Honeymoon Period...?

[gvr]

How many of you wanted to go back after just 3 weeks? I thought this was supposed to be the honeymoon period, but not for us...

[Springjock]

Beebop, your original post did not explain any of the things you have since spoken of. Had your first post read like your most recent post, I would have not have jumped on my high-horse. Your last post puts it all in context and while my experiences and circumstances may differ, I think you make very valid points.

I apologised for shouting you down. I am no bully. Sorry again, but your original post was very short on context.

[PrissyMissy]

Immigration is not for everybody, and I think most of us are so desperate to leave South Africa - that we think things will be easy once we reach a new country. I remember when we did our LSD to New Zealand, I vowed I would not live like some of the South Africans I met (basically in run down homes, with second hand furniture, second hand clothes, old cars, and living in bad areas and living on any benefit the government would hand out to them). I was totally disgusted with NZ for the first two weeks, one bad house after the other, washing hanging in the front of your house for everyone to see, so many people covered in tattoes and yes, some people doing shopping in track pants, or PJ's. But after spending 8 weeks here, when we went back to SA, it was hell - and yes, we just wanted to leave as soon as we could get on the next plane out.

We did not think it would be hard to start all over, and yes, you are basically starting all over. I fell pregnant in the first few months (we had been trying for another baby for 3 years) so we were not overjoyed at the timing, and I cried a lot those first few months of my difficult pregnancy, not knowing how we would cope financially. I got sick a few weeks after my baby was born, my husband was having to work shorter hours to help out more around the house (my 4 year old was helping with the baby as much as she could) and yes, we were the fortunate few who had the full time housekeeper, not because I was lazy, but because we had a very large house and I could not do everything on my own, once we had our first child. To cut a long story short, I basically became bedridden for almost 3 years, due to my illness and being on waiting list after waiting list at the hospital, and the specialists moving me back and forth with different diagnosis. I went into a very dark place, I was OCD, but I could no longer be - I could barely leave my bed, and had to rely on my husband to take care of 2 small children and keep the house going (I managed to get up now and again- with help) but mainly on the days we had to get to the specialists or hospital. I was so depressed, I used to pray for God to take me away, to stop the pain I was going through and the guilt I was feeling. My husband did the best he could to keep our family together, but I got to a point when I wanted to just be on my own - to take away the burden I felt I was placing on my husband, by being so sickly all the time and the financial implications we were facing because of it.

In addition to my illness, we also had to deal with the fact that my husband's company was bought over within the first two years, and he was faced with retrenchment. There were not many positions with his skill set, because he is in senior managemnt and we had to make the call to reduce his salary by 15% and relocate from Auckland to Tauranga in order for him to have employment. A few months after joining the new company, they started the retrenchment process - luckily my husband's position is safe, and he has more staff reporting to him now (he was one of the lucky managers that did not face retrenchemnt). Financially this has been very hard on us, considering we are still paying off mountains of medical bills.

Things have not been easy for us, I am finally on my feet - and my health is better than it was, But our marriage suffered because the communication broke down completely. Something we have now finally learnt to do - to take an hour every week to discuss things that are bothering you.

We have passed the 5 year mark in NZ, and become NZ Citizens this week - and in hindsight, we are glad that now we will have a diffirent passport and that NZ will bail us out, no matter where we go from here, as that is one of the great things about New Zealand, they look after their people.

We are planning to leave NZ, as even now, we still realise this country is not for us - but it is for very different reasons to the ones - that we wrote down we decided to leave South Africa.

I understand gvr completely - we will never have our beautiful home in an upmarket security estate (ever again - unless we win the lotto) we will never have the full time housekeeper (try and get yourself a live in au-pair, hopefully we will have this some day).

But we now have our life, which we might not have had, had we stayed in South Africa - as most of you know, you constantly worry when you will be raped and murdered, and we have had that in our extended family already.

Be thankful for your life - and do a list of why you are leaving SA and what you want in your new country.

Being on a forum in NZ, for migrants did not help - because I had people being so harsh and rude to me - because of the lifestyle I lived - this made things a lot worse, and as a result I became a total recluse - yes, there are not many of us that had the lifestyle gvr mentions, and yes, it is far harder for us to adjust to a different lifestyle - but it will be better if people are not so harsh and judgemental - because that can make things a lot worse to settle in a new country.

Overall, I am finding most of the people on this forum more understanding, than the forum I used 3 years ago when I really needed someone to talk to or to vent.

People, just please think about your words carefully - you have no idea the impact it can have on another person's life and their furture decisions.

Good luck with your decisions gvr, pm me if you like.

I am hoping that when we finally get to Australia that life will be easiar than it has been for us in New Zealand.

[Gizmo]

GVR - the beginning is tough, but try to treat it as an adventure. Change is never easy, but, don't make any hasty decisions until you are fully settled in, because in the beginning, adjusting to change gets in the way of you making informed, rational decisions. Give it some time. Good luck.

[PrissyMissy]

When I get homesick and want my life back that I had in South Africa - I give myself a reality check - and read, www.news24.com - and then I am thankful that we are one of the fortunate that got out with our lives in tact to start over in another country. I cry a lot and feel sad, but I also smile and feel happy that my children don't have to live in fear every day and that we can sleep peacefully in our beds at night.

Something to think about.......

Life is not easy, but God only gives us what he thinks we can deal with.....