Kevin Rudd's 'advice about bullying

[Toitjie]

Kathy, hats of to you for keeping it together! I dont know what I would do, but a nice slap sounds like a good idea to this girl!

My daughter is only 5 now, but such a gentle soul, if someone bullies her, it will break her spirit. This is worrisome, but I am glad at least, thanx Eva, that it doesnt happen everywhere. But how will you know? A school wont admit this if you ask them when enrolling kids...!

Is there a possibility of getting this girl to your house? Maybe have a one on one chat with her, "kill her with love", maybe she is acting out because she craves attention, and love? I know this sounds almos ridiculous, but maybe if she sees acceptance and love, she might learn her behaviour is wrong, and she would certainly be surprised if you showed her love instead of anger.

sounds like a storybook tale, but I am wondering if it might work....

Keep us posted, Im thinking of you!

[Oryx]

My daughter comes home from school yesterday and apparently this little b with an itch started screaming and performing outside the classroom because she was not allowed in the same class as my daughter....

There is progress!! Keep going!

[thehulls]

Hi Kathy,

Whats the latest with your daughter? Did the school get back to you?

L.

[KathyW]

Well, I phoned the school on Friday again,........., spoke to the Headmaster who tells me that the Student Supervisor was supposed to send it through to me, he was surprised to hear I did not have it... (please..... spare me.....), so I told him that I wanted the safety measures sent to me on e-mail on the weekend, as of today still nothing.

I will give them now till 12.00 pm AGAIN, and then phone, just losing my patience now, I know this is WA (wait awhile!!) but this is ridiculous, I even told him if they are short staffed, I will come in and type the safety measure for him, I thought it was funny ha ha, he didn't.....

Thanks guys for all your support and caring, it helps to tell somebody about how I'm feeling, I really do appreciate it.

[thehulls]

Ha, ha, ha Kathy - I also thought it was funny about typing it up yourself! Good luck and I really hope, for your sake and your daughters, that this gets sorted out ASAP!

Keep us posted and thinking of you today!

Liesl

[Oryx]

At least by typing it out yourself, you get to put in there what you want.

Perhaps do it anyway (see if you can get a copy of such a policy from somewhere) and send it to him and then ask him to put it on the school's letterhead and sign it

[thehulls]

At least by typing it out yourself, you get to put in there what you want.

Perhaps do it anyway (see if you can get a copy of such a policy from somewhere) and send it to him and then ask him to put it on the school's letterhead and sign it

[ronfire]

If I may add another footnote, within the last 12 months my wife and I personally know two families that moved their kids out of their respective public schools to private schools because of bullying that was simply not addressed: one is an Aussie family, the other immigrants from the UK.

In fact, one of the mothers involved told us that it was not the bullying per se that pissed her off (although it did) but the fact that the school would not deal with it and started claiming that her daughter was unable to handle school!!

So, looks like this is an endemic problem with the entire public school system - or am I jumping the gun? Maybe it's simply that most public school principals/authorities appear not to have the willingness or the gumption to tackle bullies?

Perhaps, the judo lessons need to be applied to a different target...??

[Maritana]

Hi to Ronfire, KathyW & Others,

As an Australian it is distressing to read accounts of bullying that is occuring in schools particularly to migrant children. My suggestion of other ways to address the issue or at least further highlight the issue to the relevant authorities is as follows:

If the school concerned is a state government public school and you are not getting satisfaction from the Principal contact the District Superintendent of Education (ie. the Principal's boss). The school should be able to tell you who the District Superintendent is.

Failing that, consider writing a letter of complaint to the Director General Of Education (State Education Dept).

If you really want to up the ante, write a letter of complaint to the State Minister of Education. By putting a complaint in writing it becomes an official record and statistic for the Dept, school, etc. By writing a letter of complaint you should receive a letter in reply addressing your concerns.

Also don't be afraid to contact your state member of parliament (in WA that can be the legislative assembley member - lower house or your legislative council member - upper house) they maybe interested that these issues (bullying, non responsiveness of school administrations) are occurring in their electorates.

Hopefully these suggestions may be of some assistance.

[Jordy]

Thanks Maritana for the advise. As South Africans, it has been inconceivable to even consider making contact with a politician as expecting any help from them is laughable. To be able to live in a country where this option is legitimatly available is amazing. We are just not used to having the option of writing letters to government and the letter actually being acted upon.

[Toitjie]

Jordy - would this thread qualify to be pinned?

the advice given, especially by Maritana, is very good and we all might need it in future

y

[ronfire]

Hi to Ronfire, KathyW & Others,

As an Australian it is distressing to read accounts of bullying that is occuring in schools particularly to migrant children. My suggestion of other ways to address the issue or at least further highlight the issue to the relevant authorities is as follows:

If the school concerned is a state government public school and you are not getting satisfaction from the Principal contact the District Superintendent of Education (ie. the Principal's boss). The school should be able to tell you who the District Superintendent is.

Failing that, consider writing a letter of complaint to the Director General Of Education (State Education Dept).

If you really want to up the ante, write a letter of complaint to the State Minister of Education. By putting a complaint in writing it becomes an official record and statistic for the Dept, school, etc. By writing a letter of complaint you should receive a letter in reply addressing your concerns.

Also don't be afraid to contact your state member of parliament (in WA that can be the legislative assembley member - lower house or your legislative council member - upper house) they maybe interested that these issues (bullying, non responsiveness of school administrations) are occurring in their electorates.

Hopefully these suggestions may be of some assistance.

Wow, thanks Maritana. I have to agree with Jordy - we're not used to complaints actually being responded to, let alone acted upon!

[Jordy]

I have moved this topic to Schools and Education as topics in chit chat are auto deleted after 2 weeks, whereas topics in this thread are retained indefinitely. I could pin it if you want but already half the first page is filled with pinned topics.

[Toitjie]

Thanx Jordy!!

[steyn]

I feel the need to add my 2 cents worth.

Not all public schools are like the previously mentioned schools. My kids go to a public preprimary school and the staff are extremely good and have a non tolerance attitude to bullying. All complaints are taken very seriously and are dealt with straight away. One child has been expelled since we have been there, and he didn't really do anything majorly wrong, they have a strict policy in place and they do enforce it. So please do not condemn all public schools due to a few instances.

The high school in the area had a few issues a few years ago with bullying and drugs. The Principal tried to deal with it, with the parents, but could not sort it all out so he got the Police involved pretty quickly. Now even after a few years the Police still keep a watch on the place to ensure that the kids remain behaved. The behavior of these few kids were never life threatening. The problems were never extreme.

Please remember that "bullying" is part of growing up and learning how to deal with anti social people, I do not condone the behaviour and some children do take bullying to the extremes. That is a problem and needs to be dealt with. Being a parent if my child was being bullied to the degree that they are scared and do not want to go to school than yes I would with no doubt get involved and do what ever I felt needed to be done. If my child could not deal with it than I would. That is my duty as a parent.

What I am trying to say is not all public schools have bullying issues.

Good luck to all the parents out there

Mandy

[KathyW]

Hi guys,

Eventually heard from the "Student Supervisor", I am attempting to attach their Safefy policy for my daughter. Please read and tell me if I am over reacting, but I am totally disgusted with it as I feel my Daughter now is the Bully and not the Victim.

It was not put on a Letterhead, no copies sent to staff, no name and no signature. Help me please or am I going mad.....................

I had to copy the letter onto here :

""""Student Safe Plan:

MY DAUGHTER’S NAME HERE: 10/3/2010

ï¶ While in class,(My daughter’s name) informs the teachers of all incidents of threats, teasing, negative comments and bullying by any students. The teacher will deal with this at classroom level and record this. The teacher may need to inform Mr Baddeley (or Mr Edwards) of the incidents or send (MDN) to Mr Baddeley (or Mr Edwards in Student Services).

- (MDN) is able to request to see Mr Baddeley or Mr Edwards.

ï¶ In the school yard if (MDN) feels unsafe (MDN) can

- seek out duty teachers

- seek out staff members

- Avoid other students and use alternative routes around school. If (MDN) is moving around the school and the student against whom the restraining order has been taken out on is in her pathway, (MDN) should detour around her and not expect the student to move if she is already there.

- Go to staff offices to seek assistance – may walk into a staff office to seek assistance

ï¶ If incidents continue (MDN) should inform her teachers, the year Coordinator or someone at the administration office.

ï¶ (MDN) should fill in Bullying Intervention forms when incidents happen. This can be done through the mentor teacher, year coordinator or the Student Services Coordinator.

ï¶ (MDN) can choose her action in deciding how she wishes to deal with the issue. This includes her responses both verbal and physical in these situations.

ï¶ If (MDN) feels unsafe to meet her mother for pick up or go to the buses by herself at the end of the day she can go to a staff office or administration and be escorted to the buses by a teacher.

ï¶ If (MDN) feels unsafe to go home by herself at the end of the day she can go to a staff office or administration and the school can call her parents.

ï¶ If (MDN) wishes to speak to someone about any issues, she can go to the year coordinator or student services coordinator or ask to speak to the school chaplain or school psychologist.""""

So reading through this what do you think? It would be interesting.....

[AllisonW]

Wow Kathy! I read through the whole thread only now and just want to say what a mess! I can only imagine how you feel. Like others have expressed here, when our babies (2, 6 or 16!) are threatened it is such a terrible experience where you just want to attack and defend. Who needs this s**t on top of the rest of the stress associated with immigration?

I think that your safe plan is a sound doc that covers all bases and will assist your daughter to feel safe. Just another idea.... why dont you just go off with her for some real girls TLC this weekend? Lunch and a movie? A massage? Some shopping and try and find one thing to laugh about in this mess?

Honestly i cannot believe that some children are so damaged and consequently so damaging!

Good luck!

Al

[Eva]

Surely it shoudl be on the school letterhead and be signed by someone accountable?

Sounds like they are just fobbing you off!

I am going to ask a friend of mine who teaches at what sounds like a seriously delinquent school if she knows what they would do. Unfortunately she is off work at the moment - messed up her back - but hopefully she is back next week and can find out. And just from the stories I have heard from her, the kids at her school are help accountable, suspended etc so they must have something set up for this kind of thing.

I have to agree with what Mandy said, which was a point I was also trying to make in this thread "not all public schools have bullying issues".

[miran]

Jip, I would also think that they are trying to hint that your daughter needs psycological help......... !

There's nothing about how they are going to respond against the culprit. That's what I want to know. In "no tolerance" schools - what is done to the bully? Suspension? Expelsion? WHAT?

[KathyW]

Thanks Allison and Eva......

There is something I must stress as well for our future new South African's on the Forum.

Eva is right, I apologize if you are reading this, it is not at every school. The problem here is that there is a bad apple at this excellent Public School, so please do not worry, my whole episode is not to worry you at all about Public Schools, it is just 1 mean little girl who is good at Drama.

Just to let you known yesterday's events. I feel I should find a South African Director and ask him to turn my life events into a Movie. Could make some money hey...

I went in to see the Student's Supervisor yesterday as my daughter had more rude comments passed at her, so when we got there, he folded his arms looked at me and said "well, I have just had a few girls come in my office today and wrote Statements that your daughter is passing comments at them and threatening them", the girls turned out to be the bully's little sister and all her Year 9 Mates. What, I could not believe what I was hearing........, I went home furious with a very disappointed daughter, I cannot believe the accepted lie's that are happening here.

I phoned the cop station spoke to a lady who informed me that unless my daughter can name the girls and classes they are in, there is jack s...t they can do because then it is evidence. Firstly she does not know the Year 9's at all, secondly because she does not live in the feeder area like the bully who does and has more friends there she is standing up against lie's and more lie's. Now I know how disappointed Jesus felt when he was turned in by his own disciple.

I then had a phone call later on in the afternoon from a copper who informed me that he had to go to the Bully and get her statement on the Assault day, and she HAS NOW given them a statement that she was the innocent one and my daughter had attacked her and she hit her in SELF DEFENCE.

I could not believe my ears, I know from the copper's voice that he did not believe this story at all but he told me that she has all her friends to back her up because they were with her. My problem here is that she did not have friends and the only witness that my daughter has is now been threatened if she tells the truth, so her Parents have told her not to get INVOLVED.

Please explain to me, what now, I am so proud that I have brought my children up to tell nothing but the truth, but now it looks like this is all nonsense even though I have evidence of the threats on "My Space" printed which was given to the School, Police Station and Magistrates Court.

The bully and her parents are now contesting this and once again my daughter and myself have to go to court which could take a few months, more stress and disappointment on the way.

I even asked the cop if they have some sort of lie detector system that we could put the girls on. NO!!! They don't. My energy is so low at the moment I just don't know what to say or do.

[adeleb]

Dear Kathy

I do not know what to say or what advice to give you! This whole story is awful!! Please know that I am thinking of you and your daughter and praying for you.

Adele

[thehulls]

Wow, Kathy - this is just getting more and more untolerable! Besides what you are going through, your poor daughter must be gutted by all of this. I guess you are going to have to look at your options and sometimes it is better to walk away from the whole sorry mess as much as you don't want to i.e. look at changing schools because the support you are getting is disgusting! The one thing I can assure you is that the wheel does turn, and this little girl and her family cannot keep on getting away with this type of behaviour.

I can only imagine how emotionally draining this whole experience must be to you and your whole family......

Liesl

[Eva]

I think Liesl is right... maybe you will just have to both put this awful experience behind you and change schools. After all, how much more can you both cope with. I am totally amazed and shocked at what you are going through... it is a very sad situation and it doesn't seem like you are going to win. Sometimes one needs to draw a line and say no more. And hopefully your daughter will be able to put this behind her and move forward with her life.

I do hope you find some way to move forward because this can't be good for her...

Hoping and praying for a positive outcome SOON!

You are both in my thoughts.

[Toitjie]

I agree with the above, I would take her out of the school. This is something serious and it might only escalate into something worse. Not worth it IMO. I hope this girl remembers the hell she caused one day when she is a lonely old hag with no friends.