FRUSTRATED OZ Daycare

[Katy]

Come on guys, the question asked was a genuine one about daycare and how to organise and handle it with two working parents. It was not a request for a lesson in childcare 101 because you think that a parent should be home with their kids!

I often think that people need to take a step back, before they answer a post. We all make decisions for our own family, no need to try and enforce your decisions that you have made for your family, on others! Or to bash them over the head, from a lofty height, because you do not agree with the decisions that they make. Each to his own, you do not have to live with their decision and they do not need to live with yours.

So please guys, answer the question if you can, if you can offer constructive advice, then please do so. If not, please just move on without it ending up in either a bashing or slanging match!

Thanks to all!

Agreed!

[AllisonW]

Can you all spare a thought to the single parents out there trying to make a better life for their children, going through this enormous stress without the emotional and financial support of a partner. I would love to spend my days at home with my son, going to the beach etc, but I am the sole source of income and do not work because of any great ambitions but out of neccessity.

I think people are far too quick to judge other people without any insight into what is actually happening in their lives.

I agree Diva. Motherhood / parenthood is not easy and people have the right to chose what works for them. I am not a single parent but i chose to work because it makes me a happier person and therefore a better mother. I think we just need to get to the point where we acknowldege that all of us are "good enough" parents. We dont have to be the best. We all make mistakes. We all cry. We all feel guilty. We all love our kids more then we can say. We are all doing the best that we can and thats good enough.

[design_diva]

I just think that it is incredibly sexist to assume the little woman must stay at home to cater to his highness' every whim....... bitter? who me?

[Overtaker]

I work pretty long hours and my wife basically works a FIFO roster - an au pair seemd to be the best bet...

[Antoinette]

This topic has been touched on many times: The Ozzie's encouraging mothers to stay home. I do not think they are backward. In fact they are being pro-active in ensuring a healthy society. This reply is not to make anybody feel guilty but to adress the thought that the mother staying home is backward. God save us the day we all think like that. When the nurturing of a mother is seen as redundant. A child learns at the knee of his mother. If you believe otherwise do not call it offensive or backward. At least be at peace with your choice and not so aggressive.

If you die your career won't miss you, your child will.

Do not slate the the concept of the mother being there for her small children 24/7.

The sad fact is people need licenses to have a dog but anybody can have a child.

I had a career. I have the trophies and the awards and accolades. It means nothing compared to the smiles that grace my children's faces. Yes, some days I want to scream out of longing for the order and control and sense of achievement that work gives. There are days like today (when I read the initial post). Days when you realise people actually do not see and appreciate the importance of the full-time mother. When your very "job" is considered worthless.

Yes, some woman are not earth-mother types. So be it. But do not, I repeat do not, underestimate or belittle the importance and influence of the mother in her children's lives. Make your choices, put your career first, but do not be offensive to those who choose otherwise or to a society that values the role of the mother/father.

I some times wonder how South-Africa would have been had daycare not been so cheap. Children learn empathy from their mothers. There is very little empathy in South Africa.

A child is not a handbag!

[catz]

I agree with Antoinette.

I too had a full time job back in SA... i loved it to bits... BUT i missed my baby doing things for the first time. Now with my second one, i am able to stay at home. Yes, i miss the interaction of adult conversation some days and feel i am going insane, but i absolutely enjoy being with my kids. Plus the fact that one still has the normal day to day things to do keeps me very busy actually. A paying job is just that... something that pays the bills.... but being able to be with your kids - that is something very special. And please, i am not saying that it is what works best for everyone... that is just my opinion.

Being a stay at home mom is a fulltime job. I take my hat off to some of the ladies who work, have 2 kids and no nanny or au pair. who get home at night after a long day at work and still do things a mommy and wife has to do. In my life at this stage, my kids come first.... because i owe it to them... the day God gave them to me, it became my responsibility to look after them in the best way i can!!!

Okkkkkkkkk all that said.... and i didnt help with the original topic... sorry Le Grange 'ies for "chipping into" your thread!!!

[design_diva]

I take extreme offence to the notion that by going to work to earn a living that my child does not come first in my life. Given a choice I would far rather be at home, but I do not have the luxury of that choice. As I have said before I am not at all ambitious and have no desire for a high power career, but I get up everday and try to be the best mom I can be while trying to give my son the best life he can have.

Some women are ambitious and highly driven and would not be satified with the stay at home mom lifestyle, this does not make them bad mothers nor bad people.

Come on guys, live and let live.

[Queensland Girl]

Just a quick update. My friends who have the German au pair are doing very well. She is a lovely young lady and the children love her- and -wait for it- she drives! She has been a godsend to this couple.

[AllisonW]

Just a note here: I have not seen that any of the working mom's have made any digs at the stay at home moms.

I am a social worker and have seen children from families where parents are at home who have severe emotional problems and i have seen children from working parent families who are well adjusted. Int he 60's and 70's in SA moms largely stayed at home and yet you still had social problems, troubled teens, substance abuse etc.

It is Quality and not quantity that counts: How that actually manifests itself in your family is your business. Diva, as a single mom you can raise a wonderful, sensitive son, who is acutely aware of taking responisbility and sensitive to the needs of the women in his life.

To all the women: We have a hard enough time with sexism from men - do we still need to turn on each other as mom's?

All mom's i salute you - its a hard job regardless.

[Nats123]

As with anything is life working or staying at home is YOUR choice. And what works for you will not work for someone else.

In this case there is no right and wrong.

As a working mom I wish some days that I could rather be at home as it is very tough. But I do my best to not just give my children what they physically need but emotionally need as well. I agree with the earlier comment that QUALITY is the important factor here.

In my opinion parenting as a whole (whether you are working or not) has it challenges and all we as parents can do is to do our best.

[polly]

I am so tired of this kind of argument. These attacks make it seem like housewives need to be validated. Don't be so insecure.

We couldn't afford for me to stay home in SA, and, frankly, I am not suited to it. Another concern for me is what happens if something were to happen to my husband? Especially in SA, that was a real concern. The jobmarket isn't geared towards women who have been housewives for 5 years. Would I be able to support my children in the kind of job I would get after 5 years of 'unemployment'? After my second child, I battled to find work and that was after only one year at home.

Then there is also the issue for me of what happens if hubby decides when I am 40 or 50, the kids are out of the house, he wants a wife who can cook? What do I do then? Just live off alimony? Seen too many women who that happened to.

I think you are very brave and dedicated if you are a housewife and you stay home for the kids. It is very noble and a hard profession. I think women who go back to the workplace are equally dedicated and brave. They are just taking a different road to forge a future for their children. We have different priorities and no-one is in a position to judge which priorities are better. They are just different.

Edited September 3, 2008 by polly

[Are we there Yet?]

Then there is also the issue for me of what happens if hubby decides when I am 40 or 50, the kids are out of the house, he wants a wife who can cook? What do I do then? Just live off alimony? Seen too many women who that happened to.

My sister and I often discuss this.It often happens to men in their mid life crisis! Well by the time he's paid child support and the rest it is cheaper for him to stay married .

[AllisonW]

As i stated above, I choose to work because it makes me feel better about myself and therefore i believe a better mom:

On a personal level i feel more financially secure and know that i can provide for myself and my kids alone if i have to (death, divorce etc). I dont like to be reliant on others, but i acknowledge that this is only my personal view. I laugh at myself because when things are crazy i dream about staying at home but after two weeks of leave, i am weeping to go back to work. Stay at home moms are tougher then me! LOL

[polly]

Totally agree!

[catz]

I just think that it is incredibly sexist to assume the little woman must stay at home to cater to his highness' every whim.......

Just want to clear up a few things.. here in Aus, its not just the mommy that stays at home... there are MANY stay at home DADS!!!! Here in the City of Casey where we are, there is even a "support" group for Stay at home Dads.... just like you get your mums' groups etc.

So i dont think it has anything to do with the woman HAS to stay at home... the man can too. Lol i know my hubby wont cut it cos i cant leave the kids with him for 30 mins without someone going off their rocket, but i know there are a lot of dads that can do it. So.... if you a career woman and you think hubby can do it... why the heck not..... there are a few dads that fetch and drop the kids from Kindy... in the middle of the day!

<oh and please... this is just stated as a general observation point. NOT to say that i think one of the parents MUST stay at home, like i have mentioned before... how you do things is up to you... the rest of us can only say what we do....>

[polly]

Yoiu might find this article interesting: on how some people in Aus view childcare

http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,2...5000117,00.html

Local opinions at the bottom

Edited September 3, 2008 by polly

[hDt]

this working vs stay at home mom debate is actually our fault, as men. and i apologize. it's because we allowed you to have jobs in the first place! ... First you get to vote, then jobs, and next thing you know you demand equal prize money for the wimbledon ladies winner!! what next?!

what are you doing on the forum this time of the night in any case, are there no shirt that need some ironing??

[hDt]

[polly]

ROFLOL!

[Allie en Urs]

I also have a 4 year old daughter.We stay in the North and know of very nice daycare's with Kindy's

and also pick your kiddies up at home and drop them of again.

I realy wish i could help yeh guys but i just know this side

Good luck i realy hope you come right with a great place 4 your kiddie.

A mother and father just want the best 4 they kids and 2 be happy!!!

Edited September 6, 2008 by URS

[Johan du Toit]

I am still patiently waiting for SA's pathetic government to send my unabridged birth certificates. Will be home (Australia) soon. It seems like the general feeling amongst all these replies are that Kindy in SA is cheap. Perhaps you are all rich people, but I am paying R1335 per month for my 2 year old boy. I think that is extremely expensive. I am actually emigrating so that I can survive financially. Is Kindy expensive in Aus if you think dollars? Forget crappy, pathetic Rands. Cannot wait to get out of this hell.

[design_diva]

hDt

What was that old bumper sticker....women who want to be equal to men seriously lack ambition......something like that

[Alibaba]

I am actually too scared to answer this post as it seems someone is taking offence no matter what anybody answers.

I had to work in SA, in Aus I don't have to, but I chose to work part-time after 3 months here.

Our situation is great for our needs now. I work from home, and get paid by the hour. Our daughter who turns 2 in a month's time goes to daycare twice a week. I have to fit my work in between those 2 days, when she naps and after she is in bed in the evenings. It is not easy, but I have the flexibility of not having to be in the office or leave it at a certain time or facing traffic. Difficult because I have to make a switch in my mind between when I work and when I'm doing household chores as it is in the same venue. I can't always sit and relax in the evenings. No, I don't miss people interaction, I still get enough of that even if I'm not in an office.

Ok, I'm getting off the track here. The first daycare centre I phoned had space for my daughter, and even though it was "different" to the daycare she attended in SA, I am extremely happy with the centre she attends. Adelaide is excelling, she learns English at an amazing speed (we speak Afrikaans at home) and she is really happy there. The personnel are great, they are very loving towards her. The daycare has Kindy and after school care, so we might keep on finding housing in this area as I don't want to move her too much. She asks me every morning if she can go to school, and I don't think it's because I'm a bad mother, but because of the friends and all the wonderful activities they have for the kids. It is expensive, but the facilities are much better than I had back in SA. We can afford to send her twice a week, and it gives us a good balance. I do appreciate that with more than one kid in full time daycare that it is very expensive, but if you still have money left at the end of the day then you still win financially compared to someone who stays at home full time and has no income, no matter what your reasons for working are.

I agree, being a mommy is the hardest, but also the most awarding job of all, whether you are a stay-at-home mom or a working mom. It is difficult juggling work and kids no matter what your situation is. Just hang in there, I believe you will find a good solution even though it is frustrating.