the hard times have hit!!!

[Smartie]

just when i thought things were going ok we hit a bad puddle. my 16yr old is freaking out, even vomiting etc coz she HATES HATES the kids in her school. she is in a private school costing us about aud 700 a month but she says the kids are rude, arrogant and basically dont give a damn. the teachers she says are no better.

anyone had a similiar prob? she has just started year 11!

the kids basically just ignore her and she is not being bullied. i feel she needs more time but she wants out!!!!!! nothing worse than seeing yr 16 yr old crying and vomiting coz she does not wanna go to school in the morning

[elleneo]

I was warned that berwick has problem teens..maby move her to a school in a better area???

No offense to anyone intended..this is just what ive heard/.

[Serendipity]

Ahh Smartie it's so sad to hear that, all was going so smoothly for you and the family.

Sure you will get great advice here and make decision that is right for both you and your daughter.

All the best

S x

[Simpsons]

Poor thing....chin up, hope it works itself out for the two of you

[MelG]

Growing up, I changed school a couple of times, twice in High School when it is most difficult. My dad told me this fable which helped me so much:

A traveler on his way to Athens came across an old man leaning against a large boulder on the path. He sat down to rest next to him. “Hello Travelerâ€, said the man cheerfully, “where are you headed?â€

“I am headed to Athensâ€, he replied.

“Aah, I have been to Athens. Where have you come from?†he asked.

“I have come from Romeâ€, he answered.

“And how did you find the people in Rome?†asked the old man.

“Oh I found the people just dreadful. The streets were full of rude passersby, and the social clubs were full of arrogant and unfriendly people that were also very lazy and selfish! How will I find the people in Athens?â€

“I think you will find them much the same†the old man replied nodding as he waved the man on his way and wished him good fortune for the rest of his journey.

Later in the day, another traveler passed the old man leaning against the boulder. “Hello Travelerâ€, said the man cheerfully, “where are you headed?†“I am headed to Rome†replied the traveler as he sat down next to the old man.

“Aah, I have been to Rome. Where have you come from?†he asked.

“I have come from Athensâ€, he answered.

“And how did you find the people in Athens?†asked the old man.

“Why I had a wonderful time. I made new friends wherever I went. Passersby smiled at one in the streets and almost appeared to have a skip in their step. They were an overall wonderful hospital bunch! How will I find the people in Rome?â€

“I think you will find them much the same†the old man replied nodding as he waved the man on his way and wished him good fortune for the rest of his journey.

I feel so bad for your daughter, it is not easy. But she must just remember what an awesome friendly girl she is, dig deep and find her strength inside (whether she stay at current school or change?) edited:typo

[Mara]

Smartie, I feel for you. I have it on good authority that Waverly Christian College in Knox, which is attached to CityLife Church, is an excellent school with great ethics..not sure if that would be convenient for you.

http://www.wcc.vic.edu.au/

Hope you get it all resolved pretty quickly.

[Jill]

Hi Smartie,

Sorry to hear you are having problems with the school. I feel for you, when my daughter started out she also battled, her first few months were very tough, nobody was horrible to her or anything, she just found it very difficult to make friends, they all knew each other etc and she was left out in the cold. She went to Marist, which was a good school too. So her last half of the year was really tough. I felt so bad for bringing her here, she had such a good group of friends in SA. I questioned myself, wondering if this had been the right thing for her.

Then when she went back to school in January, there was a new Aussie girl from out of town, they became thick friends and from there things just improved. She then got into the other little "clicks" formed, but saying all this, two years later she has now finished school and she doesn't hear from these "friends". Luckily for us a South African girl started in her Grade 12 year and they are best friends now.

The kids in Australia are different, I don't think people realise how different they are, their morals and standards etc, my opinion, are much lower than our SA girls, even my son has commented on this. So for our girls it is a shock to the system.

Good luck, maybe look at moving her.

thinking of you during this hard time. Jill

[Eva]

Sorry to hear that Smartie, its so early in the year moving her will not make a big difference to schooling, and its not like she is settled.

Did you ever call that friend of mine whose number I sent you? Maybe she can give you some advice on schools.

MelG I LOVE your Dad's fable ~ too true!!

[Nats123]

Hi there,

Sorry to hear about this it must be so tough on you.

I have a friend who has two kids in Waverly Christian College in Knox and it is an awesome school.

Good luck

xxx

[NotLookingBack]

Not sure how far you are from Pakenham, but I would recommend this school as well:

http://www.chairo.vic.edu.au/

[patrice]

Hey Leanne

Yup I know what you going through – My son had a ‘similar’ issue, but at uni & work.

He has now finished his conversion subjects at uni, and changed jobs, and seems to be getting on better – BUT ONLY because I think HIS attitude has changed. with much 'positive guidance' from us .....

He was very ‘down’ and ‘angry’ about leaving his friends and old life behind, and therefore, he arrived here with a ‘negative’ and somewhat ‘aggressive’ attitude, kind of like these guys are not as great as my old friends, almost like they were not ‘good enough’ – and guess what, he got that attitude straight back, which made his life rather uncomfortable….. and he was highly stressed out…..

I guess that’s life – generally you get what you give – as implied by the very apt ‘old fable’ in a reply above > both very true in HIS case, but I think he learnt this painful lesson and has 'chilled-out' !!!

gOOd LucK

edit - made some text "bold"

[HouseInOz]

Dearest Smartie

I feel for You.

It might not all be about the school, it Might also be a normal human reaction to leaving all behind that is FAMILIAR.

Go with your gut feeling though.

We had to change schools, and it was the BEST thing ever for my children. THEY are AS happy as LARKS.

Now we have to change schools again for our new life in Brissie.

Hang in there. She will grow through this experience!! Take it ONE SECOND at a time.

YOU will get through it!!

[Veronique]

The kids in Australia are different, I don't think people realise how different they are, their morals and standards etc, my opinion, are much lower than our SA girls, even my son has commented on this. So for our girls it is a shock to the system.

From what my two teens and other SA teens have told me I agree with Jill. It is very difficult for them adjusting at such a late stage in their school career. People come to Australia because they think it is very similar to SA but the culture is very different. Morals are not the same as SA, although I do believe it could be changing as well. My son went to Year 11 and my daughter Year 12 when we emigrated.

My daughter refused to go back to main stream schooling when she saw how the girls behaved so she opted to complete school at TAFE. She never made any real friends there but she did extremely well academically. After two years she has finally made friends with guys and girls older than her. The kids her age are very immature and 'slapgat'. She is driven and focussed and wants to do well in life. The Australians she has met do not understand why she would want to pursue a career when the government could just support her.

My son hated the school he went to. He was depressed for two years and did not do well despite excellent teachers and the support groups. He was very popular at school (always has been) but he could not relate to the kids. The day he left school he became a different person, he is now happy and smiles and is a pleasure to have around. He has many friends, most of them are non Australians.

Another young South African girl whose parents are very good friends of ours, is at a top private and hates it, for social reasons too. She is a top academic but battles to fit in with other kids.

I think the answer is to emigrate when your kids are still at Primary School. There is more chance of integration before the 'clicks' are formed. Girls can be exceptionally bitchy to each other.

Smartie I really understand what you are going through and I am sorry you still have a while to go. I just hope a new kid joins soon so she can befriend them.

[HansaPlease]

The kids in Australia are different, I don't think people realise how different they are, their morals and standards etc, my opinion, are much lower than our SA girls, even my son has commented on this. So for our girls it is a shock to the system.

From what my two teens and other SA teens have told me I agree with Jill. It is very difficult for them adjusting at such a late stage in their school career. People come to Australia because they think it is very similar to SA but the culture is very different. Morals are not the same as SA,

I disagree because I think you’re comparing the kids in the middle class bubble in South Africa to the kids in mainstream Australia – which is not the same thing.

I know many teachers who teach in “mainstream†South African schools (and there are a lot more of these than middle class schools) where knives and guns are brought to school, matrics are often aged 21 plus, pupils are caught having sex between classrooms, drugs are rife, kids are drunk at sports meetings, teachers are assaulted, etc.

If you compare kids in the whole of South Africa to the kids in the whole of Australia, I think the outcome would be different. In Australia, you’re more exposed to the “mainstream†kids, so it seems worse than in South Africa where the average middle class kids mixes only with other average middle class kids.

I had a similar mental battle when I first got here - I couldn't beleive how many losers were on the V-line trains. It took me a long time to accept that it doesn't mean that there are more losers in Australia, it just means that you're in daily contact with people of different classes more in Austrlalia than you were in middle class suburban South Africa.

I hope that makes sense.

[HansaPlease]

Smartie, I’m really sorry to hear you’re having trouble and your daughter is not enjoying school, especially since I know you agonised over the school choices. I don’t really have advice as I don’t have teenage kids, but I also wonder whether she needs more time and whether your daughter has her guard up and the other kids are reacting accordingly, as has been suggested above.

Maybe she got off to a bad start. If you went to the school and told them that your daughter is having problems fitting in, I’d be very surprised if they didn’t try to help. Many schools even have “integration assistants†– somebody I know does this in Pakenham – where they help new/foreign kids to integrate into the school. It’s on a primary school level, but still, the concept does exist. Maybe ask the school if they have a policy on that?

[HansaPlease]

I was warned that berwick has problem teens..maby move her to a school in a better area???

No offense to anyone intended..this is just what ive heard/.

There are, but I don’t think it’s a reflection on Berwick itself – it happens everywhere. Berwick is very large, and some areas are better than others. On the whole though, it’s considered a good area, so I think you’d be hard pressed to find a school in a better area for a similar price.

[HouseInOz]

I have met and seen MANY Aussie people here where we live. They are expats, same as me and boy these Aussies have class!! Their children do well at sport and academics. Many of them I have met at church and are just stunning children.

Then I have taken many trains and buses in Aus in 3 different cities. I have also seen the other side of the coin.

[elleneo]

"hard pressed to find a school in a better area for a similar price" hit the nail right on the head.

here is some info on the of Berwick : Welcome to Berwick(3806)

.

* Distance from Melbourne CBD: 41km (25.3 miles)

* Approximate size for this postcode: 41.7 km²

* Surrounding suburbs: Officer(3809), Fountain Gate(3805), Guys Hill(3807), Narre Warren(3805), Clyde North(3978), Narre Warren South(3805), Beaconsfield(3807)

* Other suburbs with same post code: Harkaway

* Total of population in this postcode in year 2006 : 37297 people

* Average age persons in 2006 was: 33 years old

* Most of people in Berwick were born in Australia

* Ancestors were mostly from: Australian

* Industry of occupation is mostly on: Clerical & administrative workers

* Median house price (2009): $375,750

* Median unit price (2009): $300,000

http://myboot.com.au/3806/Berwick/graphic-...-statistic.aspx

I have inserted the link so you can compare to other areas if you click on the left of the page "Vicotria Crime stats" it will give you the comparison of the overall Victoria stats against that suburb, also handy for photos and businsesses in the area chosen.

We used this to help us in our decision on where to move to.

[HansaPlease]

I have inserted the link so you can compare to other areas if you click on the left of the page "Vicotria Crime stats" it will give you the comparison of the overall Victoria stats against that suburb, also handy for photos and businsesses in the area chosen.

We used this to help us in our decision on where to move to.

Just to clarify - those crime stats are not just for Berwick, they're for the whole of Casey Council, which includes about 30 suburbs, Berwick probably makes up a tiny proportion of it.

Places like Cranbourne, Doveton, Hallam, Parts of Narre will contribute greatly to those crime stats.

[Milada (Ms Maritz)]

Ag no Smartie.... really hoped you would be spared this!

And reading Jill's and Veronique's stories, it really saddens me that this is happening to most teenagers when moving to Aus.

You know about my youngest daughter.... exactly the same happened to her. We then taken her out of the school and put her in TAFE.... the same as with Veronique's girl - she wasn't extremely happy there, but at least it wasn't as bad as the school.

She has now started Grade 11 in another school, and so far it's going great! I just really hope it stays the same!

If I were you, I would have moved her to another school. The chances of it getting better, are slim..... unless she can find only one girl to be friends with.

To use Private or Public schooling has been debated a many times on the forum, and I personally think sometimes the pupils in private schools can be more cruel.

I was in an elite (back then) all girls high school due to the fact I had to stay in the hostel because of my father's occupation. Everybody thought it was an elite school and girls there were well-groomed..... the school though delivered some fine famous ladies..... BUT inside it was all bitchiness and competitiveness and girls looking down on other girls... I hated my high school years... but back then our parents weren't as understanding and accommodating as we are nowadays. Why am I telling you this? Because from my PERSONAL experience, I don't think private schools are any better. AND listen to your daughter.... if she wants to go to another school, please do so.... it's terrible spending your high school years, hating every minute of it!

Best of luck!! Please PM me if you need more advice .... maybe your daughter and my daughter can contact each other on Facebook.... maybe it will help her understands that she is not alone!

[bananagirl]

Hi

I agree with Mara. Try a Christian School. I am a teacher at a Christian School in WA. It amazes me to experience the caring and nurturing environment the students are exposed to.

Good luck!

BG

[pkn]

rather look at a good Government school (use myschool.edu.au) in your area. Private schools can be just as intimidating as any school, especially when you consider the bitchiness of class and wealth divides between insiders and outsiders/ immigrants and citizens

[Impatient]

I was warned that berwick has problem teens..maby move her to a school in a better area???

No offense to anyone intended..this is just what ive heard/.

The teens in Berwick have nothing on the teens in Point Cook. You just need to go to the Point Cook Town Centre on a Friday afternoon to see the calibre of kids hanging out in front of Aldi smoking and cursing in their school uniforms - I have yet to see any of that in Berwick! I think it's very narrow minded to assign "blame" to a specific area on "hear-say" from one forumite who "heard it from someone, who heard it from someone". Quoting stats is pointless until you have actually lived in an area. I thought Point Cook was the bee's knees until I lived there and absolutely hated every second of it.

16 year old girls are hormonal and bitchy at the best of times... "welcoming" a new girl who is possibly prettier/more interesting/more intelligent than they are is not high on their list of priorities. It's the same all over the world. The Catholic Girls School in Boksburg was just as bad when it came to new girls, and the parents were even worse. Like Mrs Maritz mentioned.. private girls schools are very tough to "crack" into.

Smartie maybe try a public school? It's much more easy going and accepting and the friends we've made in Berwick have kids in public high schools all over the area who are extremely happy and well adjusted. Good luck whatever your choice.

[elleneo]

Oh ..i thought you hated point cook because of it being "flat and dry" didnt hear it was because of the calibre of people in the area? I didnt mean to offend, this is only what I have heard about the teens specifically in Berwick, from people who have lived in melbourne for many many years..i did not say it was true, i just pointed it out.

This sounds like its becoming a war between the south-east and south-west again.I have heard this is a never-ending war, and im actually not interested in getting involved in it.

[Mara]

I do not think where you live has too much to do with it, I think it is the school and the kids in it that makes the difference. I once again suggest, check out Waverly Christian College in Knox, they will surprise you, perhaps pay them a visit and have a chat with them, take your daughter with and let her perhaps have a chat to some of the girls there. Maybe she gets a good vibe from the place.