UK2AUS Posted June 17, 2009 Report Share Posted June 17, 2009 Hi guysYou may, or may not recall, a previous posting where I advised that my soon to be 20 year old daughter is refusing to come with us to Aus next year. She's so damn stubborn Anyway we have our PR visas and we validated these last year. The process has started for us. Our stuff is in storage already and yesterday I re-homed my dog. I sobbed for hours and cried myself to sleep. Luckily the lady who has had him is absolutely fantastic and has kept me updated and he's doing brilliantly. I have to admit though I did think to myself yesterday if it's this hard for me letting go of my dog how am I going to leave my Mom and now daughter behind?I've posted about this before but yesterday had a brainstorm. How do I get my daughter to hook up over the internet with guys/girls her age, so she can ask the questions she wants answers too? (If she'll even agree to do this ) My train of thought is that she could make friends over the internet and hopefully this will sway her decision. I know.... I know.... I can't force this issue but I have to do everything I can and try every avenue. What do you think guys. Any suggestions?Jenny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen-in-Brisbane Posted June 17, 2009 Report Share Posted June 17, 2009 (edited) Hi - I can only say i know how you feel and it is a tough place to be.Edited to mention that my son turned 20y yesterday................ mmmmmmmmmmmm Edited June 17, 2009 by We R Going! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jill Posted June 17, 2009 Report Share Posted June 17, 2009 Hi Jenny,I sense your dilemma, if she is wanting to talk to anyone, my son is 22, he will be a good one to chat to, Daughter 17 doesn't regret moving here either, so if she she wants to get in touch with them, pm me your details and I will get them to start corresponding with her.Jill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eva Posted June 18, 2009 Report Share Posted June 18, 2009 My son is maybe a bit young (almost 18) but would be more than happy to tell her how much he is TOTALLY LOVING life here in Aus.I have some friends on the Gold Coast who have a huge network of SA friends, if you want I could ask them for some girls that age who would be able to help.....Great idea! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LindyM Posted June 18, 2009 Report Share Posted June 18, 2009 Hi JennyYou poor thing! Your daughter is at an age where she has her own network of friends and the thought of starting all over again is very daunting for her. Even as adults we feel the pressure and get scared and we have much more emotional experience than they do! If we try and lay down the law to force them, they dig in their heels even more. The only suggestion I have is to offer her a holiday for 3 or 6 months without any pressure to stay. That allows her to feel she has some control and you get to convince her to stay once she's here. You will have to make sure she gets to meet lots of young people, feel the freedom of driving at night with no fear, maybe even suggesting she does a course at TAFE or some college ( that will allow her to make friends very quickly).Other than that I dont have any advice-as you said - they can be very stubborn!Good luck!Lindy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UK2AUS Posted June 18, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 18, 2009 Argh thanks one and all. I need to pm you but don't know how HELP!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen-in-Brisbane Posted June 18, 2009 Report Share Posted June 18, 2009 Left click on the name of the person you want to PM and click on then send message........Replies come up in the top right corner.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeeInOz Posted June 18, 2009 Report Share Posted June 18, 2009 What do you think guys. Any suggestions?JennyIf your daughter is on your visa make sure she at least validates by coming to Australia. It wont take long for her to see the light. She can always return to ZAR if she feels she must.While in Mackay we met a family who migrated, but the daughter stayed in South Africa with her boyfriend. When the family was about to submit their PR application the daughter (pregnant ) decided to visit. She somehow was under the idea that her child being born in Australia would make him Australian. Anyway the boyfriend is still in RSA unemployed, but the daughter was encouraged to be included on their application. It took a lot longer to get the required documentation. She lives in Australia now. Once here I think it dawned on her that life would be better with family support.I have a daughter who I could get to talk to her. PM a phone number and I will try to arrange a phone call to you so they can talk. I can try to get the details of the above mentioned stubborn daughter if it could help.What helps us as a family make descisions is a SWAT listS(trengths) W(eaknesses)O(pportunities) T(hreats) analysis is used in Strategic Planning to determine focus in objective settingStrengths are exploitedWeaknesses are isolated and alternatives soughtOpportunities identifiedThreats identified, isolated and alternatives soughtwe allocate points in a spreadsheet. Works well for us, but 2 of us are analytical. Before we even get done with it the memebers of the family who are anti change their mindsDoes she have any plans, if so this forum could give you alternatieve ideas for her hereRegardsMike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UK2AUS Posted June 18, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 18, 2009 Hi LindyI agree with you 200%. We have pleaded with her to come over and give it a go for 6 months. Bryan (my hubby) has even said that if she doesn't like it he will pay for her air fare back and to send all her stuff back here with her but she won't agree to this either.She said (and quite rightly so) that yes she'll get back here (UK) with all her stuff but then what, she'll have no job and no where to stay. How do I reply to that as it's a very sensible remark.... Too sensible for her actually Kids hey!!!Jenny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UK2AUS Posted June 18, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 18, 2009 Hey "We R Going"So you have a 20 year old son????? I see you guys are from Durbs. We are too although we left there 11 years ago when we moved to sunny (NOT) England.Where will you guys be based in Aus?Jenny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UK2AUS Posted June 18, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 18, 2009 Hi MikeYou too are spot on. She is on the visa and came with us last year to have the visas validated, so at least she has that in her passport and now has 4 years to change her mind, if ever.We've already done a pros and cons list with her and everything points to Aus over the UK. We are in the UK at present. Moved here from Durban 11 years ago. At the time this seemed like the right idea but what we should have done was have gone straight to Aus from SA but hey that's life. To be honest moving to Australia had never entered our minds until a couple of years ago.Thanks Mike so very much for offering to phone her but I have to be careful how I deal with this and to be honest I don't know how to get her in touch with your daughter and others who have so very kindly offered their children's services . Any ideas? She might throw a wobbler with me if she knows I've been discussing her.Argh.... THIS IS TOO HARD!!As for her plans. She plans on moving back to Birmingham (we're in Essex at the moment) getting a job there, a flat and having a ball. Basically that's it in a nutshell. We've told her how expensive it'll be for her to get her own place as she won't consider a house or flat share but she's still determined.I know I should back down and let whatever happens happen but I have to try this one last thing and then I'm done. Nothing more I can do apart from hope it all works out in the end.Thanks againJennyIf your daughter is on your visa make sure she at least validates by coming to Australia. It wont take long for her to see the light. She can always return to ZAR if she feels she must.While in Mackay we met a family who migrated, but the daughter stayed in South Africa with her boyfriend. When the family was about to submit their PR application the daughter (pregnant ) decided to visit. She somehow was under the idea that her child being born in Australia would make him Australian. Anyway the boyfriend is still in RSA unemployed, but the daughter was encouraged to be included on their application. It took a lot longer to get the required documentation. She lives in Australia now. Once here I think it dawned on her that life would be better with family support.I have a daughter who I could get to talk to her. PM a phone number and I will try to arrange a phone call to you so they can talk. I can try to get the details of the above mentioned stubborn daughter if it could help.What helps us as a family make descisions is a SWAT listS(trengths) W(eaknesses)O(pportunities) T(hreats) analysis is used in Strategic Planning to determine focus in objective settingStrengths are exploitedWeaknesses are isolated and alternatives soughtOpportunities identifiedThreats identified, isolated and alternatives soughtwe allocate points in a spreadsheet. Works well for us, but 2 of us are analytical. Before we even get done with it the memebers of the family who are anti change their mindsDoes she have any plans, if so this forum could give you alternatieve ideas for her hereRegardsMike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UK2AUS Posted June 18, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 18, 2009 Left click on the name of the person you want to PM and click on then send message........Replies come up in the top right corner....FAB. Thank you... Thank you...Jenny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle Therese Posted June 18, 2009 Report Share Posted June 18, 2009 My sister in law left SA for the Uk 9 years ago, then 4 years ago they decided to immigrate to Australia. My niece who was 23 at the time said no ways I am not coming I am staying here with the boyfriend and my job, I like my life here. My sister in law left her and went over to Cairns, it wasnt 6 months later and my niece was in Australia and is still there. My daughter is on our visa as a dependant, she is 26 and has decided that she is not coming with, has business and boyfriend etc. She still lives at home, lets see how long she lasts out.What I am saying is this"They will see what living on their own is all about and they will change their mind". Please let me be right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UK2AUS Posted June 18, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 18, 2009 My sister in law left SA for the Uk 9 years ago, then 4 years ago they decided to immigrate to Australia. My niece who was 23 at the time said no ways I am not coming I am staying here with the boyfriend and my job, I like my life here. My sister in law left her and went over to Cairns, it wasnt 6 months later and my niece was in Australia and is still there. My daughter is on our visa as a dependant, she is 26 and has decided that she is not coming with, has business and boyfriend etc. She still lives at home, lets see how long she lasts out.What I am saying is this"They will see what living on their own is all about and they will change their mind". Please let me be right.Hi Michelle. I hope you're right as well. In a weird and strange way it's comforting knowing there are others in the same situation.When are you guys making the move and to where?Jenny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leonie Posted June 19, 2009 Report Share Posted June 19, 2009 Hi JennyI have a daughter 20yrs with us in Oz at Uni, and a 22yr old son in Durban (with PR visa in his passport) completing his studies at Durban University. I communicate via Skype with my son (when we are in the same time zone as these students don't seem to get out of bed when we think they should). My daughter finished her year at Rhodes Uni before joining us in Dec 08 - could not cope with them being bored and not enrolled in Uni over the initial rollercoaster period.My daughter is available seperately on this website - and has become very positive about the Oz move in the 6 months since she has joined us. If you would like to contact her (she has agreed) - PM me and I will give you her user name.I know how you feel with the family being split - you worry constantly, and panic when you have not had contact for a week.Good luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jordy Posted June 19, 2009 Report Share Posted June 19, 2009 Had a good chuckle at this thread with all the moms hooking up their sons and daughters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jill Posted June 19, 2009 Report Share Posted June 19, 2009 LOL, how true Jordy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UK2AUS Posted June 19, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 19, 2009 Had a good chuckle at this thread with all the moms hooking up their sons and daughters. Hey JordyI know. There are some great people on this forum, but you know what "desperate times call for desperate measures".Have to admit if this doesn't work I will just have to resign myself to the fact that I can't force the issue any more. I could just take her kicking and screaming!!! Have a great weekendJenny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eva Posted June 19, 2009 Report Share Posted June 19, 2009 Had a good chuckle at this thread with all the moms hooking up their sons and daughters. Hee, hee, you'd think we were arranging marriages or something!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle Therese Posted June 19, 2009 Report Share Posted June 19, 2009 Hi JennyWe are waiting for our business visa, hope to have it next month. We are going to Gold Coast. Hope to be there by October. Want to settle before the December holidays, and want to enrol my son in TAFE Brisbane.Hi Michelle. I hope you're right as well. In a weird and strange way it's comforting knowing there are others in the same situation.When are you guys making the move and to where?Jenny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UK2AUS Posted June 19, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 19, 2009 Hi JennyWe are waiting for our business visa, hope to have it next month. We are going to Gold Coast. Hope to be there by October. Want to settle before the December holidays, and want to enrol my son in TAFE Brisbane.Hey.... I wish you guys all the very best of luck with your forthcoming move. The Gold Coast is beautiful with the most amazing beaches. You guys will probably be settled by the time we arrive next year.Maybe we can meet up next year AND..... hopefully it'll be the three of us. Have a great weekendJenny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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