Hello, my name is Matt and I'm an Experientialist.

[AFreshStart]

 

There is talk of not having 'things', or giving up 'things' here when you settle into Australia, and quite honestly, you can keep them.

 

We've had 'things', lot of 'things', they've not brought contentment or peace, for the most part they've added anxiety, worry and stress.

 

We have far less 'things' in Aus, but we have loads of 'experiences', we've become Experientialists. Many of those don't costs us a thing especially in a thriving City like Sydney.

 

Today we walked 5kms with our 2 kids (3 & 5 years), walking to our local market where our Church offered FREE face painting. Our kids were painted as tigers and rainbows. We then climbed over rocks, logs and through of several City parks in Green Square before walking over to Alexandria Fire Station for NSW Fire & Rescue Open Day.

 

Our kids got to put out fires with the hazmat unit, climbed aboard various vehicles, rung the station bell, took in the band and marching girls, enjoying free snags (sausages) and drinks. The kids even received goodie bags that included FREE Lego sets, much to their excitement.

 

Exhausted we walked home through Green Square, popping into the Waterloo Library to pick up some toys and books for the kids while my son did some colouring in on the provided colouring sheets and textas.

 

All of this cost us NOTHING, though we chose to stop for coffees and treats along the way, so $9 for all for 4 of us, and gave a $2 gold coin donation to a charity at the fire station.

 

My name is Matt and I'm an Experientialist.

[Dora]

Yes! We've decided to only take a 20ft container with our move now end of July. So yesterday I had my first appointment with a moving company and as we walked through our house and I told the guy what's going, what's not and the maybe's, he sat me down and had a serious chat with me regarding the things that I so much wanted to take...It turns out that I've over estimated the potential of a 20ft by far ?. 

 

Just from doing the camping thing there the first time we went, you quickly realise that you can get by with so much less.

 

Just a pity that there's not such a big second hand market in SA as in Aus.  The one half just want stuff for free and the other half is too proud to by stuff second hand. 

 

But I'll keep this post in mind in the coming weeks as we get rid of our things ?

 

[AFreshStart]

Ha Ha,

 

@Dora, we only bought HALF a 20ft container. 107 boxes/items and sold 52 of them within 6-months of arriving. We've kept very little outside of our clothes, a few kids toys, bed-frames and mattresses, a solid oak desk and a few personal keepsakes/artworks and the like.

 

We sold 90% of our possessions in SA, it took work, but we did it. I sold stuff on Facebook, Gumtree and held 2 garage sales. We then invited friends around before we left and told them to take what they wanted and give a donation, which we gave to a charity we support and donated, recycled and dumped the rest.

 

I also started an Instagram account and posted pictures and prices of things there and gave the link to friends, sold everything I put on there.

 

We knew in moving we wanted to bring quality items and so on this side I managed to actually turn a profit in selling things, or at least broke even. We sold our dining room table, chairs and sideboard we bought off Gumtree in SA and had refinished there for over $800 here, but only paid $200, score!

 

Good luck with the cleanse!

 

Cheers

 

Matt

 

[Mel-B]

Hi Matt.

 

Thanks for sharing! I couldn't like your post more than once unfortunately! Today we had breakfast at some folks we met at church's house (we are at Planetshakers for those looking for an epic church) then went to a park/reserve/sportsfield that features a playground for kids next to an outside gym. So hubby and I worked out while the kids played. FOR FREE! Love it Hehe sometimes I think locals must think we are weird - I often comment to my neighbours how sweet the air smells, how lovely the birds sing, how amazing the free facilities are and usually they say Oh! They never really realised/took note/ didn't know its amazing.

 

We brought with 14ft of a container and couln't be happier. I'd say we sold about half of our "stuff" and I don't miss any of it.

 

Looking forward to more experience partaking in LIFE. I too can almost claim to be an Experientialist.

[EmNew]

I think I have mentioned this in another post, but I really feel as if I "live" in Australia, whereas I merely existed in RSA. One of the contributing factors was scaling back in terms of things we own.

 

We arrived with 56 boxes filled with clothes, books, crockery and personal items ( of which 6 remain unpacked in a storage cage ) and a few items of small furniture. Uncluttering our life of things has opened us up to filling our life up with experiences. It's not about restrictive $ budget watching either. Once you realize how little you really need to live comfortably with and what actually meets your daily needs,  rather than having it because it looks good , impresses people etc, you just don't have that emptiness inside that feels like it only gets filled by accumulating yet more things. ( books are my exception / addiction - I can never have enough of those ..... )

 

Even simple walks are no longer about getting from A to B and back to A merely as a form of exercise, but become an event in themselves. Observing all around, taking it in, stopping to sometimes literally smell the roses, sit on a bench and watch the sea etc. The network of walking paths here in Melbourne is amazing. The ever changing mood of Phillip Bay means that walking the same Bay trail will never get boring. The Yarra River is lined with walking paths and cycling trials. Parks galore. All free access. 

 

 

I also think generally feeling more relaxed and less hyper vigilant helps in enjoying simple pleasures more......

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Pell]

I cleared out a lot of stuff before we left SA, and even though I regularly threw stuff out (hate hoarding), I still feel that I brought too much with us. While we waited for our container,  we lived off cheap KMart starter kit pots and pans, crockery and cutlery and we did just fine. But while the 'things' are not what I miss, what I do miss is eating out often, which I can't afford here, as I hate cooking and I find that because I am saddled with it and it takes up a good part of my weekend, I hate it even more (my husband won't do it). Plus, I only cook for my family as I very rarely eat my own cooking. So a takeaway meal is a real treat for me  

I'm totally with @EmNew on feeling more relaxed and less hyper vigilant though. So much so that I sometimes have to consciously tell myself that I really need to keep my eyes peeled, because petty crime happens everywhere. 

[RYLC]

2 hours ago, Pell said:

I hate cooking and I find that because I am saddled with it and it takes up a good part of my weekend, I hate it even more (my husband won't do it).

 

Sounds like you might need to send your hubby to visit @AFreshStart (and I'm sure there are others) for reprogramming.  It's just not the Aussie way to not pitch in with what needs doing around the house.  Your Aussie girl friends would tell you that you're mad to put up with it.

[Pell]

To be fair, @RYLC, hubby does vacuum and sweep. Also does the laundry, if I don't beat him to it. He says he will do other things if I tell him what needs doing, but I haven't done that, because he is not working at the moment so I have to be mindful of not giving him too many domestic tasks, because I noticed that it depresses him, though he won't say it (gotta be supportive and show empathy, just not sure the best way to go about it, since it seems it's not naturally built into my dna). He is still struggling a bit with not being in the traditional role of provider (that's me since we came to Aus). So I try to work, study part-time and do as much of the domestic stuff as I can, and one day I will hire help.  

[AFreshStart]

2 hours ago, Pell said:

To be fair, @RYLC, hubby does vacuum and sweep. Also does the laundry, if I don't beat him to it. He says he will do other things if I tell him what needs doing, but I haven't done that, because he is not working at the moment so I have to be mindful of not giving him too many domestic tasks, because I noticed that it depresses him, though he won't say it (gotta be supportive and show empathy, just not sure the best way to go about it, since it seems it's not naturally built into my dna). He is still struggling a bit with not being in the traditional role of provider (that's me since we came to Aus). So I try to work, study part-time and do as much of the domestic stuff as I can, and one day I will hire help.  

 

Hi @Pell,

 

As someone who has been in the place your husband is in, can I share that it's in HIS mind.

 

I don't want to speak ill of him, but please don't blame yourself. How he responds to the situation falls squarely on him. If you're NOT giving him tasks it means you're doing more, plus working your 9-5, juggling family life and that's going to put even more stress/strain on you.

 

In our family we have the OPPOSITE in that I do 80% of the work - school drop offs and pick-ups, homework, organizing play dates, weekly events/outings as well as cooking, fresh meals from scratch, daily and have since before our kids were born. I'm the cleaner, cook and handyman all rolled into one. I'm NOT special, it's the norm in Aus to share the load as @RYLC shared, unless you can afford to outsource it.

 

I'm working part-time now (by choice) and work 10-15 a week around all of this and we have a great balance. Cutting my hours back allows me time out to take stroll, grab a coffee, read a book to recharge etc amidst balancing work/life tasks. I've tried to shelter my wife so she can focus on her job, sometimes to my detriment and there are days I am somewhat resentful at the role reversal, but these joys FAR out way those feelings.

 

Is your husband getting out of the house? Does he get good sleep? Eating well and exercise? All of these make a HUGE difference to your mental well being.

 

I do 4.2kms a day on my scooter or bicycle dropping/fetching the kids, on my day off I hit the cycleways and get in a couple km's as I dart around the City, lie in the park and I read, a lot, funnily many of these books are on well being, happiness and mindfulness.

 

Try get him to meet a few people. Play a sport, join a community or general interest group, volunteer, just get him DOING, it's the best way to get going, who knows, it might even lead to a job offer.

 

Cheers

 

Matt

[RYLC]

Great reply Matt.  It really is mind over matter and quite frankly too much housework depresses me too but it has to be done.

 

Hubby must find some hobbies / pursuits that get him out of the house so that he can define himself by more than his job.  It's all about what he is telling himself about his situation.  How different would he feel if he told himself that I am lucky enough to have retired early and am going to spend my time volunteering my talents to help in the community.  A bit like Bill Gates but without the same wallet.  There are so many opportunities to volunteer and through them many a paying job has been forthcoming.  https://www.volunteer.com.au/

 

On a side note @Pell, you have my sympathies at the burden you currently bear.  Remember to take care of yourself too ♥

 

[RYLC]

@Pell: I've been thinking about your hubby this afternoon and wondered if you have heard of an organization called TAD Disability Services?

 

They make custom solutions for people with disabilities and require diverse skills, including engineering.  Perhaps your hubby could make contact with them and become one of their volunteers.  In his current state of mind, he might say he doesn't want to but here's the thing:  Most of the volunteers are of a similar age or older, retired or semi- retired with the best network ever from their working days.  If hubby can show that he is a positive team player who is willing to do anything, then who knows what might come his way.  The time commitment is not high so he'll need to join in whenever possible so that they get to know him.  Oh and just a tip in case he doesn't know this:  when they ask about his background, don't lead with "CEO" - just saying "ran my own business" is enough in the Aussie context because he needs to sound like somebody they can relate to.

 

http://tadnsw.org.au/get-involved/volunteer

For more on how to join our TAD volunteer team:

• download the Volunteer with TAD brochure and complete the expression of interest form
• call TAD on 1300 663 243 and choose option 5
• email us today

[Pell]

Thanks, @AFreshStart & @RYLC - I am sorry, I did not mean to hijack the thread or have my own whine session. 

Hubby plays soccer for a Sydney club, he is very involved with that, and he has recently completed his referee course. In addition, he volunteers as coach for a girls' university soccer team. He's made more friends than I have, and more connections, unfortunately none of them leading to a job yet.

I am certainly going to try to get him into the TAD volunteer team, I hope I'm not going to be the bad guy for suggesting it.... sometimes it is better to just not ask, and keep quiet, because all hell breaks loose when I dare make a suggestion. But it is certainly worth a try.

[RYLC]

3 hours ago, Pell said:

I am certainly going to try to get him into the TAD volunteer team, I hope I'm not going to be the bad guy for suggesting it.... sometimes it is better to just not ask, and keep quiet, because all hell breaks loose when I dare make a suggestion. But it is certainly worth a try.

 

If it was me then I would just quietly sign him up to the newsletter with his email address and hope for the best...