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A few short ones


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The location of your mailbox shows you how far
away from your house you can be in a robe,
before you start looking like a mental patient.

My therapist said that my narcissism
causes me to misread social situations. I'm
pretty sure she was hitting on me.

My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up
soon and I'm worried about the 195 lbs I've gained.

I'm getting kind of tired always slowly raising my hand when
someone asks, "Who does something like that?!?"

I always wondered what the job application is like
at Hooters.. do they just give you a bra and say,
"here fill this out"..?

The speed in which a woman says "nothing" when asked
"What's wrong?" is inversely proportional to the
severity of the storm that's coming.

If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple "Thank you" is all I
need.....not all this, "how did you get in my house" business!

The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today....
Pretty sure she's going to get me something.

On average, an American man will have sex two to three
times a week; whereas a Japanese man will have sex
only one or two times a year. This is upsetting news to me
I had no idea I was Japanese.

I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a
language entirely out of tattoos.

What is it about a car that makes people
think we can't see them pick their nose?

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