Is this the right move

[Rebecca]

Hi All,

Just joined the forum today. But I must say for the last couple of days I have been an "addict" reading through all information posted on this site. It has been an eye opener and given me more information than I think any "migration expert" agent could ever give.

What I would like to know, my decision to emigrate is purely for my children. I love South Africa, this is my home but I also understand that there is no future here for my children. Will I really be giving them a better life in Australia? I have to wonder if this decision is the right one, would I be doing more "damage" to them by taking them away from family and friends and everything they know? They are still fairly young, aged 12 and 7 so I am hoping that this will help them to "settle" in easier?

Thanks for the great site, all the valuable information. (This kind of friendliness/helpfulness is what I think I would miss most about SA)

[liza]

We also wanted to go for my daughter, but after our trip to oz we realized that it would also be for us. At least this way your children would always have their parents close by, because if you stay in SA they would most likely go study in another country and then they might not come back to SA. So I would rather move the whole family now, than be separated later in life.

I would suggest you go on holiday to oz, that gave me peace of mind that we are definitely doing the right thing. I am sure that we will all miss our families a great deal and that it will not always be easy, but our kids will have more opportunities to live out their dreams.

Liza

[Norm]

Hi Rebecca

Don't get too rosey eyed by the forum... Getting into Oz is difficult, expensive and can be terribly heartbreaking and lonely at times.

BUT.... It is definitely worth it, in my opinion, purely for our children's sakes.

By moving to Australia you pretty much guarantee them a university education, a job, medical for life and a good pension.

Norm

[Riekie]

Hi Rebecca,

I can not tell you if you are doing the right or wrong thing by taking your children from South Africa to Australia (because if it was that obvious, you would not even have been asking the question...!)

You, as their mother, will have to make that decision FOR them as they are too young to be able to make that choice. Being a parent myself, I can understand your inner turmoil about your children's future and your fear of taking something away from them in return for giving them something completely different. You can not replace family with an education and then again if you don't give them this opportunity, they might be in a situation one day which you could have changed now.... It is really extremely difficult to come to a decision that you feel comfortable with!

I will therefor only share form my OWN experience and maybe it will help you in some way: My daughter was 10 and my son was 17 when we decided to leave South Africa for Australia. At the time we all agreed this was the way to go. My daughter went through the whole process very smoothly and now has a group of friends and a social life any kid would envy! My son, on the other hand, found it very difficult to adjust and make new friends (he was 18 then). It took him at least 9 months to reach the point where he wanted to give life in Australia a go and a year later he admitted that he would not want to go back to South Africa. Now, 2 years down the line, both are very happy and enjoy their lives - as if they've just always been here.... Both still misses the family, their friends & other stuff, but given the opportunity, not one of them want to go back.

If you want to make the change, I'd suggest you do it now, while your kids are young. The older they get - and especially in their teenage years - change is not something they deal with very well and they might find it hard to settle in Australia. Or, you can leave it until they're past their teenage years and can make the decision for themselves. Just remember that if they reach 18 you have to prove their dependency on you in order to include them in your application..... We are jumping through hoops right now for our PR application because my son is already 20 - even the fact that he studies full time is not sufficient - we had to prove with bank statements etc, that we also support him financially.... We are yet to find out if they were convinced......

Whatever you decide, always remember that you are doing what you feel best for your children - whether it is to stay or to go..... You don't have to justify it to anyone. Good luck!!

[sa2auz]

Hi there

I dont even know where to start on this one and the answer only becomes clear after you have been here for a while and start to appreciate the life style you have, and the freedom that children have to be children.

We left behind grandparents, aunties, uncles, friends etc but we realise that in 20 years time that the only family we could have are our children and thats why we made the move. My boys 3 and 8 have adapted so well, they have more friends here and we are friends with their friends parents. We are more relaxed, we spend more time with the children and we appreciate so much more now that we have gone through so much.

My husband and son ride in the reserve/bush everyday when my hubby gets home from work, we have play days every week even if it is just for an hour and we meet at a park or someones house, we walk to school the children play in the garden etc. I think the older the children are the more difficult it is for them but I have found the school community very supportive.

The children make friends more easily than adults do and sometimes you have to force yourself to network. You need to know that you do not need to hate South Africa to leave it, its okay to have good memories of the place you call home, but its also okay to create memories somewhere else, its all part of lifes experience.

Good Luck

[sadface]

Hi

My meisiekind van 12 jaar het van die eerste dag af aangepas, doen dinge hier wat ek nooit in SA sou toe laat, soos bv gaan kuier op 'n plaas ry heeldag rond te perd en sy en 2 maaitjies slaap alleen langs die dam op die plaas - waar is SA kan jy 3 meisies dit toelaat.

Maar die hartseer van my kant af -my seun is 14, hy pas glad nie aan nie, hy beweeg wel in 'n groep rond by die skool maar maak glad nie vriende nie, so dit verskil ook maar van kind na kind hoe vinnig hulle gaan aanpas - maar ja ek glo op die ou einde sal dit die beste vir hul albei wees

[Rebecca]

Hi All,

I cannot begin to express my thanks for all your honest feedback

I tossed and turned the whole night long and woke up this morning with a spring in my step..

This is definitely the move I want to make, not only for my kids but for my husband and myself as well.

I know that it will be hard, but I also know that in 10-15 years time I will be thankful I made the move when my kids are healthy, happy and more importantly....Employed!!

I will be a pain over the next few weeks/months to come asking for advice and help, hope you all don't mind?

Thanks to all

From cold and overcast JHB

Rebecca

[Riekie]

I'm glad you found the answer in your heart!! Now you can focus on the process without having these doubts in the back of your mind all the time! Don't worry about asking too many questions - fire away!!

[DubaiPienaars]

Hi Rebecca

We have our PR but have not yet settled into Australia. We are busy living in the Middle East now.

We also wanted to give our future kids a better chance at life - now we have a beautiful little girl (10 months old) and know that she deserves more than SA can currently give her.

I too love SA have friends, family there but sometimes these hard choices have to be made!

We have been to Australia twice for 1 month holidays each, rented a place to live, a car etc did grocery shopping and so forth - so we were living more than holidaying in a hotel which is a different story. It really is a wonderful country which I found in many ways similar to SA.

I wish you & your husband all the best as you start your preparations. applications etc as someone else said it can be a long often stressful process but a beautiful future awaits you all!

I agree with you - this website is fabulous! thanks to the folks who moderate & set it up - I am learning a lot through all your advice which I read daily.

From Taz

[DBN1972]

Hi Rebecca

I'm going to answer this from a completely different perspective than most of the other contributors on this forum...and yes, after 5 Heineken's earlier tonight my spelling my even be impaired!

Firstly I'm gay, so the whole "doing it for my kids" is genuinly not applibale to me.

HOWEVER,...tonight I met some (straight) people right here in Durban (people I've never met before). After a mere half an hour of conversdation the following transpired:

1) One of the ladies (a busty blonde vuluptous "KUGEL" would be an apt description) was hijacked in Richard's Bay almost ayear ago. She was shot in the stomach (including her liver) and had to rush herself to "The Bay" hospital. She was in a coma for God know's how long before she regained consienceness. She literally turned at death's door before she "healed". She was one of the "lucky" ones...

2) The guy next to her (I'm still trying to figure out if he was this lady's boyfriend) was hijacked and driven around for hours in the car's boot...he only survived because he had to plead in front of his "black masters" for his life...

Personally, in January this year my own mother was brutally murdered in her house in suburban Durban (Sea View to be exact). When my brother found her body the next morning she was still in her church clothes from the night before...she opened her front door willingly as she was always willing to help people in need.

My question to you (and everyone else): In any normal Western society, what are the chances that when a group of 8 random people get together...what are the chances of 3 of them having experienced the vicious, violent crimes as I described above?

Think again sister, South Africa is "F*&@#'ed".

JY EN JOU GELIEFDES GAAN SOMMER BAIE VEILIGER (EN GELUKKIGER?) IN OZZIE WEES AS IN SA!

Liewer bank Jan as dooie Jan.

Cheers

Willem

Durban

(hopefully Melbourne ASAP)

[kaztayli]

I'm sorry to hear about your mom Willem - That's a really rough thing to have to go through

Unfortunately I don't think that there is anybody who hasn't personally been affected by violent crime or knows somebody who has been affected. We left RSA for the UK in desperation as well.

Everyday we meet people who know of somebody in RSA who is desperate to get out.

I don't think you are making a mistake by leaving. I don't think it is possible to make a mistake by leaving. Your biggest mistake would be to stay in a country that doesn't value life when you have the chance of getting out.

I'm sorry if it sounds like I am bashing RSA but unfortunately it is a fact

[Rison]

We have been in Australia for a few months and adjusted well. In my view it would be better if you not only decide to come to Australia for the sake of your children, but also take yourself into consideration. I have noticed that if the parents lead by example and also make an effort to integrate with Australian Society then the kids find it easier and understand there is no turning back. If you keep on complaining and referring to SA friendships and SA "privileges" you had then the process of adapting may take longer.

So for example if you are not convinced you should leave SA then how can you expect the children to make Aus their new country seeing your doubt. I believe it should be a family decision and everyone should understand why it was / is necessary to leave SA. That reason for leaving should be the driving factor that will motivate you all through the difficult times when you find SA is not Australia and Australia is not SA. This is a different country with its own pros and cons (but in my opinion the only alternative).

I am glad to be in Australia because I found that I could live without those SA "privileges" and still be successful and make choices to the benefit of my whole family.

I am not saying it is easy,but every day in Australia makes me realise that it was and still is the right thing we did. I think before leaving SA sit down, look around you and ctitically evaluate the reasons why you want to leave and decide what is best for your family. It is sometimes a brutal decision, but looking at it from a point of survival do you really have a choice?