Hospital care in RSA

[milo]

Actual writings in a Mpumalanga Hospital Register

1. The patient refused autopsy.

2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

5. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night..

6. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

7. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

8. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

9. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

10. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

11. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentlly alert but forgetful.

12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

13. She is numb from her toes down.

14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

15. The skin was moist and dry.

16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

24. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

25. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

26. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

27. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities

[Navigator]

BWAHAHA

[Nilo]

LOL!!!!!! Circus sized????

Edited January 12, 2008 by Nilo

[adeleb]

Hi Milo,

This was just sooo FUNNY !!! Ek het amper my alie af gelag!

Ax

[Andre S]

Yes, very fynny but apparently this e-mail has been doing the rounds and probably originated in the UK. One detail error is the use of pounds for weight.

Actual writings in a Mpumalanga Hospital Register

4. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

There are other subtleties which are not typically South African nor did I recognise any typically African mistakes (linguistical) which could have been expected.

Andre S

[bluebonnet]

Yes, very fynny but apparently this e-mail has been doing the rounds and probably originated in the UK. One detail error is the use of pounds for weight.

There are other subtleties which are not typically South African nor did I recognise any typically African mistakes (linguistical) which could have been expected.

Andre S

Yes, I thought it was kg for weight in SA.

[milo]

Howzit,

I received it via e-mail. You're propably right about it originating in the UK.

But, you have to admit. It's hilarious!!

[JanCPT]

might have been distributed as a joke in the UK, but the shoe fits perfectly in SA

Would hopefully not even be worth a joke in aus

Andre - thanks for pointing us in the right direction - you're quite right, our local guys give us so much ammo, it's actually quite cruel to add to their woes ..... even though it's hilarious & I could almost see them writing it!!

Cheers

Jan

[Andre S]

Hi Jan,

Think nothing of it. I'm sure you have picked up my cynicism about SA by now. Call me pessimistic, but I choose my moments carefully and calling wolf too soon just helps spread rumours of how unfair we previously advantaged folk are towards the new order.

Sadly, these fools are constantly blundering and it seems the chickens are beginning to come home to roost. Eskom's complete lack of foresight (planning mismanagement), the police comissioner's iminent arrest on corruption charges, the president of the ANC's (and our future president) numerous shortcomings (and mounting fraud charges) and now the defence minister's arrest for speeding (198km/h in a 120 zone).

I thought Lekota was one of the more reliable ones but looking at the state of the defence force, I can understand why he was trying to get his little car into warp drive. He was probably trying to propel himself into another galaxy far far away where there is no evidence of his pispoor performance. Or perhaps I'm being too kind to suggest that any one of these clowns accepts even the teeniest bit of responsibility/accountability.

SA state hospitals are on the whole, as they say on Chasers (Aussie TV show), pretty shithouse (I assume this is an acceptable term in Oz). I must however leap to the defence of the nursing staff at the (private) Netcare hospital in Sunninghill as well as the one at Linksfield. I haven't been into a hospital in the last twenty years and I've gotta say I was impressed by the efficiency. The nursing staff, black & white, IMHO seemed to be doing their jobs pretty well. Arriving at the one in Sunninghill, you would think that you had arrived at the Sun City Cascades. Bling bling everywhere! The parking lot was filled with BMWs & Mercs, many parked in staff spots. And the RECEPTION DESK! Hell, I thought I had stepped into the Hilton! I missed the memo where hospitals became the next cool place to hang out. It is a retail experience with a coffee shop, trendy pharmacy, flower shop etc. Just like the new ORT airport!

Now if we could get the CEO of Netcare to be the new health minister, wait no, the president of the country, things may start looking up. Just remember to bring your credit card...

I would love to hear some Selebi or Lekota jokes! There must be some out by now!

Andre

Edited January 15, 2008 by Andre S