month!

I am also struggling with it being Christmas time though...i've also never been away from my folks at this time of year and I feel so guilty that they won't have their only grandchild (my 2 year old daughter) to celebrate Christmas with!

TBH, I don't think life here will ever be perfect (unless our famileis are able to join us here), but I have come to realise that the pro's of living here in Oz FAR outweigh the cons. Think long term as well...if you settle down and get married and have kids...the future is WAY better for them here!

Go read the blog post and you'll see my change of opinion!

Hi Michelle

Good to hear. Glad to know that it turns around eventually. :ilikeit: :ilikeit: :ilikeit:

Not sure which exact post in Garricks blog you're referring to. Battling to find it. Could you post a link...?

Might also be nice for others to read. :ilikeit:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

and calls me names such as "kaffir" and other South African related

Hey mate, I feel for you but just thought I'll let you know that I am also known as Kaffer at work!!.....all good, I actually started to introduce myself as Kaffer to new people that I met!

I like it, just depend how you look at things!!

I guess it is easier to see the funny side If you are happy with your employer!!

Hang in there, get your PR and move to another company!!

Cheers,

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 6 months later...

Okay, so we always read of how everyone is settling in so nicely but we never hear if they are not...well, I AM NOT!!

I am writing this so that people know its not always easy...I would not like rude comments on my opinions as it is MY experience, so keep those to yourself or don't read any further!

We arrived here mid-March 2010 after taking the decision together to make the move over. I am EXTREMELY close to my family in RSA so it was a tough choice, but we decided it was best for our almost 2 year old daughter.

The first month I cried almost every day about everything, we then found a house and started to settle, I enrolled in Gymbaroo, Playgroup and Swimming lessons,; joined the toy library and began to familiarise myself with my surroundings. It didn't help.

I would cry in the shops because I didn't know what brands to buy (but am getting to know those too.)

I would cry because clothes and shoes are so expensive (I bought at LEAST one item of clothing a week for myself or my daughter). I shop to relax...here I cannot do that.

Everything that could go wrong did. The oven in the house didn't work, the fence started to fall down, we couldn't find a church with a good childrens ministry and I missed my family terribly. Then, to top it all off, Garrick's company told the staff they had no money to pay them...we ended up on an even stricter budget which made me even more depressed.

My mom came over to visit for 2 weeks and I felt human again, there was someone to help with my daughter and who I could talk to about every and anything (my hubby isn't great at girl talk :ilikeit:). I felt like me again.

Now she's gone and i'm right back to being in a deep dark hole. To the person that supresses all her emotions as they are just too overwhelming...

I feel like i'm trapped in this country...it has so much good to offer that I cannot go back to RSA...RSA just couldn't offer us the life we have here now... but I feel physically ill at the thought of living here forever away from my family who mean the world to me and everything that I know. I feel guilty for depriving my parents and my sister of being involved in my daughters life we used to see them twice a week or more in Jhb and my mother was there EVERY day after Amy was born.)

I haven't a clue what the good schools are here whereas I knew every good one in Jhb, and now I must enrol my child...where?? I don't know which hospitals are good and we won't have another baby because I don't know where and what and how everything works here when it comes to that whole process!

I just want to let people know that it's flippin hard...I NEVER thought it would be easy, but I NEVER thought it would be this hard , especially not for so long. I am trying my best and will continue to try, I will put on a brave face and continue to pretend everything is okay...but I want every other person out there who may also be struggling to know that you are not alone, it's not all flowers and roses moving over and its OKAY to feel like cr*p! It sucks, but you're NOT alone!

Wow, I know this was posted last year already, but it was amazing to read! It made me feel so much better, as I went through the exact same emotions and at times I still do. Leaving your family behind is the hardest thing to do. Words can not describe what one has to go through every day, trying to accept it and even so, it's not possible.

My husband and I don't have children yet, but would love to start a family of our own, soon. It kills me just thinking about how we won't be able to share the joy with our family members, every day and how our kids will grow up, only seeing their grandparents once a year or maybe once every 2 years.

But with that said, I am grateful that we have been blessed with the opportunity to come to Aus and therefore, offer our kids a better future. We can rest assured that they will have one. It's not easy, but making this enormous change in one's life isn't easy. Time is a wonderful healer, if we only allow it to pass by :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow, I know this was posted last year already, but it was amazing to read! It made me feel so much better, as I went through the exact same emotions and at times I still do. Leaving your family behind is the hardest thing to do. Words can not describe what one has to go through every day, trying to accept it and even so, it's not possible.

My husband and I don't have children yet, but would love to start a family of our own, soon. It kills me just thinking about how we won't be able to share the joy with our family members, every day and how our kids will grow up, only seeing their grandparents once a year or maybe once every 2 years.

But with that said, I am grateful that we have been blessed with the opportunity to come to Aus and therefore, offer our kids a better future. We can rest assured that they will have one. It's not easy, but making this enormous change in one's life isn't easy. Time is a wonderful healer, if we only allow it to pass by :)

BUT. the story does not end there........

MichelleO went for a holiday in RSA and did a 180 degree turn around! Dont know where you can read the rest of the story though.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow!! I am new to this forum and am an Aussie who usually frequents the British immigration forums to help out. I know this is an old thread but I just wanted to say how impressed I am by the responses. Considered, compassionate and really helpful.

To all who are struggling I send a hug and hope your time in Australia becomes easier as things become more familiar. Remember that we have every sort of person that you have back home, the nasty and the nice, so please don't give up on us if at first you meet the dodgy one's because there are plenty of the other type too who are your future friends you just haven't met yet. Good luck and welcome.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's true, the story does not end there...

Here's what I posted in Oct/ Nov last year on my hubby's blog (Garrick's mini-migration blog).

Okay, so here I am (Garrick's wife) posting about SA having been back here for 2 weeks.

I MISS AUSTRALIA!!!!!!

Wow, how you look at this country with different eyes once you have been out of it. I cannot beleive we used to live like this...prisoners and completely oblivious to it as it is "normal" to watch everyone suspiciously if they come near you, keep your bag hidden and your rings turned in. Not walk in the street or wind down your windows. Hang onto your child when you go out and make sure the car seat is behind the driver so you can get them out quickly in a hi-jacking. I hate it!!!

I have NO IDEA what to do with my 2 year old...there are NO parks (no safe ones in the street)!! And the places she can play charge a fortune for her to play on shoddy equipment (by Ozzie standards) with one slide and no swings. A far cry from the million of parks near our house with loads of slides, swings and interesting things!

People here are all about status and looks and keeping up with the Jones'...I am SO over that! All the shiny new cars and sickening, unnecessary opulence...I am SO over it! Everyone wanting to be better than you...I am SO over it.

Life in Australia may be hard and I may miss my family terribly...but that is ALL I miss!!

This trip has been such an eye opener...I was soooo looking forward to coming 'home'. But have realised my home is in Melbourne and our life there, though SO different, is so much better.

I was looking forward to doing heaps of shopping...but stuff here costs almost the same as it does there! Food is still cheaper and Woolies still rocks, but not by leaps and bounds like I thought it would!!

The maid is a pain to have in the house, she is noisy and in my space...i'd rather clean myself!! :ilikeit:

The people are generally rude and selfish and there is NO sense of community... :ilikeit:

WOW!! :ilikeit:

We are all so fortunate to be in Australia.

Viva Oz, viva!!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

HI Michelle,

This is so good to read again, we are in the Medicals satge of our app and then it's just waiting for the visa, but we have also started wondering are we doing the right thing etc. Then I read posts like this and I realise YES we are doing the right thing.

Thanks

T

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow!! I am new to this forum and am an Aussie who usually frequents the British immigration forums to help out. I know this is an old thread but I just wanted to say how impressed I am by the responses. Considered, compassionate and really helpful.

To all who are struggling I send a hug and hope your time in Australia becomes easier as things become more familiar. Remember that we have every sort of person that you have back home, the nasty and the nice, so please don't give up on us if at first you meet the dodgy one's because there are plenty of the other type too who are your future friends you just haven't met yet. Good luck and welcome.

Nice of you to assist Fish!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@Fish - Thanks for sharing from an Aussie point of view. It was really good to read how you see all this.

Should make us think....We will be OK!

:hug:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You can not be much more honest than that. Good on you Michelle! :ilikeit:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

I am so glad I chanced upon your posting!! We are in the very, very early stages of getting TRA and IELTS done and very apprehensive about the move. Your honesty has made me appreciate that yes, its won't be easy , but it can be done!! THANK YOU!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Nice one MichelleO, i am glad you have changed your view. Reading the first post and the last, its like a switch has been thrown :ilikeit:

Its not all easy here but i feel i rather struggle in Australia, i feel free to live again.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree with u Michelle, its so lonely and hard here at first but its worth it and i could never go back and live in rsa now

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Anyone know if Dylan managed to find another sponsor?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's true, the story does not end there...

Here's what I posted in Oct/ Nov last year on my hubby's blog (Garrick's mini-migration blog).

Okay, so here I am (Garrick's wife) posting about SA having been back here for 2 weeks.

I MISS AUSTRALIA!!!!!!

Wow, how you look at this country with different eyes once you have been out of it. I cannot beleive we used to live like this...prisoners and completely oblivious to it as it is "normal" to watch everyone suspiciously if they come near you, keep your bag hidden and your rings turned in. Not walk in the street or wind down your windows. Hang onto your child when you go out and make sure the car seat is behind the driver so you can get them out quickly in a hi-jacking. I hate it!!!

I have NO IDEA what to do with my 2 year old...there are NO parks (no safe ones in the street)!! And the places she can play charge a fortune for her to play on shoddy equipment (by Ozzie standards) with one slide and no swings. A far cry from the million of parks near our house with loads of slides, swings and interesting things!

People here are all about status and looks and keeping up with the Jones'...I am SO over that! All the shiny new cars and sickening, unnecessary opulence...I am SO over it! Everyone wanting to be better than you...I am SO over it.

Life in Australia may be hard and I may miss my family terribly...but that is ALL I miss!!

This trip has been such an eye opener...I was soooo looking forward to coming 'home'. But have realised my home is in Melbourne and our life there, though SO different, is so much better.

I was looking forward to doing heaps of shopping...but stuff here costs almost the same as it does there! Food is still cheaper and Woolies still rocks, but not by leaps and bounds like I thought it would!!

The maid is a pain to have in the house, she is noisy and in my space...i'd rather clean myself!! :ilikeit:

The people are generally rude and selfish and there is NO sense of community... :ilikeit:

WOW!! :ilikeit:

We are all so fortunate to be in Australia.

Viva Oz, viva!!!!

Hi MIchelle

Girl if you can do it, after reading your post ( you posted a year ago), then I can do it. You sounded so unhappy and yet you made it.

Well done:)

Regards

Sandra

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...

Okay, so we always read of how everyone is settling in so nicely but we never hear if they are not...well, I AM NOT!!

I am writing this so that people know its not always easy...I would not like rude comments on my opinions as it is MY experience, so keep those to yourself or don't read any further!

We arrived here mid-March 2010 after taking the decision together to make the move over. I am EXTREMELY close to my family in RSA so it was a tough choice, but we decided it was best for our almost 2 year old daughter.

The first month I cried almost every day about everything, we then found a house and started to settle, I enrolled in Gymbaroo, Playgroup and Swimming lessons,; joined the toy library and began to familiarise myself with my surroundings. It didn't help.

I would cry in the shops because I didn't know what brands to buy (but am getting to know those too.)

I would cry because clothes and shoes are so expensive (I bought at LEAST one item of clothing a week for myself or my daughter). I shop to relax...here I cannot do that.

Everything that could go wrong did. The oven in the house didn't work, the fence started to fall down, we couldn't find a church with a good childrens ministry and I missed my family terribly. Then, to top it all off, Garrick's company told the staff they had no money to pay them...we ended up on an even stricter budget which made me even more depressed.

My mom came over to visit for 2 weeks and I felt human again, there was someone to help with my daughter and who I could talk to about every and anything (my hubby isn't great at girl talk :ilikeit:). I felt like me again.

Now she's gone and i'm right back to being in a deep dark hole. To the person that supresses all her emotions as they are just too overwhelming...

I feel like i'm trapped in this country...it has so much good to offer that I cannot go back to RSA...RSA just couldn't offer us the life we have here now... but I feel physically ill at the thought of living here forever away from my family who mean the world to me and everything that I know. I feel guilty for depriving my parents and my sister of being involved in my daughters life we used to see them twice a week or more in Jhb and my mother was there EVERY day after Amy was born.)

I haven't a clue what the good schools are here whereas I knew every good one in Jhb, and now I must enrol my child...where?? I don't know which hospitals are good and we won't have another baby because I don't know where and what and how everything works here when it comes to that whole process!

I just want to let people know that it's flippin hard...I NEVER thought it would be easy, but I NEVER thought it would be this hard , especially not for so long. I am trying my best and will continue to try, I will put on a brave face and continue to pretend everything is okay...but I want every other person out there who may also be struggling to know that you are not alone, it's not all flowers and roses moving over and its OKAY to feel like cr*p! It sucks, but you're NOT alone!

Hi Michelle,

I haven't been on the site for a while so I only saw your listing today. I started crying AGAIN, it is a echo of my feelings exactly. If I knew it was going to be this hard I don't think I would've gone through with it. How are you doing now? Is there any improvement? We landed Jan 2010 and even today I still go through the same ups and downs. You never think the "sense of belonging" can make such a difference. It's something I never thought about, SA was part of me and I knew where to find everything I needed. I think it's important to try to make friends here that you can relate to, not an easy thing. Is there no chance that any of your family will come over permanently? A heart ache shared is halved they say. I don't know where in Oz you are, we're in Sydney - Hills area. If you're in Sydney send me a private message and we can get together if you want.

All the Best

Erna

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.


×
×
  • Create New...