the hard times have hit!!!

[LeeInOz]

The kids her age are very immature and 'slapgat'. She is driven and focused and wants to do well in life. The Australians she has met do not understand why she would want to pursue a career when the government could just support her.

My son hated the school he went to. He was depressed for two years and did not do well despite excellent teachers and the support groups. He was very popular at school (always has been) but he could not relate to the kids. The day he left school he became a different person, he is now happy and smiles and is a pleasure to have around. He has many friends, most of them are non Australians.

I think the statements you made abbout Australians are generalisations and and no different than South Africa. I cannot believe a whole school is full of Australians that expect the government to take care of them.

Our childrens experience of state and private school is / was very different to yours

[HansaPlease]

I do not think where you live has too much to do with it, I think it is the school and the kids in it that makes the difference. I once again suggest, check out Waverly Christian College in Knox, they will surprise you, perhaps pay them a visit and have a chat with them, take your daughter with and let her perhaps have a chat to some of the girls there.

Problem is, Knox quite a drive from Berwick - especially in morning traffic, I'm not sure if the distance would make it feasable.

[Serendipity]

Sorry to jump in here - but what about the little ones? Are they picked on, teased etc and generally made to feel unhappy in their new schools, my daughters are aged 12 and 9 and this is a huge worry for me, even more so after reading this thread

We will be going to a small town . . . not sure if that will make a difference?

@ SMARTIE - Any updates my friend?

[Smartie]

I was warned that berwick has problem teens..maby move her to a school in a better area???

No offense to anyone intended..this is just what ive heard/.

hi elleneo

AUSTRALIA has PROBELM teenage kids, not just Berwick!!!!!!!

[Smartie]

hi all, tks 4 all yr comments and 4 all the pms i got!! - much much appreciated!!!

yes, we have to stay within this area for the obvious reasons.

i did have an interview with another much smaller christian school and the interview went well and the deputy principal and grade 11 cordinator were really friendly, kirsti seemed to like the school and had a tour already but we are still waiting for all the final details. at the first school the buddy that was promised to us neva materialised and coz the school was so big she was alone and not able to find classes etc!! just a very bad start. my daughter is not loud and not confident so you imagine how this affected her, i am certainly hoping this next school is going to be better for her plus there are south africans in this one. i really dont believe that every child suits every school. she has come from a strict, disciplined small catholic school in sa and i really just think that was first school we tried was just beyond her and maybe too overwhelming!!

i will let u know how it goes but i really hope take two is going to be better.

and this was not meant to be a war on areas so sorry if i caused any problems there !!

[Mara]

Smartie, I am so glad that you have worked something out for your daughter, I sincerely hope that she settles and loves the new school.

No need to apologise about the argument over areas, this has been ongoing since FOREVER, get's quite tedious at times. I do understand, however, each of us of couse thinks that we live in the best area...yes for us...not necessarily for everyone!

[HansaPlease]

hi all, tks 4 all yr comments and 4 all the pms i got!! - much much appreciated!!!

yes, we have to stay within this area for the obvious reasons.

i did have an interview with another much smaller christian school and the interview went well and the deputy principal and grade 11 cordinator were really friendly, kirsti seemed to like the school and had a tour already but we are still waiting for all the final details. at the first school the buddy that was promised to us neva materialised and coz the school was so big she was alone and not able to find classes etc!! just a very bad start. my daughter is not loud and not confident so you imagine how this affected her, i am certainly hoping this next school is going to be better for her plus there are south africans in this one. i really dont believe that every child suits every school. she has come from a strict, disciplined small catholic school in sa and i really just think that was first school we tried was just beyond her and maybe too overwhelming!!

i will let u know how it goes but i really hope take two is going to be better.

and this was not meant to be a war on areas so sorry if i caused any problems there !!

Good to hear Smartie! I hope the potential new school works out for her. I can imagine that coming from a small school to a big one could be daunting for her.

I went the other way - from a big government school to a small, relaxed private school in Grade 11 and it's one of the best moves I ever made. The last 2 years of school were the best! I can imagine that going the other way round, from a small school to a big one would be a bit of a shock.

Let us know how you go!

[Impatient]

Serendipity, my 8 year old just loves his new school! He even came home with a little "award" on Friday after only 5 days in the new school.

We've only had good experiences with the two primary schools he's been in since we arrived so rest assured about the bullying - it's not everywhere. If anything, I think it becomes more of a problem as the kids hit high school?

Good luck Smartie - like everything in lilfe, you and your family need to find what works best for you guys. I hope your daughter will be much happier in her new surroundings.

Mel

[MannyT]

I think the statements you made abbout Australians are generalisations and and no different than South Africa. I cannot believe a whole school is full of Australians that expect the government to take care of them.

Our childrens experience of state and private school is / was very different to yours

Hi Lee

I cannot agree with you more. I find it fascinating how some people will invariably look for reasons (or excuses) for their personal problems in the environment and/or resort to blaming the "other" people for their personal problems.

Hey I accept we all handle or cope with situations differently (and some people do face some real problems from time to time) but this nonsense/generalisations about Aussie kids that is more often than not unjustified and/or uncalled for, in my opinion reflect an ignorance of the socio economic stucture of Australia ........................vis vis the socio economic structure of the RSA.

I had fifteen students (a number of them schoolgirls) working for me when I first arrived in Australia and I found most of them friendly and delightful to work with. I was initially on my own in Adelaide and the staff (all young girls and boys) were more than welcoming (and I was an old fart and a foreigner ). I was invited and attended 9 (nine) 21st birthday parties in my first four years here The resaon I suspect may have had a lot to do with my attitude - I neither felt nor behaved like a foreigner/outsider, I treated them all as equals, I generally embraced the people and my new environment and looked for the similarities (not the differences) in my new environment.

Are there delinquent and bad mannered kids in Australia?? Absolutely but that is not unique to Australia...........it is a universal social issue that has been faced by many generations..... in all countries around the world. If you compare like with like (as Hansaplease suggested above)...then Australia is in my opinion a relative haven...

I do appreciate it that we don't and can't all live in the more affluent/better suburbs in Australia (and didn't in the RSA) so we must accept that where we live and work will have a significant influence on our perception of the people and our adopted country.

Smartie sorry to read that your daughter has encountered some problems and has struggled to settle,..........it gets better with time and a "mellowing" of attitudes....

Enjoy!

Manny

[Badgeroo]

My 15 year old boy is the same, not crying, but not mixing, not going out, sad ALL the time, veggin out (and he only used to come home for food and money before we came here).

We are seriously considering going back atm

[Badgeroo]

also my 17 year was the same, so took him out and let him do his dream at tafe where it was all new and special with mature peeps.

IT all the way !!

[Smartie]

hi all,

took her to another much smaller school today (in fact its the same one my little one is in) and she felt much better. the school was very professional and handled her just as i wanted her to be dealt with. they introducted her to some girls and one south african boy was in the crowd so she started there tomorrow already knowing 4 girls, i hope this works out but she is now going from 150 kids in her grade as per the first school to only 50 in her grade in this new school so she likes that too.

will let u know how her day goes and i guess every school is different and every child reacts differently,

i also think the "quieter" less confident teens battle more so maybe smaller schools are better for them as i just think kirsti was over welcomed by the enormity of the first school she went to.

byron i am really sorry to hear as i know first hand just how heart sore it is but they need time and i told kirsti look to the future as she has more opportunity here and she needs to try and make it work even though it may be hard

[Eva]

Glad to hear you have found somewhere that hopefully works... its heartbreaking when your children are not happy.

[Donne']

Hi Smartie,

I only picked up on this now!When we arrived my daughter was also 16,and did not settle well at her school.(Private Christian co-ed school)We moved her after only 3 days to a private girls school -as she was sure that the first school was not the right school for her-She is now in Year 12, and had an excellent academic year last year.My son(14) is still at the first school and really happy.I think that sometimes different schools suit different children....(I also have two sons in Melbourne who are now at UNI and working)

Girls are very emotionally attached to there friends at 16,probably at the time the attachment is almost more important then family.It is really hard to make new friends in a new school and a new country for them! Having said this, my daughter now has wonderful ,polite and generous friends.( all Australian)

We all make sense of the world differently. Our challenge as parents is to endeavor too structure a learning environment that take into account individual differences and preferred styles-which is not always easy or practical!

My daughter returned to South Africa for a ( long ) 5 week holiday in Dec/Jan to visit her friends.I am not sure if this was good or bad but she is now settled,happy and working hard at school.

I am sure that you will find the right school and that your daughter will settle.It takes time and a lot of support and love.If your daughter wants someone to chat to, that has been through the same experience, please send me a PM and I will arrange for Brittany to call her.

All the best.

[Smartie]

thanks donne :-)

[Smartie]

hi all,

just a quick update, kirsti went to the new school 2day and loved it! she said the kids were really friendly and more christian like than the other school, i am so reliieved !!

anyone is free to pm if they want the school name but it is private and not public (in case budget constraints dont allow private) !!

its crazy coz the schools are about 2 kms away from each other yet VERY different kids

[Milada (Ms Maritz)]

I'm so glad to hear this!!

Strange how schools so close by can differ..... there is just 1km separating my daughter's old school where she was extremely unhappy and her new school where she is much happier now. And I can't blame it on the teachers or the principal - both schools have excellent staff. It's just strange....

[Donne']

Fantastic news!!!

The two schools that my daughter attended/attends are also in the same vicinity- - but again very different girls!I think it is hard to make the change initially,and makes you wonder if it is the right thing ! but one learns from experience....

[Smartie]

Fantastic news!!!

The two schools that my daughter attended/attends are also in the same vicinity- - but again very different girls!I think it is hard to make the change initially,and makes you wonder if it is the right thing ! but one learns from experience....

yip and it just goes to show that what may work for one family may not work for another family!! i still maintain the quiet. shy teens have it difficult and the parents NEED to ensure the school does all they can to get the other kids in the school to be friendly and caring to the new students.

[Mara]

Hi Smartie, I am so happy for you that the problem seems to be solved! I must take a load off your shoulders now!

[Almost there]

Hi Smartie ... Best thing you could have done! We moved our boy this year & whilst the guilt was hard for me as he didn't have a choice - I don't even drive past the old school, but here we are not even 2 weeks into the year, he loves his new school and is thriving in comparision. There are loads of excellent schools out there, private & public, & with the new school site, this should become even more clear.

[Settled]

HI All

We're in the PR process and have been given a case officer and request for Police clearance and medicals within TWO weeks of putting the appl. in! Things are obviously moving fast.

So the possibility exists that we come over end 2010 as opposed to end of 2011. The problem is that at end of 2010 my teenage daughter will be at end of grade 11. She has been in private school but is now at a good "regular" school.

Any comments on the following options:

1. I move her at end of grade 11 and she battled to make the grade 12 switch over / catch up there. (a bit lazy but capable)

2. I move her at end of grade 11 and she redoes grade 11 there, giving her an extra school year to make friends.

3. We wait to move her at end of matric hoping she doesn't change her mind and not want to go at the end of 2011 at all. Her father is still in SA....

She wants to go to university and study Psychology and is keen to go at the moment.....We also have 2 little ones who are turning 5 & 6 this year.... so would prefer to end the limbo stage end of 2010.

Thanks, will appreciate any feedback from parents with older kids that have already survived a teenage move .

Janne

[penny]

I really do feel for you having to make this decision.

Although we did not have the same problem we did bring our son across at the start of the last term of year 10. He then did year 11 and is now in year 12. He has coped OK but the move did take its toll on all of us. The subject choice is huge here and if the school offers the same subjects she might just manage year 12. He just found the freedom so great that to get him to study was quite hard. If she is prepared to re-do year 11 it would be better for her. Also look at Smarties posts as that will give you an idea of how hard it can be for teenages.

We left our daughter who was in matric and she came across once she had finished school and "rave". She struggled to make friends at Uni because of the huge numbers of people there. It took her about 9 months to actually settle but now she is fine.

Penny

[Riekie]

Bullying is alive and well in Australia - not only in schools, but also at uni & work (yes, adults behave like "mean girls" too...) Bullying is not only verbal or physical, but exclusion and being left on the out is a popular way of bullying here in Aus, as it is difficult to prove. It is appalling!

Smartie, hope you get things sorted for your daughter. Whatever you do, don't leave her to struggle through it on her own. Being sick and vomiting is real - and a BIG warning sign that she is not coping. She could fall into full blown depression if this continues. I don't have the answer for you, but I'd do whatever it takes to get to a resolution. Will think of you - please let us know how she's going.

[MANDYL]

Once again Riekie you have nailed it. Bullying unfortunately happens at work as well (not just in Aus but in RSA too) Moving a bit in Oz I am now at my 4th job in 3 years (not bad hey) and its only the last job (and im still working for the company) that Im experiencing bullying. Defending myself to HR I was told that Im assertive !! (LOL) anyway before I go off the topic I do believe there is an answer whether you change schools maybe home schooling etc.