Homesick!

[Georgie]

hI

It''s so funny that I very seldom come onto this site, but today I thought, let me see what's happening. I have been feeling very homesick myself today - been in Aus for almost a year. Still haven't made friends (I consider myself to be an extravert - so I'm not shy to talk to people) but it's been very tough. For some reason I just cried and cried today and the pain is there now. I know they say that your worst periods are at 3 months, 6 months, 9 months and a year. And Í am at a year now and trust me, I am really feeling it now. I have started working and find it so hard to be on the same wave level as the Ozzies.We live in Rockhampton (Queensland), please tell me that there are friendly people in the other parts of Australia because I find Rockhampton's people to be very cold which makes matters worse when it comes to being homesick.

[Guest Seoul Sister]

Hey there Georgie,

I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling homesick ! It's such a bad feeling, especially if you don't have much support with friends and work-buddies. I am sorry that I can't tell you much about Rockhampton, compared to the rest of the Ozzies. I can tell you that I know the sadness and that sometimes the best cure is just allowing yourself to feel. I hope you will stick around and chat to us more often, as I see this is your first posting with us. You will be amazed at how friendly, helpful and supportive people can be right here. Hang in there, both the loneliness and the days of missing home will get better, it just takes time.

Good luck. I will be thinking of you today and please come back tomorrow to let me know if you are feeling a little better.

Lots of love and special thoughts from Korea

Seoul Sister

PS I see you are also a Jo'burger. Always happy to meet one of those !!

Edited April 6, 2006 by Seoul Sister

[sonnetjie]

Georgie

Sending buckets full of cuddles and laughter your way. I don’t know you, but I just want to say wow girl you gutsy for making the move to Australia. Take a good look at yourself in the mirror and remind yourself how far you have come. Immigrating is definitely not for sissies, but for people who have that ability to keep going when others give up. Remind yourself of all the beautiful things about you that has given you the ability to keep going and sets you apart from others. Wow I’m sure there are more than you can count. Speak to the mountain in your life don’t allow it to steal your joy, because you still have lots of living to do and many more friends to make. Thank God for the friends that He will send as I’m sure He will He surely did for me and I’m sure He can do it for you too. With time you will see there are things about the people you just love like their ability to just never give up ,but to keep going. I admire that about my new adopted nation . I use to write down a list of all the things I love about Australia some times I would really have to do a treasure hunt when all seemed just dust and ashes other times the list just grew and grew.

Have you thought of getting involved in a community sports, art, craft, book club or possibly even a bible study group or prayer group? I found that was one of the best ways to get connected. The first year can be really challenging as one realizes how different you are. After the first year if you get connected through one of the above groups you will start settling in.

My first year was a real challenge, but with time I started getting better connected and the friendships just started coming. I love Australia I’m very happy here, but the first few years were a lot of hard work a lot of pioneering and building new friendships. I found it at first easier to make friends amongst other immigrants and then with time more amongst the locals.

Have you thought of doing community work ? When I was really struggling and a person asked me this question I thought they were nuts ? As I was the one in pain and needed to be reached out to, but the more I thought about it the more it made sense. I have made some of my best friends doing community work. Often seeing others struggling more than me has shown me how much I have to be thankful for and just somehow releases that ability in me to be a friend.

Georgie keep your head high we sure do need all your sparkle & laughter and in this new nations of ours. One can never laugh enough. There are a number of friendships out there that are waiting to be made. You can do it.

Edited April 6, 2006 by sonnetjie

[serileen]

Hi Georgie

Hang in there my friend , I see you arrived in Rockies 4 days before we landed in Mackay.So we are only down the BRUCE HIGHWAY from you

I know the feeling I am an extrovert myself and have also found it difficult to make friends here , but I am not going to let it get me down and neither should you.The forum is a great way of destressing and I have met my sista here with whom I have a long distance friendship , so there is hope .PM me if you feel like chatting or just feeling lonely you never know when the wind can blow us to Rockies or you to Mackay .

[Georgie]

Wow, thank you for a great response. I really needed to hear that today. Your comments Sonnetjie and Seaoul Sister has been really encouraging and I feel much better. I have thought about doing community work and I will once I am little bit calmer and see what direction to take. I am busy studying for a diploma and meet people through that but I haven't clicked with anybody and I think they think I am weird and stand-out like a sore thumb. But thanks again for the advice because now I know that I'm not the only crazy one and that the first year is the worse and it will get better.

Thanks Serileen, you hang in too. I think it's just one of "those" days and I must be determined to carry on. What does PM mean (sorry for the ignorance)

[serileen]

Hi there

You will see at the bottom of your post it says PM , JUST GO TO THE PERSON YOU WOULD LIKE TO PM CLICK ON THE BUTTON AND IT WILL TAKE YOU TO A PLACE TO E-MAIL THE PERSON ON THE FORUM.hOPE THIS SOUNDS RIGHT , BRAIN NOT FUNCTIONING YET

[Hendie]

PMs are sort of forum internal emails. You get the message in your forum "inbox", and an email notification of the message. Some use this exclusively, and set "Hide my email address from other members" on in their profiles, meaning that other members cannot email them from the forum, and then of course can only reach them via PM. The setting I mention is rather misleading however since other members never actually "see" your email address - email is done via a form on the forum, and the sender doesn't see your email address until such time as you respond back via email. So you still have the choice to respond or not, your privacy intact unless you choose to reveal it.

Hmmm, hope I didn't confuse you even more now!

Hendie

[Otto]

Agree with Sonnetjie. I just asked, and a lot of the people I am meeting are becoming firends - fellow workers, councillors, even the driving school trainer! So it was made easy for me!

[Ajay]

Hi Georgie,

Looks - you've found some new virtual friends already! This forum has been a godsend in many ways for all of us, so welcome to our little circle

We moved from JHB at the end of last year to Sydney. I've been mostly OK - a couple of days when I miss my extended family, but otherwise fine. My husband has struggled a bit more, but seems to be getting over the worst of it now. I think that Seoul Sister's advice was spot-on - allow yourself to feel the full range of emotions - don't try to suppress them. Immigration is hard - no doubt about it - and you're entitled to feel the pressure from time-to-time.

I'm sure that once you get over this little hurdle and get involved in the community somehow, you'll find that you settle even more and I have no doubts that you will start to make more and more friends. Till then though, stay tuned to this place - we're all cheering you on!

Love

Ajay

[Bob]

Georgie!

I know how you feel, mate. Been there myself, just drinking up the pub on my own and not knowing a soul in a new town.

Life can get pretty tough at times.

When my second child was born in Aug 1986 in Hobart, I was at the birth in the hospital. The delivery went well.

Next day I walked in to visit my wife and she was in tears. Our daughter had been diagnosed with Down's Syndrome. I was in shock.

My wife, Ginnie, asked me what are we to do?? It seemed an enormous task in life to look after a disabled kid.

I don't know where it came from, but I said "We just get through this day. One day at a time."

So . . . . Georgie.

When the pain gets too much, just get thro' the day . . . . . that's all.

Tomorrow will come as a whole new day. . . . but that's another story.

[Rialet]

Hi Georgie

First of all welcome to the forum and secondly I agree with everything everyone has mentioned so far. I think one of the reasons why we sometimes feel so alone and so "depro" is that we do not always want others to know that we are struggling and this forum gives you the opportunity to vent yourself without feeling that you have lost it completely - well - at least this is how it is working for me!! I have met so many immigrants but they all "seem" to be settling in so nicely and I was beginning to think I am the odd one out until I discovered this wonderful forum - where people go ahead and share their feelings and emotions. I have only been here since Jan this year and I really thought that I had the type of personality to easily deal with this immigration process and settle in quickly but what an eye opener!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Getting involved in the church we joined, helped us a lot. We were invited to a braai by an Aussie family last week and although we were really worried about whether we would click, as on face value we did not have a lot in common, we had a wonderful time!!! We have also decided to take it week by week (but will try the day by day suggestion from Bob!!!) and it has helped a lot.

But in the end together with my faith this forum is my lifeline!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Riekie]

Hi there Georgie! Everyone has said so much already, there's very little I could add.

Just want to let you know that you are in my thoughts - been there, done that, got the

panda eyes (smeared mascara!!)

Hang in there! Every tear is healing the wound - it'll get better!!

[Guest Seoul Sister]

Hey there,

I wonder how you are feeling today !

I have a quick note to add... Ok, well maybe not so quick, but I will try and keep it short. I remember a period of time in Holland where I was VERY lonely and sad. I went through a whole thought process to try and figure out why I was feeling so sad and what exactly it was that I was missing so much. I have often heard that once you can explain what it is that you are experiencing, it is easier to deal with and so this was what I was trying to do.

Loooong process and eventually I realized what I was missing most at that stage was having history. I was living in a place where nobody knew me, and even the ppl who did know me, only knew me for a very short period of time. I had nobody around whom I had been at school with, varsity with, grown up with, knew my family, etc. I effectively only started existing the day I met all of these people....

That is quite an isolating thought.

My parents are South African and have been all of their lives. So by the time I left South Africa (aged 24) I had lived with the benefit of 24 years of building relationships (my own) PLUS the history and personal relationships that my parents had built up in the 27 years before I was born....The 27 years of history my mom had built, she built on the history of personal integration my grandmom managed to build since her arrival in South Africa at the tender age of 18 ! We get to know SO many people through our family, our initial social structures as babies are exclusively dependent on this and from there it grows bigger and bigger... So when I left SA, I left (24 +27) 51 years of social structural foundation behind !!

There I was sitting in Holland, feeling miserable and lonely, thinking of all the friends and family I had left behind. Only once I started realizing what I was trying to reconstruct did I realize how unrealistic my expectations were. I had been in Holland for a year, and I was surprized that I had not managed to replace my SA social circle with a new one !! Looking back on it now, I have to laugh at myself. How ambitious was that !! Hehehehehehe, I was trying to replace what had been built in 51 years (maybe even more), in a foreign country where I could hardly speak the language and was limited to colleagues for social interactions (as they were the only people I was dealing with every day) and I was frustrated for not managing to do all of this in a year !!

I really liked sonnetjie's posting - there are so many practical things to consider and things you can implement to help you settle in. Please remember that every person is different. I remember being criticized A LOT by the Dutch for sometimes hanging around with other Saffers (espeically in the beginning). It was my way of coping. I think -do whatever you need to, to be ok, if that means creating A Little South Africa for yourself for the first while, until you are comfortable enough to venture futher then so be it. Don't pay attention to anybody telling you how to deal with things, as different people work differently, and each at their own pace. Some have 100 friends within a week, others within 10 years, others never.... Do what works for you !!

Hope you are feeling a little better today ! Weekend is around the corner !! You have had great support from so many on the forum, looks like this might be a fab place to start some friendships. I know it has worked really well for me !

Talk again, soon

Love

Seoul Sister

[NZHigh]

Hi Georgie,

I don't know you Mate and I haven't read all the posts yet except your first one, will do so a bit later, but in the meantime,

I have sent you some good vibes from Kiwiland.

[Marius]

Georgie,

Sorry about the homesick, we have also had it but then we remind ourselves the reasons we came here in the first place. I must say I again find the Aussies very caring and friendly people in general. Maybe I was just lucky in picking the friendliest city in Australia, namely Adelaide . But seriously though, I have made some good friend with fellow workers, parents of our daughters friends and even neighbours.

I have also made a few good South African friends here and we visit regularly. We realised the other day we probably have developed a larger circle of friends here than we had in South Africa .

Give them a chance, like I say I have found the average Aussie friendly. I have also noticed the ones working with me in any case most have a wicked sense of humour as do I, that helps I suppose.

Best of luck and I really hope it goes better for you.

[Georgie]

Thanks Bob, that must have been very difficult. I really admire your courage. That's true courage.

Georgie!

I know how you feel, mate. Been there myself, just drinking up the pub on my own and not knowing a soul in a new town.

Life can get pretty tough at times.

When my second child was born in Aug 1986 in Hobart, I was at the birth in the hospital. The delivery went well.

Next day I walked in to visit my wife and she was in tears. Our daughter had been diagnosed with Down's Syndrome. I was in shock.

My wife, Ginnie, asked me what are we to do?? It seemed an enormous task in life to look after a disabled kid.

I don't know where it came from, but I said "We just get through this day. One day at a time."

So . . . . Georgie.

When the pain gets too much, just get thro' the day . . . . . that's all.

Tomorrow will come as a whole new day. . . . but that's another story.

[Georgie]

Wow, I really didn't think I would get such a great response. Thank you all for the great support. It has already made me feel so much better. I don't generalise the people in Australia as I know that Australia is a huge country, but I do think Rockhampton is a bit of a problem. It's kind of never changed, there's a lot of people here who are very narrow minded but I do believe it is changing now because there''s an enourmous influx of immigrants (South African, Americans etc) into this area lately, so that's a good thing. It's a very strange place. You can go to the cafe at the corner and the person behind the counter is so friendly, but then you go to the cafe next door and they are sooo miserable. I just can't figure this place out. You'll ask somebody a question and they will answer you but not look at you when you are talking, look at the Australian next to you. I know you are all right in that I need to let go of the past and having a history and start building that history here. I have to be ready though to do what I need to do to find peace and equilibrium. I know I must make the first move in making friends, (and I'm quite an extrovert, well I use to be in South Africa) and I know that it will involve taking risks. So I will just close my eyes and DO IT.

[Guest Seoul Sister]

THAT'S THE SPIRIT !!

Just DO it !!

Good luck ! Come back and let us know about all of your new (non-cyber) friends !!

Love

Seoul Sister