So we've landed!

[BrendanH]

The weather has been overcast and cold and rainy and miserable for this week and is forecast to be the same for the next week. I thought we left Cape Town Winters behind us. Grrrrr.

[BrendanH]

Wow, it has been close to four months since I last posted in here but it feels like yesterday.

 

I guess the last four months have been the let down after six months of adrenaline and highs.

 

The job has been brutal - thrown in the deep end with no support, in an utterly bizarre work culture and for the first time in my 15 year career learning what a true personality clash is.

 

Throw in my son struggling both academically and socially and my wife really taking strain with me left to hold things together...

 

Don't get me started on the weather. The constant rain means we are stuck inside a frankly depressing, small, run down rental keeping me from getting outdoors to blow off steam.

 

The lack of close friends (The kind of friends you've known since late teens who you have shared really hard times with, who don't judge you and you don't judge them because you know all the skeletons in each other's closets.) is really hard during times like this.

 

Don't kid yourself - the lows of this move can be low.

 

However, at the end of the day, you deal with it because you have to. The weather is still rubbish but I do feel like things are about to start looking up both at work and at home.

 

I have said it elsewhere but you have to take the option of going back to South Africa off the table otherwise it would be awfully tempting.

 

So, yeah. I went back and read some of my earlier much more positive posts and it seems like a lifetime ago while feeling like yesterday.

 

One foot in front of the other and we will get there...

 

This s#!t calls for resillience.

Edited September 30, 2016 by BrendanH

[Guest]

Hi Brendan,

 

It seems like a lot of us have made updates on our journals recently and all have, or are having similar issues. We are a little bit further on in the journey than you are, but have experienced much of the same if not more than what you are going through. Its very difficult dealing with a different work culture and feeling like you don't fit in, my hubby really struggled with this and felt like a fish out of water. We also lived in Melbourne and put up with the cold weather, so I can also completely understand how depressing it can be to have days of rain. Coming from the North of England you would think Id be used to it but 11 years in Durban will make you very soft ;-).

 

We moved states and life settled down for us, however now that things aren't quite as hectic as they were in Melbourne I do find myself missing old friends. I do miss being able to pop around my friends for a cup of tea and having those close connections that we had back in SA. You have done the right thing though in reminding yourself why you came to Australia in the first place. Going back to your journal entries when life was exciting and new can give you a new perspective.Life is going to have its ups and downs that's just a reality, moving countries is not for the faint of heart, it takes real guts, and if you have come this far and done so well you just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Soon the summer will be here,and the sun always makes things look better. I thought that when we came to Perth it would be warmer than Melbourne, but it is still cold and we have had a lot of rain lately. I am sure that the next 5 months will be a real turn around for you. Have faith :-)

[RedPanda]

Aanhouer wen!
Hang in there. And remember that you can always Skype people (I don't know if your friends from home are supportive or not?) Or you can also talk to the forumites.

[Mara]

Good luck Brendon with the settling in, as you say, it can be a real culture shock, getting  used to life this side.... My advice? Shoulder on, it definitely gets better. After 19 years living in Melbourne, it almost feels like I have spent my whole life here! Guaranteed,  there is absolutely nothing today that would make me return to RSA!

[Mel-B]

So sorry to hear! It will get better, hang in there!!

Edited September 30, 2016 by Mel-B

[Sweepea]

I'm so sorry to hear about your issues on the work front too. Who would have thought that things could be quite so different and we speak the same language. I wonder if it's an Aussie work culture. I was stuck in a tiny rental with 2 toddlers when we first arrived and we were all having cabin fever. Buntings nearby has an indoor play area and that's where I used to head off as it was enclosed and I could control my 2x2 year olds. Aren't there indoor child play areas you can explore?

 

hang in there Brendan

[BrendanH]

Thanks for the kind words, folks. I'm seriously hoping that the worst of it is over for now.

[WayneACT]

@BrendanH i feel your pain. This ridiculously depressing weather in Canberra doesn't help much. Go to Australia they said, the weather is similar to SA - yeah right  Its October and I still have about 4 layers of clothing on with our home heaters running 24/7. 

 

Culture is quite different and the feeling of being alone with no close friends is tough. Returning to SA is not an option, but still give it a lot of thought from time to time.

 

Loving the adventure and security though. I was going to holiday until the end of the year, but after 3 months I can't sit around anymore. Wife working, daughter in school. You can only exercise so much  So the search is on.

 

I take solace in the fact that I am not the only one feeling like you. Hang in there. I think we all have these ups and downs. Thanks for the update.

[Duke1989]

This is scaring me big time... I am a firm supporter of telling things like it is, it develops less confusion and one can prepare better mentally. But really!?!? Is life that tough down under?

 

[RYLC]

It is true that sometimes the yearning and heartache get overwhelming.  I've been here for 15 years and that ache never goes away. I would NEVER consider going back to RSA.  I feel safe and secure here and we are happy here but there are times when the downs hold you down longer than you would like. I aliken it to losing a loved one - always in your heart, never forgotten but can never "visit" again.  Remembered most strongly on birthdays / Christmas and when you hit a bump in the road.

 

It is worth thinking through what small things you can do for your own self care when this happens.  Going for a walk, your favourite music, a particular ritual.  With my family, we have a virtual cup of tea.  Sometimes we have a cyber tea party.  I know I just have to text a cup icon to my twin sister and she'll put the kettle on at her place. There is comfort in that.  We also budgeted for weekly phone call catch ups with my immediate family, particularly in the beginning.  Nowadays, with Skype and Whatsapp it is really cheap to keep in touch and my sister and I talk for about an hour most weeks so that we can keep up with the little and ordinary things of daily life.

 

[Guest]

12 hours ago, Duke1989 said:

This is scaring me big time... I am a firm supporter of telling things like it is, it develops less confusion and one can prepare better mentally. But really!?!? Is life that tough down under?

 

Duke.

 

I think it is really important to not look at Australia through rose tinted glasses. I think I anyone approaches their journey to Oz in thinking that everything will be fabulous with no ups and downs they may be in for a shock. However and this is a big However, despite all of these stories no one wants to go back to South Africa. Give the same people another 6 months and their stories will be completely different. Settling down takes time for many people. For others the settling in process is easier, they come to Oz they find work, which they enjoy, they make friends, life is good. Everyone's journey is completely different.

 

Don't let peoples honesty scare you. Let it prepare you ( just incase) Coming to Australia was the best thing we ever did!! We would never in a million years consider going back to SA. I only wish that we had done it sooner. ?

[RedPanda]

16 hours ago, Duke1989 said:

This is scaring me big time... I am a firm supporter of telling things like it is, it develops less confusion and one can prepare better mentally. But really!?!? Is life that tough down under?

 

I agree with the other replies to this. Don't think coming over to Aus will 'fix things' in your life, you will be bringing yourself with you, and your mettle will be tested. To put it in perspective: Doing an advanced degree is tough, but many people make it. Immigrating is tough, but many people make it. There are good parts and bad parts, and from most accounts, the further along the route you are the better it gets.

I think, like many things in life it comes down to bloodymindedness/tancity, so make your plans and then just stick it out.

[BrendanH]

17 hours ago, Duke1989 said:

This is scaring me big time... I am a firm supporter of telling things like it is, it develops less confusion and one can prepare better mentally. But really!?!? Is life that tough down under?

 

 

Don't let it scare you. This is just my experience.

 

Wherever you are life is going to have its ups and downs. Being isolated in a strange country can just magnify those downs.

 

Having said that - it is tough but the move is worth it.

 

Things at the moment feel like a bit of a perfect storm of home and work issues but the weather will improve, I will learn to navigate the workplace and as a family we will pull together and get our ducks in a row.

 

Also, thanks again everyone. I'm a caveman. When the going gets tough I tend to withdraw into my cave, isolate myself and try to deal with things myself. The supportive responses in this thread have helped.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[DXB2OZ]

I think moving to a new country is a bit like having a new baby - sleepless nights, constant fear of doing the wrong thing, never ending anxiety and above all, endless hours of staring wondering what exactly is this person's problem.

 

While there is always that annoying new mum (genuinely sorry if this is you) who has made plaster casts of baby's footprint, planted a rosebush over the placenta, makes baby food with one hand, while breast feeding her perfectly scheduled baby and maintaining an intelligent flow of conversation, there is also the new immigrant who has found the perfect home, the perfect job, established a new circle of friends and already unearthed all the hidden gems unknown to tourists that their new home town has to offer.

 

As a new mum, I was the one with the vacant gaze from lack of sleep, baby vomit elegantly spattered down one arm, wearing mismatched socks (and probably shoes) while endlessly rocking the screaming child outside the wherever it was I had optimistically ventured to.

 

As a new immigrant, I couldn't figure out which toilet paper to buy, burst into tears with the stress of choosing sausages and practically threw a party to celebrate my first attempt at filling my own petrol tank.

 

The kids are now teenagers and I really am very fond of them - they let me sleep, they take themselves to the loo and we actually have decent conversations (sometimes). Have been in my new home country for two years now and this is well and truly my home. Am really happy here and wouldn't want to live anywhere else.

 

Don't underestimate the whole "fish out of water" Impact - you are in a new culture and will need to watch and learn as to how things are done. South Africans are incredibly direct and this can come across as very aggressive. Australians, especially in Melbourne are very inclusive and make sure that everyone gets due credit. It can be very weird at first.

[Duke1989]

I am a firm believer in "where there's a will, there's a way", thank you all for keeping one another sane, and pointing out the dim light in the tunnel.

[BrendanH]

Well there is another setback. The missus has just been informed that her services will no longer be required at work.

 

Complicates matters somewhat.

[MelG]

:oh no BrendahH, sorry to hear that.  Not sure what her experience/work is, but she could consider signing up with a temp agency   Good luck!  

Just to add to everyone's experience, it is tough hey!  Wow!!  Some days I can't even!   But here we are (8mths in) and what choice do we have but to wake up every day and get dressed and make it work.  Vasbyt all, we are too!!   Thanks to Mara and all those in this community that have kept this amazing forum going for so very many years - you are all a godsend to all of us ❣️

[Chips]

So sorry to hear that @BrendanH nothing much to do but soldier on, am sure she will get something soonest at least she got some Australian experience from that employer.

[ottg]

@BredanH Sorry to hear about the tough  times; first in your own job situation and now the wife that lost hers. Not much I can say will make you feel better. Perhaps the positive thing is that it provides a new opportunity to a find an employer who cares. It was found that when an employer praises often it:

 * increase their individual productivity
* increase engagement among their colleagues
* are more likely to stay with their organization
* receive higher loyalty and satisfaction scores from customers
* have better safety records and fewer accidents on the job 

Trust something else will come up soon!

[Sunnyskies]

BrendanH, that truelly sucks.  Hope something comes along for her really soon.

 

i was reading back a few posts and I saw you talking about the weather and how you are stuck in a small rundown rental.     Two things I learnt in my time in Melbourne.  One, don't let the weather dictate your life.  If it is raining put on your best wet weather gear and go for it.  I've done loads of walking and running in Melbourne rain, and you get so used to it that you get to a point that you are disappointed when the sun is shining.  Now I'm in Brisbane and having to cope with the other extreme of bloody brilliant weather all the time, although after 8am it starts getting too hot to be outside, so we do our thing at 5am or after 6pm.  The second thing is that landlords of rundown units will take anything you offer for free.  So if you think you may live there for quite a bit longer offer to paint a room or two and see what they say.  Now most people would say you shouldn't do that, but a lick of paint can make the place feel a lot better, and it will keep you busy at a fraction of the cost of going out for the same length of time.  I know someone who has been a long term tenant of his place and he and the landlord have a tacit agreement now that the tenant can do what he likes to the house and he won't get a rental increase.  I've also painted the entire inside of one of our homes in Australia (although granted we did own the property) and it was both satisfying and quite therapeutic, as it kept me busy at a time that we were doing it tough and learning how to "cut in" and paint a perfectly straight line meant I couldn't worry about everything else. Who knows you may even learn a new trade. 

 

Vasbyt.

[Guest]

Sorry to hear about your wife losing her job. It can sometimes feel like everything happens at once and when it does it can be overwhelming. I think this is compounded by the fact that you are in another Country and away from the family and friends that would be there to give you much needed encouragement and sometimes just a hug. I know when my husband lost his job when we were in Melbourne it was a very frantic time as he was the only one working, but once we calmed down and the tears stopped we tried to see the positive things about the situation (Not easy I know) but I always used to say to hubby that things in life happen for a reason. There is probably a better job out there for her just around the corner.

 

 

[BrendanH]

Well, a bit of an update.

 

I had an absolutely amazing experience on a camping trip two months ago on the upper Tuross River. I woke up just after 5am just before the sun rose and got on the kayak when the rest of the campsite was asleep. As the sun rose there was a fine mist over the long river pool as I was listening to the kookaburras and managed to see six different platypus - one letting me drift slowly to within about two meters of it before it dived and swam away. This land constantly astounds me with its natural beauty.

 

Over the New Year period we booked a week up in Noosa for a bit of a break and with a name like "Sunshine Coast" it sounded like the perfect antidote to the wet Canberra Winter. We decided to drive up to look at the country side. It certainly is a beautiful part of the country and driving through the sugar cane fields of Northern NSW felt exactly like visiting the North Coast of Natal during the 80's. We stayed over in Grafton which just completed the impression of having stepped into a time machine to 30 years ago.

 

It was constantly overcast with frequent rain showers for 6 of the 7 days we were up there leaving me to feel like some sort of Rain God but with the warm climate and water based activities we were doing we didn't let it get us under the weather too much

 

But all that is over and I am back at work. Speaking of which - I have started the New Year as lead developer on 2 seven figure government greenfield projects, doing a system migration to the cloud, handing over a maintenance contract and working on two tenders. Not much of a soft landing after the holidays. I'm not sure if this is just the company I am working for or an Australian thing but showing signs of competence seems to be a very quick way to find yourself doing what feels like all the work.

 

Our son has also been in hospital with ear issues having just been discharged (Hence me being at home and getting the chance to write this.) so I have learned how dealing with Australian private health insurance can be every bit as frustrating than dealing with Discovery Health in South Africa. Fortunately the kid's procedure seems to have been successful so that is a positive and this episode wasn't linked to the chronic issues he had back in South Africa.

 

I'm sitting out on the balcony at home typing this while watching a thunder storm brewing. We are 10 days shy of a year here in Australia and it has been one hell of a difficult year. I'm hoping that it starts getting a bit easier from here on in but it still seems like this journey is far from over and we have a huge mountain to climb ahead of us. Just last year I was unemployed, sitting in a house with no furniture with our new future on the horizon.

 

So, to those who are sharing, or about to share this amazing Australian journey - Cheers! - and here is to an amazing 2017 filled with success, hard work and happiness!

 

[WayneACT]

Awesome update Brendan. Well done on getting out there and making things happen. You are right, it's not easy but you seem to be handling things well. Busy dealing with the private health at the moment myself, as daughter just come out of 4 days in hospital. I found getting admitted the tricky part. Also not being on PR yet, the cost for a hospital doctor to even cast their eyes on you is $500. Once in the hospital it was great. Highly recommend Canberra Hospital Adolescent Ward. Also started my own IT company focusing on home and small business. Let's see how it goes. All the best for 2017 and thanks again for the positive update. It's great motivation. 

[RedPanda]

We also love the feeling of walking in parks, and nothing is afraid of you, roos, echidna, platypus(we still have to see one, btw) birds... they just go about their normal business. Well done on making your first year, here's to hoping 2017 will be a good year!