Are we doing the right thing?

[Mikej]

I am sure all of you have been through the same thing so if you dont mind sharing I would appreciate it.

We have so often said that our decision is final only to second guess our decision. Now our move is getting closer and my wife is especially unsure about leaving.

We are doing it for the future of our 2 small children and to escape the crime, we dont have much in the way of family here (my wifes parents are here but they are prepared to follow us.)

When, if ever do you know if the decision to leave SA is the right one?

My oldest has just started pre-school and he loves it so much, I mean he really loves his school. Now in August we have to pull him out and tell him we are leaving.

We love our home and our friends, how do we make the break without breaking our own and our childrens hearts?

Help

[Guest May]

HI,

Same here, you do not want to move out of your comfort zone, your standard of living. Remember with way the crime is going and the way in which our country is being governed you are now is a position to take control and make the decision for your family and not have it made for you. Your son might be enjoying his school but is he safe? How many people had to evacuate their kids with this strike? You are doing for the good of the family. Its hard but it is in their best interest long term. Cruel to be kind. Its life.

regards

May

[Nilo]

Hi guys

Wow how unfair to have to make this decition!! All I can say is stick with what you decided! This is a win win situation! You will not believe how first world Australia is until you are here and experience it.

Children are very resilient and you will see yours bounce back and love his school even more here in Australia.

You are there for your wife and you will both have to support each other and you will I promise. Your wifes parents will now have a better opportunity to join you guys and be so much safer.

Do the NIKE thing, don't look back you know what happened to Lot's wife!! Look foreward and you will be happy here!

And worse case cenario, you go back!

Nilo

[Bob]

Now let me get this clear?

You're saying that your "oldest" has just started pre-school and loves the place?

You're also implying that if he ever leaves that pre-school, he'll never never find another pre-school that he'll enjoy? . . . . . least of all in Australia?

If you're not saying that, then what's the hold-up?

When my oldest had just started pre-school, he loved it too, but I'd give him a lot more credit for his ability to get on with other kids than to imply that he won't make it ever again elsewhere.

I'd think I was selling my young bloke a bit short . . . on that score.

[Retha_hhr]

That is natural. We second guessed ourselves many times after the move to Canada. And now I find myself again to be one day ready to pack for Aus just to start wondering by the end of the day if we are doing the right thing. It is the comfort zone thing as was mentioned.

If your head tells you this is the right thing to do even if your heart sometimes wonder, then just make sure you DO NOT LEAVE A BACK DOOR OPEN. Tell yourself you cannot go back, it will be impossible. Then when the blues come and they will (it's a roller coaster), then you know it is just straight ahead for you, no turning back. Then you cry your eyes out and lift up your chin and go on.

Good luck, stay busy and do not think too much

Retha

[basson familie]

In Jan we also looked at the websites to assist us with the immigration process.

This was very confusing to me. Then I saw an advert in the Rapport for Immigration.

The guys name is Nick Van Wyk. We decided to use him. The process including the visas is costing us R35 000, 6 of us. Has anyone else used him – know about him.

So far the process is going slow - but going. The paperwork is a lot. Our second lot of forms took forever to fill in….but I did it perfectly. Now we wait.

The Container Company – Biddulphs R 56 000 12m – Airplane tickets +- R40 000

+- R130 000 just to get to Perth THERE IS NO WAY WE CAN AFFORD TO COME BACK.

I was so worried and doubtful for the first 6 months. Just the other day I had a mindset change. I have said to myself: Myself you and I, this is our purpose in life. We have a job to do TO START A NEW LIFE IN OZ. For the sake of my children and my grandchildren to come in 10 years time. I started a journal – and I write my thoughts and my husbands and my children’s all down. I speak to the children often about the move – I feel like Mrs Phil sometimes. We will get trough this just fine it is going to be strange maybe difficult at times but I believe GOD will not give us anything we can not handle. If it is not meant for us to go we will be stop – somehow. When we go it is meant to be and there is a lesson for us to learn, and a process to follow.

My husband says he will rather die of hunger in Oz than being murdered in S.A

On my first page of my journal I wrote:- “Australia A new beginning A new Dream”

I paste a 10$ Oz note an a picture of our family and the verse Mark 9:23 and the phrase – THIS IS MY DREAM - I BELIEVE …..

Regars

Evelyn

[Sam]

I speak to the children often about the move – I feel like Mrs Phil sometimes.

Good on ya... just don't become bald like him. I know it is stressful but you'll make it all right.

[anchen]

I'm veeling very depressed today.

I'm still very positive about the move, my ticket is booked for the 3rd of September (Going to NZ for now), I gave notice, started packing up everything and then suddenly last night my husband said he's not going.

No matter what I said I could not get him to be possitive again.

All I did was to ask him to pleeeeeese book his and my daughter's ticket and then he freaked out.

I don't know what to do

[Johan Swanepoel]

Ouch! This is a tough one Anchen.

My wife wanted to go home every day in the first week or two and that was tough, at least we were already here. So it was easy-ish to stay

I feel for you.

I don't know what you can do. Maybe find an excuse to send him to home affairs or something.

All I can say is that feeling nervous is normal. There are lots of uncertainties when moving country.

Coming over here was definitely worth it though.

Good luck, my be you divine intervention will help.

Regards

Johan

[Mikej]

Thanks for all the advice.

There is not much chance of us pulling out now. We have come too far and the reasons to leave are too compelling.

Sometimes the complications of the visa and selling the business and house. Combined with the emotional aspect of leaving your country of birth and friends behind makes one doubt if it is worth it.

I know if I could be there now without all these problems then I would jump at it. So it must be right. Right?

Hopefully we see you soon in Australia.

Michael

[LiezelM]

Second guessing is completely normal Having sad days and hearts broken, is a part of the process, that's the main reason they say, Immigration is not for sissies!!

But never forget WHY you'e doing it. I made a scrapbook (advice from fellow forumites), and it helped me through those days. I also kept on looking of photos I had of Aus, and that helped

But it's not easy, and it will all be woth it, you'll see

Good luck!

[Jen]

Hi Mikej, I get so angry and sad when I read posts like yours. Sad because I and most other posters can relate to the heartache and tears that we have all felt and still feel at leaving your home and family for the unknown and unfamiliar, and angry that due to the situation in South Africa, we are being forced to make the move.

Our move happened so quickly and I was left in Sa to sort out house, packing , sell my little business that I was so stressed I did not have time to grieve and think and it was only when I got to Ireland that it all hit me. Yes I wanted to go back many times in the first few weeks and even now when my 8 year old daughter tells me how much she misses her cousins - my heart breaks. Living in a "normal" society though makes you quickly realise that you made the right move and you will feel that - believe me! I print out stories from the news in SA on various things like the crime, the breakdown in infrastructure, AA, farm invasions etc to show my daughter when she is older, the reasons why I took her away from everything she loved.

It is hard , very hard but you are better off doing it now, rather than later, because I think the move is inevitable. When we left in 2004 the rand was at 7 to the euro, now it is 9.50 roughly? Who knows where in 5 /10 years time.

Good luck and hang in there.

Jen

[DubaiPienaars]

Hi Mike

In my opinion what little ones (and children all ages need) are parents who love each other, stick together and create a stable family unit. A move overseas will come with it's challenges but if handled together you will be bale to work around and overcome these. It may be unsettling with the move but if the children sense your calm and confident it will filter down to them.

We left RSA 10 years ago (without children) and it was difficult BUT we have been incredibly incredibly blessed here in the Middle East (I am not referring to financial blessings - but rather wonderful experiences and life changing moments, attitude changing moments too). Now we have a little girl who is so precious - adores school too and we will move to Aus next year. I have no qualms about moving as I know children are adaptable and also I know we have to keep the bigger picture in mind.

At this time the bigger picture involves planning for a better future for our child and future children which is obviously part of the same choice you have made.

I wish you and your family the very very best, that you guys will stick together like glue and that this time of great change and unsettling will cause your bonds to be even closer.

While times could be challenging I believe with all my heart that Australia is a very special place and you can make your life wonderful there is you go armed with a positive attitude, a will to put work in as required and your family. From what I have learned through close friends (3 families) who have made the move and folks on this site - it will take work getting stuck in and some changing and adapting personally - but when you read and see how happy these folks are you it brings hope.

May your family be truly happy!

[alanb]

I'm veeling very depressed today.

I'm still very positive about the move, my ticket is booked for the 3rd of September (Going to NZ for now), I gave notice, started packing up everything and then suddenly last night my husband said he's not going.

No matter what I said I could not get him to be possitive again.

All I did was to ask him to pleeeeeese book his and my daughter's ticket and then he freaked out.

I don't know what to do

Its really hard Anchen, I feel for you. Try convincing him to at least come for a year, that its temporary, an adventure, a long holiday. Once hes in NZ he will probably settle in nicely. Kiwis are super friendly people and there is a huge SA population there. Maybe you should just go ahead and book tickets for your daughter and him, if he still doesnt want to go on the day of departure you have a problem, but you could then surely convince him to just come for three months to check it out. Once hes there you will be in a better negotiating position when he sees the possibilities

Good luck. I hope it works out for you.

Alan

[Mikej]

Thanks everyone.

Yesterday a business associate came to see me. His family had been hijacked at their home. He and his wife grabbed their 2 children (1 and 4yrs) out the car and ran. A neighbour saw the attack and ran to help, they started shooting and hit the neighbour in the face.

This guy says he was just standing there with his wife and children with bullets flying around them. Miraculously none of them were hit. He says it was too fast to even fall to the ground.

After our meeting he was taking the family for counselling. They have decided to leave SA.

I feel helpless when I sit here and think of my wife taking our babies to the shops or somewhere and something might happen.

We went for our medicals on Monday and will leave immediately if 457 is approved.

Lives more important than anything. Got to go ASAP.

Michael

[rsteyn]

My daughter also just started school and had the most amazing teacher that nobody would ever be able to replace. It broke my hart to take her out of that school and away from her friends. She also saw my mother every day and had a close bond to my friends and their children. I wondered if she would get through the big loss.

We have been in Brisbane a month and she only cried about her ouma once. She talks about her friends and teacher but seems to understand that they are now far away. She is the same happy child she was before the move. If you are ok your kids will be fine, all they need is happy parents and a safe place to play, they make the move much easier than us.

Liza

[Guest Bronwyn]

I feel so sad when I read all the posts above. I remember feeling so worried in the evenings if my husband even went to the shops for bread. I always half-expected him not to to come home, imagining a hijack and a random bullet ending it all. If we had to go out at night I used to think twice. It's so hard to live with that fear all the time, it eats away at you.

The morning we opened the email from DIAC to say our Temp Visa was approved, our neighbour's house was being burgled, we watched them drive off with the people's TV in the back seat of a car. We were burgled 4 times in 6 months during 2005/6. Our children were nervous wrecks, we all ended up sleeping locked in one bedroom.

Sometimes I feel so angry because I think South Africa is really the best country in the world, and I sit here a refugee. I want to say to the Australian Government - Please just give us PR, we are actually refugees of crime and AA, we couldn't survive there anymore. My dad and my brother were both hijacked. Who is next?

Some days I just cry all the way home from work, I feel so upset. I find my daughter sitting in her room looking at the photos of her friends at midnight, and checking the Skype and email for messages every day, but of course it's 6 months later and they have moved on now - she hardly gets any messages, although it's heartbreaking for her.

The strangest is that no-one here has any clue of how hard it was just to get here and what we have given up. It's as if they live on another planet, your average Aussie cannot comprehend the levels of fear and violence and loss. Well, maybe it's better that way. I don't wish it on anyone else.

With the help of this forum we will all bring our children to a safer place, and rebuild our futures. There is no question Australia is a great place to be, but it is still hard.

Emmigration is not for sissies.

Edited July 5, 2007 by Bronwyn

[Tazz]

You are not alone. We all had the same doubts.

We have been here for nearly six months and I know we did the right thing.

In my case leaving family, a daughter and Grand daughter in Johannesburg was and still is the biggest worry for me. I worry everyday about their safety.

But I also know that by me being here I can make it easier for them to one day live here in safety.

I miss them and wish they lived down the road but there is the telephone to hear their voices, the internet for quick communication.

Yes, Ill admit I have had a few wobbley moments. Days when I miss Woolies, when Im looking for chutney and I cant find it. Its the silly little things that can trigger off a bout of homesickness and sadness. A sense of loss and displacement but it passes and you move on.

The positives far outway any negitives and if you have young children then you have to know you are doing the right thing.

This is a wonderful country to live in and you will begin to feel that as soon as you arrive.

Good luck

Shelley

Edited July 7, 2007 by Tazz

[Allie en Urs]

Ai ek weet dit is baie moeilik as n mens in daai boodjie is.Ons was ook daar en het dieselfde gevoel .Veral met ons dogtertjie van 2 en n half.Dit was n groot bekomernis.Sy was so gelukig daar by n plaasskooltjie of speelgroep.Ek weet net mens moet met jou kop dink en nie met jou hart as dit by so iets kom nie.Iemand het vir my gese moenie nou kyk nie, kyk teen langtermyn wat gaan vir haar die beste wees en vir ons in die toekoms.Ek weet dit is baie erg maar ons is nie n dag spyt nie .Al mis ek my beste pelle hou ons nog heeltyd kontak.Sterkte vir julle.

Groete Ursula.

Edited July 22, 2007 by Allie&Urs

[Nilo]

Hi Bronwyn

I also feel a lot of what/how you feel, in the same breath I have to say that I convinse my heart that it's all good, we are safe here etc etc.

It is not a thing to do lightly and we all know how indescribable the whole emotional thing about migrating is!!

We are also waiting for our PR visa's to come thru! Waiting waiting waiting!! First for the 457 and now the 136,thought one would be used to it! The problem is that you just don't know when! I have lately been waking up with a nervous feeling again! Had that the last time for 2 weeks before the 457 came thru so maybe it's a good omen????

We are also moving into another rental next weekend so could also be that making my emotions a bit crazy again!

Well, all is good, here we are safe and sound in a new country building a new future, getting used to all these new things!

Lovies

Nilo

[bienkie]

Hoe meer ek deur al die "postings" lees besef ek dat om te emigreer grootliks 'n "kop-besluit" moet wees en dat mens die emosionele en "hart-besluit" eerder op die agtergrond moet skuif. Omdat verandering soos 'n trauma is, sal daar emosies ens. wees, maar ek glo die mens is uiters aanpasbaar en dat die wonderlike ervaring van vryheid en veiligheid baie daartoe sal bydra om die hartseer en ander negatiewe emosies so bietjie ligter te maak.

Ons is nog baie vêr van ons eindpunt af - om eendag ook te kan emigreer, maar die saadjie is geplant en elke dag kry hy water soos wat ek die nuus lees en die kommer oor ons land al hoe groter word.

Vir die wat in die proses is en wat miskien nou alleen en hartseer daar ander kant is, byt vas, daar is soveel wat al voor julle deur die proses is en anderkant uitgekom het as gelukkige nuwe inwoners van Australië!

Sterkte vir almal in die proses en ek wil regtig die forum aanbeveel. Hier is soveel mense wat bemoedig en raad gee dat dit die hele proses soveel makliker maak!

[DesV]

Mike

The next two years are going to possibly be the toughest you will ever experience but it is worth it believe me look to the future and vasbyt.

You are making the wisest decision of your life, and Remember something elsein the late 1980's there were lots of people in Zimbabwe who were positive about the future there there was a mining boom on and Zim was doing well,

So what happened, the same thing that has happened to the rest of Africa and there is very little reason why it wont eventually happen to South Africa,

Good luck it is a wise decision and you are faced with a secure future so go for it.

[Debra]

Hi All.

Well Mikej and all the others i really don't know! This morning we received mail from our sponsor, telling us that all the paper work is so to say complete. Sponsorship and nomination have been approved and our 457 app has been submitted. We're off to Gladstone QLD. Now I don't want to go. I've been in tears the whole morning. My son Lennard is as happy as a pig in mud, His words when i dropped him at school were " promise you will sms me if you hear anything else today .. I can't wait" he never takes his cell to school. I mailed the reply from immi to my hubby and he has switched off to all and can not wait to book our tickets. I've never been someone who changes there mind, i stick to what i have chosen but THIS. Its to much for me to handle. I've been thinkinking of all i will leave behind and have to give up and not once has the crime factor even crossed my mind. My daughter and her fiance will be staying (she's 25) and coming over at a later stage. We have worked so hard for what we have and now to have to start all over at our age. My animals, my home? I have even started on all the negative point, Will we get residency ect......

I don't want to go.

Someone once told us when we statred this process that it is almost like recovering from the death of a close one. The mournung process has different stages. I think I'm at the denial stage, and just don't want to let go, not even for the peace and lovely beach's in QLD.

Trust i will get the strength from above.

Thanx for all the useful info and the support.

Debra

[LeeInOz]

When, if ever do you know if the decision to leave SA is the right one?

My oldest has just started pre-school and he loves it so much, I mean he really loves his school. Now in August we have to pull him out and tell him we are leaving.

We decided that it was a once off opportunity and if we did not move, we would always wonder what we missed out on. So we made it into a holiday and an adventure of sorts and after almost 3 years, now citizens it still feels like a holiday sometimes.

The lack of fear about will I be shot at the next intersection. Will the kids be safe after school when I am a few minutes late. Children adapt so quickly to change they will change your mind once you are here.

On those infrequent days when I wonder did we do the right thing, I read a list I made of the reasons, and look at the ZA news online, see all the people on this forum trying to leave a country busy going down the drain.

Africa is not for white people any more.

[Guest May]