What are you like in real life ?

[Guest Seoul Sister]

Hi everyone,

I have had a few fabulous chats with some of my forum gal pals behind the scenes in the past couple of days. A very interesting thing that 4 of them have revealed to me, is that they are actually very shy in real life. WHO KNEW !! This has made me wonder about the rest of my friends on the forum. What are ppl really like ? Are ppl actually completely different in real life from how they are on the forum ? Interesting thought, don't you think ? Without intruding too much into your lives and personalities, I would love to know :

1. Are you shy in real-life ?

2. Are you the same on the forum as you are in your regular life ?

Love

Seoul Sister

[Ajay]

Hi SS,

What a fab question! And interesting too. I'm also probably a bit different on the forum, but in the opposite way of what the others have said. I tend to me more serious and somewhat reserved in my forum postings, but in real life, I'm far rowdier and less cautious. I am definitely not shy, but I am TERRIFIED of public speaking

I would love to hear other people's views and insights on this - fascinating!!!

Love

Ajay

[Nadine]

Hi there,

I am not shy in real life (as some other forum members can attest to).

But I must be honest I find it a lot easier to have a conversation with people, in person, as apposed to writing; I find it easier to express myself. As a result I read almost all postings but do not respond as often as I should.

[Rialet]

Indeed interesting and I am probably boring but I am the same everywhere. What you see and pick up here is the same in real-life.

I think some people are just able to express themselves better in writing and therefore they come across differently. I have a lot of verbal and written communication activities/dealings on a daily basis and what you pick up from the one you will probably gather from the other as well.

Seker ook hoekom ek nie eers aan 'n skuilnaam gedink het nie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cheers

Rialet

[Guest Seoul Sister]

Hi there,

I am the same in real life as I am on the forum, as long as I am in a small group. As soon as I am in a big group of ppl, I am very shy and quiet. PUBLIC SPEAKING ?? Forget about it ! I'd rather clip a hungry lion's toenails.

From experience on Fora I have seen that jokes are more often than not misunderstood and so I tend to refrain from joking / teasing and goofing around, where I joke around a lot more in real life.

*Thanks for replying ! It's all very interesting to me !!*

Love

Seoul Sister

Edited April 21, 2006 by Seoul Sister

[Cindylou]

Hey all

In real life I tend to be a little less "C for serious" and am usually shooting off one-liners, chirps and jokes. As SS pointed out, online jokes aren't always read in the spirit they were written, so I tend to bite my tongue on fora rather than rattle off the quick chirp that jumps into my head. I think that I am less shy in "real life" than on the Internet, as I am more open and less hampered by the formality the written word imposes. (how formal was that )

I also think that the possibility of abuse is just so much greater in a public forum, so people tend to play a little less open cards in order to protect themselves from the trolls. We've all seen real damage on-line and I think the resultant caution also changes our on-line personalities.

As for Public Speaking - some small requirement in my work, but unless it's in my subject (and therefore I'm v sure of my ground) I will not contemplate such a frightening thought. shudder.

[Dedrei]

Ok, wel ek is defnitief meer expressive op skrif as met my mond. Ek is maar is 'n skaam ou girl, gesels nie maklik met vreemdes nie - maar moet sê die internet het dit nogal vir my makliker gemaak om te 'open up'. As ek sterk voel oor 'n ding, dan sal ek jou sommer sê.

So ja public speaking is defnitief nie my ding nie. Gee my 'n rekenaar en ek is heel happy!

[Guest Jules]

Shy with a capital S

I am the one who fades into the background when in a group of more than two, where I will then just listen and maybe throw in a few monosyllables

Have a great weekend all

Julie

[Dedrei]

Jules, seems like me and you are quite the same in that aspect.

[Pisces]

So many different personalities. I tend to be very much an extrovert in real life once I've sussed out the lay of the land, public speaking hasn't been a problem to me (guess who usually gets picked for the speeches ) parents used to be in the spotlight and somehow as kids you get used to it.

I do seem to find the forum a bit intimidating, I guess it's a bit of the time delay as well as not wanting to give out incorrect information. Tend to be a lot better when chatting in real time of msn, mirc or skype, guess conversation just seems to flow easier.

[Mara]

What you see is what you get! No hiding, no shyness, no made up name, just me.

I saw the other day that there is a new "Vaalie" on this site, maybe we should warn her that she could cop a mouthful from somebody, thinking it is me!

I always remember what a teacher told us in junior school, "Don't feel intimidated by strangers, they put their trousers on the same as you, one leg at a time!" I don't know why this made an impression on me, but it did!

[SASydneysider]

Indeed an interesting topic! Thanks for starting this one SS.

I'm pretty much straight up and down. What I am in real life is what I am right now. I do tend to be a bit more cautious when responding on the Internet because it is difficult to interpret the body language.

I can be a bit of a 'closed' person, but this is merely to protect myself.

Something very strange though .... generally speaking, people don't like me when they first meet me. They need to get to know me before they gravitate towards me. I've always been aware of it.

Public speaking - if it is a topic I'm passionate about or am knowledgable about, no problem.

[Henkaj]

For all those folks who don’t like public speaking. I would like to suggest joining a local ToastMasters club in your area.

This is a fabulous way to help you with it and lots of fun too. It bears international recognition as well as the opportunity to become an international speaker one day.

I guess baby steps first. See ToastMasters International and follow the link to find a club at the top menu.

And to add some caveat, look at David Kersey's Please Understand me II. It breaks down many personalities and once you know the various personalities, it gets way more interesting reading forum posts.

Kersey Web Site

You will love the experience

henk

Edited April 21, 2006 by Henkaj

[carm]

I am completely different in real life, an example being that I read a lot of posts here but feel very bashful about posting whereas in real life I don't stop talking, laughing, etc. I think it has something to do with being able to read peoples' reactions to your words as opposed to writing something that you have no control over as soon as you post it. Carm

[Caroline]

Well, it's hard to say since how I think that I am coming across and how other people percieve me might be completely different. I think that the internet is a wonderful place for people to 'recreate' themselves as it allows for a lot of 'unknown factors'.

In real life I am a good listener but I also do love talking to people and getting to know 'new' people. I am very sincere and honest to the point that it actually gets me into trouble. Hubby keeps reminding me that my direct manner is sometimes considered rude on South African terms. I fail to understand but he is a very perceptive person so I have accepted that there must be something in what he is saying... I can only try .

I don't like being the center of attention and although I have done public speaking-I don't feel comfortable. Maybe it's a form of insecurity-I don't know. I love the forum because everybody is equal and can have an equal say.

I very seldomly get upset or angry with other people for their viewpoints-be it on or off forum-simply because I feel that it is a free world. Not everybody can think and feel the same. I do get annoyed when I feel that people are being nasty or jealous because I find it to be such an ugly trait. Annoyed in the sense that I either walk away or verbally confront them. I have never been scared of confrontation and find that my 'relaxed' nature helps me a lot with this as I am usually the last person to get really worked up. It helps to be balanced when people around you are 'losing it'.

I am quite a practical person although I do enjoy arty stuff. Quite' active'-much to my children's delight. I get bored quickly unless it entails information i.e internet, reading and exercise. I don't watch TV much because I get bored sitting still unless it is something that can keep my attention ( a reall good movie ).

People tend to find me very gentle until they get to know me better.

.... did I mention that I talk a lot?

No more-I'm giving away to much here

Edited April 22, 2006 by Caroline

[Guest Seoul Sister]

Hi everyone,

Thanks so much for your enthusiastic, open and honest replies. Thanks for the kind words and for sharing my interest in this ! Wow. This has given some new insight into our fellow forumites. Isn't it inspiring to know that there are actual ppl behind all of the names, hehehehe, and that some of them aren't imaginary friends (as we have found on another forum ).

Hi Carm,

I don't think I have seen you before. Welcome to the forum and thanks for chatting to us. Don't you please want to tell us a little more about yourself and your life in Germany ? (You don't have to be shy, it's just us gals. )

Lots of love

SS

[carm]

Hi SS

Thanks for the welcome. As I mentioned in the post, I am bashful online, hence the lack of posts. I live in a small village 16km from Frankfurt. We have been here for 4 years and my children, 12 and 10, go to a German school (Waldorf). We have been very happy here but feel it is time to move on. We are starting to think about immigrating again, we went from SA to Spain, back to SA, to NZ, then here to Germany. We were only in NZ for 8 months when my husband received an offer from his former boss to come to Germany. However, this time round, my husband is over 45 so we shall have to see what develops.

Carm

[Guest Jules]

Hi Carm,

Welcome to the forum and good luck with your plans

Julie

[Guest Seoul Sister]

Hi Carm,

Oh wow, so you have been all over !! Are you considering Oz as your final stop ? (If you don't mind me asking ? ) Or do you think you would rather go back to NZ ?

Glad you have joined us. Now that you have taken the leap and started talking, please don't stop !!

See you again

Love

SS

[chatterbug]

Hey SS whaddaya mean its "just us gals"??

Well I am much more formal on the forums than in real life. I also notice that I am much more formal and "responsible" at work than at home, my wife will attest to that. She thinks I'm a real goof ball at home - In a positive way, I think!

I love face to face (don't mind bigger groups, no prob's with public speaking), hate the phone and like the e-thing but I don't type quick enough (yip too lazy to learn) and I take more time than necessary to "compile/create/orchestrate" my messages. I'm getting better though, this was really my first foray into the forum/chat thing so the medium was a bit daunting in the beginning too.

To me this is quite a good personal development tool - I get some practice at writing - from the serious arguments to the frivolous; it is often quite therapeutic esp re topics that push our "hot buttons"; it often needs responses that need tact and restraint (good practice for me); I even get practice in spelling (have the dictionary.com open next to my posts).

For me some form of anonymity is good, mainly because I think that people often categorise and label others based on either their background, jobs, studies, upbringing, etc. As I think Caroline said the forum is a great equaliser. I take care to share only those things that I'm prepared to put out there in public, although I think most people unintentionally share more than what they think! I tend to share more with my "buddies" via PM though - where sharing is reciprocated.

What do you guys think about the posting of "photographs", Cool or Scary? I've taken a leap and posted mine, can't guarantee it'll stay though!

ciao

C'bug

PS: Seeing that we are on this topic, SS, I have noticed you have your piccie back up on the wall!

[Cindylou]

C'Bug I really dig your picture - it's just so cool. I can maybe see why your wife thinks you're a bit of a goofball at home!

I don't think that posting a pic is scary, maybe if I was a really hot guy/girl and was scared that someone would start stalking me I would feel differently.

It is different here to the "real world" and the friendships here are therefore also different, but that doesn't mean that the friendship isn't real. For me the difference was that at one point I felt as if I'd hit a wall, and just couldn't talk about it to my off line friends, but the people here allowed me to have a pity party and no-one criticized me or made me feel silly.

I hope that I'll be able to help other people on this forum in the same way.

CL

[Riekie]

SS, when I first saw your post I thought now THIS one is going to get a lot of replies, and it did! And it's SO interesting reading everyone's replies and getting a glimpse of the "person" behind the post. I've realised - or rather "re-realised" that we were all created different, because that's what we're meant to be: different! And we should celebrate that!

I personally prefer the written word to the verbal one and is much more outspoken (as far as "strangers" go) on the forum than what I am in real life. I would not step into a room full of strangers and speak my mind - or even give my opinion. I'll "scan" everyone for quite a while and when I feel comfortable enough with someone, I'll loosen up a bit. I'm very outgoing and talkative with my friends and family (my neighbour used to comment that she could hear me laugh in her house)! but I'm a completely different person with people I've just met.

Seker ook hoekom ek nie eers aan 'n skuilnaam gedink het nie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cheers

Rialet

.....en ek seker ook nie! Ek is bereid om my naam en gesig te sit agter dit wat ek sê, want ek het nie bybedoelings nie.

Hey all

As SS pointed out, online jokes aren't always read in the spirit they were written

I know what you mean - good intended quirks sometimes get read in a different way because the reader don't know you and also can not see your body language. Although some still slip through, I also try to limit my jokes. I actually have good sense of humour and am very quick with a remark which is intended to be funny, but I've realised you cannot apply that to a forum. Especially when it comes to "tongue in the cheek" remarks. I guess that's why we have so many senses.....

Something very strange though .... generally speaking, people don't like me when they first meet me.

SAsydneysider, I've met you and I like you!!

SS, I really enjoyed this thread! Thanks for that!!

[Queensland Girl]

Hi all

I do better on a personal level, although I tend to shy away from meeting new people. How weird is that?

I struggle a bit with the written word, as I find it difficult to express myself this way.

My friends consider me to be really , really funny.(in a ha-ha way).I dont have many friends-just a handful, but to them I am a good friend.

I am definitely a loner and I enjoy my own company.

I am lazy and would much rather read the newspaper than clean the kitchen.

I hate doing the laundry and have given up on the ironing. The creased look is now in.

I am extremely compassionate and tend to go out on the limb for people in trouble.I love reading, art movies, animals, nature and my family. I read many publications, but have an interest in politics and economics.

Public speaking does not bother me-as long as I know what I am talking about.

I have also shown a great talent in information gathering and could have carved a successfull career as a Detective. Just ask my son of 17, who to this day has been unable to do something naughty without his mother finding out. He has asked me if perhaps in a previous life I was a member of the Gestapo.

What he does not know is that whatever he tries to do, I have done and done well.

[Guest Seoul Sister]

Hey SS whaddaya mean its "just us gals"??

Sorry c'bug, glad that you joined us !!

Thanks for sharing some personal stuff about yourself. Very interesting, goofball, hehehehe, that's very cute !

What do you guys think about the posting of "photographs", Cool or Scary? I've taken a leap and posted mine, can't guarantee it'll stay though!

PS: Seeing that we are on this topic, SS, I have noticed you have your piccie back up on the wall!

Great that you have taken the leap and put a pic up, very nice !! I think it's scary to put your pic up. For me it was... As far as safety of identity goes on the internet I think this forum is probably as safe as it gets, that's why I was willing to take the risk (yip, put it back, thanks for noticing). There are MANY other places where I would never use my real name nor put a pic ! NEVER !! I agree with you, ppl do judge us by what we look like, drive, where we live, etc and this is a great place to escape that. Ppl also don't know who our families are, which is also a nice thing !! This forum provides great opportunity for being appreciated and judged for who you are and what you can add. (As you said, we probably reveal more about ourselves than we intend to )

Cindy you help ppl ALL THE TIME !! We're very glad to have you here. Pity you are gonna be on the other side of the country... Maybe your ship will come in quickly and you can hop over to the East Coast ?

Thanks Riekie for the kind words and of course for your honest and fab input ! Interesting stuff. You and I are much the same. Sussing out before opening up, being careful with jokes on the net and of course, Laughing so lekker, that even the neighbours can hear us !! That's me too.

QLDGirl, Thanks for your very interesting response. I am amazed. You are a lot different from what I thought you were gonna tell us. Loner, you, REALLY ?? I would have thought you are one of those 100 closest friend, party-girl, always- on- the- move types !! Amazing. Not that I thought you were a Dizzy blonde or anything, I just pictured you as this "it" girl, know what I mean ?

What he does not know is that whatever he tries to do, I have done and done well.

Hehehehehe. I LOVED THAT !! Best part is you are so young, and so you still remember it really well !! (It's not some distant, foggy memory...) Hehehehe. Great.

Thanks, thanks, thanks, everyone. This is brilliant !

Love from here

SS

[Guest Jules]

WOW this thread has been so interesting. It has really shown me that I have perceived a lot of people to be completely different to how they really are.

Especially interesting to me is the shy off the forum vs chatty on the forum or outgoing off the forum vs reserved on the forum and also the ones who say they have trouble getting their thoughts down seem to write (in my opinion ) very interesting posts.

I took my pic down off the forum a month or so ago as I was talking to someone who's friend had to go to court to defend a case of identity theft, having had her picture taken off the internet and used to make fake documents and run up a substantial amount of debt. After hearing this I panicked and removed it but since then I have relaxed again and decided to put it up again. It really is great to be able to see who you are talking to and it's worth taking the (miniscule) risk of something like that happening.

Speaking of being careful with jokes etc .... I looked at my profile yesterday and found out that I am most active in the Funnies section ...... I hope I still have a shred of credibility left here I tend to have a lot of fun online and sometimes my cheeks are aching at the end of a couple of hours spent on MSN On the forum though I am very careful with what I post and wont post anything that I feel could be interpreted in any other way than how I intended.

Love

Julie