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Eyebrow

Apparently it is now!

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Eyebrow

This is the next chapter.

The follow up on: "If not now then when..."

The business is sold.

The house have just sold.

And we are in that horrible limbo in between place now.

And it is flipping hard emotionally.

Our relationship is also taking strain.

We are taking such a risk.

(All the things that people said would happen, but that I didnt believe... Sorry. :blush: )

I love Cape Town and my people.

I love the familiarity and the "just know something"feeling that I have here. (where as in Aus it is more of a I dont know anything" type of feeling. )

But I look into those little faces of my kids every night, and I want better for them.

Not a better house or education only. A better society. An entire better world when I open my front door to let them out in the mornings.

Not just an artificially self-created one.

Is that too much to ask..

It takes a village to raise a child. And the village here sucks. :angry2:

I will have to keep fighting for them. No one here will.

So I guess it is now!

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Sunnyskies

Eyebrow, you know you have a cheering section on the forum and those of us in Melbourne and elsewhere that you have met I know are all rooting for you.

Of the things you don't know you do know:

- where you will work (massive tick)

- where you will send children to school (massive tick particularly as you have a special needs child)

- where you need to look for a house/townhouse (also a big tick as you can concentrate on working out that area without being distracted)

These are all things that make a difference. You know the challenges and I take my hat off to you.

You still need to navigate through to PR but I know you have a plan.

Any advice? Just concentrate on one day at a time. The next 2 and a bit years will be tough but I look forward to celebrating with you when you get your PR. Sending many virtual hugs.

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Bronwyn&Co

Eyebrow if anyone has their eye on the prize it's you. Your tenacity will get you there (((hugs)))

Try & relax a bit now. You need to gather your emotional strength for the next leg. Take lots of photos.

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Mara

Eyebrow, good luck with the move, I am sure it is going to be a huge success and that in two years you will look back and say "well done"

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Johnno

Eyebrow, you know you have a cheering section on the forum and those of us in Melbourne and elsewhere that you have met I know are all rooting for you.

Of the things you don't know you do know:

- where you will work (massive tick)

- where you will send children to school (massive tick particularly as you have a special needs child)

- where you need to look for a house/townhouse (also a big tick as you can concentrate on working out that area without being distracted)

These are all things that make a difference. You know the challenges and I take my hat off to you.

You still need to navigate through to PR but I know you have a plan.

Any advice? Just concentrate on one day at a time. The next 2 and a bit years will be tough but I look forward to celebrating with you when you get your PR. Sending many virtual hugs.

Hey Sunnyskies, just remember what "rooting" means in Australia.I remember being the brandt of that joke many times when we first arrived. :ilikeit:

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OnYellowBrickRd

I am super proud of you! Now keep on keeping on. It won't be easy, but it will be sooooo worth it! :hug:

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Sunnyskies

Johnno that crossed my mind when I hit"post" but I know that my audience understand what I mean. ?

Edited by Sunnyskies
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DXB2OZ

Now, now, now!!!

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Eyebrow

Anyway, enough rooting, and more packing... :whome:

I have not been posting much.

Mainly because I have not stopped. At all.

We are throwing away, packing and organising and and and...

I am tired.

I cant sleep.

Seriously, how does one cope with this? I am up until 4am, with a zillion things to do running through my brain. Then I cant get up the next day.

i have been taking sleeping tabs, but as soon as I stop the insomnia from hell comes.

I will be so tired when the actual move occurs, that I wont be able to cope with this.

Again I am surprised how challenging this is.

The kids are happy. I am home all day. Such a treat for them. They used to see so little of me. And now I am here all the time. And the packing is apparently a great game. Even though they dont understand why I am crying with a box in my hand. :cry: The eldest "thats just stupid old photos mom, why are you crying?" And I feel like saying: the 80's is not old! And those are my school photos. Look how happy and carefree I look honey? Not the overworked harassed person you know...

And my 3y old says "happy face mommy, happy face" ! Jaaaaa, happy face indeed...

Anyway, I did something risky. I booked a rental from RSA. I figured out that one month in a caravan park (temp accom) will cost the same as 3 months rental. So why not take a rental? If after 6 months we dont want to extend, it is only 3 months more in cost. I did it by looking at lots of properties, and contacting the agents that someone from the forum suggested in the area I wanted to live. And they sent all the details, even waited till they closed applications on a property because of time difference between the counties. And they even sent stuff on properties that wasnt listed.

We made the 100 point identification check list from here.

And they only wanted a reference from the agent who sold our house in South africa.

And hey presto.

And now we have a rental from 1 Oct.

This is either the best plan I have ever come up with, or the worst! (The latter will, of course, not be the first time...)

Whats that noise?

Oh, it is me dry heaving from stress... :blush:

Also, doesnt it seem that everyone wants a chunk of you? Or more specifically, your hard earned money? The estate agent, the plumber, electrical and beetle certificate, the moving company, the flight tickets, the deposit and bond on the property, the hire care company, the taxi company. Money is well and truly flowing like water!

:stretcher:

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Sunnyskies

Well done Eyebrow. I think that was a good move. Now you just need some blow up mattresses to tide you over. Give me a pm on what you need on an immediately as arrive basis and i'll see what I have that you can loan.

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Bronwyn&Co

I think that was a great move. It's too stressful for you worrying about accomodation on top of everything else. You have a roof over your heads and 1 Oct is 3 weeks away!

Ok so with the sleeplessness. Try & stick with a routine, at least be in bed by midnight ? If I drink wine before I sleep it really messes with my sleeping. Maybe take a sleeping tablet only every 2nd night. And excercise helps your brain relax (apparently) ?

If you need to, buy a bar fridge for around $200 as soon as you arrive. They work great as a tide-over, and you will still use it when your container arrives.

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OnYellowBrickRd

Oh, my friend. I am sorry that things are so hard for you. I would be lying if I said that it will get easier soon, but it will...eventually.

Well done on getting the rental. That will help a lot once you get here. After sleeping on blow up mattresses for a month after arriving I would suggest finding a mattress at a yard sale or somewhere. You need to sleep well when you get here. The first few weeks are hectic!

Get yourself a whiteboard and put it in a prominent place in the house. When you think of anything that needs doing, write it on the board. At least you don't have to remind yourself not too forget stuff that have been written down. In the beginning the list seems never ending (especially when you add 3 things every time you erase one), but eventually it will get shorter and shorter.

Remember to pat yourself on the back for every little thing that you complete. The way to eat this elephant is one small piece at a time. You are super brave and I take my hat off to you! :yourock:

Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord , plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

:hug:

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Tazzn

Well Done eyebrow. Though I haven't said much I have been following your journey closely and think you are truly courageous!!!! I just had to clean my house for an open house this weekend and nearly had a nervous breakdown (how you are packing up a household with your kids is a feat all on it's own :) ).

Sending strength for the next few weeks of packing and getting ready to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Eyebrow

It is just over 2 weeks before we leave for Melbourne. Cant believe it.

No, seriously, I cant!

I dont feel ready.

The house is a mess around me. Things lying in disjointed piles. And the kids jumping in the piles and mixing them up. Papers are missing and I can find the nail clippers.

Am sad. I thought we would spend these last weeks visiting places that was dear to us and that we wont see again in a hurry! And seeing friends for the last time. But instead it has been packing and organising and paperwork and banks and bills and lawyers and arranging...

A strange type of lethargy has enveloped me. I am soooo sleepy. I cant wake up in the mornings. (And it is not due to sleeping tablets. I suddenly dont need them anymore!) I pass out at night, and cant get up in the mornings. I can barely lift my arms to pack another single thing.

Every time I let my sponsor know an update on our arrival in Australia, he is happy, and cant wait to let me know how much work there is piling up for me. And that they are so happy I am coming, because the amount of work is just beyond coping for them... :blink::(

It is after 2 in the afternoon know, my OH is on the roof fixing leaks as stipulated in the sale contract, the kids are trying to pull the ladder out from under him and I am feeling very sleepy.

In fact I dont know how I am even managing to type all this because I feel so sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :sleep1:

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SurferMan

Oh Eyebrow,

Wish I could give ya a hug, but I'm too far away, and although I'm rooting FOR you, you may wanna learn it's later ego for Aus, it's barrack for you.

You will be fine, it's all going to be like wonderland when you land. See you soon!!

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Eyebrow

Right.

We have entered the single digits now. (In the number of days before we land...)

it took 2 and a half years.

It must be the longest 457 application in history?

Thank goodness my employer has a long term view on recruitment, because he struggles so much finding people. So he is ok with it.

I feel a bit, you know, :unsure:

Anyway too late now. Everything is sold. Turning back now will be a major issue.

Saying goodbye. Sjoe.

What can I say. Awful. Feels like the end. Of something. Not sure what. But it feels that way. So final. Maybe like the living funeral that chzaau calls it...

The little ones have been crying because the dont want to go because of ouma. (My mother in law. Also in CT). Turns out every time she has been seeing them, she tell them things like; do you see the swing outside that you like, I am going to have to take it down, because no one will ever play on it again. Way to go MIL. The kids were all crying after our last braai there. And she refuses to come and visit. She doesnt even want to apply for a passport...

And my mother (in Krugersdorp). Well. She is saying things like: I might as well come over and bury her now. Because I will never see her alive again. But go ahead and enjoy your life, and see how it feels when your kids one day leave you to die. Alone.

She doesnt want to see me again. Because I do not exist for her any more.

So, no guilt trips from them then.... :angry:

I mean FFS. It is not a personal attack on them. I dont want to go. I want to stay. But my kids dont have a chance here. I have a responsibility towards them. Esp my little boy. He cant speak.

I am infinitely sad. That I cant mend things. Or make it right. Not for me, not for my son, not for our parents, hell, not for anyone.

What an f-up this is...

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DXB2OZ

Eyebrow, you are on the final slope, that madcap time where everything just seems to be going too fast and for the first time you wish time would just stop. This is often when all the doubts and fears about doing the right thing come flooding at you all at once.

Just remember, the loved ones you leave behind are sad. And some are bitter, because they don't have a choice, so for them staying in SA needs to be the best possible option. They see you as rejecting their choice, possibly rejecting them. But often, they are just lashing out from pain.

All you can do is express your love and wait for them to come around. Your responsibility as a parent is first to your family and you are doing what you believe is right. Nobody can ask for more.

It will be strange and unnerving, but it will be ok. You have a spare "family" on the forum to offer you support. Like most families, we squabble and tease, but we are behind you.

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Mara

Eyebrow, my heart is sad for you, especially the problem you have with the mothers.

Perhaps you should ask them the following question: "I am confident that if you had been confronted with your children's safety you would have done what ever was required, to ensure that they stayed safe." Obviously their answer would be "yes".

Then you can say "if that is the case, then please, allow me to do the same for my children, I am taking them to a safer place so that they can actually have a future and to ensure that they do not just become another statistic in South Africa."

"I love my country, but I am not going to offer up my children's future to stay here in chaos!"

Trust that your forward journey is everything that you wished for. Look forward to meeting hubby and the children!

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rozellem

Ai tog. This makes me so angry, on your behalf. I have a theory, that people close to you, never completely surprise you. Deep down, you know these older ladies. You have always known, that when the chips are down and they have their backs to the wall, this is how they would react. Its almost funny how men would throw a punch when angry/upset, but older women take their words and stab where it hurts most. There is almost nothing you can do about it. However unpleasant, for your own sanity, you will have to ignore their acting out. Its their own drama, you are not part of it. You have been such a soldier, you have to now trust the process and take the ride that is ahead of you. You cant back pedal, go with the flow.

I remember a Sydney based formites journey, about 3 years ago. Had a fab relationship with her mum, even worked together. Then in the last couple of weeks, her mum had a temporary personality transplant. She did not recognise her own mum, she completely withdrew, decided to charge them rent for the couple of weeks they were living with them before the flight, I think they even got charged for the trip to the airport, and a few other unpleasant things. BUT, since they have been in Sydney, the grandparents have been out to visit every single year. So you never know. Good luck and keep us posted.

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OnYellowBrickRd

Oh...my...goodness! It's so sad that our parents can sometimes be our worst enemies :thumbdown: . I feel for you, Brave One. You have already overcome so much. The last thing you need is uphill from your parents!

I am DEFINITELY not trying to justify their behaviour :angry2: , but if you see it as them being in the process of mourning, you might have some hope for the future. These ladies are obviously past the first stage of "denial and isolation". It seems to me like they are both in the "anger" stage. A year after being here, my father (who hardly ever says a word) wrote me a long letter. Needless to say that I was flabbergasted. Anyway, he admitted that he felt a lot of anger at us for leaving :boxing: . How could we leave them behind? How could we take their granddaughter away? How can we be so selfish? He admitted to me that he later realised that he had aimed his anger at the wrong people. He then decided that, if he wanted to be angry, he would be angry at the people who had forced us into making this decision in the first place. He realised that we are doing this for the safety and well-being of ourselves and our family.

Your mothers might still try bargaining (the "swing" episode might be the first sign of that), depression and, finally, acceptance. Once you have settled and are able to bring them over for visits, they will realise that you have done the best thing for yourself and for your family...and ultimately, all mothers want their children to be happy. I know that you might not want anything to do with them, but for now, just don't bother arguing. It will make things worse :stretcher: . Stand your ground in as kind a manner as possible. If you get a chance, explain to them that this has been a tremendously difficult decision for you and that you are sorry for hurting them (they want to hear that.)

I trust that your arrival in Aus will be smooth. If you need to chat, or scream, or cry, or rejoice, please PM me (I can call for free anywhere in Aus :ilikeit: ).

You are nowhere near the end of your journey, but things can...and will get better for you. You have the ENTIRE forum supporting you :hug::yourock:

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julesktm1

Best f Luck to you and your little family eyebrow.

Tough, as we on the last leg too we land on the 31st of December 9 ha ha what a way to start the year with the bang of our arrival in perth ha ha.

Much hugs your way strength and lots and lots of happiness. I have so enjoyed travelling the journey with you.

Last few days I am sure will be emotionally harder xxx

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Eyebrow

It is Friday night.

The movers have gone after 2 harrowing days.

My life is sucked from me.

We have had a few 3 hour sleep nights.

The house echoes emptily. And is suddenly cold and harsh in its fluorescent lighting and no curtains.

My dreams here have ended. Time for new ones I guess. If I survive this. :closedeyes:

My special boy came home today from his grandmothers to an empty house. He freaked out. And hid in an empty closed cupboard for quite a while crying uncontrollably.

And of course I was crying too. What am I putting them through?

We fly next week.

I hope Melbourne will live up to its "friendliest city in the world" thing. We need that right now.

Hell, we need a place to call home...

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DXB2OZ

Oh Eyebrow, I do feel for you. This is such a massive thing you are doing and to watch your child distraught is almost too much. You have been so strong for so long, you just have to keep going a bit more. Remember why you are doing this. We are all cheering you on.

No more words, just sending a big, massive hug.

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Bronwyn&Co

(((Hugs))) Eyebrow. That must have been horrible. I hope he's feeling a bit better by now.

Ps. I forgot about the curtains thing. We leave the curtains in Aus. I still have all my curtains from 8 years ago, what a pain every time we move. Can't use them...?

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OnYellowBrickRd

:cry::hug::hug::hug:

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