The end of the world?

[Nessa]

So after six months of having my whole family here in Melbourne, my sister returns to Durban next month. After all the hard work to get her here, this is a big disappointment. We're going to miss her so much and of course worry that something might happen - and if it does there is no family support over there.

How many of the people who return to RSA end up back in Aus, do you think? I need some encouragement here...

[CandiceM]

Why has she decided to return? Does she have kids, a husband? I can only imagine how disheartening this is for you. I have heard of people that come over, go back and come over again, although I don't know of anyone personally. i tend to think that after a time here, we only remember the 'good' things back in SA, we romantacise about how nice this and that was and forget the whole picture. Perhaps the trip back will jolt her into reality? I went back to SA, to visit after 15 months and boy what a shock it was. You suddenly remember and are faced with all the things that made you move in the first place. I know of people (personally) that were so homesick, they were ready to pack up here and move, went over for a holiday and came back to Oz knowing without a doubt they had made the right decision. Hopefully this will be the case with your sister

Candice

[Garrick]

Michelle has already decided that Oz is the place to be... thankfully she just went over for 3 weeks.

Me, I've been through it before, and I've seen how SA changes - I lived in the UK for 2 years, came back to SA and stuck my head back in the sand. Not again. I miss my family and friends, but msot of them can, if they want, come visit us here.

When I got on that plane to fly to Oz without a job in February, I had 1 sentence that drove me, and it has only changed a little.

Then: Failure is not an option.

Now: Going back is not an option.

I am sorry your sister is going back, from your signature I can see you did the PR-Parent thing, and then got your sister here on an ENS. Did she come over by herself, begrudgingly as the last member of the family? How old is she? Married? All these are factors in people making the decision to leave Oz. Can only hope that she realises in the first few weeks what a mistake it is to go back.

-G

[Milada (Ms Maritz)]

Whatever people decide to do - that is still their choice and we should all respect that!! Even though we find it sometimes difficult to understand. Best of luck to you and your sister!

[HansaPlease]

Hi Nessa,

I’m really sorry to hear this.

As somebody who has no immediate family or close friends in Aus, I know how much you would have wanted them to come over here, and I can only imagine the relief you felt when she did. To have that now taken away must be awful.

I’ve always said that if my immediate family and handful of close friends moved to Australia, I would close the chapter on South Africa, never go back and be entirely committed to Aus. But because I still have everybody I care about in SA, I still have one foot there, so to speak.

I can only hope that for your sake, your sister gets back there and remembers the reasons why she left.

Would be interesting to hear her situation/age/kids status/reasons for wanting to leave?

[Nessa]

Thanks everybody for the kind responses! It is so nice to talk to people who understand the situation.

Garrick, Michelle's post gave me a lot of encouragement!

My sister is 27. no kids, boyfriend (now fiance) back in Durban. She came over on an ENS visa and the job didn't work out. Won't go into details but it was all very difficult and discouraging for her. She hasn't been able to find other work, missed her boyfriend and friends. The plan when she came over was that her boyfriend would also try to get a visa and there seemed to be a few options open to them. (They hadn't been together long enough for a joint application.) He went on a couple of interviews while over here for a visit and then it was decided that she should rather join him back in Durban. *Sigh*

Her visa is valid for another four years (yes, I know what this is worth to a lot of people) so I can only hope she will see the light before then and before it's too late.

[Mikej]

boyfriend (now fiance) back in Durban.

The Idiom goes "Home is where the heart is".

[Bob]

Nessa!

I'm afraid, at the end of the day, you're going to have to give your sister the grace to make her own life up.

If that means shifting back to Durban, then I guess that's what she'll have to do with herself.

She may stay there for good or she may move on, but whatever the deal, you're going to have to support her choices in life.

If her visa for Australia is valid an extra four years, that may be what it takes for her to make her mind up on whether she wants to settle and have a family in Durban or move on.

It's her life . . . . and good sisters will always be there for each other.

A life lived without regrets is accepting the things we can't change.

[Nessa]

I know you're right Bob, got to focus on those things and not how hard it's going to be!

[Almost Aussie]

The Aussies actually keep stats on this. 2 out of 10 people will return to SA (mostly people who haven't been here for more than 12 months) with 50% of them returning to Aus. So effectively 1 out of 10 will go back for keeps.

[Garrick]

The Aussies actually keep stats on this. 2 out of 10 people will return to SA (mostly people who haven't been here for more than 12 months) with 50% of them returning to Aus. So effectively 1 out of 10 will go back for keeps.

Your stats are slightly off.

According to the 2008/9 stats About 8.8% of South Africans who enter Aus leave, but only 2% return to South Africa.

http://www.saaustralia.org/index.php?s=&am...st&p=241783

-G