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Honeymoon Period...?


gvr

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How many of you wanted to go back after just 3 weeks? I thought this was supposed to be the honeymoon period, but not for us...

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3 days!? I think thats a perfect example of someone who didnt want to come to Oz in tje first place. What's so bad about Oz that you want to go back within 3 days?

Im very glad it had worked out for you though. Four years - well done!

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I am often amazed how people on this forum cannot accept that the journey to Australia is entirely different for every family that moves here. You know the story of different strokes for different folks. To jump down someone's throat because they had a difficult time and considered going back, just because you did not experience what they had experienced, shame on you!

I have lived in Australia since 1997, I definitely find more good things than bad things with it, and weighing up the differences, I would much rather be living here in relative safety than in RSA wondering if it will be my turn today!

I don't think it really matters how rich you were in RSA or how much you had, that makes it difficult for you when you arrive in Australia, it definitely did not matter to us, but I think the whole moving process is about attitude and how much you really want to live in safety.

We come again to the mention of the 2 year period that you have to endure, to get to the 'otherside', this is pretty true, you have to give it time to grow on you and to really experience life on this side.

For those that make the move with no problems, fantastic you are extremely fortunate

For those that have great difficulty adjusting to life here, take it one day at a time, hopefully by the time your 2 years are up, you may also love Aus!

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In hindsight, I came across too strongly and I apologise for that. I still dont support your views and regardless of our right to voice an opinion, we cant make broad generalisations. Its innacurate and unfair to paint the picture of the Oz that you have.

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Beebop24, someone else has mentioned here that this forum tends to glorify Australia a little, which is somewhat understandable, but then there are those who will always be rude, aggressive and just trying to draw a fight. Australia is great, yes, but if someone mentions something that is not 100%, why does it get such an issue? No-one is trying to criticize Australia, but being honest and realistic is part of the process, and although it will never compare with SA, it's also good to have honest feedback too.

It gets quite tiring when you are not allowed an opinion, or ask a question that is deemed dumb, stupid or idiotic. Some people I guess just don't have people skills.

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I never made generalizations ! I told a story about something that happened to me! In fact I can tell you another 3 stories but would hate to get BULLIED by " Springjock" any further! Hence my decision to delete my comment! I am very well adjusted living here - think u missed the part about great job, lovely home and large social circle - in your haste to lambaste me for daring to give an opinion that does not suit you! I work in Corporate Australia and I have walked in and in a short time have a job that many Australians would like to have, possibly that brings out another side!? Besides which I know Adelaide is a very different place to Sydney ( I go there on business all the time - so not generalizing!!!!) so that is your good fortune to live there. But in Sydney not everyone is tripping over themselves to make you welcome. I arrived here starry eyed and determined that this would be infinitely better then that hovel/hell hole of a country I came from! Which of course it most certainly is! But 4 years down the line I realize that people DO suffer from "tall poppy syndrome" and lots of people want the foreigners to be cleaning the toilets and not running a team! It would be obtuse to think that it is perfect all of the time! Now that would be a generalization Springjock!!!!!!

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Thanks Mara, if you had read it I think you would have laughed seeing the response it provoked. I said I am happy here, blah blah but that I have had a few experiences with Australians who are not always partial to us Saffers- and spoke about an incident at my "Welcome" lunch when I arrived here 4 years ago. I have got to a point that I can reflect on SA and not just see all the bad - when you arrive here you are so angry and need to hate it to justify your decision to go.. TIme goes by and you can start to appreciate what you loved about your old home and I value what I learnt growing up in SA. I have been here for 4 years - I am not some newbie who is battling to cut it in a new country. I live a really good liffe here. But I have the benefit of being here long enough to appreciate both places and I am not starry eyed and desperate to fit in with Australians at all costs like when I first arrived. I have a senior position at work and if they dont like taking orders from the foreigner then that is their issue - not mine! But unfortunately there are people on this forum so blinded with hatred for SA and so desperate for Australia to be 100% perfect that they cannot be objective. So yes Australia is a fabulous country but there are people who (as I said in my prevous post) - would rather we were like the Asian immigrants - cleaning their toilets and serving up food. And yes, South Africa is in a total mess and getting worse and that makes me sad. But I cannotand will NOT just make 40 years of my life disappear and pretend that there is not stuff I still long for! I honestly believe I now have a balanced view of both places. This forum is largely frequented by mature people who are genuinely looking for advice and guidance but there is always going to be the bully who slams others cause they think that only their experience or opinion counts. Disappointing!

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I also missed your original post but I might comment that I agree there would be some aussies like you say, and for that matter some south africans, and some brits etc. Not sure that there would be more here than anywhere else though as we are very used to mixed teams in the main given 24% of Australians are born overseas and 46% have at least 1 parent from overseas. I could also see some childish people using it as an excuse to hide what they really don't like about their manager.

Of course not having seen your original post this could all be totally irrelevant :)

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Beebop, your original post did not explain any of the things you have since spoken of. Had your first post read like your most recent post, I would have not have jumped on my high-horse. Your last post puts it all in context and while my experiences and circumstances may differ, I think you make very valid points.

I apologised for shouting you down. I am no bully. Sorry again, but your original post was very short on context.

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Immigration is not for everybody, and I think most of us are so desperate to leave South Africa - that we think things will be easy once we reach a new country. I remember when we did our LSD to New Zealand, I vowed I would not live like some of the South Africans I met (basically in run down homes, with second hand furniture, second hand clothes, old cars, and living in bad areas and living on any benefit the government would hand out to them). I was totally disgusted with NZ for the first two weeks, one bad house after the other, washing hanging in the front of your house for everyone to see, so many people covered in tattoes and yes, some people doing shopping in track pants, or PJ's. But after spending 8 weeks here, when we went back to SA, it was hell - and yes, we just wanted to leave as soon as we could get on the next plane out.

We did not think it would be hard to start all over, and yes, you are basically starting all over. I fell pregnant in the first few months (we had been trying for another baby for 3 years) so we were not overjoyed at the timing, and I cried a lot those first few months of my difficult pregnancy, not knowing how we would cope financially. I got sick a few weeks after my baby was born, my husband was having to work shorter hours to help out more around the house (my 4 year old was helping with the baby as much as she could) and yes, we were the fortunate few who had the full time housekeeper, not because I was lazy, but because we had a very large house and I could not do everything on my own, once we had our first child. To cut a long story short, I basically became bedridden for almost 3 years, due to my illness and being on waiting list after waiting list at the hospital, and the specialists moving me back and forth with different diagnosis. I went into a very dark place, I was OCD, but I could no longer be - I could barely leave my bed, and had to rely on my husband to take care of 2 small children and keep the house going (I managed to get up now and again- with help) but mainly on the days we had to get to the specialists or hospital. I was so depressed, I used to pray for God to take me away, to stop the pain I was going through and the guilt I was feeling. My husband did the best he could to keep our family together, but I got to a point when I wanted to just be on my own - to take away the burden I felt I was placing on my husband, by being so sickly all the time and the financial implications we were facing because of it.

In addition to my illness, we also had to deal with the fact that my husband's company was bought over within the first two years, and he was faced with retrenchment. There were not many positions with his skill set, because he is in senior managemnt and we had to make the call to reduce his salary by 15% and relocate from Auckland to Tauranga in order for him to have employment. A few months after joining the new company, they started the retrenchment process - luckily my husband's position is safe, and he has more staff reporting to him now (he was one of the lucky managers that did not face retrenchemnt). Financially this has been very hard on us, considering we are still paying off mountains of medical bills.

Things have not been easy for us, I am finally on my feet - and my health is better than it was, But our marriage suffered because the communication broke down completely. Something we have now finally learnt to do - to take an hour every week to discuss things that are bothering you.

We have passed the 5 year mark in NZ, and become NZ Citizens this week - and in hindsight, we are glad that now we will have a diffirent passport and that NZ will bail us out, no matter where we go from here, as that is one of the great things about New Zealand, they look after their people.

We are planning to leave NZ, as even now, we still realise this country is not for us - but it is for very different reasons to the ones - that we wrote down we decided to leave South Africa.

I understand gvr completely - we will never have our beautiful home in an upmarket security estate (ever again - unless we win the lotto) we will never have the full time housekeeper (try and get yourself a live in au-pair, hopefully we will have this some day).

But we now have our life, which we might not have had, had we stayed in South Africa - as most of you know, you constantly worry when you will be raped and murdered, and we have had that in our extended family already.

Be thankful for your life - and do a list of why you are leaving SA and what you want in your new country.

Being on a forum in NZ, for migrants did not help - because I had people being so harsh and rude to me - because of the lifestyle I lived - this made things a lot worse, and as a result I became a total recluse - yes, there are not many of us that had the lifestyle gvr mentions, and yes, it is far harder for us to adjust to a different lifestyle - but it will be better if people are not so harsh and judgemental - because that can make things a lot worse to settle in a new country.

Overall, I am finding most of the people on this forum more understanding, than the forum I used 3 years ago when I really needed someone to talk to or to vent.

People, just please think about your words carefully - you have no idea the impact it can have on another person's life and their furture decisions.

Good luck with your decisions gvr, pm me if you like.

I am hoping that when we finally get to Australia that life will be easiar than it has been for us in New Zealand.

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GVR - the beginning is tough, but try to treat it as an adventure. Change is never easy, but, don't make any hasty decisions until you are fully settled in, because in the beginning, adjusting to change gets in the way of you making informed, rational decisions. Give it some time. Good luck.

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When I get homesick and want my life back that I had in South Africa - I give myself a reality check - and read, www.news24.com - and then I am thankful that we are one of the fortunate that got out with our lives in tact to start over in another country. I cry a lot and feel sad, but I also smile and feel happy that my children don't have to live in fear every day and that we can sleep peacefully in our beds at night.

Something to think about.......

Life is not easy, but God only gives us what he thinks we can deal with.....

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That is why I usually advocate that folks take a deep breath, before they answer a post. You cannot jump on someone, unless you have walked a mile in their shoes, and you cannot jump to conclusions, just because they did not explain themselves fully. We are here to support each other with migration to Australia, and it is definitely not a one size fits all situation.

Good luck to you Beebop24, I hope things go well for you in the future! As you have deleted your original post, I cannot comment on your experiences.

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Thanks Bronwyn! I will remember to keep opinions and experiences to myself.

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Springjock I don't agree with you, and I think your response was rude. I'm sure after 4 years Beebop knows what she is talking about. Rest assured, Beepop you will get blasted on here if you don't glorify Australia. And before I also get sh*t on, I have been here 5 & a half years, and been around the forum for over 6 years. It's really annoying to me that one isn't even allowed an opinion unless it's 'Ra-ra Australia'. Beebop sounds perfectly sensible to me. (* edited to change Beebop's name from Cancelled)

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Are you serious? Did you actually read what I said before you broke into print? I spoke about SA in the past tense! Seems when living in SA you cant say a bad thing about it (or you get sh*t on) and when you leave it and move to another place then you are not allowed to say anything good about it! Yes it is long dead !!! I know that - that is why I live here!!

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Sorry, but that's nonsense. You can't judge an entire nation based on the feedback of a few people. I havent experienced any of the things you have spoken about. If SA is so great then go back there and give others a chance to experience life in a civilized society. The SA that 'shaped you' is dead and has been DEAD for many years.

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We have been here almost 17 months, and we are still loving it! its a great country, has so little to whine about, and loads to discover. The outdoors are awesome, and safe. yes the cost of living is high, but the taxes you pay are visible in their use. My ouma is visiting here, and while shocked at the costs, is considering coming back to live with us.

Relax, enjoy the free parks and beaches, good life, great transport systems, and mostly good Gov departments. God has given you a great deal!

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3 weeks??? My husband wanted to go back on the 3rd day of being in Australia! :huh:

3 days are pretty impressive. We went on a LSD two weeks ago and I wanted to go back to RSA after the first hour!! :lol: And I'm dead serious. We were driving at night from the airport to our hotel and on our way I just saw all these Queenslander houses (for some reason I thought all the houses in the world look like the brick ones in RSA!) and for most of them the paint was coming off, the tin roofs were all rusted, the lawn was not mowed, and then they store all their junk underneath the house for everyone to see! I was crying when we got to the hotel and thought that no way I'm exchanging one township for another!

Luckily my husband is the more reasonable person and told me to get a good night sleep and if I really wanted to go back the following day, we can. We stayed the whole two weeks and I was kind of sad when we had to come back. I just had to give it time to get used to the differences. I'm now in love with Oz!

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Well, if you didn't mention that there were special 'circumstances' you can't accuse me of being insensitive, Heymanse.

Judging from what people have been writing on here in the time that I have been involved with this forum, wanting to go home after 3 days is a bit unusual, and this is what I was commenting on. Most people enjoy a 'honeymoon period' as per the title of this thread.

But sorry, no offence meant.

As I said, I'm glad that whatever issues there was have been resolved and that you are happy and settled here.

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3 days!? I think thats a perfect example of someone who didnt want to come to Oz in tje first place. What's so bad about Oz that you want to go back within 3 days?

Im very glad it had worked out for you though. Four years - well done!

I don't think that that is a fair assumption to make, especially if you don't know the circumstances around why he wanted to go back, not to mention that you don't know our history and don't know my husband at all. Your comment is extremely insensitive - many of us can cope with the sudden changes we face when we get off the plane here in Aus but there are also those out there (like my husband) that, no matter how much they wanted to be here or how much they prepared themselves for this new life, the shock to the system is just too much to handle when they step off the plane.

I have a lot of patience and respect for those that find it hard to adjust here and still push through and eventually stay on to live happy and productive lives here in Australia, because I know what my husband went through and can hopefully guide and help and support others in their journey.

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Just hang in there and always remember why you emigrated in the first place. It will get tough before it gets better.Your relationship with your wife will go through challenges, somedays you'll feel depressed etc.. But don't lose sight of the end goal. Support each other because all you have is each other. It is so easy to think about the life you had in RSA and doubt. But is it the"quality of life" or the "lifestyle" that's important? Give yourself a bit more time and make an informed decision. All the best to you.

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I have been here for 12 yeas now, and I remember that it took me forever to settle. Times were different then too, therre was not such a big support based. New migrants were fewer and far between, we did not know anyone and there was no forum.At the time we arrived there were no jobs either, this just added to the stress of our situation.Some new arrivals were unemployed for 8 months or longer .

I realised after so may years that you must give yourself 1000 days, that how long it takes to really feel comfortable in all apsects on being a new migrant. We all have to serve an apprenticeship as such.

As the years have gone by I also realised that the people that arrive with less money, seem to adapt a lot quicker than those that are more flush, and with business ties back home. Perhaps becuase it is easier for them to just get back on a plane and pick up where they left off.

3 weeks is definetly not sufficient time to make a informed decision as to weather or not Australia is right for you.

You need to keep reminding yourself as to why you left in the first place, and never loose sight of that. Immigration is not for every one , and it will test your relationship with your partner and kids and you faimily and friends back home. I was always reminded that some one back in RSA was waiting for us to fail and just say " Yeah , you could not cut it." , that also makes you realise that not everyone has you best interest at heart, or perhaps its a case that they want you to fail, becuase they dont have the guts to go through what you have gone through.

My recommendation is mix with as many people as you can, perferably , positive ones, not the depressed and negative ones, and make no mistake you will come across those. Remember there is always some one whos situation is more difficult than your own.

Hanging there is all the advice I can give.

Good Luck

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