MarcK Posted October 14, 2009 Report Share Posted October 14, 2009 The following questions were set in last year's GCSE examination in Swindon, Wiltshire (U.K.)These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)Q. Name the four seasonsA. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegarQ. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drinkA. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists Q. How is dew formedA. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspireQ. What causes the tides in the oceansA. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fightQ. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist onA. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowedQ. In a democratic society, how important are electionsA. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an electionQ. What are steroids A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)Q. What happens to your body as you ageA. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinentalQ. What happens to a boy when he reaches pubertyA. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true) Q Name a major disease associated with cigarettesA. Premature deathQ. What is artificial inseminationA. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow Q. How can you delay milk turning sour A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U (What the *!!*???)Q. What is the fibula?A. A small lieQ. What does 'varicose' mean?A. NearbyQ. What is the most common form of birth control A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work)Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'A. The caesarean section is a district in RomeQ. What is a seizure?A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)Q. What is a terminal illness A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellasQ. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaningA. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG)Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight Q. What is a turbine?A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michele R Posted October 14, 2009 Report Share Posted October 14, 2009 Scary if these were real answers! But so funny! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Simpsons Posted October 15, 2009 Report Share Posted October 15, 2009 sooooo funny!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lyn Posted October 15, 2009 Report Share Posted October 15, 2009 Thanx for the chuckle ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coyote Posted October 15, 2009 Report Share Posted October 15, 2009 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eva Posted October 15, 2009 Report Share Posted October 15, 2009 Brilliant!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ausraven Posted October 16, 2009 Report Share Posted October 16, 2009 Excellent ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jongman Posted October 19, 2009 Report Share Posted October 19, 2009 lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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