LourensJ Posted January 28, 2016 Report Share Posted January 28, 2016 Hi Everyone, We have arrived in Sydney about a week ago. Family of 4. Youngest is 3 and oldest is 7. Currently living in West Pennant Hills area. Looking to rent around the area as that is where my daughter's school is. Culture shock has been massive! And we very much missing Cape Town and our home there. My daughter is having a tough time at school being from an afrikaans household, she feels very much isolated. Now it has only been 3 days (short I know) - but obviously her crying and sadness is kinda intensifying the homesickness for us all as well. She was so excited to start school and the shock has been a massive blow for her. Now she does not want to go back to school. The people at the school has been amazing and supportive! And there are lots of Saffas there - so the school is definitely not at fault in any way. Unfortunately she had to start school only a few days after we arrived - so I guess that was not ideal. Any advice for me to help my daughter settle in quicker? Anyone had similar experiences with their kids? It breaks my heart to hear her crying for her friends and I know time will help - but if there is anything I can do to help her settle quicker, please share with me. I am very scared she develops post-traumatic stress or something similar. She is a very happy child with a very healthy self-esteem and it would be the end of my world if our move here ends up breaking her lovely spirit. Thanks everyone! I hope you guys can give me some practical advice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 28, 2016 Report Share Posted January 28, 2016 Hi Lourens, I was wondering if you can contact the school and ask them.if they can put you in contact with another South African family whose little girl is in your daughters class or school. Maybe arrange a play date so at least your daughter knows someone and has a friend. I know some schools or mums that do this in our area during the summer before their kids start school. You can also join your local facebook group for mums and put up a similar post..tell them that you are new to the area and would like to make new friends with new mums for your daughter. Once she has friends she will be happy to go to school and will settle in alot quicker. It is very early days though, even as adults find it hard to adapt just imagine how difficult it is fir a child. Give her time, try to have things around her that are familiar, does she have any toys from home? Any photographs of home that you can put up? Also if you have internet set up already organise Skype talks with family back home so that she understands she can talk to them whenever she likes. With my son we used facebook messenger and the video chat so he could see Grandpa and Grandma. Only costs you the data. Try to have lots of family time, although difficult when you are busy trying to sort things out. Take her to some fun places and show her around. Beach, parks etc. Just be there for her and give her lots of cuddles and reassurance. My son is only 4 so I think it was easier for him, I did have to hear " I want to go back to South Africa" a few times and I miss Grandpa. He is alot better now and has settled in really well. Another thing I would do is join your local library, there are some fantastic things going on for kids. Borrow some books, you might find some books in moving house especially for children there. Also check out your local community centre. They have kids clubs and activities you can do with her so she will feel at home. I am sure she will settle in time. ? All the best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DXB2OZ Posted January 29, 2016 Report Share Posted January 29, 2016 Second all of the above. What a difficult time for you all. You mentioned arriving a week ago, how is your little girl sleeping? We are 2.5 weeks back from SA and it took my son almost 2 weeks to get back into time zone sleep wise - something which has never been such a problem before. But when you are already unsettled, add lack of sleep to the equation and your coping mechanisms fly out the window. Perhaps the school can work a buddy system next week assigning someone to support her during break/recess? Keep chatting to her teachers. If they are already supportive, that is a great start. They will probably have seen this all before and have some great ideas as to how to help the transition as well as suggestions for home. I do believe this will pass and the emotional scars will probably be far worse for you. After one international move, my daughter turned around to me, wagging her finger, other hand on hip and exclaimed "you don't understand, you've ruined my life!!". Fortunately for us all, her life has recovered. Cuddles and ice cream did help a lot at the time. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rozellem Posted January 29, 2016 Report Share Posted January 29, 2016 Have you joined " South Africans in Sydney ( the hills)" on facebook? There is also a mums version if that ine that is very active. If its your cup of tea, joining a great church also helps. Apart from that I am lost for ideas. Good luck. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BriD Posted January 29, 2016 Report Share Posted January 29, 2016 Yeah still very early days for her. Grief can be experienced by adults and children alike. Would agree that jetlag could definitely play a role, takes about 2 weeks to be fully back into the swing of things. Agree with all the above mentioned suggestions. Definitely do lots of exploring...show her all the amazing places you can go. We did so much of that and still do and the children have found favourite places that we go to often. In the early days of the move we did a lot of Mommy and Daughter days and Mommy and Son days...so myself and my hubby would spend one on one time with each child and make special memories. We bought a Merlin Pass that is an annual pass for several attractions. So on Sundays (Family Fun Day $2.50 Train / Ferry and Bus tickets) we would all go into the city and go to the Aquarium and the Wildlife Centre and the Wax museum and then take a Ferry and do the Manly Aquarium and if we had any energy left we would do the Sydney Tower Eye. We always have Hungry Jacks lunch in the Botanical Gardens...and it cost us $2.50 and lunch per person. It is such a worthwhile thing to get...gives you lots of options and after 3 visits to any one of the attractions you have paid it off. My daughter LOVES the aquarium...so always wants it for Mommy/Daughter dates. Also...if you would like to, we would be happy to get together with your family for a barbeque. We don't live on your side of Sydney, but my daughter is 7 end of Feb and my son is 5 and a half. It might be nice for the kids to play together. We don't speak much Afrikaans though, so I understand if this would not work. No offence if you prefer not to. PM me if you are interested. Good luck with all the settling in and try not to stress too much. It is a time of change for all of you and everything will settle down in the coming weeks. Lots of cuddles, loves and exciting exploring days will help 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
qwerty Posted January 31, 2016 Report Share Posted January 31, 2016 @LourensJ I agree that jet lag could make things feel a 100 times worse (I don't deal well with it myself), plus the stress of a new country and new school; it all adds up. My daughter turns 7 at the end of Feb and would love someone to play with (especially someone who also speaks Afrikaans). She told me towards the end of the school term last year that I must fix her brain, because she sometimes only knows the Afrikaans word and then struggle to explain to her friends what she's trying to say. We're just around the corner from you (in Gordon), so let me know if you want to arrange a playdate! We have a very adorable (and big) Golden Retriever puppy who would love a cuddle If she likes ice skating, then she is welcome to join my daughter and a few friends for some ice shuffling (can't call it skating yet) sometime towards the end of Feb as well. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LourensJ Posted January 31, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 31, 2016 Thank you everyone for your replies. You are all stars. I must admit that all the Saffas we have met here so far have gone far beyond the norm to make us feel welcome! It really is humbling. We took the kids to Balmoral Beach today and it went a long way towards getting them settled and excited. I will definitely give the separate parents day a try. I have noticed the kids respond much better when they have undivided attention from a single parent. So going separate ways for some fun sounds like a good idea! I will respond to some of you on PM! Thanks again all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pell Posted January 31, 2016 Report Share Posted January 31, 2016 Not sure this will help you, but I am sharing the experience: we moved to Sydney in Dec 2014. My daughter was 16, and she left everything that she knew behind her. We had many tears especially before school started, but many after as well. People here, she says, are simply not what they are in SA - and my daughter is a very social person, loved by everyone, who made friends very easily, and whose new friends adore her. Expect a grieving process, with all the DABDA phases (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance). Give her time and be gentle, because I wasn't particularly gentle, but then my daughter was almost an adult, so she had to make up her own mind about what to make of this experience. From my friends' experience, who moved over when their kids were more or less your kids' age, they had anger issues too, so you are not alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunnyskies Posted January 31, 2016 Report Share Posted January 31, 2016 When we came over my son had just turned 8, and he was very angry that we took him away from his friends and school and family. He often said that he was going back to South Africa when he was 18, and some members of my family did encourage him in that thinking. My husband was not impressed. Role forward two years and he was still saying he missed his friends and would like to spend time in South Africa when he left school (slight shift). Role forward another 2 years and he was happy to see his friends when we went back for a visit, but didn't declare a desire to go back anymore. Now, 3 years later and he talks about his friends here, has some contact with his friends over there (but nothing major), can't make up his mind whether he wants to go to uni in Melbourne (where we lived for 6 years and he has a lot of friends) or Brisbane (where we currently live and where his friendship circle is growing). Only advice I can give is to let her express herself, try and explain that she will have opportunity here that she may not have in South Africa and let her know that when she grows up she can make choices about her life and where she wants to live (my husband hated it when I said that as he said what is the point of moving if they simply move back, but my reasoning was that there is no point in having a fight over something that is not going to change, and if they still want to go back when they are adults you can't stop them, and that the chance of that being the case is very slim). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DXB2OZ Posted February 13, 2016 Report Share Posted February 13, 2016 LourensJ, thinking of you and the family and hoping things are getting better as you settle into things a bit more - how are you all doing? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LourensJ Posted February 13, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 13, 2016 Hi DXB2OZ (and everyone else), Thanks so much for following up. Sorry I have been so quiet. Feels like my life consists of admin, work and admin. :-) The house hunting is in full swing and along with work and school it takes up so much time. Applying for a few rentals - so hold thumbs for us. To be honest - things have been going very well. My daughter has been adapting quite good. The advice I received on here has worked very well. She even had a wonderful play-date with the daughter of one of the ladies on this site. Making friends seems to have done the trick! The anxiety with regards to school has become minor to almost nothing. A funny thing that also helped a lot, is the fact that they started using iPads at school. This generated quite a lot of excitement to go to school. The South Africans we met here in Sydney has all been amazing. Some at school and some from this site. We have been invited to many braais and have already made friends here. I think in our 3 weeks here, we received more toys for the kids than we have on our shipment coming over. One lady from school gave us a welcome-to-Australia hamper (out-of-the-blue!) which included a toaster, various utensils and a very nice (and expensive) non-stick pan. The latter was just amazing as we literally using it daily now and it just works so well. Thanks for everyone who pm'ed me and everyone who offered advice. We are doing fine and better every day. I think once we get a nice place to rent - our life will be pretty much back to normal. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 13, 2016 Report Share Posted February 13, 2016 Fantastic Lourens I am so glad that things are working out for your family. Thanks for the update ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.