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Dairy of a Mildura Summer, by a POM


valkie
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:) Hillarious - I have tried to sensor all the swearwords, If I missed my apologies!!!!

Diary of a Mildura Summer, By a POM.

August 31st:

Just got transferred with work to our new home in Mildura.

Now this is a city that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! I watched the sunset from a deckchair on the verandah. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.

September 13th:

Really heating up.... got to 35 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive in an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun like this everyday. I'm turning into a sun worshipper.

September 30th:

Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing the lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

October 10th:

The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it's kind of windy though. But getting use to the heat is taking longer than I expected.

October 15th:

Fell asleep by the pool today. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

October 20th:

I missed Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the car at lunch, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $3,000 leather upholstry. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like Wiskettes and cat sh*t. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.

October 25th:

This wind sucks. It feels like a giant blow dryer!!! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the blink and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needed to order parts.

October 30th:

Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. Bloody $300,000 house and we cant even go inside. Why did I ever come here?

November 4th:

It 38 degrees. Finally got the ol' air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 25, but the bloody humidity makes the house feel like it's about 30. Stupid repairman. I hate this stupid f**k*n place.

November 8th:

If another wise arse cracks 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm going to throttle him. F***n heat! By the time I get to work the car's radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet and I smell like baked cat!

November 9th:

Tried to run some messages after work. Wore shorts and sat on the black leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my f**k*n arse was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and my f***in arse. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried arse and baked cat.

November 10th:

The weather report may as well be a fuckin recording hot and sunny...........hot and sunny.......hot and fuckin sunny. It's been too hot to do anything for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this f***in place? Water rationing will be next, so my $2,000 worth of plants just might dry up and blow into the fuckin pool. Even the palms can't live in this f***in heat.

November 14th:

Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 41 today. Now the air-conditioner's gone in my car. The repairman came to fix it and said 'Hot enough for you today?' My wife had to spend $2,500 mortgage payment to bail my arse out of jail for assulting the stupid fu**er. :censored: Mildura!!!! What kind of sick demented fu**in idiot would want to live here?

December 1st:

WHAT!!!???????? This, is the first day of Summer???? You are f***in kidding me!!!!!!!!!!!!

Edited by valkie
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And February, the worst month for heat is still coming.... :)

Good one valkie! :)

Dax

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:) That was funny! When the Poms come to visit us for dog shows, they always want to get a tan... And then they walk around without shirts and get a very nice tan...or is it burn??? :)
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