Apologies to those who have actually been in Mpumalanga hospitals

[OubaasDik]

Notes in Mpumalanga Hospital Records –



1. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only 11kgs weight gain in the past three days.

5. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

6. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

7. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

8. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

9. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

10. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

11. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

13. She is numb from her toes down.

14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

15. The skin was moist and dry.

16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

22. The patient refused autopsy.

23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

24. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities

[Sa2Nz2Oz]

Just warn me if I ever land up in this hospital!

[OubaasDik]

Just warn me if I ever land up in this hospital!

If you ever land up there, it's WAAAYYYY to late to warn you.

Of course, it may not even be true ..... bur it feels like it could be.

[CherylC]

Struggled reading past point number one - giggled like teenagers! Scary part is, this could be valid quotations!

[Hyperion]

My wife says that all of them are probably true because her dad was just in a Mpumalanga hospital and his experience (from what he tells us) was quite interesting. Not just from the staff, but from some of the patients also.

[AndreaL]

Ahem....I have been in Middelburg hospital and my hubby had a most terrible experience in Witbank hospital, I think no. 10 might apply to him as I had to steal a wheelchair and abduct him from that hospital whilst having the head nurse scream obscenities at me. She told me I could not take him and I told her I wasn't leaving him there. She also refused to give his records or xrays despite my pointing out the patient charter on the wall and our rights...........nuff said, that was a truly horrible experience.

[OubaasDik]

Ahem....I have been in Middelburg hospital and my hubby had a most terrible experience in Witbank hospital, I think no. 10 might apply to him as I had to steal a wheelchair and abduct him from that hospital whilst having the head nurse scream obscenities at me. She told me I could not take him and I told her I wasn't leaving him there. She also refused to give his records or xrays despite my pointing out the patient charter on the wall and our rights...........nuff said, that was a truly horrible experience.

How come we're either screeching against each other or WITH each other .....

Congrats on saving him.

[AnnieL]

Don't know what is worse, the missing white blood cells or the missing knee. At least the skin is present.

[Lyn]

That was brilliant OBD.

[HadEnoughofJuju]

LMGA. That's what you get for letting 50% average students into med school.

[jm01]

whaaaaa,no wonder your legs gets amputated if you go in for a sprained ankle.