Zack Posted January 19, 2010 Report Share Posted January 19, 2010 NATALCURRY CONTEST Ifyou can read this whole story without laughing then there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end. Note: Please take time to read this slowly. Forthose of you who have lived in Natal ,you know how typical this is. Theyactually have a Curry Cook-off about June/July. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the Royal Show in PMB. Judge #3 was an inexperienced food critic named Frank, who was visiting from America . Frank:"Recently, I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a Curry Cook-off.The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Beer Garden when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Natal Indians) that the curry wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted". Here are the scorecard notes from the event: CURRY # 1 - SEELAN'S MANIAC MONSTER TOMATO CURRY... Judge# 1 --A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick. Judge# 2 --Nice smooth tomato flavour. Very mild. Judge# 3(Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These people are crazy. CHILLI #2 - PHOENIXBBQ CHICKEN CURRY... Judge# 1 --Smoky, with a hint of chicken. Slight chilli tang. Judge# 2 --Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. Judge# 3 --Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'msupposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver! They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face. CURRY # 3 - SHAMILA'S FAMOUS "BURN DOWN THE GARAGE"CURRY... Judge# 1 --Excellent firehouse curry. Great kick. Judge# 2 --A bit salty, good use of chillipeppers. Judge# 3 --Call 911. I've located a uranium pill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drain Cleaner. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting trolleyed from all the beer. CHILLI # 4 - BABOO'S BLACK MAGIC BEAN CURRY... Judge# 1 --Black bean curry with almost no spice. Disappointing. Judge# 2 --Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a curry. Judge# 3 --I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Shareen, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 200kg woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chil l i an aphrodisiac? CHILLI # 5 LALL'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER... Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive. Judge# 2 --Average beef curry, could use more tomato. Must admit the chi l li peppers make a strong statement. Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chilli had given me brain damage. Shareen saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really hacks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. CHILLI # 6 - VERISHNEE'S VEGETARIAN VARIETY... Judge# 1 --Thin yet bold vegetarian variety curry. Good balance of spices and peppers. Judge# 2 --The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb. Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. I am definitely going to crap myself if I fart and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Shareen. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my bum with a snow cone ice-cream. CHILLI # 7 - SELINA'S "MOTHER-IN-LAW'S-TONGUE"CURRY... Judge # 1 -- A mediocre curry with too much reliance on canned peppers. Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chilli peppers at the last moment. (I should take note at this stage that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably). Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least, during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing - it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach. CHILLI# 8 - NAIDOO'S TOENAIL CURLING CURRY... Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending. This is a nice blend curry. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced curry. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor man, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot curry? Judge # 3 - No Report Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hestie tt Posted January 19, 2010 Report Share Posted January 19, 2010 An Indian friend invited us to lunch one day. Whatch out for the innocent looking cucumbersalad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ausraven Posted January 20, 2010 Report Share Posted January 20, 2010 I must agree... one has to go far to beat a good Durb's curry.I have seen this one before, but it was good to read again.... laughter is an excellent medicine.Thanks for post it Ausraven Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Serendipity Posted January 21, 2010 Report Share Posted January 21, 2010 Loved it - that poor American. hahahahaha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raymond & Bonni Posted January 21, 2010 Report Share Posted January 21, 2010 There is no place on earth, than in Durban to find a good curry, although I must mention an Indian restaurant in MOUNT ALEXANDER ROAD, ESSENDON, right beneath the Punt Hill Hotel make an awesome curry, try it out, you wont be dissapointed!No one here knows what a "bunny chow" is either! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ronfire Posted January 25, 2010 Report Share Posted January 25, 2010 I've read this several times before and every time it cracks me up...I was laughing from start to end again!!!Brilliant!! (BTW, I am Indian, too! Not from Durbs, but who the heck said only the Durbs dudes know how to make good curry???!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rajesh Posted January 26, 2010 Report Share Posted January 26, 2010 Here is my contribution to this topic :A bunny chow in my home in Tullamarine, curry cooked by my wife and "Bunny Chow" devoured by myself, I do not need to go to Durban for this one.About August last year, a few of the Forumites : Nico, Terrence, Kobus, Vincent and their espective spouses got together with my wife and I, in Wallan, where my wife cooked the curry and we made our own Bunny Chows.Guys we need to do this again, SOON ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monica_ Posted February 1, 2010 Report Share Posted February 1, 2010 RajeshSo cruel.......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
psxkim Posted February 3, 2010 Report Share Posted February 3, 2010 No fair Rajesh.......but a comeback is that I had trotters gravy and eggs on Sunday.Bunny looks great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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