RYLC Posted August 1, 2014 Report Share Posted August 1, 2014 Did she perhaps apply for your job and not get it? Did she really like your predecessor and didn't want her to leave. You need some background because information is power. Would it work to act like her comments are super helpful or really funny? So "ask predecessor" gets a reply of what a great suggestion, I'll do that. The key is not to show that she is getting to you but to call her out on her remarks in front of others. A bit like you would a child. So snide remark in meeting you could ask for clarification because in other countries people can interpret things differently. This will draw attention to what she has said so that others will notice too. I would be subtlely trying to get others to notice that she is being underhanded and rude. Example, my FIL is the grumpiest man I know but when I first met him I just thought that he had a really dry sense of humour and used to keep telling him how funny he was. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toitjie Posted August 1, 2014 Author Report Share Posted August 1, 2014 She loved my predecessor, whole office does, so big shoes to fill there and she considered my job but when she could not make up her mind they advertised it. My work is cut out for meIn normal circumstances I would not even worry about it and "handle" her but my body is betraying me! I am so emotional some days its unreal. I cant believe its me....i very seldom break down and cry at work or show a lot of emotion. Im usually a typical INTJ personality typeBut the process of finding your feet in a new country, in a different culture, different work environment, does have an impact on your emotional state and the smallest thing, out of nowhere, can trigger a response that you were not prepared for.Good advice thank you. I will treat her as an equal, pretend she is great and do my work as best ad I can Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bronwyn&Co Posted August 2, 2014 Report Share Posted August 2, 2014 Don't let it get to you Toitjie, you're doing fine (((hugs))). She will get to know and like you, I know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toitjie Posted September 23, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 23, 2014 23 SeptemberIt has been a while since I have posted anything on the forum..it feels like i have been away for years! there are so many new faces! I am starting to feel a little old Workwise it has been much of the same. For the most part I have found my rhythm, I feel more confident than ever but still have those days where one person make me feel like a 20 year old novice that doesnt know her head from her ass...still my colleague.there has been some improvement though. I have decided to be as kind to her as I possibly could stand, and still mean it. Which is no easy feat. But in me being kind, she relaxed a little, and the snide remarks are much less now and we almost get along well...we have formed a sort of collegial friendship and share some of the work and I would say Im happy with our relationship for about 95% of the time. I know that her mom is really sick and that has a big impact on her, so Im thinking one should not be too hasty to judge someone else's bad mood as it might not be personal at all.Two pieces of advice I can give which has served me well is, one - align yourself to the person in the office with the most power. In my case, the branch manager. Before she became branch manager we became friends so it's not as if I planned it, but someone told me that it's good to have the boss on your side, and I agreeSecond - make friends with the receptionist. They are a wealth of information, knows everything there is to know, knows everyone and can make your life much easier or very miserable, depending on how you treat her/him.The Canberra job market is still slow but I have seen it pick up a little which is good. i wish I could give everyone a job...there are still so many people out there that struggle. I have learned to deal with that and not take it to heart as much, although I still care for everyone that i come across and i always try to help as much as I canMy accent definitely helps...when we do business development and I speak to perfect strangers, they are intrigued and usually my accent is a point of connection, or something to talk about..or a fellow south african recognizes my accent either way..be proud of it and own it! nothing to be ashamed about 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SurferMan Posted September 23, 2014 Report Share Posted September 23, 2014 Toitjie,Man I can tell you 100% that the receptionist is THE power. I also align to the power base, but never surrender my morales and ethics. I have also supplicated my lips to a but of gluteas maximums to extend contracts to feed my family. I make good mates, but will not put my values on the altar for corporate expedience. So far my experience has been that the Aussies value this, but some dodgy Saffers (who have shafted me badly) don't like an honest regime. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toitjie Posted September 23, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 23, 2014 Surferman...I find it interesting that we come to a new country and try to align ourselves but fellow South Africans but get burned. I have met a couple of south africans that I now give a wide berth. I think it surprises us because we have the illusion that if people had the means, determination and willpower to emigrate they must be good people. And yet, some aren't good people and we get burned in the process.Anyway...I think both nations have people with good and bad values, I just seek out those that mirror my own.Speaking of values...and by no means am I judging here but this struck a chord with me. This morning I saw a post on FB on a mom's page I belong to, of a girl aged 16, having had a baby already that is now 8 months old and pregnant again and boyfriend is threatening. I do feel sorry for her, but she is not ready to deal with adult situations like this and it's evident from her plea for help.I wish sex education could involve kids in school having to work with babies, and get more practical experience. Because of situations like this, and because I had a cousin who fell pregnant at age 17, and I had to take care of her newborn for 3 months, I preach about this to my kids almost daily they are quite fed up with me but to have a baby so young is so complicated.sorry, rant for the day over 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SurferMan Posted September 23, 2014 Report Share Posted September 23, 2014 Hi Toitjie,It's all good girl, the best you can do is teach your kids to keep their urges under control as best they can....it boils down to parenting in the end I guess. I was a typical young man and had only one thing on my mind 24/7 back in the day. Now that I am older it's only on my mind 24/6..... As for dodgy Saffers, man there seem to be a truckload in Perth, well I say this cos I've met like 7-8 seriously crooked ones. Some really nice ones too. Funny thing, when I called the Saffer crooks out, they cancelled my contract and tried to get me shipped back to Africa. It was an Aussie bloke who sold his house and used the proceeds to sponsor me.....hence my loyalty to him. He is a real stand up bloke, what I call a true mate. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bronwyn&Co Posted September 24, 2014 Report Share Posted September 24, 2014 Yeah Surfer those urges don't listen, mate...your kids are still small. Better to face the stats and provide some serious birth control. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SurferMan Posted September 25, 2014 Report Share Posted September 25, 2014 Hey B,I'll scare them with a few nappy changes of said youngest sibling. That should cure them, lol!!!!!In the end it boils down to education, upbringing and a bit of plain luck. Skiet mis!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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