ORC Posted September 25, 2016 Report Share Posted September 25, 2016 Perhaps there's something we all share here on our journeys in Australia and I'm hoping it's true. Giving up everything for that better life. Family, friends, pets, houses, cars, all that we know to start off anew. The year has flown by. Quicker than I had imagined and I've done a lot and also thanks to those sharing heaps of information here. Sydney is an interesting city and immediately I felt like I fitted in. I don't want to say I had a romance as to this day I appreciate I can walk in the CBD in the evenings without worrying about being robbed and quality of life is better. The people here are friendly (I'll get to this in a second) and everyone I've encountered or had a chat to has been genuinely friendly toward me. I don't want to bore with details but this city taught me a lot about myself and I feel like I've grown. I've managed to get a great job with a great company culture. In my view Australians are not as confrontational as the perception out there from abroad. I live in a great area too. What's really hit me hard is the fact that I moved here on my own. I've worked abroad for extended periods of time and it's been great. So what's the problem if everything is great? I'm a single male and I'm finding it tough to make friends. Yes everyone is friendly but almost everyone here has their group of friends. Somehow I feel like I'd just be an add on and if I meet someone they'd be my only friend whereas they have a load of friends. It's gotten to the point where it's really beginning to affect me so much so that I'm not enjoying this great city. I go out and I've been out to different places and chatted to people and I am outgoing but really feeling like not going out much anymore (which is a bad thing I know). Anyone out there did the move on their own? Any advice? Would really really appreciate it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MelG Posted September 25, 2016 Report Share Posted September 25, 2016 Hey ORC, We made the move as a family but can relate to your post having given up all you mentioned plus an amazing social life. Our home was literally a hub of activity and visitors every day... I miss that so much! Anyway, you are in beautiful vibey Sydney. Don't let it get you down. Just remember, you are from Cape Town and you ain't scared of cliques Find out what your friendly co-workers are doing this weekend, say 'hey, cool I may see you there'. See what other friendly people are doing, perhaps you'll see them there. Just try it. And go to one of the do's. Think back to your other extended periods abroad. You're a man of experience. Have a super week! ♪♫ ° ❣ . ❥ 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Husky Posted September 25, 2016 Report Share Posted September 25, 2016 @ORC You have verbalized one of my greatest fears of migrating; making new friends. We are still in the process, so do not have the lived experience to advise you. I do think there is great support on this forum and I am sure Sydney forumites would be happy to meet up. I also think that joining a sports club, hobby group, church or community service organisation is a great way to meet like minded people. Obviously do something you're interested in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rozellem Posted September 26, 2016 Report Share Posted September 26, 2016 Hi there. Many have mentioned the hobby/sport angle before, but I thought I would drag it up again. I know its tricky to make friends later in life, but its possible, it just takes more effort and persistance than in your "youth". Just as an example, my husband is about to embark on his bronze medallion in lifesaving. He is primarily going to use it with assisting the kids at nippers, but surf lifesaving as a hobby is extremely social and rewarding. Just an idea. Good luck. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 26, 2016 Report Share Posted September 26, 2016 Hi ORC. Its not easy starting over and making new friends. I guess it may be a little easier if you have a family and kids as they tend to introduce you to alot more social circles. When we lived in Melbourne ny husband found an ad for social soccer on Gumtree. He has always enjoyed watching soccer and used to play in University back in SA and was actively looking to meet new people too. He called the guy up from the ad who even offered to pick him up and take him to the soccer grounds (at the time we hadn't bought our car) he also gave him some football boots. He used to love going on a Saturday and it was great way to meet new people. When we moved to Perth one of his colleagues invited him to play soccer with some of his friends and so he goes quite regularly now.We have also moved from Melbourne to Perth and I have to start making new friends. My advise would be to find something you enjoy doing and see if there are any clubs available to you. There is also nothing wrong or sad about advertising that you are looking for friends. Nothing to be embarrassed about. You are a new migrant who has left your entire social network back in SA. It is not easy and I feel for you especially since you are on your own. Put yourself out there as best you can and see if doors don't open up for you. I am sure they will. ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SurferMan Posted October 6, 2016 Report Share Posted October 6, 2016 Making friends here should not be too much different than SA. yes there are gaping differences in culture, but the converse is true when you meet a foreign national in SA, they fit in with SA culture. For me, I was just my true self and I found it worked out pretty well. Thanks for sharing your experiences, many people need this kind of feedback to inform their own emotions. Well done! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweepea Posted October 11, 2016 Report Share Posted October 11, 2016 @SurferManI agree it's important to be true to yourself. Strangely at my company when my boss introduced me to 2 other Saffas at the office saying I'm a new arrival, they were less than friendly. I even tried to make conversation with the 1 guy a few days later having met his highly pregnant wife to ask if she'd had the baby yet and his answer was curt and off he went. Wondering if those Saffas who came here a few years ago want to quickly give up their identities... @ORCI feel for you. Also had childhood friends I left behind so now difficult. Yet my 18 year old Au pair who arrived from US 6 weeks ago has made lots of friends and is going out nearly every night. Definitely easier when you young Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SurferMan Posted October 11, 2016 Report Share Posted October 11, 2016 I must be weird, I am just myself and people like me or they dont. I actually dont care (gulp, must be a weirdo!) but time with my family is EVERYTHING. I avoid Saffers if I am honest. At my new church the one leader said to me "Oh, you are South African, there are a lot of them here, I must introduce you to them." My reply "Err, I am ex-South African now, an Aussie I am now. I actually avoid seeking Saffer out." LOL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dlmonnink Posted October 12, 2016 Report Share Posted October 12, 2016 In Melbourne I've latched onto a whole bunch of Saffers. We only see each other maybe once a month but it's always nice to speak to people who understand your background which makes it easier. Don't have any Aus friends here either and been here for 7 months. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 12, 2016 Report Share Posted October 12, 2016 5 hours ago, SurferMan said: I must be weird, I am just myself and people like me or they dont. I actually dont care (gulp, must be a weirdo!) but time with my family is EVERYTHING. I avoid Saffers if I am honest. At my new church the one leader said to me "Oh, you are South African, there are a lot of them here, I must introduce you to them." My reply "Err, I am ex-South African now, an Aussie I am now. I actually avoid seeking Saffer out." LOL. I agree with you somewhat Surferman. I am not even South African so I guess I shouldn't comment on this, however I'll take a note out of your book, and so I will lol? When we first moved over to Oz I also felt the need to embrace everyone and not just try to make friends with saffas, however it kind of happened by chance that we would bump into them on the beach or in the shop. We heard the familiar accent and a conversation ensued. What made the friendships grow was the fact that we both had been through immigration. We got the same jokes about Eskom and Zuma, we could laugh and feel sad about the state of South Africa and share the hopes of a new life in Australia. I did feel a sort of kinship. I haven't made friends with any South Africans in Perth yet, if it happens it happens. Its good to be open to everyone. What counts is that no matter where you are you are happy. Agreed Family is everything ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SurferMan Posted October 12, 2016 Report Share Posted October 12, 2016 Lol. I have more Aussie mates than Saffers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikej Posted October 12, 2016 Report Share Posted October 12, 2016 Hello ORC We came over as a family and as a result of two jobs and kids at school we were exposed to many different social groups. Your situation is much different and I admire you making such a big move on your own. When I was about 24 I moved from Jhb to Durban for a job on my own and lived there for 6 years and never made a single friendship that I valued. I really struggled to meet people of my own age and interests. This is probably not what you want to hear but a really good way to meet people is to join a cycling club or an athletics club or mountain biking club or something similar that you enjoy. There are many similar types of activities that have clubs and once these people meet you and discover that you are on your own and willing to accept invitations you will become part of a group that will include you in many social activities. The trick is to choose an activity and stick to it. Good luck and I hope it works out for you, as I said I admire your courage doing this alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedPanda Posted October 13, 2016 Report Share Posted October 13, 2016 It's funny, but both times we stayed at someone's house, private BnB or AirBnb, we have made friends with the host family. I know this is not a practical tactic to follow: Just book in to random places and make friends with your landlord! But I think it shows that where there is a shared space for a given time, there is the opportunity to make friends. After having been here for 5 months, I don't think it matters so much if your friends are locals or recent locals, as long as you have someone to share your life with. Someone to be happy when things go well, or who will commiserate if things are though. Or just a pall to go along to an event with. So I would recommend making any friends you can, regardless of their background. *Have a hug!* and some encouragement. Keep reaching out to people, eventually some will reach back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BobSA Posted October 24, 2016 Report Share Posted October 24, 2016 (edited) I can relate. People at the office in Melbourne are friendly enough at work but are not looking to make 'new' friends for a beer, sporting event or anything as they all have established circles of friends. There no offers for lunch as everybody has lunch alone or runs errands etc. Its new to me but thankfully doesn't depress me yet. I have been here 4 months and also wouldn't consider anybody a new friend. All the people and friends I have and meet regularly I know from back home or I have been introduced to from people at home and consist of people from South Africa, Zimbabwe, Kenya, UK. etc Edited October 24, 2016 by BobSA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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