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Child Free By Choice Group - Canberra


MrsMupersan

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Hi all,

It's been a long time since I visited the forum. How are you all? Life in Canberra is fabulous and we're now getting into our 6th year in Aus.

Now I know that most of the people on this forum have kids - sorry, this post isn't for you. B) This post is for the few of us who, by choice, don't have/want kids. Mr Mupersan & I would love to meet other couples (or singles) who are child free by choice. I've started a fb group, so please join and as soon as we have a few members, I'll organise an event - drinks/coffee/bbq/dinner.

Link to the fb group Child Free By Choice - Canberra: https://www.facebook.com/groups/496854607019277/

Hope to meet some fellow CF-ers.

Cheers,

Mrs Mupersan

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Don't want to stir - just curious. Why would you not want kids? This is a honest question. I often wonder why anyone would not want kids and this is an opportunity to have that conversation. That's if you want to share...

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Lie ins on the weekend; going out / away at a moments' notice; spending all your hard earned money pampering yourself; being able to go to the toilet by yourself when you actually need it; having a cup of tea while it's still warm and while sitting down; reading a book, eating a meal of your choice at your own pace; being able to stay up late and not woken at 3am by a little someone vomiting next to your bed / getting in your bed / crying...

I can think of loads more of reasons!!!

None of these appeal to me really which is why I have three of them. :whome::whome::whome:

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Riekie - an interesting question, and I want to venture an answer, hoping that I wont be bashed because its difficult to say what you mean and conveying the true gist of what your'e saying...

first of all...I love my children, really, they are the centre of my universe, although I do miss alone time now and then. But, and this is the difficult part which people sometimes dont understand, if I had known what I know now, there is a possibility that I might not have wanted children. It has more to do with us overcrowding the earth, wars is so many countries, suffering to great extents, and this is the legacy I am leaving behind for my children's children's children?

It saddens me that there will be generations of my own flesh that might go into an era of suffering (thinking of our water resources that is declining while population is expanding at rapid rate) etc

and not so much because they annoy me...rather philosophical really...I say good for you if you decide not to have kids. There is this thing in Africa that even if you are starving, its still ok to have 9 kids....which is not the way to save the earth!

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We were child free by choice for 6 years and then changed our minds. Now I wish we had them sooner...

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I don't mind answering the question. However, I find it funny that, should I dare to pose the reverse question to parents about the life-altering decision to have kids; I always get flamed with accusations instead of answers... Just saying. :whome:

I have never been broody and have never wanted kids - EVER! I've never felt this overwhelming need to reproduce - my "biological clock" is non-existent. I love my life. I love my space and my freedom. I love being a woman. I don't want to be a mother. I love my breasts and never want them EVER to be perceived as udders! I don't want to give up any of my current or future interests, hobbies or opportunities for work and travel.

Once upon a time, many years ago, on meeting my OH, we both just knew we'd be together indefinitely. Yip, a fairytale movie moment. :blush-anim-cl::wub: The day after we met, he sat me down and came clean about some debt he had to pay off and I came clean about not wanting children - EVER - and for him not to think that he'd ever be able to change my mind on the subject. His exact words...? "If I married you, it wouldn't be for the children you could bear, but because I want to marry YOU." Perfect answer. :D

And the older I get, the happier I am with my decision to not breed. Look at the world we live in! It's over-populated, there shortages on all sorts of natural resources and as for the violence and world domination politics.... Nope, I'm very happy not to be adding to the problem.

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I figure it's your life and your choice. What other people think about your chosen path is not important - simple as that.

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Interesting topic (well..became a topic)..we were child free for 8 years and enjoyed the freedom, now that our little girl ( who was 100% planned) is school going age the freedom is increasing again.

I'd like to add that we often get judged for only having 1 child,like I'm not maternal or woman enough, or a bad mother or don't like children or selfish, a lot if the time I think people are jealous as we have the best of both worlds now that she's older, having 1 is waaaay cheaper than 3 or 4 but I still get 100% the same love and joy as anyone else..

At the end of the day everyone is going to judge you no matter what u do, so do what makes u happy now,without fear of regretting your decisions later on life.

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It's really interesting to read all these perspectives.

I can not imagine my life without my children but I must be honest, there were times when we were still in South Africa when I thought: what world did I bring these children in to? What suffering will they still experience?... And even living in a safe Australia, I wonder what life will be like for them in 50 years and if they will be OK, so I can identify with that.

On the flip side I have so much to look forward to; both my children are getting married this year and soon there will be little babies and our family will grow and give us joy. I suppose if we did not have that to look forward to, our lives would be empty & lonely, especially when we reach the age where we can literally not do much more than sit on the stoep...

We love to travel and we love to do things and go places and now that the kids are grown I do appreciate and enjoy my "freedom". (Although, growing up, we took the kids everywhere with us - to the opera, overseas, we never left them behind while we were off having a blast). It is limiting traveling or going out with kids as you can not simply pop into a pub on the spur of the moment and have a few beers for instance. There's a lot of benefit in that sense if you do not have children.

I guess it's a choice we make; do we live for our kids and hope there's something left over to enjoy when they leave the nest, or do we live life to the fullest for most of our life and face a possible lonely old age. Thats if we'll even still have a world to live in by then... If only we could see the future.

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Sorry, another mother hijacking the thread. First, good on you for recognising that motherhood is not for you. Much rather that than being a reluctant mother. Second, I'm a working mom, and if you think you get criticised for not having children then you must imagine the flack working moms get. In an era that is supposedly enlightened and full of equality, working moms in Australia get way more criticism (often silent but quite judgemental) than we did in South Africa (but then I knew more working mothers than non working mothers there, whereas here the reverse is true).

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Sunnyskies yes the Mummy wars are rife here in Australia which isn't something I encountered in South Africa. There I had to work, here I can't afford to work fulltime until my baby is much older - probably at school but don't tell my husband that!

I for one really admire mothers who work here because I don't know how you manage to do it all. I've started working part time from home and find it very difficult getting everything done.

Each to their own - as an older mom I've learned to do my own thing, not to care what others think of me and never to judge others.

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Sibella, one of the reasons we waited to come over was because I knew that working with babies and toddlers here is so hard. I'm like a stuck record in our offices saying that there is little incentive to work if your entire pay package goes to child care - $100 a day per child, that's $2200 a month. It is still a struggle, but every year it gets easier as the children get older.

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Yip, thread completely hijacked. *sigh* Oh well, not like I'm not used to being asked about being childfree and then having to listen as the conversation turns to a discussion about motherhood - usually whinging about the same old things: how hard it is, how expensive it is, but oh how rewarding, etc, etc. And it usually goes something like this... "I respect your choice, but in my case...." Hence the reason for wanting to start a childfree by choice group where we can have conversations that don't revolve around motherhood and the little daaaarlings. Where we can go to adult only venues (the very few that are left!) and not have to worry if everyone's children are going to be suitably accommodated and entertained.

Don't get me wrong, 99% of my friends have kids. It's a fact of life and I always knew my choice was swimming against the stream. Parents, particularly mothers and children get most of the airtime here in Aus - along with all the welfare benefits - tax which I also pay for zero benefits. Again, a fact of life which I'm not trying to change. But it would be lovely if this thread could actually NOT become a discussion about motherhood and rather one for which it was intended - to gather like-minded CHILD FREE people together. There are very few childfree people who would join this discussion now as they all know how it usually goes. We all just slink off into the shadows because it's just easier than trying to fart against thunder.

If there are any of you CFers out there, please just come along and join the group on fb (even if you aren't in Canberra & just want to hang out virtually with other CFers). If it would suit you better that the group was private so posts weren't seen by others, just send me a PM and I will happily do that.

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I'm sure we didn't put them off and if they are out there they will join your group. I've recently found a great website for getting together with like minded people - http://australia.meetup.com/cities/au/canberra/ - have a look if there is a group which interests you, or otherwise you can also create your own.

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Some cafes in Sydney have introduced a "stroller free" policy - aka, but not saying it, a baby/toddler free policy. Cafe owners basically got tired of these yuppy mummy groups hanging out at the local cafe for hours without ordering anything other than a cup of coffee and would even bring snacks & meals for the kids. The kids run a muck and make a lot of noise while the mums catch up on the local goss, putting off any potential customers. This caused a big stir and everyone was up in arms.

I guess more and more people in today's life have the need for child-free places to go and hang out in peace. When we had our kids, everyone had kids. Now we know lots of people who don't have kids by choice. It's not as uncommon as it used to be back in my day and I don't think anyone really cares that much about it either. Especially here in Sydney there's very much a live and let live attitude. (Maybe not so much in the "burbs" but certainly in the city).

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Just join your FB group, we're childless for the moment, won't be for ever but at least for the first year when we get to Canberra (next year). Then you can boot us out :blush-anim-cl:

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So you're damned if you do have kids and damned if you don't, that says a lot about how society views women.

Sorry Mrs Mupersan for adding another comment to your post, if I didn't have kids I would want to join your group, I'm not that much into the whole competitive mother thing and tend to avoid that kind of thing socially.

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I completely understand how you feel. We were also part of the "not wanting kids, but, yes, we are normal" brigade. We never felt the need to have kids, enjoyed travelling for 1 month each year overseas, went out to restaurants 5 nights per week... etc etc. We never felt unfulfilled or felt the need to have kids.

Of course, nature took our decision out of our hands. Honestly, when I found out I was pregnant, I was devastated - I had never even held a baby!

Different story now - we have two kids and they are my everything. I love being a parent. I don't love it more than our life before kids, and I don't love it less. Its just totally different.

While I am completely fulfilled and happy with how things have ended up, I think I would have been equally happy if we had never had kids.

We had many friends in SA who were just how we were - not going down the kid-road. They are still all without kids, but, interestingly, those friends are all the ones who have stayed in SA. Our friends with kids have all left. I really hope you find some kindred spirits, because you are definitely not alone.

Completely unrelated, but, I remember you so well from when we were in the process of applying yonks ago - you had just arrived and I really enjoyed your posts back then.

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Just a final unasked for comment from me - don't think that having kids in Australia is easier or more socially acceptable.

We would also sometimes like to go to nice restaurants or even cafes for lunch, but have experienced glares and once refusal to be served when they see us with our 3 kids. My daughters are well behaved and we have been welcomed in restaurants all over the world - from Venice to Florence to Laussanne to Brugge. So I probably find it extra annoying to be snubbed in good old Australia.

Some places seem quite child friendly (kids menus, games) but then they don't have any high chairs and trying to eat with one hand while holding on to a squirming one year old is not fun.

Then there is the glares if my baby dares to cry while out grocery shopping. Do people think if I had anyone to leave her with I wouln't.

Then I also have this bad habit of actually breastfeeding in public some times. Eish...

Funny I can't remember any such discrimination before I had children?

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Sorry for the typos I'm on my mobile. And just to say that the above is not the rule but it does happen.

Feeling particularly disgruntled at the moment as hubbie is away for 3 weeks at a time and I'm slightly overwhelmed!

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Gizmo, thanks for your post. I'm sure that we'll eventually make some childfree friends. I suppose it doesn't help that we aren't yet living where we want to be yet. We're planning to take a year off and travel around Aus in our ute & camper trailer. Then we'll be laying down our hats in Coffs Harbour. We've fallen in love with the place! :) But that's still a few years in the future and we are here in Canberra now and still living to the fullest. The Mupersan Adventure is very much alive - even if I'm not blogging about it anymore. :)

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Sibella really??? You couldn't find a suitable forum or create your own thread for a dummie spit mommee rant??? Enough already please. This post's heading is CHILD FREE BY CHOICE GROUP - CANBERRA. You live in Melbourne and are whining about not being welcome in MELBOURNE restaurants with your THREE CHILDREN.

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Gizmo, thanks for your post. I'm sure that we'll eventually make some childfree friends. I suppose it doesn't help that we aren't yet living where we want to be yet. We're planning to take a year off and travel around Aus in our ute & camper trailer. Then we'll be laying down our hats in Coffs Harbour. We've fallen in love with the place! :) But that's still a few years in the future and we are here in Canberra now and still living to the fullest. The Mupersan Adventure is very much alive - even if I'm not blogging about it anymore. :)

Sorry - leading the topic further off track, but I have to say that I LOVE your idea to do the camper trailer around Aus. Friends of ours just completed the journey - they went from Perth round the bottom to Sydney - worked there for a year and a half (had to get to the right season to go north), then came back to Perth via the top of Aus. I am super-eager to do the same trip- but it will have to wait until the kids are older. I am hoping you will give us updates here on the adventure!

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We've chosen a kid free life, so we're making the most of it! :) Yes, I will be doing a blog or something similar for the trip and promise to post the link here so you can follow. But it's still a few years off - have to pay off the ute and save for the trip. :)

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