My journey in Sydney-not easy moving countries Long post

[Sweepea]

So we landed on 30 June on 190visa and it's been quite a journey. To say it's hard is an understatement. I was hoping to post earlier but thought I would let some time go by and now there's so much to say. Our first week in Sydney and tho we hadn't been here before we saw that in certain areas we were reminded of SA. In the first week we activated bank accounts (opened online while in SA with CBA), converted our drivers licences, applied for Medicare and spotted a car which we bought cash in 2nd week. Prices of cars weren't bad. In hindsight we could have bought something older and cheaper but after driving a BMW X3 TD with all the bells and whistles, we got me a Nissan XTrail 2014 4x4 for $24250. Annual Registration costs here are pricey and we had to pay I think 3%of the value of the car on registering it in my name.

 

i was lucky enough to get the kids into a great daycare for 2 days a week so they started mi d August. Applying for the Child Care Rebate was not as easy as I would have liked. I had to go back to Centrelink to apply for a number for myself and then go create a myGov account online and upload a whole lot of supporting docs. It wasn't easy to setup so I went back and was helped at one of their pcs for public use by staff. 3pm I was told was the best time to go when it's not busy. The person helping leaves promptly at 4pm. What I wish I had known was that when prompted for a Medicare number which I didn't have at the time(took 4 weeks) was that I could not go back and put it in. Also although my kids had all their vaccines up to date, a go needed to load it on the system after they are happy that your kids need no further shots. After they load it, it could take up to 2 weeks to show on the system -even if you meet all other criteria for the rebate, this is critical. So my first application was denied. Had immunisation loaded and reapplied but can't get into my inbox now to read letter from myGov. The system is also offline for maintenance and it could take up to an hou of being on the phone to get thro to Centrelink. I had gone back personally a 2nd time and staff were not too helpful. They are busy wig mass action for 2 years due to low pay increases. Newbies-if you are rejected the first time, it's not a question of just uploading new docs. You need to reapply. Now with all the lat time, I have lost money as the director of the daycare informs me that I will only get back to a month ago. I pay $112/child/day. I have 2 two year olds. I spent a very special time with my kids til I started work a week ago. I got an au pair from the US who started 2 weeks ago and looks after them full days Mon-Wed.

 

what was depressing was some of the lousy places to rent that look photoshopped on websites and you go all the way from one show to another in disbelief wondering if this is really the place you saw advertised. We now rent a lovely place in Carlton closer to Rockdale and the airport. It's a 3 bed, 2.5 bath duplex with a backyard. We are within walking distance to the train station, daycare, park and dr. We are minutes away from Brighton-le-sands beach. The kids love it and will enjoy it more as it warms up.The train to Town Hall takes 22minutes and then a 10 min walk to work. We pay $715/week negotiated from $730. This home would cost over $1.1m to buy. It's depressing that we could never afford a lovely home again. Our bond was fully paid in SA. A colleague in Manly takes the same amount of travel time and her folks pay $1200/week for a house that leaks. We were very grateful for the advice to get a place with aircon as it made a big difference on cold winter nights. It will be welcome in summer when it's unbearably hot. I feel safe walking in e city or in the neighbourhood alone talking on my cellphone with my expensive jewellery not waiting to get mugged. The CBD itself looks lovely and is not in a state of decay. Fruit, vegetables and meat is particularly expensive but the other goods aren't bad vs SA. I love the half price sales on certain items every week by Coles and Woollies. I shop a lot at Aldis as their prices are lower and I'm lucky enough to have all 3 shops next to 1 another in the nearby shopping centre.

 

Cleaners cost too much ($25/hour or so)so I miss going to work and coming back to a clean home. I've had to lower my standards especially as my kids are home a lot and let's face it-toddlers are messy. I would clean when they were at daycare and take a photo to remind myself what the place looks like clean:). Now that I'm working I need to find time to clean despite not seeing too much of the kids all week. I'm trying to find my groove sometimes hanging washing on he line in he morning and taking it off the line when I get home. The au pair cleans a bit for a couple hours when kids at crèche on a Thursday so that helps but there are certain jobs they don't do. Hubby works really long hours so I get home by 5:30pm and he only really does a bit on the weekend. 

 

I just started looking for jobs thro an agent and was offered the 2nd job I applied for. My biggest disappointment has been the culture. I knew when I took the job that it wouldn't excite me but was a foot in the door. I was reassured before taking the job upon hearing that I have 2 small kids and I mentioned that I couldn't work long hours as hubby already did. I was told at the 2nd interview when my boss' boss they are outcomes based and don't watch the times you come and go. I had no intention of loafing but didn't expect it would be a big deal where my boss now asked me to put it in email to him that I wanted to work Flexi hours 8:30-4:30 instead of 9-5. Friday's I leave at 4 as I need to fetch kids from daycare since au pair is off. He also wanted me to state that I would work on my laptop from home. I didn't write this. It's quite popular with others to go to gym for an hour over lunch, socialise alot during work time. I prefer to take a quick lunch in the kitchen and just get the work done while talking a little to others just to try to be pleasant. We sit right next to the boss. It's very much about perceptions here and staying late. My boss is also a micro manager who wants to be copied in on my emails to GMs and keep an action list of what I'm working on and status. Having been the 2IC to the CFO of a large business in a big bank in SA and winning awards and having  great boss, this is very unsettling. Hubby is at an audit firm and started just 2 weeks after landing here. He was offered work before we left SA. People at Exec level (ok my boss from what I have seen with another exec in front of me and her manager) behave rudely to each other. It's very political. People cover their asses and live in fear of being made redundant. It's a culture shock to me. My ex bosses boet left SA years ago and has been retrenched a couple times already. 

 

i miss my family and friends. I have met a lovely Australian mum at the park(her folks are American) who brought toys for my kids when she heard our container clearance was delayed. She lent me a whole lot of stuff when we moved into the empty rental and was just so kind. I don't find the rest of the Australians I've met to be quite so friendly. Don't expect them to give you way on the roads. Another Saffa told me he is miserable at work as when people get to work, they don't even talk to you or about sport or what they did over the weekend. But having said that, his wife is extremely happy at the organisation I work for and is another dept.

 

i miss home a lot and don't know if I will ever feel happy here. We talk about returning home nearly everyday. What we left behind in terms of crime, affirmative action and govt plundering the country is still there. Will we ever be happy and feel at home?

Edited September 25, 2016 by Sweepea
Auto correct

[Sunnyskies]

Hi Sweepea

 

your emotions are not that unusual for the stage you are at, and while you will find many people say everything was great from day 1, I know that a lot of people really struggle in the beginning.  I've posted before of the emotions I felt over the first couple of years, with sometimes only hanging in over shear bloody mindedness, but it does get easier and if you give yourself time you will adjust.  Your current job is unlikely to be your long term job, and there are many great places to work.

 

Don't spend your energy debating about whether you want to go back, rather spend your energy working out how best to adapt.  Finding local friends is critical to your success, whether you find like minded people at your children's nursery school, a mums group, a sports club, church or wherever, they are out there.  My first year was very lonely, being a working mum in an area full of full time mums and the struggle of adapting to my work environment, but slowly slowly I found one person to have a coffee or wine with, then one more.  They say you kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince, and the same is true in respect of friends.  My oldest true Australian friend I found 6 months in, and although I no longer live in Melbourne, she and I stay in contact and always make a point of seeing each other when either of us in the others city - so there we are 8 years in being grateful for having each other in our lives.  The one thing I did find is that it is easier becoming friends with someone who is also new to the area, as you won't be seen to be an interloper in someone else's friendship group, so we count in our circle Kiwis, interstate people, people who moved suburbs, Saffas, Vietnamese, Philopinnos, Germans and true blue locals.

 

on the job front, I went from leading a team in South Afica to having my emails checked by my new boss.  It was not easy, but now I am back in the same type of position I had in South Africa, with greater horizons ahead of me.  My first boss is now my equal and frequently asks me for advice, and acknowledges that I was more qualified than him when I arrived.  Funnily we both moved firms, as the firm we worked at when I arrived had awful office politics, with a terrible fear of redundancy, and now we both work at a different firm, leading different teams, having each moved at different times.

 

best of luck, keep strong

[monsta]

I had the same thing work wise.. I took a big career knock coming out here. The R&D manager lied to me about the job I would be doing... she lied and said there were plenty of career prospects. I mean, blatantly lied to my face in the interview, with her team sitting around her nodding their heads. My 2nd job there was an official company policy where you need to know when your manager has changed his mind; its not his job to tell you! It was common to hear people having shouting matches from the other side of the office...

 

My current job is taking on a project where the previous guys doing the work were doing the minimum to keep the lights on. They hired me a colleague and he ran for the hills within 3 months! So, my boss is very nice to me. If I leave then his neck is on the line. He completely missed what the previous guys were doing, so he is hoping I can fix things before his boss notices.

 

So, yeah I feel your pain. I am finally in a great job 3 jobs in after arriving! Its not a great job on paper.. but I love how I get left alone to do my job, my way.

 

 

 

[Mara]

Hang in there.... it gets better, honestly!

[RedPanda]

I 'liked' your post, not because I like what is happening to you, but because I appreciate that you are sharing it. Listen to those who have gone before...I'm sure they know the way. (And count the small wins, every day...)

[Sweepea]

Thank you for your encouraging words and taking the time to read my long lost. I really appreciate-great advice.

@AFreshStart

@Chips

[MelG]

We have been here since Feb16, and  I feel your pain on the work and the missing front so much!  I believe all those with the experience, that say it will get better.  We just have to vasbyt and have patience.  Sending you lots of love 

✿ • . ❥

[AFreshStart]

@Sweepea

 

Thanks for the update. As I've shared in the past, it's hard - you give up your family, friends, network and the familiar. You're on your own, there is nobody to lean on (other than your spouse), not yet anyway, it takes time.

 

To put things in perspective my wife and kids are back in South Africa for a holiday. They've found, as I have, that almost 2-years on people have moved on. First the e-mails stop coming, then the likes and comments on Facebook and then a year goes by without hearing anything. Even when you visit you feel different, because they've moved on, as you need to.

 

As @Sunnyskies pointed out, use that energy to meet people, to build up hobbies, enjoy your surroundings, make an effort to use what little time you have with your family to create new family traditions and memories.

 

As shared my family have been away for a week, 7-days today, only TWICE in that time have I been alone for dinner. Friends have invited me over for a meal, called me up to see how I'm doing, popped in for coffee etc. The community cares, if you let them in.

 

Are those friendships going to rival your lifelong school friendships? No. Will the create a sense of familiarity, support and network, yes, and in time the bond will grow and develop further.

 

As parents we always pay the cost, but your kids will grow up in Australia with this being their norm and culture, even now my daughter is fast approaching the mark when she's spent more time in Australia than South Africa and in just under 2-months I can apply for their citizenship to seal the deal.

 

Keep on keeping on.

 

Cheers

 

Matt

 

 

 

 

[BrendanH]

You're not alone. We aren't doing this because it is easy. We are doing it because we need to.

 

I've been going through a particularly rough time of it at work and it definitely doesn't help not having a support network of close friends to blow off steam so you tend to internalize things.

 

Keep in mind that maybe Sydney is just not the place for you. A lot of Australians are starting to realize that it is increasingly becoming difficult to live in Sydney due to all the issues you've mentioned.

 

Keep at it, and a word of advice - Take going home off the table. Having one foot in South Africa is just going to make it harder to settle in.

[Guest]

Sweetpea just hang in there. It is very challenging for sure but I also agree that you need to give it time. Australia is a big place and like Brendan said if you're not happy there in a year or two consider moving somewhere else. But for now stick it out. I am sure things will improve. :-)

[wonderer]

@Sweepea, thank you for sharing this. It is good to hear of the more difficult times as well. I think it is easier sharing the happy experiences and then one wonders about the things not said that you might be letting yourself in for. At the moment our emotional roller coaster's ups and downs oscillates quite rapidly and we are very anxious about whether we are making the right decision. So in a weird way, it is somewhat reassuring to have a glimpse of the hard things on the other side as well.  

 

I really do hope that things will feel better soon and that you can enjoy some of the excitement of your journey as well.

[joweni]

Yesterday I spent the day with a lovely lady who I have not seen for well over thirty years ( since leaving Zim). She moved to Brisbane four years ago and what she said pretty much sums up a lot of what many forumites are saying. When I asked her how she was settling her answer was "O.K-there are more good days than bad, I am starting to get more regular work (she is also a teacher) and I am not unhappy ! " We went on to talk about all the things we can do in Oz despite not having loads of money and that this is a place where we can get older in relative safety and comfort. There is that feeling of "disconnected" that's gets to most of us at one stage or another but over time it lessens its grip on our lives . 

[Sweepea]

We need to stay in NSW 2 years and are considering visiting and exploring other options like Melbourne, Canberra and Brisbane but depends on work too

[RedPanda]

4 hours ago, Sweepea said:

We need to stay in NSW 2 years and are considering visiting and exploring other options like Melbourne, Canberra and Brisbane but depends on work too

 

I've heard that Sydney has the best weather by far...perhaps you'll like it? (You never know, you might get a chance to work for a different company, and suddenly the place grows on you)

[Sweepea]

@RedPandaThat's what I heard about weather too but houses are more affordable in other areas and Melbourne is also quite a large financial district. Hopefully the prices there don't get ridiculously high too. So we shall see-maybe Sydney will grow on us...

[RedPanda]

We're in Melbourne, we like it. We landed at the end of autumn, so that the worst weather would happen quickly, and then summer, and then when winter comes again we are settled. (that is the plan anyway, so far so good) Just moved into a cold house. But that is not necessarily a characteristic of the area, just the house we got. We hope it's cool in summer too. So, ja, if you feel like a change after you're free to go, come to Melbourne, see if you like it  The people are very friendly.

[Deezo]

This is why i love this forum because we are all connected in some way and this is also a place to share life with fellow "like-minded" saffas  

 

We are still in the beginning stages of our journey and we know that the hardest part is yet to come but being younger (without responsibilities) or not having made any "real" career progress we do somehow think it could be easier to adjust... or so we hope but this is also dependent on the individual. My wife doesn't have the time to find a hobby here that she can enjoy and focus on because she works way too hard and is mentally and emotionally drained when she gets home each day. So i hope that with a, fresh start, she can begin to enjoy life a little more. If there is less to worry about (in the long run) then perhaps she wont be as emotionally drained too... but we have to take each day as it comes and i can assure you that our lives here in SA are not peachy!!! Not by far! We dont have a lot that we would honestly miss (or so we think) but in the end its all an emotional journey that we feel we need to undergo to ensure that we can afford our children a better future than what we have currently.

 

We are also fortunate to have family and friends all over Australia but we also realise that we need to make it a point of getting to know the culture and people who we are going to spend the rest of our lives with. I know that it may be easy for me sitting here in SA but over the past few months we have constantly reminded ourselves that this life we know will be the past and that we are going to forge a new journey filled with new memories    

 

Dont ever hold the door of SA open because you cant move forward when you keep looking back to check if the door is still open  I wish you all the best and i pray that you find peace and happiness soon! 

 

 

[Sweepea]

@RedPandaWhat areas can I look at in Domain for rent and purchase prices in Melbourne? I'm glad you enjoy Melbourne and would like to explore that option a bit later.

@DeezoI hope that this move for you goes with fewer bumps?

[FromDurbs]

I am not in Australia (big disclaimer), but am planning to move by the end of the year.  However, I spent one year living in Manhattan as a (what they call, mature) student.  I got a marvellous bursary to complete a 18 months to 2 year Masters degree in one year in New York.  All expenses paid and a stipend.  I had two small children and a husband. The stipend was meant to support one student.  After rent was paid we had $20 per day to live off.  (This was many years ago).  So we lived in a terribly expensive city as really poor people.  (My son qualified for free meals at school, we were that poor).  It was temporary (which my husband keeps reminding me changes everything) and we tried to see as much of New York as we could in one year.  We never travelled (did not have the money), but I saw every tiny museum that had free admission some time. 

The point I was trying to make before I became sidetracked by New York memories was this.  I thought I would miss all kinds of things, and I did not.  Thought I would miss sunny skies, and warm weather, did not.  Thought I would miss someone cleaning my house and I did not, did not miss a good braai, got along without certain foods although I missed it.  We ended up making some things - like we started baking rusks, because we missed it and I once made custard from scratch the old fashioned way (using eggs and milk, cause you cant buy custard or custard powder).  Did not miss not having a backyard and large house.  Loved being a renter in stead of a home owner - I could spend the weekend on stuff that was more fun than DIY chores. 

What DID I miss.  I missed feeling like I fitted in and understanding the unspoken bits of culture.  I did not get the jokes, I did not know the nursery songs everyone else knew, I did not know who Mr Rodgers was, sometimes I made a joke and I had to explain why it was funny.  I really missed understanding the culture.  And I missed being able to afford wine - a bottle of wine in Manhattan cost $16 (you do the math - $20-$16 = cannot feed a family)

Whenever I think this move to Australia is hard, I tell myself, if I could live with No money in Manhattan, I can cope in Australia with a salary.

[Deezo]

10 minutes ago, Sweepea said:

 

@DeezoI hope that this move for you goes with fewer bumps?

Thanks so much @Sweepea  

Our journey has been an absolute nightmare already so i really hope that it can only get better...

[RedPanda]

Ah...how long is a piece of string, and what colour would you like it in?

I think you'd be best served looking at the threads that discuss suburbs around Melbourne, that way you'll get a balanced view of them. I am biased towards my personal preferences and priorities when I think about suburbs: I don't want to touch my neighbour's house from my yard, I want to have loads of trees, and I want to enjoy walking around my suburb, if it links to a nature reserve: even better! For this I am willing to commute to work and certain shopping centres, and other people, and 'fun events' in the CBD.

I have heard that South Africans like Doncaster, if they can afford it, and that Eltham and Heidelberg are also good options. Friends of ours rent an apartment in the Docklands, and they love it (DINKS, so I dunno how the suburb gels with people with children?) For comparison to these areas you can look at Sunbury (far from the CBD, but good houses at low prices) and Belgrave (far from the CBD, hit-one-miss-one houses, low-medium prices, access to the Dandenong Ranges National parks)

But seriously, go read the threads...  

[JonathanR]

7 hours ago, RedPanda said:

.how long is a piece of string...looking at the threads

@RedPanda LOL, I like what you did there ;-)

[Odendaal]

Hi Sweepea, so funny how we were so excited to leave and now after the excitement is over, it's back to (a very scary) reality in a new country and guess what - I felt and still feel like you do most days here. I can really relate to what @AFreshStart said about 

Quote

On 9/26/2016 at 11:24 AM, AFreshStart said:

Are those friendships going to rival your lifelong school friendships? No. Will the create a sense of familiarity, support and network, yes, and in time the bond will grow and develop further.

 

As parents we always pay the cost, but your kids will grow up in Australia with this being their norm and culture,

 

 

It's actually a bittersweet feeling - and I hope that no one here thinks that we are being ungrateful with this "whinging".

 

I am struggling to make friends here because I feel that I struggle to relate to people in my age group. Maybe it's because of my own fears and insecurities? Maybe. I'm still trying to figure it out. I can say though that I was wrong about being OK without my mom and sisters and my closest friends. 

 

Luckily we have made good friends with some people through this forum (you know who you are - thank you :)) 

 

Still, we will never go back to SA  we may visit often but never relocate. 

Edited September 27, 2016 by Odendaal

[Odendaal]

Quote

On 9/25/2016 at 8:39 PM, Sweepea said:

Don't expect them to give you way on the roads.

 

 

This is so true hahaha! Sometimes you literally have to stop in a merging lane because people won't let you in (yes, my indicator was on ) Also, it feels like no one maintains a following distance?

 

In addition, this is very true and because of this (and many other amazing things Australia has to offer) we still love it here. 

Quote

On 9/25/2016 at 8:39 PM, Sweepea said:

I feel safe walking in e city or in the neighbourhood alone talking on my cellphone with my expensive jewellery not waiting to get mugged. The CBD itself looks lovely and is not in a state of decay. Fruit, vegetables and meat is particularly expensive but the other goods aren't bad vs SA. I love the half price sales on certain items every week by Coles and Woollies. I shop a lot at Aldis as their prices are lower and I'm lucky enough to have all 3 shops next to 1 another in the nearby shopping centre.

 

 

[Dora]

Hi Sweetpea,

 

Thought I'd just give my 2c as well since we just moved back to Australia...A lot of truths in all the responses to your post.  I feel like I can really relate to most of what you experience.  I think one of the biggest misconceptions about Australia is the phrase "Australia is a lot like South Africa..."...NOT!!!  In some cases yes, but in most cases not. I'm not going to go into my whole story but in essence, I found the adjusting process difficult, found making new friends difficult, my husband was miserable in his first job, and despised the time spent on public transport, I got depressed, got over it, started enjoying Australia a bit and then we got an opportunity to go back to SA.  Because we kept the option open to go back to SA (once we get our citizenship), we took it... we moved back for only 2 and a half years and guess what, we're back.  A few random observations:

• If you keep the option open to go back to SA, you will most likely take it at some stage if you are not happy here, because once you face the downside of moving down under, you very quickly forget about the things that made you move here to begin with.  I'm not sorry we moved back, but would I do it again if I could do it all over again...maybe not....it's expensive for crying out loud!
• Just a few days ago my husband and I discussed the fact that we will probably ALWAYS feel like foreigners in Australia, but our kids will feel home here.
• Thinking about the adjustment that my kids will face from Tuesday when the school starts for them, breaks my weak heart.  If we did not move back, they would not have to go through this change and they could have been happily integrated in the school system here.
• Our friends (and family) in South Africa have all moved on...all the people that we missed so much from this side all moved on and in some instances, with friends, it either took a while to catch up again and in some cases the friendships could just not be recovered.  I have 2 friends that will be my friends for life back in SA but for the rest....it just was never the same.
• believe it or not, but the moment we moved back, we started talking about all the things that we missed from Australia.  We missed our friends here - who became of new family, we missed the lifestyle, we missed the church, we missed the parks, we missed living by the sea, we even missed the stupid news where something like the Brangalina split makes the 7 o'clock news.  We missed Mission wraps, the deli section in Woolies and Coles and IKEA meatballs. We missed good coffee and being able to go for a run at night. We missed rain for 40 days in a row and we missed all the time we as family spent together here. We missed the big sales here and we missed Aldi. We missed the fact that people obey the law here and we missed the uncomplicated political scene here...
• Now that we're back I get a lot of questions as to how it was back in South Africa and my answer is basically this: We were happy, stayed in a good area where we felt save. Our house did not even have a alarm and I was ok to stay there alone sometimes. The kids were in a very good government school and had lovely friends.  We ate out a lot, we spent time with family, my husband had a safe job...basically life was good in the Pretoria east bubble.  But then you observe the news and it is really hard not to feel concerned about your future there.  
• Now mix the somewhat bleak future outlook and the somewhat diluted status of old friendships with all the things that we missed from Australia and it created the perfect scenario to start planning our return to the land down under.
• But all this said, if Australia is not for you, then it is not for you. A lot of people still move back to South Africa, but you have to give it a proper chance.  At least stay until you have citizenship.  It is miserable here sometimes but that day when you have that certificate in hand is indescribable.  Even if it is just for the blue passport that allows you to travel the whole world through.  
• And one day, if you do decide to go back, keep your head high. There's some Saffers who will tell you that you are bat sh*t insane to go back, but in the end of the day there is only two people who have to agree on this and that is you and your husband.

Vasbyt!

 

Liz

Edited October 2, 2016 by Dora