And here we still are...

[In2mindsNoMore]

So our PR visas were granted on 3 November 2014 and here we still are in South Africa.

 

I am frustrated.  For me, now in my career is the ideal time to make the move to Aus, but my OH has been in his recent position for just over a year now and feels that it will look better on his CV if he stays for another year.  I say it will not make a difference because we do not have Aus work experience and that appears to be the most important factor in finding a job.  He also feels it will be better for the children to start school in Aus at the beginning of the school year.  And he wants to go over on his own before we go and then he wants us to only move once he has found a job.  I feel we should all go together.  It could take months for him to find a job and I am not sure if we, especially my five year old, will cope with my OH being so far away.

 

I hate the waiting, the living in limbo.  My OH is by nature a procrastinator and I cannot help but wonder if that is not what he is doing at the moment.  However I have to admit he has been very wise in his decision making in the past.  I am the impulsive one in the relationship.

 

The problem is, we cannot plan anything for the future until we know what we are going to do and where we are going to live.  Will it be in South Africa or in Australia?  And the clock is ticking and we are not getting any younger.  It is very frustrating.

 

And funny enough, I am so very keen to move, but the moment I think about selling the house and leaving the rest of the family behind I become petrified.  I am still worried that we are making the wrong decision.  I am the one pushing to go.  What if it is not the right thing to do? I will feel terrible if everyone is unhappy.  It will all be my fault.

 

[RYLC]

He's putting off the move for sure.  Another year on his cv won't help in Oz.  New kids arrive at our school all through the year.  Starting at the beginning of the year make no differece to anything and is just an excuse.

 

Going on his own and finding a job first is also creating an unnecessary delay.  It will be harder for all of you without the support of the family.

 

Just pick a date and start working towards it.  There is NEVER an ideal time.  Waiting is definitely the wrong thing to do in my opinion with the rand continuing to fall.  Worst case scenario the rand falls so far that you can't fund a move over here. 

 

Migrating is like swimming.  You just have to jump in.  Nobody can describe to you what getting wet will be like.  We share experiences but everybody has to make their own jump eventually. Good luck.

[FairGo]

Hi In2mindsnomore

 

I am in a similar situation.  I am also (very) impulsive and my husband is the cautious one.  I do understand his point of view that he feels he is the main provider for our family and does not want to go to Oz without a job...  He says it would have been different if it was only me and him, but now we have a child that we must look after and he wont understand if we only have enough money to eat a sandwich for dinner....  He was unemployed about three years ago and after the third time that he was told he could not get the job as it was a BEE position....  I could see the fear in his eyes of

"what if he cant find a job soon", "what if we have to sell our car, our house etc" 

That stuck with him and I think contributes to the fact that he is so hesitant to move.

 

We will be going over as a family as we believe we will need one another for emotional support.  I had his resume, cover letter and linkedIn profile done by Roland...told him it was a Christmas gift....   He is applying for positions now.  I do sometimes send him a job post that I think he would be interested in.  He loves horses so the first job ad I sent him, was a position at Melbourne Racing club.  I did not think for one moment that he would get it, but I just wanted him to get excited and see that it can be a new and exciting beginning and not only doom and gloom.  

He has contacted two HR managers directly about positions he would love to get!  The feedback is positive and they have sent questionnaires for him to fill in.

I have warned him that I have read on the forum that it is very hard to get a job while in SA and that he will most likely apply for more than a 100 positions and only get responses for 10 of them, but he should not give up and not take it personally if he does not get it... 

HR managers do actually reply (recruiters not so much...) and he is so impressed about how friendly the Ozzies are!!

 

I have convinced him, that if he gets a job, we must be ready to pack up and go.  We will sell the house and rent until we emigrate.

I went ahead and phoned an agent to put the house on the market and had pictures taken.  He then agreed that she can market it as long as their is not a sign outside our house. That was in November.  I convinced him over December that we should put the sign up as there is 2 other houses in our street for sale and we should take advantage of that so buyers can see our home is for sale as well.

I have started selling off items (he does not really notice it... )

 

My approach for the next 6 months is to show him that it will be better to go in September than to only do an activation trip.  The trip alone will cost us the same as staying 2 months in Oz.

 

If I don't push the process along then nothing will happen.  Do it in a subtle way and don't badger him about it on a daily basis.  That just stresses them out more...  

He did apply for the visa so he does want to go.  It is just fear holding him back.  Support and motivate him.  That is the most important thing.

 

One step at a time.

 

 

 

 

Edited January 4, 2016 by TacticJourney

[In2mindsNoMore]

Thanks TacticJourney it is comforting to know that I am not alone in this situation.

And like RYLC says I think the time has come for us to pick a date and start working towards it.

 

[Guest]

As I read both of these posts I can completely relate to the feelings you are both experiencing. I was the one who was lagging behind and delaying our move and not my husband, and all for the same reasons you have mentioned. I remember sometimes just wishing that my husband would just be happy in SA so that we could get on with our life. I also felt like we were in limbo. We never bought too much for the house and didn't overspend because all of our funds were for our savings for Oz.

 

It is ofcourse good to plan as best you can, but there comes a stage when you really do need to take a leap of faith. It is very daunting I know, but there will be no perfect time to go. We had 1 year left on our PR visa when we left SA and I wish I had listened to people on this forum a long time ago and gone sooner.

 

maybe have your OH read some encouraging posts on the forum for himself or ask him to make an account for himself. I know when I started to be more proactive on here the many fears I had lessened not completely ofcourse but it gave me hope that all would be ok. And it was ?

[FairGo]

There is a property show on channel 176, Location, location, location - Australia.  We watch it together and I think it does help in the sense of getting a glimpse of what Australia is like.  Especially as we have never visited Oz.

Maybe you can watch it with hubby?

 

Edited January 4, 2016 by TacticJourney

[Chips]

On 04/01/2016 at 9:00 PM, TacticJourney said:

There is a property show on channel 176, Location, location, location - Australia.  We watch it together and I think it does help in the sense of getting a glimpse of what Australia is like.  Especially as we have never visited Oz.

Maybe you can watch it with hubby?

 

And another one called Best houses it's also on the home channel, love both programmes

[SurferMan]

Hi In2MindsNomor,

 

These are all normal. Here is my 50 cents: 

 

1: There is no such a thing as a good/right time. In my mind the time is NOW!

2: Another year on his CV means diddly squat to an aussie employer. In fact sitting in a job too long these days implies a "lifer" and is viewed with some suspicion in some circles. 

3: Kids are far more adaptable than you are. Trust me. 

4: Do plan your move but please DONT lose that PR visa. If you are not a spring chicken then the sooner you come over the better. 

5: I STRONGLY suggest you move as a herd. Him going over....I dunno I will be honest it dont sound right. (Please forgive me, I am just airing my mind! ) in that after a month or two if he has not found work he will return and say Aus is not for you guys. I have seen that happen. A couple in question that I knew came back to SA and after some err, indiscretion on the part of the husband, she left for Aus and never looked back. Him, sad story I am afraid. Dont split up, it is not good for the herd. She and the kids blossomed. 

 

Hope you come to Aus soon!

Edited January 6, 2016 by SurferMan

[Waylander]

My two cents:

 

We got the nod late Jan '14. Only then did the 'reality' of it hit us. There were so many things tying us to SA still to unravel (job, house, animals, children, money) – and we had to activate by end September ’14 – and no way could we clear all the ties by then – so we went ahead with a two week activation trip in September.

 

The plan before the activation trip was to set a departure date around Jan ’16 – but then things started getting ugly at work (company was in a bit of strife – and I was an obvious target for the axe – reasonably high earner, leaving for Aus anyway) and I did not think I would make it to Jan 16 – and no way was I looking for another job in SA…. 

 

Then we had the activation trip – wife loved Australia and now couldn’t wait to get over there.  She didn’t even want to go back to SA – the feeling of freedom and not having to be afraid were hugely liberating for her. 

 

So soon as we got back, we fasttracked every thing we could and set a new date for end April which we stuck to.  Once the timeline is fixed, it is amazing how much you can accomplish. 

 

So to answer your post more specifically:

 

1. Agree with the others, set your date as soon as you can and make it happen.

2. The extra year on the CV is just a BS excuse

3. I kinda get the school year issue – that might depend on the kids themselves.

4. If OH has cold feet then you need to work out together what it is that is holding you back.   In my opinion, the sooner the better.  I remember sitting with my wife in Jhb in April – 1 week before departure – no electricity for 3 days (load shedding was on, but our substation fried itself every time they hit the on/off), no water for 2^nd day (apparently the water system needs electricity to pump water), and just the normal SA news – and we said to ourselves, “Imagine if we only now started the Visa process – we would need to live in this hellhole for another 2 years” – we were so glad to be leaving in a week.

5. The split up.  The Cons way outweigh the pros in my opinion.  The only Pro is that it MAY be more cost effective.  The cons – many have been mentioned above but no one mentioned yet that you would have to be alone in SA with the kids – and I would not wish that on anyone – the security risk and mental anguish that will come with is too high a toll 

6.  

7. . Bottom line, sit down with husband and find some way to come to a definite date (the sooner the better) and then throw everything into making it happen.