How to spot a business consultant

[ottg]

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when a brand-new BMW pulled up. The driver, a young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, asked the shepherd: "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"

The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answered: "Sure."

The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his notebook and connected it to a cell phone. Then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up a GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, then opened up a database and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulae.

He sent an e-mail on his PDA and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he printed out a 150-page report on his miniaturized printer, then turned to the shepherd and said: "You have exactly 1,586 sheep."

The shepherd replied: "That is correct. Take one of the sheep." He watched the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his car, then said: "If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my animal?"

"OK, why not?" answered the young man.

"Clearly, you are a consultant," said the shepherd.

"That's correct," said the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required," answered the shepherd. "You turned up here though nobody called you. You wanted to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked, and you don't know anything about my business. Now give me back my dog."

[Andre S]

He, he