Dealing with Culture Shock

[Riekie]

Here’s how to handle “Culture Shock” – that overwhelmed feeling after a major life change without your usual support systems. Culture shock has basically 5 stages and the length of each differs from person to person. Most people won’t even reach some of the stages. It’s a good thing to prepare yourself for the possibility of reaching all these stages and decide on a “plan” to cope & stay realistic.

Stage 1: The Vacation Feeling

You’ve arrived in your new country. Everything is breathtaking, new & exciting. You’re having lots of fun exploring and excitingly telling the family back home all about the good time you’re having. You’re enthusiastic and full of plans. You go places & do things – more than you would normally have. Don’t let all the excitement blind reality. In all this excitement, know that you will have to go back to work, the kids will have to go back to school and you’ll have household chores, errands to run, bills to pay…

Stage 2: Denial & Doubts

Facing the reality of daily life fades the initial excitement. Negative feelings pop up over daily issues you have to deal with and you start to feel guilty for not being more hyped-up about your new life. Your kids start missing their friends, grandparents etc and demand more of your attention. You’re not in “vacation mode” anymore and it does not seem to be so much fun living in your new country. Don’t let reality cloud the reasons why you took this step in the first place. Life can’t be all fun. Be realistic about your expectations. Pinpoint the real issues and ask yourself if it is worth changing your mind. It is normal to have doubts when reality of daily life kicks in.

Stage 3: Anger & Negative Feelings

You start to see & experience the negative things about your new country and it seems to overshadow all the positive things. Things that could normally go wrong no matter where in the world you are, gets blamed on your new country. Stay focused. Don’t allow your feelings to become anger. Realise that these are normal life occurrences and not aimed at you. Don’t blame the new country for everything that goes wrong. Remind yourself of the reasons why you decided to make this change. Don’t voice your negative feelings in front of your kids as they would feel very insecure and start doubting their own feelings. They might even feel guilty if they do not feel the same as you.

Stage 4: Escape

You’re seriously thinking of bailing out. You’re thinking you made a mistake. You start to withdraw from society and isolate yourself and your children. It feels like everything is falling apart. You’re asking yourself what you are doing here. You’re homesick & lonely. Be careful not to burden your children with your emotions. Take a step back and look at the whole picture. Acknowledge and deal with your feelings – don’t brush it off. Don’t phone home and spend hours on the phone crying. Have a good cry every now & then but do it in private. Do something positive such as volunteering and involve the whole family. Get out there and get a life.

Step 5: Depression

You realise this is your life and you have to deal with it – there’s no way out. In the early days you were the pillar of the family, helping everyone to settle in and adjust. Now that they’re all happy and going on with their lives, you feel of no use to anyone. You feel irritable and have no energy. You don’t want to leave the house or perform daily tasks. Speak to someone about your feelings (not your kids!) – your husband is a good start, or go see a councillor. Don’t deal with this alone - if you’ve reached this stage it’s time to get help. Most of all – know that this is all part of the natural process to adjust to your new life and dealing with the grief of things that are no more.

[Ray51]

Thanks for this !

I have observed a number of expats going through exactly the stages , as described ;

it's the dilemma : how to get out of depression and resume normal life , that is the most difficult to resolve ;

in particular , if there are no children at home , husband is at work , thus : both absent a lot and socially active elsewhere...what to do ?

[Bob]

That last step . . . No. 5 "Depression" . . . makes it seem that we go from "Holiday mode" ultimately to "Depression".

Some lifestyle!

It does pick up.

I believe many South Africans suffer the loss of "privilege" . . . having servants around to do all and everything for you. There are NO servants in Australia and even the gardening man is to be treated as an equal . . . a mate . . . or you just won't fit into Australia!!

There is a big adjustment, but a lot of it is in the mind. South Africans have been blessed with having been brought up with a limitless supply of cheap labour around 24/7.

Australia, Canada, Britain, New Zealand, the U.S.A. and Europe have no cheap labour around, so you either pay through the nose for help or you do it yourself . . . . cleaning, gardening, car wash, etc.

You're only doing what 99% of other White folk on this planet do anyway, so you CAN do it.

Australians are easy-going folk who love to mix, so think of inviting a few folk over from church or from work, the local tennis or rugby club. Aussies are mad on sport, so join a sports club and muck in . . .you'll soon be invited to their functions and meet a few Aussies that way. Barbeques are a favourite . . . but try dazzling them all with a South African Braai . . . wood smoke!

They'll talk about that for a week!

[Ray51]

A good , positive effort , Bob ,

and : a well-meant one , I'm sure !

If only real life would be as simple . as there is no accounting for every single ( different ) one , amongst us !

Take this , real ! , case in point :

1995-1999 me & my ( South African ) wife lived in glitzy , hot , crime-free Dubai ;

some of it was in a luxury , concierge-d penthouse on 15th floor , with views to both the Arabian Gulf and to the mighty desert ;

the rest : in a wonderful 200sq.m.-plus freezingly Air-Conditioned villa , with own charming exotic garden , 2 garages and maid's quarters ;

the ( Indian ) maid was very good and polite and obliging ...and too cheap/underpaid , what to say , "local rates for local jobs"???

Every day was a sunny one , everyone (of hundreds we knew) spoke English , there were South Africans all around , incl Edgars and such stores , NIL taxes , terrific NZ lamb for next-to-nothing , one didn't worry about locking any doors ( cars , nor house , nor office ) , I was earning v.v. well , the shopping was 2D4 , as were the restaurants , the marinas , the golf clubs , the gyms , the entertainment...

...but , still : my wife was depressed ( didn't "belong" )!

I rest my ( sad ) case...

[Bob]

I can understand that.

We can have all the trimmings laid on, but at the end of the day, you still need that feeling of "belonging" and knowing that you're part of the landscape.

For some of us, it takes time. For others, we never feel at home. We miss something that the new place just doesn't have.

We can dream of sun, surf and a warm climate . . . especially when we're in an English winter with long dark nights all the time.

When we get all our dreams coming true, we find that there really is more to life than just sun, sand and surf.

I look at a few Pommie programs on migrating to other parts of the world. Lifestyle Channel has the "No Going Back" program.

You could put some Poms in paradise and they still wouldn't make it. They are sooo unrealistic with all their expectations. If ever someone needed a kick up the . . . . !

Others realise that their dreams were just that . . . and get a more realistic appraisal of life and make a fair go of it from then on.

Fitting in to the local community seems one BIG factor in the psychology of keeping migrants to stay.

There is no clear cut solution . . no "one size fits all".

Some folk from Britain or South Africa can be put in an Outback situation and be made to feel welcome and absoutely revel in the time spent there. Others would hate it and hate Sydney with all its facilities and conveniences, too.

[zappa]

hi ray, i was also in dubai, earning a good wage and lived the life for a while but in a way the place felt a bit false to me, after all, you could only be there for as long as you had employment and the good things there are artificial. the whole time you are just an expat and that feeling of a home was not there for me, as much as i enjoyed it. a collegue of mine lost his job of 8 years and hense his visa and him and family incl children at school had to leave the country. he was there on his SA passport and hense the "6 month visa ban" was enforced. (the beer in the pubs, incl the alamo was pretty pricey as well and with the heat i drank more there than i've ever). i'd definitly consider going back there at some point again for a while but oz to me seams a permanent move and a place where the beauty is not artificial. also there was no surf in dubai!

[sa2auz]

hi ray, i was also in dubai, earning a good wage and lived the life for a while but in a way the place felt a bit false to me, after all, you could only be there for as long as you had employment and the good things there are artificial. the whole time you are just an expat and that feeling of a home was not there for me, as much as i enjoyed it. a collegue of mine lost his job of 8 years and hense his visa and him and family incl children at school had to leave the country. he was there on his SA passport and hense the "6 month visa ban" was enforced. (the beer in the pubs, incl the alamo was pretty pricey as well and with the heat i drank more there than i've ever). i'd definitly consider going back there at some point again for a while but oz to me seams a permanent move and a place where the beauty is not artificial. also there was no surf in dubai!

I think alot of people have a bit of a culture shock no matter how much research etc they have done, nothing can prepare you for not finding the peanut butter in the supermarket or the self check-outs and sometimes its the little things that bring on the tears mostly one doesn't even know why.

I have meant a ton of ladies over the past few months and they seem to be the ones that battle the most. In most cases the men go off to work as they always have but for a lot of women staying at home with the children and not working is a huge change on its own. Secondly you are leaving the lady down the road who you shared school lifts with, the grandparents and aunties and uncles who babysat when you needed them and then most people had some kind of cleaning help too. I think for SAfrican ladies its almost more of a shock than a culture shock.

The ups are definately worth the downs, but it takes a really positive attitude and you have to go out there and make new friends and explore your new country even when you have tears rolling down your eyes and the smell of pap in the air.

[Dreamcatcher]

I've been all over the net today with this culture thing. Seems it is my day of "culture".

I have always found it difficult to make friends, and being in a foreign place makes it so much harder. Furthermore, I have recently recovered from depression, and I am now classed as "prone to depression". What can be more depressing than leaving your house in the morning, and coming back at noon, and there are the dirty dishes and the pile of ironing, still waiting. It has not magically disappeared in your absence like it used to do before....

Well, we just have to deal with it, don't we?

I have found that a good way to help all these problems: the loneliness, the depression, and even the ironing (!) is to do some volunteer work, as Riekie suggested. Almost every town in Aus has a volunteer centre, or you can find it on the web. My volunteering led me to meet some wonderful people, find places that I can go to with my children, and also find part time employment. We have been invited to some amazing Aussie dinners (or tea as they call it), with some very interesting people. I have been referred to an ironing lady, that doesn't charge an arm and a leg (although some Aussies still think it is only an indulgence to have an ironing lady).

Amazingly, a lot of the people that you find volunteering, have at some stage had something to do with depression, and thus the Volunteer Centre is in itself then a sort of support group. I always thought volunteering was working with old people. Well, it is, and so much more. For instance, you can volunteer at kennel clubs, and train dogs, at arts centres, the museums, the schools, as gardeners, as telephone friends for remote people, and the list is endless.

I really urge people to give it a try. It will help you feel at home, and will make you a part of your community. It will help take the greatest edge of the culture shock.

Good luck

[Queensland Girl]

I've been all over the net today with this culture thing. Seems it is my day of "culture".

I have always found it difficult to make friends, and being in a foreign place makes it so much harder. Furthermore, I have recently recovered from depression, and I am now classed as "prone to depression". What can be more depressing than leaving your house in the morning, and coming back at noon, and there are the dirty dishes and the pile of ironing, still waiting. It has not magically disappeared in your absence like it used to do before....

Well, we just have to deal with it, don't we?

I have found that a good way to help all these problems: the loneliness, the depression, and even the ironing (!) is to do some volunteer work, as Riekie suggested. Almost every town in Aus has a volunteer centre, or you can find it on the web. My volunteering led me to meet some wonderful people, find places that I can go to with my children, and also find part time employment. We have been invited to some amazing Aussie dinners (or tea as they call it), with some very interesting people. I have been referred to an ironing lady, that doesn't charge an arm and a leg (although some Aussies still think it is only an indulgence to have an ironing lady).

Amazingly, a lot of the people that you find volunteering, have at some stage had something to do with depression, and thus the Volunteer Centre is in itself then a sort of support group. I always thought volunteering was working with old people. Well, it is, and so much more. For instance, you can volunteer at kennel clubs, and train dogs, at arts centres, the museums, the schools, as gardeners, as telephone friends for remote people, and the list is endless.

I really urge people to give it a try. It will help you feel at home, and will make you a part of your community. It will help take the greatest edge of the culture shock.

Good luck

Wise post Dreamcatcher.

I have always been amazed at the Volunteering Aspect in Ozzie society.

And what a great way to meet likeminded people.

I have only done the "Clean up Australia Day" bit ,but will definitely want to do more when I have more time.

hey, I still HATE housecleaning ,but boy-have my standards dropped.

[Riekie]

Dreamcather, GOOD ON YOU for being so positive and doing something about it!!!!

[Dedrei]

So weird. I was thinking about volunteering the last few days as well. I have thought of volunteering at SPCA or something as I have a love for animals. Maybe this might help with me getting over the fact that I won't see my own babies until about 6-7 months from now. I have found this quite difficult without them .Think I might only really settle when they are here with us and then it will start to feel like home. I have applied to SPCA, but have not heard from them, so obviously they must be full with voluenteers.

[Dedrei]

Well now, I would love to hear from others who have gone through this whole experience. Currently I vary in the stages 2 through 4. Having all these doubts and saying maybe we will only do this ozzie thing temporarily. I know there will be some here that will me for my insecurities and tell me to go look at news24's website, but in reality I don't care I just miss my family and friends so much and the familiarity of it all of being home. Will this feelings ever get better?

All sorts of things are going through my head at this stage. We have sold our house in SA, so we have nothing to go back to, but I'll make it work is what I'm telling myself. What if the family were right in saying that we will only live in aus for 4 years or so and return home. THis is just driving me insane at the moment , there is not a hour that goes by that I think about leaving aus and scheming how we will be able to do it.

Are all of these feelings normal? Do you really feel home in aus at some stage? How long will I have these feelings and just start to settle in.

to all my forum family today as I need one

[Guest Sunshine Sister]

Hey there,

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through a bad patch. Yes, it is normal. We all go through it and we all wonder sometimes about the pros and cons and whether what we are gaining is worth what we have given up. It's a very good thing that you have come to talk about it and that you are reaching out to others. I'm not sure whether something specific is making you doubt your decision or whether it is just a general wobble in the road... Please let me know if you want to talk on MSN/Yahoo a bit later. I think your isolation from other Saffers and the rest of our forum family is a major obstacle for you. I'm thinking of you, hang in there, it does get better !!

Loads of love, hugs, kisses and positive vibes from Syds

Your friend - SS

[Guest Jules]

Hi Dedrei

So sorry to hear that you are unhappy. Although I haven't gone through any of the steps of culture shock myself and I don't miss SA - infact I hardly think of it at all, there are many people who go through exactly what you are going through. My brother is one of them, he moved to the UK a few years back and in spite of having a good job, great girlfriend who he has now married, plenty of friends etc he still missed SA like crazy and would have gone back in a flash except that his wife does not share his enthusiasm for SA, having had a couple of bad experiences. Anyway, the point I am trying to make is that he is only starting to adjust now after 3 years so for each one of us the experience can be completely different.

I really feel for you, you haven't had the best time since you arrived here, you've been in my thoughts lots and I really hope things work out for you and you can settle down and be happy here. It's good that you can talk about it here on the forum - we'll always be here to listen and hopefully cheer you up a bit.

Love

Julie

[Janneman]

Dedrei, 'n mens is nie van klip gemaak nie en baie gewaarwordinge spoel deur jou, wanneer jy in die vreemde sit. En glo my, vreemd is dit beslis!

Ek wil egter die volgende sê: Almal van ons het Suid-Afrika verlaat a.g.v. 'n rede. Of almal anders nou met jou rede saamgestem het, al dan nie, in jou eie gemoed was daardie rede geregverdig. Ek sê altyd dat dáárdie rede(s) bindend behoort te wees en dat dit jou weer stukrag moet gee wanneer die twyfel en teneergedruktheid by 'n mens opkom.

Maar dan, omdat jy nie van klip gemaak is nie, kan jy ook foute maak. En jy kan maar teenoor jouself erken as die skuif na Australië nie uitwerk nie, dit is nie 'n skande nie. Ek glo nie jy moet skuldgevoelens koester omdat jou gemoed tans in vertwyfeling is nie. Ek sou egter steeds aanbeveel dat jy nie oorhaastige besluite neem nie.

Jy en jou wederhelf het sekerlik dae en nagte omgepraat en getob oor die moontlikheid van 'n skuif na Australië. Ek weet dat die moontlikheid van kinders baar in 'n meer "omgewingsvriendelike" plek, een van julle redes vir trek was.

Ek begryp jou amperse ongemak, jou gesmag na die bekende, die vriende en mense wat jy ken. Maar Dedrei, dalk is 'n verskuiwing na 'n ander deel van Oz 'n beter oplossing. Dalk moet jy 'n bietjie langer vasbyt en die storm uitry. Maar ook, moenie (onnodig) ongelukkig deur die lewe gaan nie. As jy nie daarvan hou om in Oz te wees nie, gaan dan liewer terug, want 'n mens se huwelik en lewensgeluk is belangrik.

Maar...

Miskien moet jy nog 'n ruk vertoef en dan 'n LSD-reis na SA aanpak. Dalk sal dit die "eye-opener" wees.

Sterkte.

[sonnetjie]

Dedrei

Saw your note. I can promise you that in time you will look back and see how far you have come. The first two years were the most challenging for me after that I started settling down.

Immigrating really has that ability to push one out of your comfort zone; it makes one face many of your own fears and insecurities. I lived a very privilege life in South Africa I can’t compare what I had in SA with Australia. It is like comparing day and night each has its beauty, but each has its negatives. I have learnt so much about myself and I believe I have become a far richer person.

I can truly say that I have learnt to love Australia and its people, its home to me. South Africa has become a distant memory, but a beautiful one that I will always cherish. I’m really content. I would not moved back to South Africa in flash. This Sunburn Land has become home to me.

See if you can’t get involved with doing some community work where you work with people that are less fortunate than yourself. It always worked for me. Write down all the positive things about your current life even the little things you take for granted. See if you can get involved at an immigrant community group through your community center or church. Learn something new join a cooking class or book reading club, art club, or dog club. I joined a number of really groovy Bible study groups through my church and have had a blast with all the women.

When you feel like you hate everything around you and you just want to be on your own go and do some community work it does wonders for you. I use to do heaps of hospital visitations, taking people to dialysis or doing shopping for the elderly or taking them shopping, catching up with people that had no family and just needed a person to talk to. It just encouraged me. On my way to the people I would be really struggling in myself ,but the moment I walked through that door I just realized how much I had and how little they did.

I never gave my self the option of going back to South Africa that door closed when I left and I made the decision that I would not look back. I started treasure hunting the things about Australia I could appreciate and love. Exploring all its nooks and crannies.

The people are different, but look at your own strengths and see what you can bring to the people start working at doing that. So much has been poured into my life in South Africa. Australia has been and excellent opportunity of giving out what has been implanted in my life. Find yourself a good church and tap into God. He has this wonderful ability to energize, encourage and make whole what is broken.

See this time as your plowing & sowing time your reaping time is coming in due season and then you will look back at your handy work and be astonished. Plowing & sowing is often back braking, but boy when you see the fruit of your labor you will be amazed. Take courage. From what I have read you sound like a guts lady. “Hou bene hou”

[Bosluis]

Ek dink ek ly ook aan n bietjie depressie, meestal werksgewys, ek dink amper ek is die enigste ou uit suid afrika wat nie n ambag het nie, het oorgekom op my vrou se ambag, was vir 18 jaar in die polisie, dit help my nou niks aan die kant nie, het al aansoek gedoen by die polisie maar ongelukkig is my engelse spelling nie baie goed nie, doen nou n kursus maar sal ook maar moet kyk na ander opsies, waarvan een is om meskien n troklisensie te kry wat ek nou kan doen na my twee jaar C klas lisensie wat ek het en dan kyk of ek by die myne kan inkom , op die oomblik doen ek maar production werk hier in Adelaide maar die maatskappy skyf ook nou oor na China so teen eiede van die jaar moet ek weer na iets anders kyk, weet nog nie wat nie, bly in die suide kant van Adelaide so om in die noorde te gaan werk is n bietjie moeilik net oor die feit dat daar geen hoofwegte is in Adelaide nie en dit jou oor n uur vat net om so 30 kilos te ry. Ek dink as ek n beter werk kan kry sal ek meer tuis voel, het al my eie huis gekoop op n casual salaris , dit was nogal iets positiefs. Het enige iemand inligting oor mynwerk in australia, veral in suid australia, sal dit waardeur.

[Guest Sunshine Sister]

Hi Bosluis,

Ek bewonder jou en jou vrou baie ! Dit kan nie 'n maklike situasie wees nie.

Het jy al die volgende site probeer ?

Blue collar jobs in Adelaide

Hoop daar is dalk iets van belang vir jou.

Groete en beste wense

Sunshine sister

[Dedrei]

Vreeslik dankie vir julle almal se bydrae en support, ek waardeer dit regtig baie, dis so nice om te weet dat daar vriende daar buite is wat my nie ken en nog steeds advies en support gee.

Ek het met manlief vanaand gesels en so bietjie op sy skouer gehuil, die girls sal weet van daai hydrotherapy en so bietjie gesels. Voel nou beter. Hy sê en ek stem 100% saam met hom dat ons moet gelukkig voel omdat ons hier in aus is, daar is baie ander mense wat hulle skoonma sal verruil om hierso in aus te wees en baie kan nie omdat hulle nie kwalifiseer nie.

Moenie my verkeerd verstaan nie, ek sal nie sommer nou op 'n plane klim en terug gaan SA toe nie, ek wil ten minste 2 jaar dit deur druk voor ek SA sien. Ons sal nooit permanent terug gaan SA toe nie, gelukkig voel my man baie sterk daaroor en hy hou my "sane". Ek kon regtig nie vir beter een gevra het as vir hom nie, hy's regtig my "rock". Dis net die heimwee wat so bietjie pla op die stadium.

Alles wat julle almal gesê het maak helemal sense en ek vat dit regtig "to heart".

Baie liefde & dankbaarheid uit Cairns

[serileen]

Hi DEIDRE

I feel for you at this moment, as I know exactly what you are going through.I think we face different challenges to the Saffers in the big cities.

We have been here for 1.5years and I still find myself saying that we gave up so much to come here, spent so much money that we have to make it work.

My husband hates this place with a passion, he is very unhappy at work and this sometimes spills over at home, sometimes all they want is just to be hugged and reassured then they can go that extra mile again.Like mentioned previously maybe we should move to a bigger city and things will change .

We are fortunate that we still have our house in SA, but for the moment going back is not an option.I think I have gone through every step Riekie spoke about....never thought that I could become depressed.

Don't be to proud to admit that it could have been a bad move, but don't make hasty decisions unless you have exhausted every avenue .

I joined the Mackay Choral Society and our church choir and that really helps.

Hope you feel better tomorrow.

[Queensland Girl]

Liewe Vriendin

ONS VERSTAAN!

My neef(wat jy ken ) het verskriklik swaar gekry die eerste 18 maande. Hy kom van die Kaap, sy hele familie is daar, die Ozzies was 'vreemd" ens.

Ons het aan hom gese: Kry net jou Ozzie Burgerskap- dan kan jy terug gaan , want dan het jy vir die res van jou lewe n agterdeur....

En dit het hom versterk, want dit was nie meer "verewig" nie.

Nou kom die tyd nader dat hy daai burgerskap sal kan kry, en weet jy wat? Hy is nou hier "gesettle"

Ek dink aan julle- maar asb, asb moenie te gou handdoek ingooi nie. Ruby en Leo kom oor 22 dae. Ek dink dat daar was net te veel: verlies van land, identiteit, familie, vriende, hondekinders en toe land julle in n dorp wat net nie heeltemal migrant-friendly is nie. Jy moet jouself n biejie "slack" gee hier. Jy is nie van klip gemaak nie... Julle eerste 6 maande is verby. Julle het dit tot dusver kon vasbyt -en dit sonder Ruby en Leo.

Liefde aan jou...Nie een van ons kan nie met jou meelleef nie. Ons maak die besluit om SA te verlaat met ons BREIN, nie met ons Harte nie.

Maar-na 5 jaar kan ek jou omoorwonde se: Ek het Australie lief....

[Dreamcatcher]

Hi Dedrei,

Jy het soveel guts, girl! Om deur alles te gaan waardeur jy is, en nog steeds hier op die forum aktief te wees, en mense te help. Jy is 'n groot steunpilaar vir ander. Soos almal al vir jou gesê het, jy is net 'n mens, (alhoewel 'n baie sterk, en baie spesiale een ) en jy het alle reg om bietjie af te voel. Kyk net terug na alles wat jy al deur is, die anpassing van 'n huwelik, nuwe land, probleme met manlief se werk, jy sit alleen sonder jou 'kinders' , en daar is seker nog wat ons nie van weet nie. Sjoe, dis genoeg om selfs Superwoman uit te put!

Dan het jy ook nog die goeie 'sense' om te praat oor dit wat jou pla. Daar is 'n klomp van ons wat ook sukkel, maar ons is net te 'cowardly' om daaroor te praat. Dankie dat jy ook indirek vir ons hulp verskaf, deur dit te vra waaroor ons almal soms wonder.

Groetnis,

Dreamy

[JohanK]

Hi Dedrei

Buddy, Mate, Maater, Girl you mentioned that some people would probably with you and I have been reading this post of yours for the past two days now and yes, when I first read it I wanted to with you. You can be glad you are not a new sole from SA on this form. Ha Ha Ha

Personally I still cannot understand why you feel the way you feel and probably never will but what others have said on this topic is so true, you are a very strong person and I am sure if things change in the way you would want them to change you will feel much better about this subject!!!!!!!!!! You are here now and unfortunately I have to say this now but it depends on YOU if YOU WANT to make a success of this. Someone once told me that they are sure 80% of people living in Australia are unhappy and would return to SA in a wink, I had a huge fight with this person before we came to Oz regarding this matter. I mean how can he say that, has he spoken to that 80% of people he now deems unhappy in Oz???

Now I must say that in some way today I think what he said was true, and it saddens me in a big way. Surely this cannot be true, surly no one in his or her right mind would want to go back to SA. Then I stop and ask myself the following question, if some miracle was to happen and SA made a turn around for the best would I go back?

You know what, the answer is NO WAY, I LOVE AUSTRALIA and all it represents so I suppose that is just me!!!!

Girl, hang in there and do what you are doing, talk about it to those you trust and respect and if YOU WANT to make it work GO FOR IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Turn your positive thoughts regarding making it work in SA around and make it work in OZ!!

Op Uni het ons ‘n lied gesing met die naam van “’n posetiewe houding maak alle laste lig” be positive, if you want to you will make it work!!!!

Man If you were in WA I would have invited you and hubby for a beer and a braai and we could have talked about this for a very long time.

[Dedrei]

I think we face different challenges to the Saffers in the big cities

AMEN sister! So glad there is someone that knows and feels what we are going through. I really feel for you and hope things get better, otherwise trek ons sommer saam brissie toe of hoe?

Jy het soveel guts, girl! Om deur alles te gaan waardeur jy is, en nog steeds hier op die forum aktief te wees, en mense te help. Jy is 'n groot steunpilaar vir ander

Thanks Dreamy, dit beteken baie vir my. Ek was baie huiwerig om so openlik te wees oor my feelings op die forum, bang ek gaan word deur party ouens.

Personally I still cannot understand why you feel the way you feel and probably never will

Johan, elke mens is anders en elkeen deal anders daarmee. Nie een is dieselfde nie. Ek kan heeltemal verstaan dat jy nie weet waarvan ek praat nie, my man is so half op jou vlak oor die immigrasie storie. So at least het ons een sterke onder die twee van ons.

Man If you were in WA I would have invited you and hubby for a beer and a braai and we could have talked about this for a very long time

Sal dit nou nie lekker gewees het nie, sal jou hou daarop tot ons eendag in Perth kom kuier.

Ek dink aan julle- maar asb, asb moenie te gou handdoek ingooi nie. Ruby en Leo kom oor 22 dae. Ek dink dat daar was net te veel: verlies van land, identiteit, familie, vriende, hondekinders en toe land julle in n dorp wat net nie heeltemal migrant-friendly is nie. Jy moet jouself n biejie "slack" gee hier. Jy is nie van klip gemaak nie... Julle eerste 6 maande is verby. Julle het dit tot dusver kon vasbyt -en dit sonder Ruby en Leo.

Vreeslik dankie my vriendin. Die twee boere gaan nie vinnig tou opgooi nie en die 27ste Oktober kom nou baie vinnig nader so ek's seker my gemoed sal dan bietjie beter raak. Ek kan so nie meer wag om daai gesiggies te soen en hulle te liefie nie. Ons gaan nog voort hierso tot ons PR kry, wat hopelik volgende jaar is dan sal ons kyk om weer te relocate. Who knows.

Wat vir my die snaakste is is dat ek die sterk een is tussen die twee van ons, ek was al deur baie in my lewe so dit het my half hard gemaak. Almal het gesê hulle gaan staat maak op my om sukses te maak van oz, want almal het geworry oor my man omdat hy so close is met sy family. Ek kom nou weer van nie so close family af en ek is die een wat die meeste huis toe verlang, maak nie sense nie, maar ja dis maar deel van die proses en moet maar net deur druk.

Ek's net bly daar is mense wat kan identifiseer met my situasie en ek hoop dat ander Saffers wat nog oppad is en ander wat nou daar deur gaan, dit lees en weet dat ek en die ander familie op die forum hierso sal wees om hulle te support en dit help om daaroor te praat en nie binne te hou nie. Dis ook nog 'n ding van my, ek borrel en borrel op en dan ontplof ek net eendag. Nie goeie ding nie.

Baie dankie aan almal op en af forum vir al julle support en liefde. Word baie waardeer.

[Dreamcatcher]

Wat vir my die snaakste is is dat ek die sterk een is tussen die twee van ons, ek was al deur baie in my lewe so dit het my half hard gemaak. Almal het gesê hulle gaan staat maak op my om sukses te maak van oz, want almal het geworry oor my man omdat hy so close is met sy family. Ek kom nou weer van nie so close family af en ek is die een wat die meeste huis toe verlang, maak nie sense nie, maar ja dis maar deel van die proses en moet maar net deur druk.

Hi Dedrei,

Snaaks né, selfde ding hier. Almal het gesê dis my 'skuld' dat ons Aus toe kom, en ek gaan dit maklik hê, want ek het nie eintlik naby familie om na te verlang nie. 'Arme' manlief moes sy naby familie agterlaat en hulle was baie bekommerd oor hom. Nou is ek die een wat verlang na alles en almal, en hy is die een wat homself gate uit geniet hier, en my regop hou as ek down voel.

Is ons nou nie gelukkig om sulke oulike mans te hê nie?

Groetnis,

Dreamy