Ek wil 'n teer sakie aanraak.....

[Riekie]

Ek noem dit maar paranoia, maar vir my is dit 'n realiteit - ek is te BANG om weer RSA toe te gaan!!! Ek sit hier met 'n vliegtuigkaartjie om RSA toe te gaan, en ek sal op hierdie stadium my bo-arms gee om te gaan kuier, want ek mis almal onglooflik baie, maar ek is te BANG!!! Net die gedagte daaraan gee my amper 'n angsaanval!!! My seun wil maar alte graag die kaartjie geruik, en as ek hom 'n halwe kans gee, is hy môre op die vliegtuig, maar ek wil ook nie dat HY moet gaan nie, want ek is te BANG hy kom iets oor!! Ek weet nie hoekom ek dit so intens ervaar nie en dit is asof dit erger word, hoe langer ons weg is uit RSA. Vir my is die gedagte dat ek al "my mense" dalk nooit ooit weer gaan sien nie, soos 'n massa begrafnis!! Dit is vir my ongelooflik traumaties om dit te aanvaar (dat ek hulle nooit weer sal sien nie), maar nog meer traumaties om my vrees in my sak te druk en te gaan kuier!

[Guest Jules]

Riekie I can identify with what you are feeling 100% as I feel exactly the same way. I don't know if my feelings will change at some point but at this stage I would just not be able to go there out of fear. My in-laws are coming to visit later in the year and they want to take my daughter back for a holiday with them but I just can't allow them to do it. It would just eat me up with worry and fear that something would happen to her. I would rather pay for family and friends to come over here for a holiday than go there. My parents will be leaving to live in the UK in a few weeks and for me it can't come soon enough as at least I know they will be safe even though they will be even further away.

I would love to be able to say something encouraging and tell you to go and enjoy yourself but all I can tell you is that you are not alone in your fear. I wish it could be different and we could look forward to visiting family and friends without thoughts of our safety hanging over our heads and making us think twice about going. At least you do have common sense on your side though, having lived there you know what to expect and you won't be likely to do anything that could place you in more danger, as some poor unfortunate tourists tend to do. Probably nothing will happen to you and it will be wonderful to see everyone again, but it's that fear that is always in the back of your mind, and that those of us in Australia have managed to let go of, that would spoil things for me.

Sorry, I know I haven't helped much but I am thinking of you and know what you are feeling.

Julie

[Queensland Girl]

Hi Riekie

Heeltemal normaal ou girl.

Jy is nie meer n parate Suid-Afrikaner nie, en nie meer gewoond om op jou hoede te wees nie.

Moenie worry nie- binne minute na jou aankoms sal dit terugkeer. Dis soos fiets ry- n 'skill' wat jy vir altyd het.

Gaan geniet die tydjie in SA. Dis HEELTEMAL anders as om self daar te moet bly. Jy sal al die wonderlike dinge wat SA het om te bied geniet ! En dan klim jy op die vliegtuig en kom huis toe(te midde van die snot en trane)

[Ziggy]

Beste Riekie

Dis heeltemal normaal om so te voel. Dis die onbekende wat jy vrees aangevuur deur die dinge wat die kant gebeur en media berigte. As jy of jou seun kom kuier. Hou die volgende in gedagte:

• Vermy die middestad

• Moenie soos ‘n toeris lyk nie

• Wees oplettend

• Probeer om nie alleen êrens te gaan nie

• Sluit die motor, as jy ry en wanneer jy uitklim

Daar is baie ander dinge om in gedagte te hou, maar dis die waarmee ek die meeste gesukkel het toe ons weer hier aangeland het. Wou nog my NZ streke uithaal en is meningmaal deur my ribbebeen oor die vingers getik oor my slap houding. Vir mense wat nog altyd in SA gebly het, klink ons houding oordrewe, maar dis moeilik om vir iemand te vertel wat jy in ‘n ander land ondervind het en dat hulle dit verstaan. Maar gaan maar op vakansie en geniet dit. Onthou om maar net altyd die beskermde bloed van Jesus oor jou af te bid…

Jules, if it was me, I would keep my daughter in Aus. I know her grandparents would look after her, better than under normal circumstances, but I won’t sleep well at night, but that’s me. I am so paranoid at this stage…My daughters’ friend asked her to accompany her on Saturday to her mom’s work, but I couldn’t let her. My parents and sister lives on a farm and without stop asks her to come and stay over, but I always have an excuse. In my opinion a girl is more likely to get a “bad experience” in SA than a boy, but that is only me. But perhaps it is also because I made a decision to move to Aus that I do not want her to be out of sight…???

[Pippa]

Beste Riekie,

Ek kan net dink hoe jy moet voel... Dit kan nie maklik wees nie, want jy is seker glad nie so ingestel nie. Dit is ongelukkig 'n besluit wat jy self moet maak, want mens kan niks "guarantee" nie. Dit sal tog 'n lekker ondervinding vir jou wees om Suid Afrika te ervaar na 'n paar maande.

Vir selfsugtige redes sal ek jou probeer oortuig om te kom kuier sodat ons Coffee Club drinkers jou kan ontmoet, raad vra en net lekker kuier ..., maar dit is onregverdig , want daar is soveel om ingedagte te hou.

Ek weet jou seun is "independant" in Perth, maar ek sou hom nie op sy eie in SA laat kom kuier het nie.

Sterkte en baie groete,

Pippa

[Mara]

Riekie, unfortunately it does not get better. I have been back many times since leaving 13 years ago, and every time I am absolutely thrilled to get back to Australia.

I go with the philosophy, what will be, will be. I want to see and visit with my friends and family, so I have no choice but to go. I have family members who are not able to travel, even if I paid for them to come to Australia to visit, so the only way I can see them is to go there.

Good luck I will be thinking of you!

[sheila]

Hi Riekie en die ander

weet julle ons bly hier in Rooihuiskraal en ons is al so inuum teen die misdaad dat ons spot dat hulle net die lyke hier afgooi en nie hier moor nie dit is erg ek weet, maar ons het nie 'n keuse nie.

al wat ek en my meisiekind doen is , sit aan jou gordel sluit jou deur ignoreer die ouens by die robote wat goed verkoop sluit jou handak in die katabak toe, moet niemand geld geee wat bedel nie ,moet nie met jou kamara of selfoon rondloop dat almal dit kan sien nie, as jy stop by 'n robot hou jou spieels dop en kyk of iemand nie naby die kar verby loop nie, moet nie jou meisikind aleen toilet toe stuur nie loop saam, een pee die ander een kyk, hou jou hansak styf vas moet niks in jou broeksak rondloop nie mans met beursies moet nie al jou geld in jou beursie hou nie, as jou kaart gesluk word bly daar anders die oomblik wat jy loop haal hule jou bank kaart uit hulle is al blerrie slim hoor.sjoe ek het nie geweet ek doen al hierdie dinge elke dag nie ek is nou skoon moeg

hou net jou oe oop dit is die belangrikste moet nie eers stop en iemand help langs die pad nie ry tot by die naaste polisie stasie en gee dit daar aan en hoop dan hulle gaan uit.

[Guest Seoul Sister]

Hi Riekie and forumites,

I know exactly what you are talking about as I have the same. In the time that we have been away, it hasn't gotten any better, sorry to say this, but it has gotten worse for me. Every time I go back I go on a Fort Scouting expedition. Visiting most of our close friends and family (during the day of course) as I am behind the iron doors, security gates, boom gates, alarm systems and roaming lions by nightfall. So far my parents have always managed to get my Fort Living Security Superior Alcatraz Stamp of approval and so I stay only with them during my visits. No moving around and sleeping at different folks during my visit, nah-uh, sorry about that, if you want me to sleep at your house, you will need to first win my all important award. South Africa is extremely dangerous. That is the reality, and as Pippa pointed out, nobody can guarantee your safety. In the end there is only SO much that we can do, the rest is up to Him. I am in the same situation as Mara described, if I don't visit South Africa I will not get to see some of my family as they are unable to travel so far. I have been back every year and seeing how things have deteriorated over time, hasn't helped my confidence...

I don't know if this might help you Riekie, but I did this once as it was the only way I felt reasonably safe. I had a look at where in SA I felt safe and my vote went to the Cape (West Coast). So my parents booked me and the boys in at Mykonos for 3 weeks, I changed my flights to Cape Town and notified all friends and family where I would be and for which dates. All who wanted to see me, made arrangements to see me there and I felt safe and relaxed... Worked for me, maybe a thought for you to try ? I also have friends who did the exact same thing and went and stayed at a B & B at Cosmos (Hartbeespoortdam) where they felt safe.

Sorry, I'm not much help, but I know exactly how you feel, I go through it too.

Love from here

Security Sista

[Annette]

SS, what a brilliant idea that is and it also avoids the old problem of spending more time with one family member than another and the associated sulking, "silent treatment" or whatever ....

Riekie, ek weet hoe jy voel. Die eerste keer wat ons terug is SA toe na ons geemigreer het, het ek al die pad gehuil ek was so bang... maar dan land mens daar aan en soos QG gese het, dis soos fietsry, mens val sommer dadelik in "SA mode" in! Dis nie altyd 'n lekker gevoel nie, hoor en mens voel baie dankbaar as jy weer weg kan vlieg. Dis baie anders om SA as 'n toeris te besoek as om daar te woon en sommer baie lekker! Dis 'n "best of both worlds" gevoel - mens is nie heeltemal so oningelig soos die oorsese toeriste nie, maar mens kan darem lekker kuier, alles sien wat jy nie gewoonweg sal sien nie en weer weggaan... Daar is baie dinge wat verbeter het ook daar vir my, dis nie so sleg nie - heelwat ontwikkeling, baie materiele voorspoed (ook ongelukkig is die "gap" tussen ryk en armer heelwat groter as voorheen, so miskien nie so wonderlik nie) en toeriste fasiliteite het heelwat verbeter. Ons gaan elke 2 jaar kuier en geniet dit elke keer meer - maar die afskeid is baie, baie swaar . Mens verlang 100 keer meer as gewoonlik vir die eerste paar maande ...

[Riekie]

Sjoe, dankie almal!! Ai, ek kan myselfs steeds net nie oortuig nie - my vrees is onoorkombaar! Vir elke goeie redenasie om te gaan, kan ek aan 10 dink om NIE te gaan nie - ek is doodeenvoudig net te bang! Dit is soos om my kop nou in 'n bak vol Syney kakkerlakke te druk : daar's nie 'n MANIER nie! Dit help wel ongelooflik om te weet dit is nie net ek wat so voel nie en dat almal op een of ander vlak dieselfde vrese ervaar. Ek wens net ek kon myne oorbrug!!! Ek is nie bang my handsak word gesteel nie - dit is die geweld wat daarmee saamgaan (ek is bang ek word verkrag of vermoor) - dit is soos om deur 'n veld vol landmyne te hardloop en te hoop jy trap nie op een nie! (Wel, dit is hoe dit op hierdie stadium vir MY voel - dalk heeltemal onrealisties, maar vir my heeltemal werklik)! Ek dink die verlange moet eers die vrees verbysteek voor ek anders daaroor sal voel. Dankie vir julle raad - ek waardeer dit vreeslik baie! Ek wens ek kon 'n "moenie bang wees nie" pilletjie drink of iets......

[Riekie]

Ai, jammer dat ek so "negatief" oor hierdie sakie geraak het. Dit is "mental block" wat vir my soos 'n berg lyk, en iets waaraan ek sal moet werk.....

Dankie vir julle almal se "skouers" - partykeer help dit om net bietjie "af te pak" en te weet iemand luister sonder om te oordeel....

Julle is GREAT!!!!! BAIE DANKIE!!!

[Dreamcatcher]

Riekie,

Jy is glad nie negatief nie, net dalk 'n bietjie oor-realisties.

Ons het nog nie eers daaraan gedink om terug te gaan nie, maar as ek gaan, dan wil ek vlieg tot by KMIA, die nuwe internasionale lughawe in die Kruger Nasionale Park, ons inboek in die Park in 'n lekker chalet in, en as iemand wil kom kuier, moet hulle eers die wilde diere aandurf om by ons uit te kom! Ek dink dis 'n variasie van SS se ervaring?

So moet meeste van ons maar een of ander tyd die "groot terugtog" aanpak, en sterkte vir jou met jou sielestryd. Ons dink aan jou, en as my kop die dag begin kuier se kant toe staan, gaan ek weer op jou skouer kom huil.

Groetnis,

Dreamy

[Guest Seoul Sister]

Hi daar,

... ons inboek in die Park in 'n lekker chalet in, en as iemand wil kom kuier, moet hulle eers die wilde diere aandurf om by ons uit te kom! Ek dink dis 'n variasie van SS se ervaring?

I love it, dis wat ek volgende keer gaan doen ! Wat 'n goeie idee. Jy kry my Brainwave of the day award ! Well done !!

Riekie, ek dink glad nie jy is negatief nie. Jy is wel goed ingelig en dit maak dit moeilik. Ek wens ook daar was so 'n pilletjie, sou dit nie dinge BAIE makliker maak vir ons almal nie !

Liefde

SS

[Jurg]

Hi Riek

One way of looking at our current thought pattern and our fears would be to describe what “fear” actually is….

Fear is when our spirits and our minds disagree and are confronted with what we call confusion and the inability to decide what’s right and what’s wrong. By inability I don’t mean that one is permanently unable to decide what to do under certain circumstances, but while we “think” one way and our hearts guide us into another “harmony” is impossible.

We have to listen to our hearts and act on what they are saying – that’s our spirit talking. Remember that our spirit is what God created and all God’s creations are perfect. Nothing God creates is imperfect. And by listening to our heart we can’t but make a “perfect” decision.

Our minds, where our thoughts are raised, are capable of creating perceptions and a perception is not knowledge. Our hearts possess knowledge. We know that, but the world taught us to listen to our minds all of the time: “Think for a change” that’s what everybody keeps telling us. I have learnt to differ.

You already said that, the idea of you never seeing your “people” again is a traumatic experience and you even referred to it as a “Mass Funeral”. That’s love….. and the only part of us which is capable of love is indeed our heart. Get stillness and listen to what it is saying – it will guide you.

I know it’s not easy, it is after all another loved one you are concerned about, but think of it this way: Nothing we do or say can, lastingly, alter the course of what must be.

Enjoy

Edited June 29, 2006 by Jurg