A few years later

[Lyn]

These last couple of days I have received more PM's then usual. Maybe I'm spending too much time here - whilst hubby playing with Harley's in Thailand. But some of these PM's got me thinking - its so easy some days to just type on a keyboard to strangers that what we experience is normal - we all take a leap of faith on this rollercoaster, that you will miss loved ones, that you will cry, that it will be tough until you land the job, that life will get better once you settle in, and you get my point. Sometimes I feel posts may come across as insincere - or insensitive to those who must be envious that some of us have made the move and are blissfully happy in our new lives. I used to read in awe about those that had made the move - I always hoped and prayed I would survive it too.

I dug up my 1 year post - we are now well on our way to 5 years. Am I still happy or even happier ? Am I settled ? Do I regret my decision ? Will I ever return to live in South Africa ? Questions I get asked privately very often.

So 2013, has things got any better any worse and how has life changed - has immigration taught me anything ?

Well we moved into that little house a year after landing, and also after nearly loosing it when CBA made a boo boo with our loan - yes the banks make boo boos here too. Straight away having a place to call home, having a postage size garden that was all mine - bought me heaps of peace and happiness. The size of the house does not matter - its location does not matter either. I love it, its home. I thought happiness came about with a big house, with pool and lapa on a 2 hectare plot - but none of this actually made me really really happy. It was as if I was trying to keep up with the Jones - well I would actually say keeping up with the G......wins - my cousin living in the posh burbs of Durban North - but whats the point of having posh - when you have huge walls, and gates and barbed wire and big killer dogs that dont get much attention and everyone wants a bit of your posh stuff? What peace of mind do you have ? Can you totally relax whilst searing your steak on the barbeque in the darkness of night ? Every time a dog barks or a bush blows in the African breeze - your heart leaps into your throat. You sleep with one ear and eye open with your firearm on the bedside table. This was the life I had after the hijacking - I felt like someone was constantly watching me - it was impossible to live in RSA anymore. For me to get my life back I had to leave. And boy did I get a wonderful new life. I just wish I had a crystal ball back when we applied so I wouldnt have stressed so much. But to appreciate everything you have - you need to struggle a little first.

That same roller coaster that started with the idea of moving to Australia hadnt quite come to a stop . One and half years in hubby was so unhappy at work, he hated a desk job - he was used to being his own boss - he came home one day and said he was resigning and we were going to start a small business again. Our savings amounted to $5000.00 You cant tell a man with a plan that its a daft idea, we're going to lose the house and have no food and be stuck with nothing in a foreign land. But he made good on his plan, he worked hard on his own in the early days. I still worked 8 to 5pm at the ice rink - then would do my hubbys books at night and weekends. Eventually things got too much for just hubby on his own and I gave up the job at the rink, and now work full time in the business. We are still small - have 4 technicians but this works well for us and we will keep it this way. Anyways what I am trying to say here, to those who had their small business's in RSA and think its not possible to start over again - I want you to know that it is. Dont give up if this is what you want to do. It is possible.

Aussie people and Aussie culture - we have absolutely slotted right in. Maybe I'm not very sophisticated - bit of a bogan - love to wear my tracky dax bottoms with my uggs at home. Nothing more comfy during a Canberra winter eating a my favourite - tomato bredie made with Aussie lamb. As for Aussie toilet humour - I love it. Perhaps it helps being open minded.

I love the Aussie culture - from music bands - to food - to movies ....... I love their friendliness, love the way they take the p....ss out of everything and everybody. Love their patriotism. Love the way they still care to lend a helping hand to those is need - When did South Africans stop caring about their fellow man ? I often stop on my way to the shops and pick up the old folks waiting for the bus - if someone is broken down I stop - and the weirdest thing - people that pay for two coffees - one for them and a good deed for the person behind. This has happened again at the parking metre - I get to the rink and someone hands me a ticket for 2 hours of parking. Gratis. So I have decided to do the same. And it makes the world a much happier place.

I love the way they dont treat life so seriously. I think South Africans have way too much to deal with to actually really enjoy life.

So what I'm getting at here - embrace Australiasm - do things the way the Aussies do - get involved - but never forget where you came from. Your experiences and life in RSA are special - you may be bitter on arrival, hate the RSA for pushing you to such extremes - but one day you may realise that Africa did you a favour. You got to live life again as it should be lived. Sadly, you will miss your loved ones, but over time the ache eases - you will make friends, and some bonds will be so strong - you thought these feelings could only be for blood family. My son doesnt really bother much, he has his mates, scary looking half of them, weird hairdos, tats and piercings and the occassional bad word - learn not to judge a book by its cover - they're generally good kids. My daughter has been fortunate to have two of my older friends "adopt" her. They are her Aus grannys. Spoil her too bits, yes they will never replace nana, but these ladies will do anything for my kids. My friends and husbands friends - we are truely blessed - but then again in RSA I took my friends for granted - here we nurture our friendships, treasure these wonderful people. Friends may take a while - be patient - join gyms, clubs, volunteer - you're the newbie, you're going to have to put yourself out there. These people have grown up here, have a history with each other. May feel like you're desperate for friendship - yes you are - or you're going to be very lonely in a new country. Accept invites to South African get togethers but dont make this the only group of people you associate with. Hanging with Aussies will make it easier to understand the Aussie way.

Do we miss RSA ? Do we regret our decision ? Are we going back ?

In the first year or so we missed everything African - but it eventually leaves your system. The more you hear about how rotten it is getting there, the more you realise that leaving the continent was the best thing you ever did for your family and your sanity.

No regrets - We live a wonderful life in Aus - we are no means wealthy and the only thing that bothers us is our savings - but we are working on this - we have all the bells and whistles we could only have dreamt of having - our hearts are happy again - and most importantly - my kids are happy, they have a future doing whatever they desire. Plenty of opportunities. I'm not going to list all the things we do as it may come across as bragging !

Going back ? No. We have been Aussies for about a month now. We went back last year but would prefer to pay for family to come for a holiday to Aus. It also helps them to understand why you made the move, and it makes it easier for them to see that you are settled and happy.

So I hope this long winded post makes just one person realise that it can be done in your mid 40's. Be patient, simplify your lives, the rest will follow.

Good luck to everyone embarking on the journey, those trying to settle in and well done to those success stories out there. Would love to hear other success stories.

[Miley]

Hi Lyn, thank you for your beautiful post. Your words are warm, encouraging and packed with wisdom.

[Gizmo]

We arrived just a week and a bit before you Lyn and I completely agree with every single one of your points!

[Eva]

What a fantastic post Lyn!

[Lyn]

Can I convince you two ladies to share your lives over the last 4,5 years please ? And of course any others out there.

We always share little bits here and there, I think newbies starting on this long emotional journey may feel a little less anxious to know that most of us arrive here and thrive. It doesnt happen overnight, you will have times of doubt, but I want newbies to know that what they are embarking on in a journey of self-discovery. You learn things about yourself that you never knew.

We dont want to gloss over Australia, but we also dont want anyone to think that they cant make it here. You can, and you will - and you will definately find your happiness again.

[Erik]

Really wish everything was sorted already and we could continue on our journey, but all in good time. Thanks for the pep talk

[BellaR]

A great post!

[Toitjie]

Thanx for your beautiful post Lyn. As always, your thoughts are clear and mature and honest. I really enjoy reading about the experiences of the newly landed and the not so newly landed

Its great to know that wherever we land, there is a support system waiting for us, and that we will be ok.

[TQO]

Thank you Lyn for your amazing post and your insightful PM that gave Quinten (hubby) his "we'll be right mate" feeling leaving us with the notion that no matter how old we are, how long our process takes or what hardships we endure once we land, we are going to be just fine!

I cannot wait to start afresh, to start our lives, and to get to the ball rolling the Aussie way.

To genuinely greet and smile at people, to 'pay it forward' as you describe, and not have people stare you down because you have done a good deed. To enjoy a sense of freedom and not look over your shoulder every five minutes. And to live the simple life ....

[LadySnoo]

Thank you Lyn it was wonderful reading your story. My husband is part of a family business here in SA and for us it is great to hear of someone owning and running their own business in aus because that for us would be our ideal situation as my husband is used to being his own boss. I appreciate you being so real and honest with us that are beginning and don't yet know what to expect. I expect to miss my family and friends and africa as a whole but the thing I worry about is getting past that. Your post helped me to realize over time it will happen and a new normal will be found.

Thanks again !

[Eva]

without wanting to take anything away from Lyn's story but in fairness to letting people know how things are or can be here in Australia, friends of ours went into business twice on the Gold Coast and lost a fortune, for various reasons things didn't work out but I know he found being South African was mostly a negative for him... Aussies are big on Australian whatever...

[Lyn]

Absolutely agree Eva, not everyone's experience will be the same. And also in all fairness I have to say that over the last 3 or so months business's in Canberra have all been saying that things are rather quiet, and many people are losing their jobs. I just heard right now on TV that CSIRO may be letting hundreds of staff go. Not good news.

Aussies are definately big on employing their own. 100% agree. We also know a South African who has not succeeded in business in Syndey - and when he asked the locals about it - they said it was his attitude. They said he was a good bloke to be around, but they did not like his work ethic. He came across too forceful, too arrogant, too pushy, too self important. Eva I'm not implying that your friend is in any way like this.

I guess alot has to do with what you are offerring. We are in the construction industry - shortage of traddies in the ACT. I think this may make a big difference.

[AndreaL]

I love ypur post, it echos so much of our own experience over the past seven years. One day i will try to put my thoughts down too

[Lyn]

look forward to it AndreaL -

Eva got me thinking - so just to clarify - some new members may not remember me - so a little intro - I never ever wanted to leave RSA, I never understood why people were leaving - even those that told me horror stories - I just thought they would find the same issues somewhere else. I was actually quite rude about it. Have since apologised to friends who left the country. And BTW I was not born in RSA.

Our lives literally fell apart after the hijacking, my daughter and I spent many hours with doctors, counsellors, etc. We were suffering from PTSD and anxiety. Because you cant see PTSD doesnt mean its not a real condition. We just couldnt stay in RSA. Then we arrived in Canberra. I hated it. Hubby would go to work and kids would go to school. I was alone and very very unhappy. I didnt want to see anyone. I just didnt know what to do. Cried myself to sleep, I didnt want to be in Aus and I didnt want to be in RSA. I didnt want to go back and hear people say "I told you so ".

My daughter starting counselling sessions and I went too - we never paid a cent for these. Starting healing slowly, my beautiful daughter decided we should learn to ice skate - something she always wanted to do in RSA, but the area around the rink was dodgy. I promised her if there was a rink in Aus she could learn to skate. This little idea changed my whole life.

I wonder often why my maker wanted us to live in Canberra, we were heading for Perth - but the job offer came from the ACT. I believe He works in mysterious ways. We would not have made it in any big city. We were not big city people. The ice rink - not many regional towns have a rink - we went to the rink to buy skates, got chatting to the manager, who hears we are new arrivals. He tells us about the skating coffee club. Took me a few months to join. Dont enjoy new situations and people. Walk out the rink one day and the manager wants to know if I want a job.

The night of the hijacking - my dog who hates strangers - bites and barks - sits at the front of my car - not a sound from him. Later I go into the house, my husband runs me a bath, Im alone in the bathroom - crying and speaking to my father who died in my early 20's. I have a picture hanging on a wall in the passage of him - it falls off with a huge thud- glass all intact. Maybe I'm loopy you say - but in the 70's we were on our way to Aus - we had PR - we landed in Durban, my dad overstayed and we lost our PR. Somehow I believe this is where I am suppose to be.

So please dont think my life in Australia has been plain sailing - its been a long hard road. I apologise if thats how the post came thru. I want people to know that if you give the country a chance, if you can be patient and are kind to yourself, if you can live a simple life - there is no reason why you should fail to settle in.

[LizM]

Got so teary reading all this - I'm so happy you're happy.

[HadEnoughofJuju]

Thanks for the really nice post Lyn. One thing I am getting used to is the relaxed way of life. Far less stress and worrying about what will happen tomorrow. Everyone works and does their share and people matter. We have only been here for 18 days and I am loving it in spite of all the stresses faced in the first 3 months.

[africancowgirl]

Lyn, thank you so much for this post. I am moving to Canberra on the first of June and am going through that anxious stage when you think..."am I crazy to be putting everything at risk like this?". Your post has reassured me that it can be done and that perseverance is the name of the game.

Thank you for sharing and reminding me that this is meant to be an adventure not a "winner takes all" situation.

[DanieR]

Thank you Lyn for being so honest and sharing so much with us. You used very wise words: "simple life". That summarises my experience of Australia. My life became far to complicated and rushed in South Africa and I was quickly pulled back to reality and basics in Oz. A very valuable life lesson!

With your business attitude I am not surprised that you have grown a successful business. I worked as a Business Broker in WA as well as Queensland, and there is certainly a feeling by many Aussies that Saffa business owners are often arrogant and self important. We need to accept and learn from this!

If you can proof the opposite though, they will welcome you with open arms, and actually go out of their way to help you become successful.

Good luck to all those entrepreneurs!

[BriD]

I just want to say thank you for this...it makes me very hopeful for a bright future in Australia.

[JET1]

Thank you Lyn for your honest post, it really helps those of us still here in SA.