Honeymoon Period...?

[gvr]

How many of you wanted to go back after just 3 weeks? I thought this was supposed to be the honeymoon period, but not for us...

[Heymanse]

How many of you wanted to go back after just 3 weeks? I thought this was supposed to be the honeymoon period, but not for us...

3 weeks??? My husband wanted to go back on the 3rd day of being in Australia! - got up in the morning and stormed off to the nearest Flight Centre. I didn't know where he'd gone to, but my instincts told me that he wanted to go back to SA. The lady at Flight Centre told him she can get him on the first flight that day on Kenia Air (flying via Kenia of course). My husband, gotta love the man, was doubtful that the pilot flying the plane would even know where to fly to get to Kenia After many encouraging words from fellow forumites as well as invitations to BBQ's from several, a couple of sessions with the "Head Doctor" and some "Happy Pills", six months later, my husband was a new man and as happy as can be. It has now been almost 4 years since those very dark days and we've had some dark days since then, it hasn't been all easy, but I do believe that we are better because of the struggles we faced. It has tought us to be patient beyond imagination, all good things will come to those who wait and it is something that we try to live by every day.

When you feel like this, I know it seems that there is no tomorrow - keep faith - all will work out in the end - you've come so far and have fought so hard to be here - like a saying I heard in a very beautiful movie recently - "I don't know why bad things happen to us, but I have to believe that something good will come from it".

Good luck with your journey

[Springjock]

3 days!? I think thats a perfect example of someone who didnt want to come to Oz in tje first place. What's so bad about Oz that you want to go back within 3 days?

Im very glad it had worked out for you though. Four years - well done!

[JMALAN]

I guess I don't have that much experience in Oz to speak with much authority (I've only been here a month), but I can say this. It IS tough, things ARE different and it IS a learning curve. But I realised that I am not the first person to migrate and will certainly not be the last! In fact we wouldn't have been in South Africa to begin with if it wasn't for migrants. A lot of the strangeness and difficulty was in my own head. I had this crazy notion that people could see that I was not Australian. But I realised one day that I pretty much look like any other Aussie and that I don't actually stand out. I learnt how to use public transport, I'm getting a handle on money here and I'm definitely a lot more settled than what I was even 2 weeks ago.

My point is, you have to accept that it is not like moving from JHB to DBN because you are tired of the rat race and want to live near the sea. If you are not prepared to take it one day and one thing at a time, you may not make it. But if you are of the mindset that you will have to adapt and have to take some things as they come, you'll get through stuff. Life here is what you make of it and how prepared you are to ask for help when you need it.

[Enrica]

I have been here for 12 yeas now, and I remember that it took me forever to settle. Times were different then too, therre was not such a big support based. New migrants were fewer and far between, we did not know anyone and there was no forum.At the time we arrived there were no jobs either, this just added to the stress of our situation.Some new arrivals were unemployed for 8 months or longer .

I realised after so may years that you must give yourself 1000 days, that how long it takes to really feel comfortable in all apsects on being a new migrant. We all have to serve an apprenticeship as such.

As the years have gone by I also realised that the people that arrive with less money, seem to adapt a lot quicker than those that are more flush, and with business ties back home. Perhaps becuase it is easier for them to just get back on a plane and pick up where they left off.

3 weeks is definetly not sufficient time to make a informed decision as to weather or not Australia is right for you.

You need to keep reminding yourself as to why you left in the first place, and never loose sight of that. Immigration is not for every one , and it will test your relationship with your partner and kids and you faimily and friends back home. I was always reminded that some one back in RSA was waiting for us to fail and just say " Yeah , you could not cut it." , that also makes you realise that not everyone has you best interest at heart, or perhaps its a case that they want you to fail, becuase they dont have the guts to go through what you have gone through.

My recommendation is mix with as many people as you can, perferably , positive ones, not the depressed and negative ones, and make no mistake you will come across those. Remember there is always some one whos situation is more difficult than your own.

Hanging there is all the advice I can give.

Good Luck

[MsGee]

Just hang in there and always remember why you emigrated in the first place. It will get tough before it gets better.Your relationship with your wife will go through challenges, somedays you'll feel depressed etc.. But don't lose sight of the end goal. Support each other because all you have is each other. It is so easy to think about the life you had in RSA and doubt. But is it the"quality of life" or the "lifestyle" that's important? Give yourself a bit more time and make an informed decision. All the best to you.

[Heymanse]

3 days!? I think thats a perfect example of someone who didnt want to come to Oz in tje first place. What's so bad about Oz that you want to go back within 3 days?

Im very glad it had worked out for you though. Four years - well done!

I don't think that that is a fair assumption to make, especially if you don't know the circumstances around why he wanted to go back, not to mention that you don't know our history and don't know my husband at all. Your comment is extremely insensitive - many of us can cope with the sudden changes we face when we get off the plane here in Aus but there are also those out there (like my husband) that, no matter how much they wanted to be here or how much they prepared themselves for this new life, the shock to the system is just too much to handle when they step off the plane.

I have a lot of patience and respect for those that find it hard to adjust here and still push through and eventually stay on to live happy and productive lives here in Australia, because I know what my husband went through and can hopefully guide and help and support others in their journey.

[Springjock]

Well, if you didn't mention that there were special 'circumstances' you can't accuse me of being insensitive, Heymanse.

Judging from what people have been writing on here in the time that I have been involved with this forum, wanting to go home after 3 days is a bit unusual, and this is what I was commenting on. Most people enjoy a 'honeymoon period' as per the title of this thread.

But sorry, no offence meant.

As I said, I'm glad that whatever issues there was have been resolved and that you are happy and settled here.

[heidim]

3 weeks??? My husband wanted to go back on the 3rd day of being in Australia!

3 days are pretty impressive. We went on a LSD two weeks ago and I wanted to go back to RSA after the first hour!! And I'm dead serious. We were driving at night from the airport to our hotel and on our way I just saw all these Queenslander houses (for some reason I thought all the houses in the world look like the brick ones in RSA!) and for most of them the paint was coming off, the tin roofs were all rusted, the lawn was not mowed, and then they store all their junk underneath the house for everyone to see! I was crying when we got to the hotel and thought that no way I'm exchanging one township for another!

Luckily my husband is the more reasonable person and told me to get a good night sleep and if I really wanted to go back the following day, we can. We stayed the whole two weeks and I was kind of sad when we had to come back. I just had to give it time to get used to the differences. I'm now in love with Oz!

[SurferMan]

We have been here almost 17 months, and we are still loving it! its a great country, has so little to whine about, and loads to discover. The outdoors are awesome, and safe. yes the cost of living is high, but the taxes you pay are visible in their use. My ouma is visiting here, and while shocked at the costs, is considering coming back to live with us.

Relax, enjoy the free parks and beaches, good life, great transport systems, and mostly good Gov departments. God has given you a great deal!

[Springjock]

Spot on mate!

[Beebop24]

Deleted!!!!!!!!

Edited June 2, 2012 by Beebop24

[Springjock]

Sorry, but that's nonsense. You can't judge an entire nation based on the feedback of a few people. I havent experienced any of the things you have spoken about. If SA is so great then go back there and give others a chance to experience life in a civilized society. The SA that 'shaped you' is dead and has been DEAD for many years.

[Beebop24]

Are you serious? Did you actually read what I said before you broke into print? I spoke about SA in the past tense! Seems when living in SA you cant say a bad thing about it (or you get sh*t on) and when you leave it and move to another place then you are not allowed to say anything good about it! Yes it is long dead !!! I know that - that is why I live here!!

Edited June 2, 2012 by cancelled

[Bronwyn&Co]

Springjock I don't agree with you, and I think your response was rude. I'm sure after 4 years Beebop knows what she is talking about. Rest assured, Beepop you will get blasted on here if you don't glorify Australia. And before I also get sh*t on, I have been here 5 & a half years, and been around the forum for over 6 years. It's really annoying to me that one isn't even allowed an opinion unless it's 'Ra-ra Australia'. Beebop sounds perfectly sensible to me. (* edited to change Beebop's name from Cancelled)

Edited June 3, 2012 by Bronwyn&Co

[Beebop24]

Thanks Bronwyn! I will remember to keep opinions and experiences to myself.

Edited June 2, 2012 by Beebop24

[Emille]

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Edited June 2, 2012 by Emille

[Toitjie]

Beebop24, someone else has mentioned here that this forum tends to glorify Australia a little, which is somewhat understandable, but then there are those who will always be rude, aggressive and just trying to draw a fight. Australia is great, yes, but if someone mentions something that is not 100%, why does it get such an issue? No-one is trying to criticize Australia, but being honest and realistic is part of the process, and although it will never compare with SA, it's also good to have honest feedback too.

It gets quite tiring when you are not allowed an opinion, or ask a question that is deemed dumb, stupid or idiotic. Some people I guess just don't have people skills.

[Springjock]

In hindsight, I came across too strongly and I apologise for that. I still dont support your views and regardless of our right to voice an opinion, we cant make broad generalisations. Its innacurate and unfair to paint the picture of the Oz that you have.

[Mara]

I am often amazed how people on this forum cannot accept that the journey to Australia is entirely different for every family that moves here. You know the story of different strokes for different folks. To jump down someone's throat because they had a difficult time and considered going back, just because you did not experience what they had experienced, shame on you!

I have lived in Australia since 1997, I definitely find more good things than bad things with it, and weighing up the differences, I would much rather be living here in relative safety than in RSA wondering if it will be my turn today!

I don't think it really matters how rich you were in RSA or how much you had, that makes it difficult for you when you arrive in Australia, it definitely did not matter to us, but I think the whole moving process is about attitude and how much you really want to live in safety.

We come again to the mention of the 2 year period that you have to endure, to get to the 'otherside', this is pretty true, you have to give it time to grow on you and to really experience life on this side.

For those that make the move with no problems, fantastic you are extremely fortunate

For those that have great difficulty adjusting to life here, take it one day at a time, hopefully by the time your 2 years are up, you may also love Aus!

[Beebop24]

I never made generalizations ! I told a story about something that happened to me! In fact I can tell you another 3 stories but would hate to get BULLIED by " Springjock" any further! Hence my decision to delete my comment! I am very well adjusted living here - think u missed the part about great job, lovely home and large social circle - in your haste to lambaste me for daring to give an opinion that does not suit you! I work in Corporate Australia and I have walked in and in a short time have a job that many Australians would like to have, possibly that brings out another side!? Besides which I know Adelaide is a very different place to Sydney ( I go there on business all the time - so not generalizing!!!!) so that is your good fortune to live there. But in Sydney not everyone is tripping over themselves to make you welcome. I arrived here starry eyed and determined that this would be infinitely better then that hovel/hell hole of a country I came from! Which of course it most certainly is! But 4 years down the line I realize that people DO suffer from "tall poppy syndrome" and lots of people want the foreigners to be cleaning the toilets and not running a team! It would be obtuse to think that it is perfect all of the time! Now that would be a generalization Springjock!!!!!!

Edited June 3, 2012 by Beebop24

[Stevie23]

Reading some of the replies on this thread reminds me why I don't generally come to this forum anymore. God forbid your opinion relates to something wrong with Australia, or you not feeling as positive about the move as others, or you even think of missing SA & wanting to return; you'll have the "Ra-ra ex-Saffa Australian" jumping down your throat.

Beebop24, you'll learn to live with it, cause it happens often enough.

[AndreaL]

Some years ago I used to be amazed and somewhat annoyed by those people who had a p.r. visa and wanted to go back to RSA In fact there is a family I know that have absolutely nothing positive to say about Australia and will probably go back. Once upon a time I would have remarked that it was a waste of a good visa and one less for someone who truly wanted it. I would still say that to go to all that effort of getting here one should at least give it two years, but am now of the opinion that Australia isn't the right fit for everyone and try to understand and support those that decide to go back.

I think many people underestimate how difficult it can be to emigrate, I thought it would be a piece of cake as we emigrated to RSA when I was in my teens and I hated it for the first few years and could only think about going " home", but that changed through time.

I also thought my experience of emigration would help me be prepared for coming to Australia, but oddly I took a while to settle, mostly because our financial situation was so poor and hubby's employers were not good.

I suppose we al have different emotions at different stages of our journey, so there is no right and wrong opinion here.

[Mara]

That is why I usually advocate that folks take a deep breath, before they answer a post. You cannot jump on someone, unless you have walked a mile in their shoes, and you cannot jump to conclusions, just because they did not explain themselves fully. We are here to support each other with migration to Australia, and it is definitely not a one size fits all situation.

Good luck to you Beebop24, I hope things go well for you in the future! As you have deleted your original post, I cannot comment on your experiences.

[Beebop24]

Thanks Mara, if you had read it I think you would have laughed seeing the response it provoked. I said I am happy here, blah blah but that I have had a few experiences with Australians who are not always partial to us Saffers- and spoke about an incident at my "Welcome" lunch when I arrived here 4 years ago. I have got to a point that I can reflect on SA and not just see all the bad - when you arrive here you are so angry and need to hate it to justify your decision to go.. TIme goes by and you can start to appreciate what you loved about your old home and I value what I learnt growing up in SA. I have been here for 4 years - I am not some newbie who is battling to cut it in a new country. I live a really good liffe here. But I have the benefit of being here long enough to appreciate both places and I am not starry eyed and desperate to fit in with Australians at all costs like when I first arrived. I have a senior position at work and if they dont like taking orders from the foreigner then that is their issue - not mine! But unfortunately there are people on this forum so blinded with hatred for SA and so desperate for Australia to be 100% perfect that they cannot be objective. So yes Australia is a fabulous country but there are people who (as I said in my prevous post) - would rather we were like the Asian immigrants - cleaning their toilets and serving up food. And yes, South Africa is in a total mess and getting worse and that makes me sad. But I cannotand will NOT just make 40 years of my life disappear and pretend that there is not stuff I still long for! I honestly believe I now have a balanced view of both places. This forum is largely frequented by mature people who are genuinely looking for advice and guidance but there is always going to be the bully who slams others cause they think that only their experience or opinion counts. Disappointing!

[Fish]

I also missed your original post but I might comment that I agree there would be some aussies like you say, and for that matter some south africans, and some brits etc. Not sure that there would be more here than anywhere else though as we are very used to mixed teams in the main given 24% of Australians are born overseas and 46% have at least 1 parent from overseas. I could also see some childish people using it as an excuse to hide what they really don't like about their manager.

Of course not having seen your original post this could all be totally irrelevant

Edited June 3, 2012 by Fish