MELBOURNE TO SOUTH AFRICA

[BrentE]

Hi all,

Just wanted to hear from people who have decided or are currently going through the process of going back to South Africa.

I'm also not interrested in hearing from people who have negative things to say about the decision because we are not saying anything negative about Australia, we just miss family, friends and comfort zone way too much. Just being able to have friends over for the rugby at a decent hour and quickly pop into the local spar for all the things we love like biltong, droewors, boerewors and castle lager of course.

We know we are in the right place as far as safety and security is concerned ( Melbourne ) but our hearts are back in sunny South Africa where we are happiest and have all our happy memories. Sure we know the happy times over shadow all the bad but it's all we got at this point.

Also watching our 2 year old son speak to his grandparents over skype and seeing how much they just want to hold each other and be able to enjoy each other is just a major wake up call. Facebook is also not the greatest thing, seeing our friends all still enjoying the wonderful places along the garden route and just having a braai and letting thier hair down.

As I've said before, Australia does have a lot to offer but at the expense of all our loved ones, so yes, if we had all our friends and family over here then we would be in the perfect place but the reality is way different.

So if you also find yourself in this boat DON'T BE AFFRAID TO ADMIT YOUR FEELINGS, and it is ok to want to go back. South Africa is OUR HOME and will always be. You can take the man out of Africa but you can't take Africa out of the man. I'm proud to say that we are definately looking forward to the prospect of going back to our roots knowing that we at least gave Australia a chance and even though Oz is all it"s made out to be, it is the place of milk and honey and it is absolutely safe, BUT Africa will always flow through our veins!!!

Let me know your thoughts,

See ya

[EricaC]

this immigration step is not a one size fits all decision...it is an individual decision, so whatever you decide is right for you and your family. good luck with the process.

Hey pkn!

you could not have put it better!!!!!!!!!

Each for his own!

Erica

[EricaC]

Waking up the next morning we have discovered... no locked doors. Obviously we do check the doors now. But I think a person sort of goes into a relaxed mood.

Hey MANDYL!

Sorry - it was your comment - and how true - so, so agree with you!

Erica

[bundyman]

Hello All

I would like to add my 2 cents worth to this discussion, I moved over to Perth in 2003 and from day one I felt like I never belonged in Australia. After 2 and a half years and Citizenship, we as a family come over to SA on holiday. The changes where unbelievable, where had all the white people working in Government, Telkom, Edgars, gone? I have no issue with any skin colour, is the person capable of doing the job?

After 4 great weeks on Holiday, doing all the good things and been spoilt by family and friends. We arrived back in Auss, man did I hit the Wall. I was offered a job while on holiday with a friend of mine that was my out. I made a few phone calls sent e mails packed 4 suitcases, left my eldest daughter, who was starting Uni a fully furnished house and everything else we owned.

Landed in SA, settled in to daily life “it was like I never leftâ€. I have now been here for almost 3,5 years, I travel Africa been to Kenya, Ghana, Tanzania, Libya, the only thing that makes South Africa different is the crime. The roads and infrastructure are falling apart, the incompetence of the local people. To say S.A will not become like the rest of Africa, it’s there already. When ever people asked me how big a change I have seen, I tell them this story. “This might sound a bit strange, there used to be a beautiful green patch of lawn with palm trees at a very busy intersection in Walmer P.E. Today there is no lawn only a sand bowl, the palm tress are dying from been urinated onâ€, that’s how I judge what’s happening to this country. There is no need for me to elaborate on the safety and crime, we only need to read and listen.

What I have realized and it’s taken me a while, I never went to Auss with the right attitude and never gave myself a chance to fit in, but I still have that option…….

Cheers

[Search]

My 2cents/story:

Immigration is hard!!! End of story...

Me and my wife (fiance back then) "moved" to Auckland,NZ in 2007. Stayed and worked there for 7-8months and I had a good job and yes we had fun, went on surf trips every weekend, explored the country side, we had our own 4x4 pajero which we drove on the beach with looking for waves ect ect, things were good but slowly but surely we started missing family, friends and our x2 spaniels which we left there. What made things worse was that my fiance were waiting for her work visa for like 5 months and suppose that drove her up the hills sitting in a small 2 bedroom apartment all day long.

Anyway to cut a long story short, we returned to SA in Sept'07, my previous employer made me nice offer and was willing to accept me back, all was good and everything was going to be back to normal right. And yes it was good, we were with family, friends and had our doggies back, we were back in our house in Jbay and life was good. But something was missing, I was always bit paranoid about our safety and security, always checking to see if doors/gates are locked, always looking over my shoulder when i'm out and about. SA is such a great place to live in I love it there but it's too stressful for me, I worry daily about job security, what will happen if I somehow loose my good job, will I find another one in the same town/area. What if we have kids one day, what will there futures and education be like growing up in SA, there are so many elements or rather positives and negatives.

Then one day all out of the blue I received a job offer for the same company I worked for in SA in Melbourne. Things happened so quickly and here I am... Have being here for just over 2 and half weeks now. My wife joins me in 4 weeks time she is just busy tying up some loos ends for us. One thing I know for sure is this, YES I will miss my family and my "old" life back in SA but Aus has so much to offer if you willing to make some sacrifices. I know that when we get our PR we will have job security, over here if you loose your job you are almost 100% sure you will find another position and that the color of your skin has nothing to do with it. Here I don't look over my shoulder, I just laugh every now and again thinking what a big surprise awaits a would be mugger/robber (in Aus), he would get such a big snot klap from this boertjie. When we have a family of our own one day our kids will have so many opportunities, good education, good sports, good health care and the list just goes on.

Anyway not sure if all of this makes sense it's a mouth full but all I am saying is that I have being through this before, left SA went back to SA and left again, and I fell very positive that this was my last move. Leaving NZ that time never felt like the right decision for me, I knew that in my head. And I gained so much life experience from all that and will definitely make life's big decision with my head and not my hart.

[Tezi]

Hi BrentE,

Yes, feel exactly the same. I often ask myself - if I could go back to Sept 2007 and listened to my husband when he did not want to go to the Aus Expo at Gallagher Estate we would still be living the life we knew & loved and we would have our precious friends & family close by.

Sometimes you have to lose something to realise how precious it is!

Tezi

[jnsq]

if you really miss SA - put your stuff in storage, rent out your house and go back for 6 months or a year. I you dont like it "zip" you come back!! give yourself options. You dont HAVE to be here or there! go see, its just a bit of money..

We arrived in Australia in Oct 07 with a view to a permanent move. After close to 2 years struggling with homesickness, adjusting & loss we decided to visit SA - to assess the reality, achieve some sort of closure & if appropriate return to SA. This was a time of extreme angst & uncertainty but we felt we would rather spend the money to test our own measure of reality. It was time & money well spent, I highly recommend this return journey no less than 18months after you've been out of SA.

Within a few days of being in SA I had "lock-jaw" , I realised that it would require super human strength for me to return to SA since the reasons that had led to our decision to move to Australia had not changed. Although it was wonderful to see people we had missed & loved, most had moved on as had we.

We returned from our holiday & closed the chapter on returning back. This was aided by the publishing of the Crime Stats reports in Sept 09. We could not ignore them. Australia offered a much better life & future & we decided that we would have to make it work somehow.

That said it is not easy & we continue to be strained & frustrated with the dragging PR process. We have slipped into cracks & re-prioritisation processes on the PR - this despite having a textbook application, in June 08, September 09 & now Feb 10. Lets hope we'll have this closure someday soon.

Ahh closure - that elusive state of mind .... and true restful sleep ?

[mom of 3]

newbie27, you need to give it more time, less than a month is not enough time to make a rational decision.

We have found the ozzies to be so welcoming and have made a few friends already, we have been here 1 month today.

My advise is that you get out there, approach people and talk to them, even your your just sitting in the park.

I did this last week with another lady and guess what - we getting together for coffee

Enjoy OZ and all it has to offer, don't live each day saying "what if?" and love life, basically you need a really positive attitude

and you will be a-ok.

All the best

S

I agree with Serendipity. Being in Aus for such a short time is definitely not enough time to be rational in your decision! We have been here just over 7 weeks and are finding it challenging but we have no intentions to leave. The Aussies are friendly and making friends as an adult is not easy. Get yourself out there and say Hi!!!

Joanne

[Alibaba]

Brent, I feel sorry for you, especially because we are happy here. I personally think you should give it at least 2 years as Mara said, but that is only my opinion. We have friends in Sydney that went back to SA after 3 months as they couldn't settle (they sent their container which just arrived at the time back to SA), but after a month in SA they had a wake-up call with all the crime, etc and after another 2 months they were back in Syndey realising they made a mistake reurning to SA so soon. Needless to say it cost a fortune.

I think we all underestimate how difficult it is to immigrate and anybody in SA who says you are a coward for leaving have no idea how difficult it is to make the decision and the move.

I hope you sort your life out.

[Mara]

BrentE, thank you for your post, I admire your honesty, the decision must be a difficult one, to have to pack up and move again!

For those still on their way:

Having left SA 15,5 years ago, I can quite honestly say, there are still days that I wonder what life would have been like, had we stayed in SA. I honestly think though, that to make the decision to return to SA before you have been here at least two years, is hasty, it takes time to settle. Having said that, I know that people experience life in Australia differently. It has been said before, that the first six months is like a honeymoon phase and then reality hits, that this is home, not a holiday, this is the rest of your life, you are not going home to SA. Vasbyt, it gets better. I would have been lost without the great SA friends that we had, all in the same boat, all going through the same things, things our NZ and Aussie friends would not have a hope in hell of understanding. SA's are often raised with the idea of having a "stiff upper lip" stand on your own two feet, do your own thing! Let me give you all a bit of advice, LEAN on your new SA friends, talk to them, share the load, a problem shared is a problem halved.

I am now able to look back on our journey and give thanks that we were given the opportunity of living in both NZ and Australia (dual citizens), for the opportunities our two children were given in building lives for themselves. My personal feeling is, and I know this is not for everyone, that as parents our responsibility has to first be to our children, just like we were our parents responsibility first, and I honestly do not think that our children could ever have the same opportunities now in South Africa that they would have here in Australia.

Over the years that I have been gone I have returned for a visit to SA 4 times, each time I went back it had slidden downhill a little further. The last time I went was four years ago and when I left that time I decided that I would never be returning again. I do not have the inclination any longer to feel as if I am taking my life in my own hands, I am uncomfortable whilst I am there, always having to look over my shoulder. The underlying concern that everyone has for their safety, is something that I do not even give a second thought in Australia. The general appearance of decay is difficult to understand when you are used to living in an almost pristine country. If nothing else had previously convinced me that I wanted to be a part of this Australian community, then the fires that ravaged Victoria in February definitely did the trick. The outpouring, concern and assistance given to all of those affected by the bushfires by volunteers was mind blowing. In a time of recession the $300 million collected, within a very short space of time, to help those affected, was nothing short of a miracle! The concern for each other was mind blowing...now I know why I appreciate being able to call Australia home!

This reply was not pointing a finger at those that wish to return, it was aimed at those having doubts about coming to Australia.

[Willa]

I struggle every day with the thought of leaving SA. I struggle to get my mindset right for the move. What I know in my heart and what I know in my head is two very different things, and I never thought that I would feel this way.

Every day when I get up to get the kids to school and sort out the last things at home (while DH sorts out everything in AUS) I get this sickening feeling and wonder is this right or wrong. I don't know, so every time I read the forum and read how others feel I know that what I am feeling right at this moments is what you guys already went though and that gives me hope of surviving that side.

My thought or questions then is did you guys do a LSD trip beforehand or did you just pack up and move, and what was the motivation in the first place to move. We did intensive research to the point that I wanted to put a plug in DH mouth because everything that came out was AUS AUS AUS. We did the LSD trip and I really thought NO WAYS, but I did start to look differently at the situation. If I had to pack and leave without having a look first I seriously don't know if I would survive. DH loves it there, he said the second time around is even better.

To admit to yourself THIS IS IT must've come without hesitation because moving back to SA is seriously no fun, but surely that in it self must be very stressful all over again.

Admitting to ones feelings to one self and even admitting it to your partner comes with hesitation, you don't want to disappoint the other party but maybe we need to get this out in the open and life itself would change for the better.

I for one do wish you and your family all of the best. Life is to short for regrets.

Willa

[CandiceM]

Am I right in seeing that you have only been in Aus for 7/8 months?

We have been here for 22 months now, 14 months in Perth and now 7 months in Canberra (with a 1 month stay over in Sydney inbetween). I can honestly say that if we had been in any other city in the first year other then Perth, I would have seriously considered moving back to SA. I have been more homesick in the first few months in Canberra, then I ever was in Perth. I have fewer SA friends here and fewer SA influences then we did in Perth. So the loss is felt more keenly now. And even now my heart skips a beat when I hear Toto's Africa on the radio, or taste the real deal boerewors. I MISS SA, I miss my family, I miss biltong and droe wors BUT I know without a doubt that Australia is my new home and that its where we as a family are meant to be. There is no doubt in my mind that where you live in Aus, could be the deciding factor to whether you stay or return, and I don't think people coming here from SA put enough weight in this decision. In case you are wondering we plan to return to Perth within the next two years

I went back to SA in march and the country I left behind nearly 2 years ago is not the country I returned to this year on holiday, and sometmes I think that in my homesickness I have romanticised the idea of returning back to Africa, and that my family and friends and biltong will be big enough to cover the crime etc and reasons we moved in the first place. In my head, though I know that to be different, and that SA at the moment is a long way off from being a place, that I know in our hearts all saffers wish it was. I also agree that I will always have Africa in my blood, and that a small part of me will always long for it, but I also think that I am learning to love Australia in the same way and that I will eventually have a part of it in my blood too.

I wish you luck in your decisions and your journey, wherever it may take you.

Candice

[Karen-in-Brisbane]

I am still in SA. We are due to leave on 30th Sept. I am going thru a very stressful phase now and when i read your post I want to tun back and stay put.

I wish you guys lots of happiness and hope things work out well. You tried and now you must do what you feel happiest doing.

K

[milo]

Yip - emigration is not for woozies!

We made great friends and just the other day they told us they will be returning to RSA at the end of the year. They landed in Feb and after 7months decided that Aus is not for them. We discussed their decision from all angles, but they are set on returning to RSA.

They appreciate all Australia has to offer, but struggle to settle and deal with the differences.

Just like when we all made the decision to emigrate and no amount of argue, debating, asking to reconsider from friends and family to remain in South AFrica could change our minds, so it is for them and others wanting to return to South Africa.

We have made peace with their decision and will support them during this whole process of packing up and moving continents again. I actually admire them for doing it all over again in such a short space of time.

[MarcK]

Hi BrentE

Thanks for your honesty about SA being home and your decision to move back. I commend you on moving to Aus, trying it out, and now moving back to SA.

I wish you guys all the happiness & success no matter where you are in the world.

Good luck!!!!

[rozellem]

I still get a little "homesick" some days... just sad when i look at photos or hear songs that my best friend and i shared... but i stop and smell the roses... i cry my heart out, and the next day i am all better again when i can walk my son to school and not even have to lock my front door while we go.

I went for a leisurely walk last week and on my return saw I had left my bunch of keys dangling in the front door in full view of the street, not to mention the car right there for anybody to drive away in. We have truely gone soft here.

[Eva]

Well, we moved with teens, 13 and 17 when we left South Africa, and in the year that we have been here they have settled well, made friends, adjusted to the education system and the delinquent looking kids. Had girlfriends, broken hearts and had their hearts broken, gotten work, and they are HAPPY to be in Aus. We have asked them if they would want to go back to South Africa and their answer..... Yes, on holiday.

And my son who was 5 when we arrived took much longer to settle and adjust.... go figure!!

[LIGGIE]

Apparently 4 seasons in one day . . .?

Am I right?

[Mara]

In a nutshell...yes!

[elleneo]

I have heard time and again about families having problems with their teens settling in..sometimes only years down the line the homesickness hits...i do believe there are certain "windows" in when its easier to immigrate than others..also depending on the child,how many siblings etc etc

My daugher was 2 1/2 when we landed...and i definitely saw a change in her personality..for the first 2 or 3 months she was far more aggresive and volatile (more tantrums)..now, since being in a good daycare for a few months she is happy, content, and potty trained! her teacher mentioned "what a calm and content child she is" ...the little angel i knew in South Africa is back.

We must realise that no matter what the age the big move is a trauma...for different reasons for each kid.

[JimmyC]

Sickening!

[IamInACT]

okay afer reading this do you still want to go home?

Angry hijackers rape woman - Port Elizabeth - Two hijackers were so angry when the woman they had kidnapped had only R150 in her bank account, that they raped her. - The 21-year-old woman and her 20-year-old boyfriend were attacked by four men outside the Noordhoek ski-boat club in Port Elizabeth on Saturday night.

Read furhter... http://www.news24.com/Content/SouthAfrica/...kers_rape_woman

[catz]

I still get a little "homesick" some days... just sad when i look at photos or hear songs that my best friend and i shared... but i stop and smell the roses... i cry my heart out, and the next day i am all better again when i can walk my son to school and not even have to lock my front door while we go.

I have been here almost 4 years now... still loving it.... every day still brings new things....

For all the newbies who "sukkel" to call this lovely country home... give it time... you will get there yet.... the only way to make it work is to WANT to let it work!!!

[EricaC]

Someone earlier said that from day one, they felt as it they did not fit in (here in OZ) Many of us feel like that

no matter if you have been here 15 years AND have Citizenship......we where not born here and will never be

Australians!! That is what (I think, and have heard) a lot of the Aussies think......If your roots are here and you

have the Aussie accent...you are A for Away, otherwise yes, that fitting in feeling, no matter how much we kid

ourselves will never feel like most of us thought!

So will always be SA's living in Australia.......

Erica

[Rajesh]

Hi Mandy,

I am saddened to read about your return. I hope it all works out well for you.

Please PM me your contact details if you were the Mandy who attended the Ladies Tea arranged by Vanessa some 2 months ago. My wife, Pinky was talking about you during the week.

[elleneo]

In all honesty i dont think that we can convince people to stay or go...it has to be there own decision...i would suggest a holiday before deciding to sell up though...that way you can be sure you are making the right decision,..they say you must separate heart and mind when you immigrate, and i think its the same when deciding to return..