Immigrasie - 'n survival guide

[Elana Coetzer]

Hi,

My ouma en oupa is kaalvoet oor die Drakensberge, nou sit ek kaalvoet in Melbourne.

Immigrasie is sover die moelikste ding wat ek nog in my lewe gedoen het, ok, dit was nie slim om dit met 'n drie maande oue babatjie aan te pak nie, maar ons moes die geleentheid gryp toe hy verby kom. Ek en my man en twee kinders is nou 6 maande hier en sover survive ons nog. Ek hoor ek moet 2 jaar uithou voordat die verlange gaan minder word. Ons skype maar vir ouma en oupa en praat gereeld van die familie sodat die kinders sal onthou wie hulle is.

Dis nooit 'n maklike keuse nie:

Die kinders word groot saammet oumas en oupas en ooms en tannies en niggies en nefies wat vir hulle baie lief is

vs

Die kinders word groot waar hulle veilig is en 'n toekoms het.

Ons het ons keuse gemaak, en nou moet ons dit net survive. We'll get there.

Ek wil julle vertel van Susan Miller. Sy het 'n ministry oor hoe "moving house" vrouens beinvloed.

Hier is 'n uitreksel uit haar boek - "After the boxes are unpacked":

"Bill's off at work, happy as he can be. I get the children situated in school, plug them into soccer. They're happy ... And here I am ... I sat in my living room with all those boxes, and I just cried. I said, 'I am so alone, Lord. Where are you in this move?' "

- Susan Miller

Haar website:

www.justmoved.org

Australie is 'n great plek, en ek is baie dankbaar vir die manier waarop die ausies en al die Suid-Afrikaners ons laat welkom voel het. Hierdie forum het my ook baie gehelp. Dis goed om mekaar te ondersteun.

Hoop julle (en ek) pas aan in Australie!!!

Elana

[Philipp & Lana]

Hallo julle,

Eks nou baie bly ek het besluit om hierdie post te lees. Ek voel sommer nou 'n klein bietjie beter...

Ons het Vrydag (SA tyd) die email ontvang om te laat weet dat ons 457 visas goedgekeur is. En van daardie oomblik wil ek kort kort net uitbars in trane! Ek dink aan my ma en familie wat ek vir so lank nie gaan sien nie... As ons ry, en ek kyk die plekke so, dan wonder ek of dit in Aus is, sal ons kan oorleef sonder al ons favourite plekke?

En ja, dan hoor of sien of lees jy weer van crime en al daai goed en dan weet jy, jy doen die regte ding... soos daai kop vs hart geveg wat julle van gepraat het.

Ons het baie gebid hieroor en telkens die Here gevra dat sy wil moet geskied met ons visa aansoek en die hele proses. Wel, dit het nou gebeur en ons sal dit aanvaar. Maar ai, dis seer!

Die naweek het ons ook vir die familie vertel van ons visas wat goedgekeur is en dat ons seker so middel Jan 09 sal vlieg. Obviously was die reaksie op ons nuus nie goed nie en daar het die huilery al weer begin!

So bid asb vir ons, en dink aan ons... die pakkery... die groet...

En baie dankie vir julle almal wat jul raad en ondervindinge met ons deel.

Groete,

Lana

Elana, ek het lekker gesmile vir jou stryk en kook storie, dit klink nes ek! Ek hoop ons kan een van die dae ontmoet, ons is ook oppad na Melbourne. En o ja, jy't gepraat van sneeu - waar sneeu dit?

[Bren&Nick]

Hi Julle

ek is seker 'n mens word gely om 'n sekere ding te lees op hierdie forum - want julle slat die spyker so op die kop en dis presies hoe ek voel die laste 2 dae.

Ons het afgery Tzaneen se kant toe die naweek om al my pa ( wat so maand terug gediagnoseer is met kanker ) se "goodies" to gaan haal want hy kan nou nie meer alleen bly nie ens... en toe ek daardie berg af ry het ek geink ek is absoluut "crazy " om op te pak en almal hier te verlaat.

Dit was hemel op aarde - groen en baie bos, riviere en bome wat tot in die hemel gaan . berge, oh tog so mooi, tot ek by die tee plantasie ( die wat oorbly ) gekom het en vader land - daar niks oor nie -

Gone to waste, over grown bush and shambles - Apparently there was a land claim and this is the result - Years of hard work by Sapekoe only to be destroyed in one season.

I am so glad we have this opportunity to go to Australia.

My husband and I cant wait for the day that we get to say " It's approved"

We are definitely not going to live on milk and honey but are prepared to do what it takes to make a success of it all.

All these posts - the good and the bad make it so much more realistic and gives a balanced veiw.

Thanks to all for this

Brenda

[odelia]

I HAVE COPIED A POST I WROTE LAST YEAR SEPTEMBER. WE NOW HAVE OUR 175 AND WILL LAND IN PERTH JAN 2009, I HAVE COME THE FULL CIRCLE AND I PRAY FOR ALL OF YOU WHO ARE SCARED, LONELY AND NOT SO HOPEFUL ANYMORE. I PRAY THAT YOU WILL STAND STRONG AND PLEASE PRAY FOR ME AS WELL FOR THE NEXT FEW MONTHS.

SEPTEMBER 2007

I am writing this, not only as a (hopefully) inspiration to others, but also as a means of closure for me.

My story thus far:

2004 � husband gets phone call (out of the blue) from agency in New Zealand, asking whether he will be interested in coming over for job interviews (IT Architect) I am 3 months pregnant with our boy and we have a 14 month daughter. We live in Fourways, Sandton. I am a lawyer at a big bank he does contract work. Affirmative actions is starting to leave its mark and my husband�s career looks as if it�s going nowhere. The telephone call seems a sign from God. We decide to go for it. He flies out in June (I am 6 months pregnant). The day before he flies, we have a show house, we leave early to go to my parents, they break into the house, through electric fencing, automated gate, butler door and an alarm. Anyway, hubby gets lots of interviews and decides on a job in Wellington. He comes over for the birth (I have sold the house, Elliots have packed up a 40ft container and my daughter and I am living with my parents in Frankfort, Free State) Hubby comes over for the birth, drops me off in Frankfort and flies back. My sister flies with me, my 8 week old son and 22 month old daughter in November to our new rental in Wellington.

2004-2006 I hate Wellington. I cry from day one. I do not even go through the 6 month honeymoon. We immediately go to the Arfikaans church in Wellington and have our son baptized before my sister returns to SA. I go see a NZ doctor and get anti depressants. We meet nice Kiwis and lots of Saffers. Some of the Saffer wives feel like me, cry most of the time, hate the weather (Wellington must have the worst weather) and some love it. I get more depressed. My mom comes and visits in June 2005 and I feel as if my heart is being wrenched out when she leaves. My husband books a ticket for me and the kids in September to go and visit the family in SA. I fly over and have to go on different ant-depressants through a doctor in SA. I start to feel better. My husband has had enough and says we can go back, he can�t bear to see me like this. I am delighted. His only requirement is that the kids and I will stay in Frankfort and he will work in JHB and see us over weekends. (1h30 commute one way) He does not want us to live in JHB for obvious reasons.

March 2006- came back with another 40 ft container (do your sums ) Loved it. After a few months, we see my husband will not be able to work from home as we anticipated. I start doing contract work again.

March 2007 � In this period I grow closer to God and realize the sacrifice my husband has made. He sits in a guest house during the week and sees his kids only on weekends. During this period I have also been diagnosed with post natal depression and realize our timing with such a small baby was ridiculous.

I ask my husband where does he wants to live and he says where he always wanted to go, Australia, NZ was only a stepping stone.

May 2007 � I start to do soul searching, I pray, I cry, I start getting panic attacks, and then I became calm and it dawned on me. I came back for my family, I did not come back for SA, if I was so patriotic, why don�t I know the words to Nkosi? Why was I not more involved? Why am I clutching to my Afrikaans culture when I spoke more Afrikaans in NZ than ever in JHB? Yes, the sun was all but gone in Wellington, but we will make wiser choices next time. Yes, our rental was disgusting, but again it was only temporary. So why am I sitting here, with a husband who is getting more depressed and aggressive by the day, and who only came back to help me? I realized what God meant when he said you shall leave your family and cleave to your husband.

June 2007 � started the process (we had most of the docs in any event prior to leaving for NZ - Police clearances have expired, ha-ha) and will hopefully hand in our application by the beginning of next year. Why am I telling this? I know many Saffers in NZ who pine for SA but can never come back. They have placed SA on a pedestal and just can�t get on with their lives there. It is a terrible waste of time. I had the luxury of coming back and seeing things were not as great as I had thought while in NZ.

If you want to come back by all means do so, I am the last to judge, just make sure you are coming back a committed South African, taking it with warts and all.

If you decide to leave, ditto, but also realize, once the newness has worn off, your boss will probably still be an idiot, your suburb not one of the best and your kids may be bullied. But you will feel safer, your kids may have more choices once they graduate, your old age will be rosier and you will generally feel less stressed.

My best advise is to leave with both legs, you can�t straddle both continents. Become an Aussie or a Kiwi, get the accent. Remember your heritage, have your Saffer friends, but also get other friends, be it Brits, Aussies or Asians. Enjoy you new life. When the Bokke play, root for them and when the Aussies play, root for them.

You don�t have to give up your past but you have to live your present and plan your future. Lastly do not become one of those Saffers who fervently watch News24 and go to work and list all the bad things about SA and sit around the BBQ and bitch. It is not attractive and only fuels the reputation of winging Saffers. Make peace with the fact that you will have days where your heart will break for longing or if you see something remotely African, you will get tears in you eyes, it�s fine, cry, tomorrow you will feel better.

So, why do some people settle easier than others? I don�t know- there is not a clear cut answer, only an awful amount of pain for those who can�t get past the longing but once you have gotten past that hurdle you may experience a calmness and peace that surpasses everything.

Remember, God is everywhere, not just in SA. And I feel that it does not matter to Him so much where you are as long as you let His Love shine through.

I will always pray for SA and its future I will now add Australia.

[MANDIBRENT]

Thank you so much for your post. You have been frank and realistic. I often wonder if we will adapt to the lifestyle there and if my longing for family will draw me back to SA. I cannot predict what will happen once we are there, but Ii will definitely keep your advice in mind before making any rash decisions to return.

[Bren&Nick]

Wise words. Thanks for your post - was most inspirational.

Brenda