Daughter miserable

[MandyC]

I need to move my daughter from her present school because she is so very miserable. I have always had a motto to give it 2 weeks to let things settle, but I have never seen her so distressed. She is sickened at the vile language and the disruptive behaviour in the classroom, the lack of respect the kids have towards their teachers and most of all the girls are extremely clicky and bitchy. She is in tears every morning begging me not to send her to school. It is simply heart breaking.

I am from the UK orginally and it is sad to see that the kids here are on par with them. The language that comes out of their mouths is simply disgusting and it is not only the senior kids, the other day I witnessed a terrible foul mouthed primary school lad venting on a another lad - it took alot for me not to put a tub of pepper in his mouth. Sigh, what has this world come to, at least I am grateful for the good grounding my children had in South Africa.

If I should move my daughter to a Catholic school would this be an improvement on the vile language, morals and principles of the other kids that attend the school? Has anyone battled to get their children into a Catholic school when applying for enrollment, if they are not Catholic, referring strictly to secondary school? I have found a school that seems dreamy when I look at the prospectus, but am so scared to phone this school tomorrow for them to tell me that their is a waiting list.

Any teachers out there that could give me some insight on Catholic schools, if they are teaching there or if anybody has senior kids in a Catholic school. Would be nice to get a more indepth comparison on Catholic versus State schools.

Actually any advice on the matter would be appreciated.

Thanks in advance

Mandy

[bluebonnet]

Mandy I took my son out of public schools in the US in 5th grade..for the very same reason. He moved on to a private Christian school, and what a difference. You cannot go wrong. After two years we had to move and the closest private school for us was a Catholic School. We are not Catholic and I was hesitant at first to enroll him,but took my chances. I never regretted my decision. I have to add, the work he did at the Catholic School was very advanced from the public schools, especially the math and science. Over the long summer holidays the students received homework..at least three books they had to read and a math "package" to complete which was due first day of school.

I feel so sorry for your daughter and hope you can solve the problem. Wish you all the best.

[Kay j]

Hi Mandy

So sorry to hear about what your daughter is going through. From previous posts I believe you live in the Berwick area. The good thing is we have over 10 private schools in the area and about 4 choices for government secondary (zoning to be considered). St Fancis Xavier is the main catholic private school and from what I have heard it is hard to get in, esp if you are not a catholic. If you are you need all the proof of baptism etc and if possible a letter from your priest. Not all the private schools are wildly expensive. Hillcrest Christian College is a lovely school fees are about $7000. per year, Casey Grammar in Narre South is about $5000 a year (both faired excellantly on the My School Website) Heritage College (on Centre Rd) Narre South, has a reputation for being a small caring school fees $4000 per year. There are a few more -Chairo, Belgrave Christian College.

My son is at Berwick Secondary, he is 15. Has taken a long time to settle here but has eventually got a nice group of friends. Not all Aussie kids are wild, its just those ones that stand out. My sons friends are a mixture of aussie and immigrant and all their parents seem to share the same concerns etc as I have. I would also urge you to speak with the school if private school is not an option at the moment. They usually try really hard to sort something out.

pm me if you want to meet up sometime for a coffee etc I am in Narre North. Been through and still going through all the dramas of relocation!

regards

K

[Duray]

Education is so important and of course the quality of kids that are interacted with everyday. I would rather live in a small two bed flat and send my kid to the best school that i can afford vs staying in a leafy green 4 bed and sending him to a school of thugs......know wutt i meanz??

Goes without saying that price does not necessarily reflect quality tho.

MandyC.....i currently have my boy in Grey in PE. This will be one of the hardest things for me to take him out of this great school. We were so grateful to have got in. Now it looks as if he will spend Gr11 and 12 in Oz.

[Michele R]

I'm so sorry your daughter is so unhappy. It can be quite tough on the older kids. Hopefully you will find a school where she will be happy and will make lots of new friends.

All the best!

[Duray]

i just love the old school discipline, heritage and level of respect expected in that classic boys only environment

[Duray]

MandyC time te update yer profile.

Where are you based in Oz?

[bluebonnet]

Education is so important and of course the quality of kids that are interacted with everyday. I would rather live in a small two bed flat and send my kid to the best school that i can afford vs staying in a leafy green 4 bed and sending him to a school of thugs......know wutt i meanz??

Goes without saying that price does not necessarily reflect quality tho.

MandyC.....i currently have my boy in Grey in PE. This will be one of the hardest things for me to take him out of this great school. We were so grateful to have got in. Now it looks as if he will spend Gr11 and 12 in Oz.

I agree with you, I would rather live in a small flat and use the extra money for a better school. It is so important.

We moved to Europe 18 months ago and my son started 9th grade here in Switzerland. It is very difficult for teenagers in a new country, new school ect. I will not recommend to anyone to move their kids once in high school. I made a huge mistake and now know that it would have been better to keep him in his old school until he graduated. Is there maybe a chance you could keep your son in his school until he graduates?

Somehow I find it is much easier for us parents to adjust than our teenagers. To leave their friends behind...and start "all over" in a new country and new school..whole new system....we have no idea how difficult it is for them. This is just my experience and off course does not have to be this way.

[Diveup]

Hi Mandy,

I have both my girls in a Catholic school and they are enjoying their new school. Both girls are doimg exceptionally well in all subjects. I have met a lot of their friends and a quite a few of them are not Catholic. I would just apply and make an appointment with the school principal. I also found that the school fees are not as high as other private schools.

Diveup

[MandyC]

Thanks for all the replies, tips and advice. I thought that I would let my daughter choose the school that she wanted to go to, thinking that this would make her feel more comfortable seeing as she made the choice. WRONG MOVE on my part.

I have asked her current school if they could please use a buddy system and they said that they DO NOT do this, but they will match her up with kids that are similar in nature. Still waiting.

Duray you are from PE so you will know Cape Recife High School, this is the school that my daughter attended in SA. So having ADHD makes it even harder for her, it there is continual disruption in class she cannot focus on her work. Which then stresses her out completely. Her school in PE was quite confident that she would be able to do main stream schooling, but to find the right school is going to be a problem.

This is why I was leaning toward St Francis Xavier, because they state in their prospectus that they cater for kids with special needs, even though her needs are minimal they are still needs. It seems we have too much against us to get in, we are not Catholic, dont have a letter from a priest and it sounds like they are full, a waiting list. But I will still try - no harm in trying.

Thanks Kay for all the info on smaller schools going to do some research on them.

Anyway ts time to put that bad experience behind us and move on. Todays quest is to find something much more suitable. I agree with spending money on your childs education whole heartedly, but with an education should come some happiness, the want to go to school (she has always loved school), because its enjoyable, because they feel they belong. I need to find a balance between the two. Some how some way.

Thanks everyone

Mandy

[MandyC]

MandyC time te update yer profile.

Where are you based in Oz?

I did do it, but something must have gone wrong. Thanks for pointing it out. Rectified

[Alrae Goodall]

Hi

Just to add to the voices that the RIGHT school is so important for our kids. However, that means right for your individual child.

I am from Brisbane and do supply teaching and have also done quite a bit of research on the schools in our area, trying to decide for my children, unfortunately cannot help with Melbourne.

My son has just started high school at a Catholic School(one of the Christian Brothers College) and I am just over-the-moon impressed. It suits him to the T!

Duray, would not call it a replica of Grey College (my sons were both at Selborne in EL), but similar in all the important aspects.

We are not Catholic and it was not an issue. Just another way that schools differ.

Mandy, you know you will make the right choice - it is just the getting there that is hard. You know your daughter and there is a school out there where she will be happy.

Best wishes

[Nats123]

Hi Mandy I am sure you are doing the right thing. The right school makes the big difference.

Now my problem is along the same lines but slightly different.

My daughter arrived here at the start of Grade 3 and is now in Grade 5. When we arrived hubby did not work so the best option for us was to put her in the public school close to our house.

As we progressed through the school year I started developing this major dislike and frustration in the school. They are so slapgat! I cannot take it. To think it’s the 4th week of school and my child in Grade 5 have not had any homework as yet. They had to conduct an interview last week but that was it. So I am anxiously awaiting to see what happens on the homework front this week.

Now I do know that schools here do not match the amount of homework back in SA and I am fine with it. My issue is just that my daughter has this year and the next left before going to high school and she gets less homework than other kids in lower grades in different schools. I just don’t want this to negatively affect her in the long run. Let’s face it no kids is gonna ask for homework! Hehe

Am I over reacting?

Nats

[Nats123]

We are now looking at a Christian College relatively close to home

[Veronique]

Your daughter is not alone in experiencing the youth culture in Aus state schools (although it is not limited to state schools). Every SA child/teen I know who has come to a state school complains about the same thing. The youngsters have foul mouths, but it usually comes from the parents and their upbringing, which is 'don't punish the child'.

When we first moved to Aus we rented next door to a feral Australian family with 5 children (now 6). The 4 year girl had such a foul mouth - and I dont believe she got it from school because I witnessed the behaviour of her mother. My two teens would often come home in shock saying "you won't believe what Katelynn just told us", and it wasnt just swear words. I thought my kids received sex education at the right age, around 11/12 years, but dear Katelynn told them a few things that made them gasp. And this was in a 'good' area. Unfortunately the classes are not segregated as is in SA so you really dont know who your neighbours will be or who your kids will go to school with.

At least our kids know right from wrong.

[Duray]

yiha!!!...........MandyC

My daughter also at Cape Recife High School at the mo. She has a mild hearing impediment. I am finding her current school to also be pretty rough. Maybe she will take those Ozzies in her stride

[MandyC]

yiha!!!...........MandyC

My daughter also at Cape Recife High School at the mo. She has a mild hearing impediment. I am finding her current school to also be pretty rough. Maybe she will take those Ozzies in her stride

Hey Duray

That was the most amazing school - and I hold this school in such high regard - one of a kind. With the most awesome kids I have ever come across. Somer getting goose bumps and tearful. Your daughter will manage just fine, just like mine will. Its just up to us to find where they fit best and to ensure they are happy and contented individuals. And we can climb mountains to do this, thats for sure.

My daughters name is Taryn, ask your daughter is she knows mine - the school is small so the possibilities are good.

[bluebonnet]

Your daughter is not alone in experiencing the youth culture in Aus state schools (although it is not limited to state schools). Every SA child/teen I know who has come to a state school complains about the same thing. The youngsters have foul mouths, but it usually comes from the parents and their upbringing, which is 'don't punish the child'.

When we first moved to Aus we rented next door to a feral Australian family with 5 children (now 6). The 4 year girl had such a foul mouth - and I dont believe she got it from school because I witnessed the behaviour of her mother. My two teens would often come home in shock saying "you won't believe what Katelynn just told us", and it wasnt just swear words. I thought my kids received sex education at the right age, around 11/12 years, but dear Katelynn told them a few things that made them gasp. And this was in a 'good' area. Unfortunately the classes are not segregated as is in SA so you really dont know who your neighbours will be or who your kids will go to school with.

At least our kids know right from wrong.

Difficult times for us parents. My daughter graduated in 2001 from High School (US) and I see a huge difference in the behaviour of teenagers from then and today, getting worse and worse. My son still has 11th and 12th to go...I cannot wait for him to be done with school...I cannot wait.

I think parents who can afford it should try a private Christian school. I have tried many schools..public, Christian, and International Schools. I know by now.

[SusterAnna]

Coming from a very Afrikaans Dutch Reformed and more recently reborn Christian conviction, we were extremely scared to send our children to a Catholic school. We have never had anything to do with Catholicism and it was all foreign and downright scary. When we moved to a small country town on the South Australian coast after four years of excellent British education in Dubai, we had a choice only between the public and Catholic local schools on this very small quiet country town. In this town we certainly had to choose the Catholic School, the public school struggled to have classes for each grade and were constantly threatening to close town. So, this forced us to send the children to the Catholic primary school. It was the best choice we could have made for our children.

We have since moved to Sydney and given the positive experience we chose a good Catholic primary school for them and my son has since moved on to a Catholic High school and is extremely happy. We have stated very clearly every time that we are not Catholic and that we have no intention to convert and it has never been a problem. We since found out that Catholic schools have to have a minimum of 10% non Catholic students in the school in order to receive government support, so they are quite eager to fill this quota.

The teenagers in Catholic Schools are exactly the same as any other school, they use bad language and challenges the borders constantly. However, the experience we have is that the school deals with issues such as bullying, lack of respect, keeping to school rules etc. head on. Also, we found it to be a very nurturing environment with a real effort of instilling values like friendship, ethical behaviour and respect amongst all students and staff. The schools are generally very well equipped and interaction between the school and parents is definitely encouraged more.

We also have a daughter going to a public school and although she personally has had a very positive experience, not all her peers have.

Do not know if this helps any, I know how daunting these decisions are. All the best with your choice.

[Veronique]

My son still has 11th and 12th to go...I cannot wait for him to be done with school...I cannot wait.

Bluebonnet I totally relate to this statement. The day my son finished year 12 last year our lives changed. Overnight I had a new son; all of a sudden he smiled and was happy - no more misery. He hated school! I know we should not wish our kids lives away but when they hate school as much as he did you can't wait for it to end.

I only have fond memories of high school so it pains me to hear how some of the youth hate school so much. It is supposed to be the happiest years of their lives. Maybe I was just lucky!

[Duray]

hiya MandyC

We were there a few days back for the gala. Well my warff and me ended up in tears.......just to see the heart and effort some of those kids put into that swim regardless of their impediments. The kid that did me in was a 12 year old black kid. He took a flying leap into the pool when the gun went off. I thought this must be their star performer but he hardly progressed, despite much thrashing and effort, until the helper came to his aid.

BTW- my daughters name is also Tarryn, she has only been there for about two years tho, i will ask her about your kid

[bluebonnet]

Bluebonnet I totally relate to this statement. The day my son finished year 12 last year our lives changed. Overnight I had a new son; all of a sudden he smiled and was happy - no more misery. He hated school! I know we should not wish our kids lives away but when they hate school as much as he did you can't wait for it to end.

I only have fond memories of high school so it pains me to hear how some of the youth hate school so much. It is supposed to be the happiest years of their lives. Maybe I was just lucky!

Veronique I also have fond memories of High School, but my daughter hated it...and my son even more. I just do not know what is going on today. My son was a A+ student two years ago in his "old" school in the US..and now it is going downhill fast..he is miserable. I asked my husband just last night.."will it get better you think?" We are very concerned..and I KNOW it is the school. The day my daughter finished 12th grade I could say...she is back..herself again.

She moved to Australia to study at a Uni in Queensland and was very happy throughout her 4 year studies..so it seems it is a school thing...I am puzzled. So thanks for your post..it gives me hope. I am moving my son also.....big move...accross the ocean. To find a private English Christian school here....impossible....and IF you find something..,you will have to be a millioniare.

[Veronique]

The day my daughter finished 12th grade I could say...she is back..herself again.

When we moved to Brisbane my daughter was going into her 12th year - worse time to move. She made the decision not to go to conventional schools and opted to complete her year 12 studies at TAFE. She really enjoyed it as for her it felt as if she had completed school and started college. She has continued her tertiary studies there as we do not as yet qualify for the government UNI fee help and $16000 per annum (excl other expenses) is way out of our budget.

Some of the TAFE institutions have year 11 and 12. The students wear civies and are treated like adults, which is good for kids like my daughter because she is self-disciplined and is an achiever. It is not good for kids who are not self-disciplined as some of the kids do not attend classes and are not reprimanded....inevitably they do not pass. My daughter received 3 medals for being top achiever in 3 subjects - against all the South Institute TAFE's. She finished 3rd highest overall. Although she enjoyed her studies there, she never made any good friends. I find that she is too mature for the average locals her age. Most of her friends are in their mid 20's.

[AllisonW]

We are still here in SA but just wanted to share my own experiences of school change. My son started grade one in a mainstream school from a very nurturing Montessori environment. It has been rough! I am amazed at how some people raise there children. This is a good school and yet i cant believe that children are so aggressive, steal etc! I ask myself: Have i been protecting my kids too much? However we are slowly starting to pull through the experience and he is adjusting.

When i was trying to help him through the process i decided that if school was the "hard" space right now, i needed to make home the "soft" space. I tried the following techniques which seemed to have helped:

* Cognitive reframing: Helping him to feel in control by identifying how he could manage different situations. Asking him each day what was good about today and what are you looking forward to tomorrow? Sometimes it was just the tuck shop, but it was something!

* Actively creating space to talk about his feelings. Acknowledging the difficulties. Talking about how i have struggled to fit in at times. How i have struggled to make new friends etc.

* Giving lots of positive feedback and reiterating to him that he has the ability to cope with this change.

It was made worse for me in that he develops a slight stutter when he is stressed.

Hang in there. I do believe that change can be positive and children are really adaptable. They can grow and develop great life skills if they can get through this. Sometimes we dont have to rescue our children, just acknowledge the difficulties they face and remind them: "I love you, i am right behind you, you are not alone and you CAN do this. I believe in you."

Al

[Non]

Hey Duray

That was the most amazing school - and I hold this school in such high regard - one of a kind. With the most awesome kids I have ever come across. Somer getting goose bumps and tearful. Your daughter will manage just fine, just like mine will. Its just up to us to find where they fit best and to ensure they are happy and contented individuals. And we can climb mountains to do this, thats for sure.

My daughters name is Taryn, ask your daughter is she knows mine - the school is small so the possibilities are good.

Hi Mandy

What a small world! Firstly, we heard yeterday that our 176 visa has been approved! Have been reading the forum for over 2 years now. Am having such mixed emotions now.......! Mandy my daughter is also at Cape Recife. In fact she was in Taryns class. My biggest concern about going to Oz would be finding the correct school for her and reading the forum, this is going to be a daunting task. We were also at the gala the other day......! Have heard the schools over there help children with learning difficulties alot more that Cape Recife. We would be going to Brisbane.