I think I need to take Amy out of Prep...

[BriD]

I feel like the most horrible mother in the whole world...my ignorance of Victorian law has caused my child so much trauma in the last few days... It is not that I did not care to research it...but the school took my enrolment papers for her without a word...we never got to do the orientation or learn anything more about schooling in Victoria. As far as being prepared goes...I was probably the least prepared in this area. I guess I would have expected some guidance on this...but nothing...sigh

I was under the impression that if a child turns 5 before the 30 April, they must aka it is compulsory to start prep that year. Today, I took Amy to a casual park get together with only a few of her classmates...oh my goodness. Clingy and whimpering...I realised just how terribly shy she is. As we were sitting there one of the moms said to 3 of the children there..."can you believe you are all going to be 6 within the next few weeks??"

My heart sank...I realised that Amy, my shy little Amy...is the youngest in her class...and her introverted personality will definitely not do anything to help the situation. She did not need to start this year...I could have let her grow up a little more emotionally and start as one of the older children next year. I was so confused...

Then tonight...my poor child has been crying non stop saying there are too many children and the day is too long and she misses mommy and daddy. She is having nightmares too.

Of course, add that to the HUGE life change we have just made only just a week ago...this is all too much for my sensitive little girl. I have come to the conclusion that it would be in her best interests to take her out of prep and let her start next year. She has only been in prep for 2 days (today was a rest day)...I think it if is going to happen it needs to be now.

I spoke to her tonight while she was crying hopelessly on my bed. I told her that these last 2 days were just a try out and we think maybe it will be better if we wait until she turns 6 to start big school. But that she must understand that when she is 6 she has to go to school and even if it is difficult that she will have to work through it. She agreed and went to bed and has not been heard from since.

I hope that tomorrow when I go to the school I do not encounter any problems with our decision. She had her literacy test today, and the thing the teacher highlighted was that she needs to work on her social skills. I think Amy is not ready for prep.

I feel like such a failure...this is a low-point for me in this whole thing...after everything we have been through to get here...and now because of not knowing one little thing...I put her through something she should not have had to deal with. Tears are streaming down my face here...this is terrible...and hard as hell. And I am embarrassed...it just sucks

[Eva]

Hey, no need to feel like a failure! You can only do what you think is right and then if it doesn't work out fix it as best you can! At least you CAN take her out. I honestly believe all kids are better off being that little bit older, but that is just my 2c worth. I have three boys, 22, 18 and 11 and in the greater scheme of things what I want is for them to all turn out as happy, reasonably well adjusted, compassionate people. Neither of you need the stress you are going through added to all the adjustments. Your instinct will tell you what the right thing to do is. And just by the way, there is always a big range in any one class. I still believe being the oldest is better than being the youngest. We planned our childrens' due dates around that philosophy.

[Crossedover]

It's all new to both of you... Maybe you need to go chat to the principal so that you can get a clear idea of how their age structure works. Together decide what is best for your precious little girl. I totally feel your pain as my daughter started school early and we chose to keep her back to align her with children her own age... Now that was unnecessary stress ! So if you think it's best do it now. Ironically I think they will want to push her back up a grade when we arrive....but I will worry about that closer to the time.

Mothers always take 'poor' decisions hard as we feel totally responsible and we only want what is best for them.

Be easy on yourself and do what you feel is best...... Xx

[Sibella]

Aaaah don't feel bad!! My middle daughter is an April baby and HAD to go to school when she was four in the UK. She hated it at first and although she got used to it she didn't learn to read and was far behind the other kids.

So when we moved to Australia in July two years ago I visited a few schools and luckily was told by one of the head teachers that I can keep her back. I soon realized that most people keep their kids back if there are born after December! So my eldest who was born in October was one of the youngest in her class.

Anyway I kept my middle daughter back, sent her to kindy where she just played, had fun and settled into life in Australia and went to school when she was six. Even in her prep year she struggled and only seem to be coping with the work this Year and she is in Year 2 now.

So every child is different, you did a good job by being in tune with her needs, find a kindy where she can go for a few hours a week just to get used to things and send her next year. You did the right thing, no need to be embarrassed, you didn't know.

Where are you in Melbourne? Let me know if you want to get together for a chat!!

Edited February 12, 2014 by Sibella

[Bronwyn&Co]

Awww (((hugs))). Try to relax, you sound like a wonderful mom. It will be sorted out, trust your instincts xxx

[Toitjie]

Dont see yourself as a failure...you are a good mom and you did what you thought were the best for her. Now you are taking action to help her. All kids are different and they adapt to circumstances differently. Big big hug to you.

Remember that us moms have a built-in guilt switch and we have to monitor that. Feeling guilty is almost natural to us so dont do that to yourself! You got her here safely which shows what great mom you are, and of course you love her. That's all that matters to her right now.

[BriD]

Thank you so much for your support...it has been a horrible day for me...and your encouraging words have really lifted my spirits a bit!

I think ultimately this is probably the best thing that could have happened. Now when we enrol her for next year, she can attend all the orientations and lead ups to it with everyone else and not be seen as the new girl...seriously...everyone was pointing at her calling her the new girl...after only starting a week later!

Where are you in Melbourne? Let me know if you want to get together for a chat!!

We are in Glen Iris - South East Melbourne

Would be lovely to get together sometime

[HadEnoughofJuju]

Hey Brid, as parents we make decisions in the best interests of our children, you made a decision based on the information you had. I blame the school for not saying anything about the age requirements in the first place.

Failure would have been not to recognize that there was a problem. Do not let the school bully you into doing anything that you are not comfortable about. If taking her out of school now is what you want to do then do it.

We wanted Jes to go into prep here because of the fact that her first language was Afrikaans, one principal wanted to force us to put her in year 1 because she turns 6 before 30 June. Needless ro say she isn't in that school.

Good luck with the the school tomorrow and your little one will be fine. It may have been traumatic for her but at least she knows her mommy loves her and has her back.

[Bams]

Hi BriD, I am so sorry to read this and hear about your pain. But I have to agree with all the above in that you are a good mom. You left everything you know and love behind in order to provide her with a better future.

Be happy that you picked it up in a very short time and that you can help her now before too much damage has been caused. I believe that kids are very tough and that this will not damage her in the long run.

I am thinking of you and will put you on my prayer list for the next couple of days.

Stay strong. HUGS

[Lisle]

BriD, my heart broke reading your post. Its all going to work out in the end.

Your post reminds me of my own little girl. She was very very sick as an infant. When I finally got her to the paed (an Amazing lady), she found something that I feel I (as her mom) should have picked up weeks earlier, she was in terrible pain...... I was devastated, guilty, distraught. I was confused about the decisions I had to make on behalf of my baby. My kindly paed, squeezed my shoulder, looked my straight in the eyes, and said "I see guilty parents all the time, but I am telling you now, you are going to have to let the guilt go, forgive yourself, because if you don't .........YOU WILL NEVER SURVIVE THE TEENAGE YEARS!!!!!" :)

She then proceeded to get up, write me a script, and say "there is always something that can be done".

And you have!!! The fact that she is sleeping peacefully speaks volumes.... I hope you can do the same.....

Take Care!

[rozellem]

Good on you for cottoning on so early. When speaking to the principal, perhaps ask is there are local pre schools that "feed" into the school. It would be great if she could go to a local pre school this year and actually make friends who will go to big school with her. My son goes to primary school next year and in NSW at his age (at pre school) they go 3 days a week, from 9-3pm, and really learn all those school readyness skills in a relaxed way. Also, a good chunk of his current class will go to the same big school.

[OnYellowBrickRd]

My heart goes out to you! Good on ya for being tuned into your daughter's emotions. Trust your instincts. That's why God gave them to you. In a couple of days this will be a thing of the past for your little girl.

This whole process involves a lot of learning. Treat this as a learning experience and put the guilt behind you. You are doing a great job and next year this time will be smooth sailing!

[AndreaL]

Maybe it has all been too much too soon for all of you. My only concern is that if she doesn't do kindy or prep as it is here in QLD, that she won't have the basic friendships and school routine...................but, there is no-one that knows your child better than you and if you think it is detrimental for her then of course let her start later.

My youngest had a year of kindy when he was 4 and turned 5 about a week after prep started here in QLD. I think the time at kindy really helped him socially, so maybe you can think about joining some sort of play based group so that she gets to mix with her peers.

In the grand scheme of things a year can be very significant in terms of maturity for a child, so trust your gut on this, give her and yourself the time to get to know your new home.

You would think it gets easier for them but guess whose son burst into tears on the first day of school this year? Yes, Adam aged almost 9............and it tears at your heart, he seems O.K. now, but still says he doesn't want to go to school, says it's boring..............but I think it is more that he is shy and nervous..................our kids aren't as confident and outspoken as the Australian children sometimes.............maybe just our way of protecting them.

[BriD]

Maybe it has all been too much too soon for all of you. My only concern is that if she doesn't do kindy or prep as it is here in QLD, that she won't have the basic friendships and school routine...................but, there is no-one that knows your child better than you and if you think it is detrimental for her then of course let her start later.

My youngest had a year of kindy when he was 4 and turned 5 about a week after prep started here in QLD. I think the time at kindy really helped him socially, so maybe you can think about joining some sort of play based group so that she gets to mix with her peers.

In the grand scheme of things a year can be very significant in terms of maturity for a child, so trust your gut on this, give her and yourself the time to get to know your new home.

You would think it gets easier for them but guess whose son burst into tears on the first day of school this year? Yes, Adam aged almost 9............and it tears at your heart, he seems O.K. now, but still says he doesn't want to go to school, says it's boring..............but I think it is more that he is shy and nervous..................our kids aren't as confident and outspoken as the Australian children sometimes.............maybe just our way of protecting them.

She definitely will go to kinder, it is absolutely important for her to develop those social skills. She is also used to being at playgroup everyday...so I will definitely find something for her to do this year. I have an appointment tomorrow with a kinder near us, and spoke to another today...so she will be out there

Definitely pulls at the heart strings!!

[McCabes]

I'm "liking" because I think you handled it perfectly!!! What a lucky and blessed little girl to have such a wonderful mommy!

Go easy on yourself Bri... I know you probably find it impossible, and part of that is why you are such a great mom, but at the end of the day there was no way for you to know this. And when you did find out you fixed it pronto!

A huge well done and big hugs!

[AndreaL]

Well done Brid

That sounds like a good plan................remember, we Mothers are our children's defenders...............we are the most solid influence in their lives for all of their lives, so we must do what we know is right. Kinder is probably going to be perfect for her right now.

You are a brilliant Mum

[JulesM]

ahhh Bri, so sorry you and Amy had to go through something like this, but as everyone has mentioned, you sound like a brilliant mum and its great that you are so tuned into her and have set about sorting the situation out. Kids are so much stronger than we think and am sure she will soldier through this like a champ at the end of the day. Its early days for alot of us, and we will go on to figure out and accomplish many things!

Thinking of you and good luck with the kinder xxx